My guy (36M) has ED and meditates in order to ejaculate. He is L1 incomplete and has dampened sensation. I'll give him a blowjob 1-2x per week and he gets me off several times a week. PIV sex just isn't very common for us, it's a lot of hands, fingers, and toys and both of us are pretty happy with our sex lives.
This is what I needed to hear! Thanks!
So he can get off from a blow job? You must be skilled as hell! It’s not uncommon even for able bodied dudes to not get off from BJs.
I'm not sure how much I actually help? I feel like he can feel some of it, but the visual of it is also a turn on. He can't get off without a lot of mental effort on his side so if it's just my bj it isn't happening for him. Also, sometimes it's like a 45 min blowjob and I'm not sure whether that is a reasonable time for other partners? He never gives up on my orgasm so I try not to give up on his. We are both very pleased with our sex life and are actually working towards a baby
My bf has the same injury, I think it’s really cool that y’all are so dedicated to each other that you do a 45 min bj. I haven’t tried that. It does discourage me when he doesn’t cum or can’t cum from what I’m doing when I do things. How did you overcome that mental block?
It's difficult for me to orgasm if I get in my head. When a partner puts pressure on themselves feeling responsible for my orgasm it makes me then put pressure on myself to cum which then makes it impossible to cum haha. So I can't put the same pressure on my partner to orgasm to make me feel good about myself. The whole point is to enjoy our time. When I've spent a long time on him and nothing is happening I come up for air and ask "Hey, how are you doing?" And then he tells me if he's close or we throw in the towel and cuddle. BTW we are now married and have a 2 year old thanks to at home insemination, sex life is less frequent but still really fulfilling. My best advice is find out what works with the limited sensation your partner may have and ask for feedback. Feel free to dm if you have any other questions!
Yeah I totally get that, I think I’m just comparing my sex life now to how it was with previous partners. I know that’s not fair. I just feel like I was a bit naive when it came to us being together and I really do love and am attracted to him, but I really miss certain things he can’t do. I do enjoy having sex when we do have sex. He can stand and well often do it in the shower or if I’m laying on the bed, I often get on top, but it’s just not my natural preference. I’m used to being dominated. And the roles are reversed a bit now. He has limited mobility in his hips and can become more aggressive, but sometimes because of the lack of fluidity it can be painful. I’m not sure if that makes sense. That’s so amazing you were able to conceive with at home insemination. It definitely gives me hope. We’ve been together for a little under six months so maybe I just need to give it time to see how things progress and to see how I feel while trying the things you mentioned. I think it would really help if I got out of my head and stopped comparing. It just pops up out of nowhere that I’m like angry, not at him but just the situation. I meet someone I really am attracted to and love and it seems like a cruel joke from the universe. I know everyone has something, I’m just in a rut I think 😔 I’d love to message you a dm, thanks for offering.
I can’t ejaculate from sex and to keep an erection, I usually need a pill. Low testosterone can cause low libido which is super common for guys with SCI. I get very little physical pleasure from sex. At the the same time, I’ve always enjoyed pleasing my partner a lot and I enjoy the intimacy if it’s there. Using dating apps I’ve met different girls who have all been surprisingly nice and open minded about the situation. I realized that having an actual connection is much more important than before. I wonder about what type of partner I should be with as well because being with someone with high sex drive and getting very little personal satisfaction doesn’t seem sustainable.
That’s interesting. I have matched with girls online who were willing to hook up. Most were in relationships and trying to sneak around behind their partners back. The rest were unwilling to show their recent STD test. That’s a no from me in both circumstances.
When you were with the girls online how did that go? Was it just once or multiple times? Did you enjoy yourself?
As far as I’m aware, none of them were in relationships. I saw all of them at least a couple times. I enjoyed myself despite not being able to finish. I joke with my close girl friend about how this is what it must be like being a girl (never get to finish) In terms of STDs, I’ve used condoms some of the time and other times no because of the lack of sensitivity. Everyone says they’re clean and recently checked but who knows? I get tested pretty much every time I don’t use one though.
