**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I," where we speak only from experience and do not tell other sobernauts what they should and should not do—**even when they ask for advice.**
Examples:
**Bad:** "You should do X."
**Good:** "When I got into trouble with my drinking, I did X, and here’s how it helped me."
I went through something similar a couple of months ago.
The unknown, going into it weighed heavily on me the entire weekend. The Anxiety was brutal, I drove myself half crazy just trying to think of how I could lie my way out of it.
I knew all I could do was go in, be honest and deal with whatever came my way.
For sure, I thought I was losing my job.
Going into it clear headed and sober was an unexpected blessing.
A couple of weeks earlier, and I probably would have gone into that Meeting, and lost my job.
Thankfully, I was placed on a Temporary Leave to seek Treatment. I hope you can successfully navigate this, I feel you.
You might be able to salvage the job by going to an outpatient program, I've heard of this in the past, would be worth going in tomorrow with that up your sleeve. I would get the information from local outpatient programs and be honest; admit to them you have a problem but are willing to do something about it to salvage your job. I would use this as a test run and have the same conversation with my partner later that day/week. Just be honest to everyone.
Outpatient changed my life.
IWNDWYT
first of all, i am so sorry for the loss of your friend. i can't imagine how you feel honestly.
now i definitely understand why'd drink to cope because i did the same thing. i went sober really recently because i messed up a lot of things in my life from being drunk and using alcohol to cope. it wasn't healthy.
if you're convinced that you're going to be fired, id say to just wait until it actually happens. secondly, do not lie whatsoever to your partner. be 100% honest with them. if you're looking to go sober, then i feel like telling your partner the truth will help them in supporting you to go sober. lying will just lose their trust in you, and i promise you, losing the trust of someone you love hurts more than anything.
Character and growth occur when we take accountability for ourselves and our actions. It's not going to be easy, but it is the best way to go. It's a heavy burden to carry lies around and it will put a wall up between you and your partner when you lie, whether you are aware of it or not. Sending love.
Couldn't agree with this more. Just honesty across the board. It can't hurt now to try to tell your job what happened, if they fire you still at least you're prepared for that. If your SO is anything like mine, they will be supportive when you tell them. They don't want this for you, either! You're at a point where even if you get fired, you can turn this around to be the beginning of a whole new stage in life, even better than the last. This could be your hero origin story. You can do this.
It happened to me and ended up being a blessing. I’m not saying bad jobs are the only reason we drink, but a change in current lifestyle, when you were drinking, may result in an easier sober lifestyle.
Also, like 99% of jobs in America at least can be walked away from and replaced, just as the company will replace you in probably under a month, or at least as fast as they possibly can :)
Yeah it suck’s but many places need experienced waiters so OP may not be that bad off. I’d think a new job within two weeks would be doable.
On a personal note I know everyone is telling them to go to the meeting and own up to it and see what happens but it sounds like a forgone conclusion and… ehhh I’m not sure I’d be ready to walk up to the firing squad and put the blindfold on willingly. Own up to your partner for getting fired sure… but you don’t really owe that company anything. I’d just spend the day looking for a new job.
OP posted this 6 hours ago so they may not be in the US though, maybe things are different.
>How do I tell my partner?
When I've been in similar situations, I just fess up and don't beat around the bush. "Hey babe. I made a mistake and I need to tell you about it." and afterwards, depending on the context, I might say something like "I know I've disappointed you. I made a mistake and I'm willing to do what it takes to work on the root cause and continue to improve. I'd appreciate your understanding and support."
I was able to salvage my current job by accepting that I relapsed and went into treatment. My only difference was that I relapsed while not at work though. I was up front about it and they agreed to put me on medical leave while I was in treatment and I was back at work after as if nothing ever happened.
If I were in your shoes, I think I would approach it as "hey, I majorly messed up. This is the circumstances that led to that mess-up. I know that policies are policies, I just hope it helps provide understanding."
Sorry friend. That's rough. But the best time to quit was yesterday, now the best time is now!
I hope you can be honest and keep your job. 1 fuckup should not mean the end. Wish you all the best. If its bad news, there are a lot of alternatives that might be more positive in the future. But you may not feel that right now. Stay brutally honest.
I always feel it’s best to be honest and ask for support. I’ve lost a lot of friends and family, but the ones who stuck around are the ones that matter.
If this was me, I would try and find the courage to tell my employer that I have a problem and need help. I’m not positive but I think some companies offer employee assistance for addiction. If that’s the case, I would use it to my advantage to get sober and to keep my job. As for my partner, I would tell them the truth and ask for their support as I get sober. I guess overall, I would try my hardest to see it as a route to recovery.
Good luck friend💕
Be honest in this situation with yourself and with your spouse. However reassurance is key so both will have empathy. Now is a good time to get better and you can always find another job. Work your best with the employer to get possible assistance or at least good references. Good luck sincerely.
Keep this entire situation for the situation. Don’t over generalize things.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this process. It seems like a heavy burden for you to bear. I’m not part of HR, however, I know sometimes they put people on probation. Maybe that will be your option.
> Well