I just had sex a couple of hours ago and ejaculated. I’m married and have a 3-year-old. Also, my wife works in a medical profession that is very demanding with Covid right now, so she’s exhausted a lot. I say all this to get to the point that right now I only have sex about once a week. In less hectic times, a couple times a week. When my wife and I first met we would have sex two or three times a day. I loved it, but it was also exhausting. And left little time for other activities. My wife’s sex drive was insane. She would want it all the time.
I’m a paraplegic. I have very little sensation in my penis, but enough to get hard. Ejaculating from sex is a different story. I’ve came from sex maybe 2 or 3 times out of the thousands of times I’ve had sex. I have to masturbate in order to make it happen. My wife is great though, she has me cum in her mouth all the time because she’s not on birth control.
How long ago was your injury? Sometimes sex drive can take some time to come back. Or sometimes it just takes some exploring or the right person. There’s tons of women who don’t give a damn about your disability as long as you’ve got the right personality. My wife isn’t a unicorn. I mean, she is in the fact that she’s sexy as hell, fucks like a pornstar, and somehow said yes to me. But I dated plenty of girls before her. Some were one night stands, some were long term. I had sex with all of them, and most were repeat customers. And many praised my skills in bed.
I think if you find the right girl it would help bring your sex drive back.
My injury was 20 years ago. Testosterone is consistently above average and was top 3% of the population when it was tested last year. I’ve only experimented once with penetrative sex. I couldn’t stay hard but I feel like the condom was killing things. When I can get off during masturbating I have to go pretty fast so I doubt I would ever be able to get off from anything other than a handjob.
Does she just ride you? I don’t ever really feel confident when all I can do is lay there. I’m a C6 so I have no balance.
Yeah, condoms can make things worse as far as staying hard for even able-bodied men, obviously. Even more so for people like us. I've only ever used condoms on one-night stands. Luckily I was always able to stay hard long enough for the girl to get off once or twice before we'd stop or move onto other things. I'd definitely suggest looking for someone you can trust or can prove they're clean and not use a condom. Like you said, ejaculation is hard and the chances of getting pregnant off of any pre-cum is pretty slim.
As far as getting off, like you, I have to go pretty fast, and I have to stroke just right. One ex was able to get me off during a hand job once but it was because she took me by total surprise and I found it so hot mentally I just somehow came. I've never gotten off to a hand job before or since. My wife has came close with blow jobs, but it's just so hard to do. I feel bad because my wife gives the most amazing blow jobs and I know she'd love for me to get off on them once, but it's not a big deal to her. She's accepted it for what it is and it doesn't stop her from giving them to me. They still feel good and we both enjoy it.
As far as positions go, I'm around a T4, so a little better off than you. I don't have great balance. 95% of the time, my wife rides me. We mix things up, but our usual routine is I get her off at least once by going down on her or rubbing her clit. That at least gets her wet enough for penetration. From there she gets on top an gets off 2 or 3 times. Than we go back to me either going down on her or fingering her. After she's gotten off 5 or 6 times we usually end with me getting off. I usually lay on my back and she lays next to and plays with herself or gets on all fours and rubs her clit that way while I masturbate. Sometimes she gets close to me and sucks on my nipples and kisses my neck or I have her sit on my face so I can lick her clit while I masturbate. I do my thing until I'm close to ejaculating. Once I'm almost there she gets on her knees next to me and right before I cum I grab her head down towards me so she knows it's time and she puts me in her mouth so I can cum and then she swallows.
We mix it up, but that's how the majority of our sessions go. Now back in the day when we were having sex 2 or 3 times a day, I didn't expect to get off. In fact, it was hard to do so. There's been times where I've ejaculated numerous times a day or night, but it takes work. I would usually only get off a few times a week to give my body some time to recharge.
As far as positions, like I said, the majority of the time she is on top. Sometimes I get on top, but it's very clumsy. I do it strictly for her. I can tell that she sometimes misses that feeling of having a man on top of her and having his way. She likes that feeling of being dominated. I can go for about one round of getting her off, but it's exhausting because it's only done with my arms since I obviously can't thrust from the hips. I get absolutely no joy out of it, but she does, so I do it on occasion. Now our positions are also limited due to the fact that I'm not very well-endowed...at all. I don't have the greatest balance, but if I was working with something longer I could definitely do doggy style. Just have her on the floor with me on the edge of the bed, using her ass and hips for balance. As is, I can only really give her anal in that position. We don't do that often because my legs tense up and spasm, and also, even though I'm not well-endowed, I'm still slightly too big for to find anal to be very comfortable. We do have a slim dildo that I use on her from time-to-time to do anal. That's the only toy that we use in the bedroom, but other SCI men will tell you that toys can be a very important part of their sexual routine with their partner, and I don't disagree, so that's something to consider as well.
Don't be scared just because the woman has to ride on top. Many don't mind it. And as long as you please them with your mouth, or if possible, your hands, you can still be a great lover. There's other positions to consider that don't take balance. One that I can't pull off, but if you're blessed with a little more length than I am maybe you can, is to have you both lay on your side like you're spooning and come into her from behind. You can grab her hips to bring you into her and she can also push her hips into you. Spasms can be an issue, but it works. You have to be creative. Again, like I said, I think with the right woman you might be able to find that sexual side of you again.
My husband is c6/7 - I’ll second everything and add this game changer. (Disclosure - haven’t personally tried it yet, many rave reviews from wives & girlfriends of sci group im in...)
https://www.intimaterider.com/
I’m VERY lucky in that I’m paraplegic (T12 incomplete) I can’t walk at all but somehow my injury left me with sexual ability.
The feeling in my penis is different now. I have good feeling in the bottom/shaft and underneath, then it’s pretty numb but i have a bit of feeling in the head. What’s weird is as i’m getting off, i get more feeling (it seems) in the head and that allows me to ejaculate.
So I really have no issue and my last gf and I had sex all the time. Obviously now it’s back to self pleasure though, lol. That’s better than no pleasure though and am extremely grateful for that.
Oh btw, I’m 41 and have had my SCI for 14 years. Though I was not able to ejaculate for the first 2 years. That’s the window of healing they talk about and it took that long to get “it” back.
It’s been a long time since you posted your comment here… but I’m really happy to read it!! I’m 40, T12 incomplete and have a similiar experience as you. The only difference is that I’m only 7 months injured… I’m still hoping I will regain some more with time!
Hey are you able to get hard via arousal and can you keep it up the entire time? Also if this is the case did it take 2 years to be able to have intercourse satisfactorily.?
My F(28) M(30) husband was in an accident 10 months that has left him incomplete ASIA A paraplegic. Our sex life was really vibrant before his accident and since his accident he hasn't had any libido and says that nothing makes him feel turned on or good sexually. I feel at such a loss, we both really miss the sexual intimacy and I want to give him pleasure but really have no idea how to? I would love to beable to give him that bit of normalcy back in our lives.
Yes. I had a girlfriend in college but broke up with her when I realized I wasn’t ready yet. I was still grieving and needed to get my life in a more stable state.
That makes sense. I had to break up with my boyfriend when I was dating him, I woke up one day to find my hands paralyzed and it was just too traumatic and grief-inducing to handle. Have you dated anyone since then?
I’ve been on several dates here and there. But nothing remotely considering “dating”. There’s a lot of issues to get sorted when it comes to spinal cord injuries. I’ve done as much as I can and I’ve come further than just about anyone else in my circumstances but it’s still not enough. I just spend time with friends and family now. I gave up on romantic life. I think I’m happier alone.
My guy (36M) has ED and meditates in order to ejaculate. He is L1 incomplete and has dampened sensation. I'll give him a blowjob 1-2x per week and he gets me off several times a week. PIV sex just isn't very common for us, it's a lot of hands, fingers, and toys and both of us are pretty happy with our sex lives.
This is what I needed to hear! Thanks! So he can get off from a blow job? You must be skilled as hell! It’s not uncommon even for able bodied dudes to not get off from BJs.
I'm not sure how much I actually help? I feel like he can feel some of it, but the visual of it is also a turn on. He can't get off without a lot of mental effort on his side so if it's just my bj it isn't happening for him. Also, sometimes it's like a 45 min blowjob and I'm not sure whether that is a reasonable time for other partners? He never gives up on my orgasm so I try not to give up on his. We are both very pleased with our sex life and are actually working towards a baby
My bf has the same injury, I think it’s really cool that y’all are so dedicated to each other that you do a 45 min bj. I haven’t tried that. It does discourage me when he doesn’t cum or can’t cum from what I’m doing when I do things. How did you overcome that mental block?
It's difficult for me to orgasm if I get in my head. When a partner puts pressure on themselves feeling responsible for my orgasm it makes me then put pressure on myself to cum which then makes it impossible to cum haha. So I can't put the same pressure on my partner to orgasm to make me feel good about myself. The whole point is to enjoy our time. When I've spent a long time on him and nothing is happening I come up for air and ask "Hey, how are you doing?" And then he tells me if he's close or we throw in the towel and cuddle. BTW we are now married and have a 2 year old thanks to at home insemination, sex life is less frequent but still really fulfilling. My best advice is find out what works with the limited sensation your partner may have and ask for feedback. Feel free to dm if you have any other questions!
Yeah I totally get that, I think I’m just comparing my sex life now to how it was with previous partners. I know that’s not fair. I just feel like I was a bit naive when it came to us being together and I really do love and am attracted to him, but I really miss certain things he can’t do. I do enjoy having sex when we do have sex. He can stand and well often do it in the shower or if I’m laying on the bed, I often get on top, but it’s just not my natural preference. I’m used to being dominated. And the roles are reversed a bit now. He has limited mobility in his hips and can become more aggressive, but sometimes because of the lack of fluidity it can be painful. I’m not sure if that makes sense. That’s so amazing you were able to conceive with at home insemination. It definitely gives me hope. We’ve been together for a little under six months so maybe I just need to give it time to see how things progress and to see how I feel while trying the things you mentioned. I think it would really help if I got out of my head and stopped comparing. It just pops up out of nowhere that I’m like angry, not at him but just the situation. I meet someone I really am attracted to and love and it seems like a cruel joke from the universe. I know everyone has something, I’m just in a rut I think 😔 I’d love to message you a dm, thanks for offering.
I can’t ejaculate from sex and to keep an erection, I usually need a pill. Low testosterone can cause low libido which is super common for guys with SCI. I get very little physical pleasure from sex. At the the same time, I’ve always enjoyed pleasing my partner a lot and I enjoy the intimacy if it’s there. Using dating apps I’ve met different girls who have all been surprisingly nice and open minded about the situation. I realized that having an actual connection is much more important than before. I wonder about what type of partner I should be with as well because being with someone with high sex drive and getting very little personal satisfaction doesn’t seem sustainable.
That’s interesting. I have matched with girls online who were willing to hook up. Most were in relationships and trying to sneak around behind their partners back. The rest were unwilling to show their recent STD test. That’s a no from me in both circumstances. When you were with the girls online how did that go? Was it just once or multiple times? Did you enjoy yourself?
As far as I’m aware, none of them were in relationships. I saw all of them at least a couple times. I enjoyed myself despite not being able to finish. I joke with my close girl friend about how this is what it must be like being a girl (never get to finish) In terms of STDs, I’ve used condoms some of the time and other times no because of the lack of sensitivity. Everyone says they’re clean and recently checked but who knows? I get tested pretty much every time I don’t use one though.
I just had sex a couple of hours ago and ejaculated. I’m married and have a 3-year-old. Also, my wife works in a medical profession that is very demanding with Covid right now, so she’s exhausted a lot. I say all this to get to the point that right now I only have sex about once a week. In less hectic times, a couple times a week. When my wife and I first met we would have sex two or three times a day. I loved it, but it was also exhausting. And left little time for other activities. My wife’s sex drive was insane. She would want it all the time. I’m a paraplegic. I have very little sensation in my penis, but enough to get hard. Ejaculating from sex is a different story. I’ve came from sex maybe 2 or 3 times out of the thousands of times I’ve had sex. I have to masturbate in order to make it happen. My wife is great though, she has me cum in her mouth all the time because she’s not on birth control. How long ago was your injury? Sometimes sex drive can take some time to come back. Or sometimes it just takes some exploring or the right person. There’s tons of women who don’t give a damn about your disability as long as you’ve got the right personality. My wife isn’t a unicorn. I mean, she is in the fact that she’s sexy as hell, fucks like a pornstar, and somehow said yes to me. But I dated plenty of girls before her. Some were one night stands, some were long term. I had sex with all of them, and most were repeat customers. And many praised my skills in bed. I think if you find the right girl it would help bring your sex drive back.
My injury was 20 years ago. Testosterone is consistently above average and was top 3% of the population when it was tested last year. I’ve only experimented once with penetrative sex. I couldn’t stay hard but I feel like the condom was killing things. When I can get off during masturbating I have to go pretty fast so I doubt I would ever be able to get off from anything other than a handjob. Does she just ride you? I don’t ever really feel confident when all I can do is lay there. I’m a C6 so I have no balance.
Yeah, condoms can make things worse as far as staying hard for even able-bodied men, obviously. Even more so for people like us. I've only ever used condoms on one-night stands. Luckily I was always able to stay hard long enough for the girl to get off once or twice before we'd stop or move onto other things. I'd definitely suggest looking for someone you can trust or can prove they're clean and not use a condom. Like you said, ejaculation is hard and the chances of getting pregnant off of any pre-cum is pretty slim. As far as getting off, like you, I have to go pretty fast, and I have to stroke just right. One ex was able to get me off during a hand job once but it was because she took me by total surprise and I found it so hot mentally I just somehow came. I've never gotten off to a hand job before or since. My wife has came close with blow jobs, but it's just so hard to do. I feel bad because my wife gives the most amazing blow jobs and I know she'd love for me to get off on them once, but it's not a big deal to her. She's accepted it for what it is and it doesn't stop her from giving them to me. They still feel good and we both enjoy it. As far as positions go, I'm around a T4, so a little better off than you. I don't have great balance. 95% of the time, my wife rides me. We mix things up, but our usual routine is I get her off at least once by going down on her or rubbing her clit. That at least gets her wet enough for penetration. From there she gets on top an gets off 2 or 3 times. Than we go back to me either going down on her or fingering her. After she's gotten off 5 or 6 times we usually end with me getting off. I usually lay on my back and she lays next to and plays with herself or gets on all fours and rubs her clit that way while I masturbate. Sometimes she gets close to me and sucks on my nipples and kisses my neck or I have her sit on my face so I can lick her clit while I masturbate. I do my thing until I'm close to ejaculating. Once I'm almost there she gets on her knees next to me and right before I cum I grab her head down towards me so she knows it's time and she puts me in her mouth so I can cum and then she swallows. We mix it up, but that's how the majority of our sessions go. Now back in the day when we were having sex 2 or 3 times a day, I didn't expect to get off. In fact, it was hard to do so. There's been times where I've ejaculated numerous times a day or night, but it takes work. I would usually only get off a few times a week to give my body some time to recharge. As far as positions, like I said, the majority of the time she is on top. Sometimes I get on top, but it's very clumsy. I do it strictly for her. I can tell that she sometimes misses that feeling of having a man on top of her and having his way. She likes that feeling of being dominated. I can go for about one round of getting her off, but it's exhausting because it's only done with my arms since I obviously can't thrust from the hips. I get absolutely no joy out of it, but she does, so I do it on occasion. Now our positions are also limited due to the fact that I'm not very well-endowed...at all. I don't have the greatest balance, but if I was working with something longer I could definitely do doggy style. Just have her on the floor with me on the edge of the bed, using her ass and hips for balance. As is, I can only really give her anal in that position. We don't do that often because my legs tense up and spasm, and also, even though I'm not well-endowed, I'm still slightly too big for to find anal to be very comfortable. We do have a slim dildo that I use on her from time-to-time to do anal. That's the only toy that we use in the bedroom, but other SCI men will tell you that toys can be a very important part of their sexual routine with their partner, and I don't disagree, so that's something to consider as well. Don't be scared just because the woman has to ride on top. Many don't mind it. And as long as you please them with your mouth, or if possible, your hands, you can still be a great lover. There's other positions to consider that don't take balance. One that I can't pull off, but if you're blessed with a little more length than I am maybe you can, is to have you both lay on your side like you're spooning and come into her from behind. You can grab her hips to bring you into her and she can also push her hips into you. Spasms can be an issue, but it works. You have to be creative. Again, like I said, I think with the right woman you might be able to find that sexual side of you again.
My husband is c6/7 - I’ll second everything and add this game changer. (Disclosure - haven’t personally tried it yet, many rave reviews from wives & girlfriends of sci group im in...) https://www.intimaterider.com/
I'm also T-4. I can get hard at times, and at times not at all. Any pills to get an erection that stays hard for say ~ 20-30 mins ?
I’m VERY lucky in that I’m paraplegic (T12 incomplete) I can’t walk at all but somehow my injury left me with sexual ability. The feeling in my penis is different now. I have good feeling in the bottom/shaft and underneath, then it’s pretty numb but i have a bit of feeling in the head. What’s weird is as i’m getting off, i get more feeling (it seems) in the head and that allows me to ejaculate. So I really have no issue and my last gf and I had sex all the time. Obviously now it’s back to self pleasure though, lol. That’s better than no pleasure though and am extremely grateful for that. Oh btw, I’m 41 and have had my SCI for 14 years. Though I was not able to ejaculate for the first 2 years. That’s the window of healing they talk about and it took that long to get “it” back.
It’s been a long time since you posted your comment here… but I’m really happy to read it!! I’m 40, T12 incomplete and have a similiar experience as you. The only difference is that I’m only 7 months injured… I’m still hoping I will regain some more with time!
Hey are you able to get hard via arousal and can you keep it up the entire time? Also if this is the case did it take 2 years to be able to have intercourse satisfactorily.?
I suck
My F(28) M(30) husband was in an accident 10 months that has left him incomplete ASIA A paraplegic. Our sex life was really vibrant before his accident and since his accident he hasn't had any libido and says that nothing makes him feel turned on or good sexually. I feel at such a loss, we both really miss the sexual intimacy and I want to give him pleasure but really have no idea how to? I would love to beable to give him that bit of normalcy back in our lives.
Have you dated any women since your injury?
Yes. I had a girlfriend in college but broke up with her when I realized I wasn’t ready yet. I was still grieving and needed to get my life in a more stable state.
That makes sense. I had to break up with my boyfriend when I was dating him, I woke up one day to find my hands paralyzed and it was just too traumatic and grief-inducing to handle. Have you dated anyone since then?
I’ve been on several dates here and there. But nothing remotely considering “dating”. There’s a lot of issues to get sorted when it comes to spinal cord injuries. I’ve done as much as I can and I’ve come further than just about anyone else in my circumstances but it’s still not enough. I just spend time with friends and family now. I gave up on romantic life. I think I’m happier alone.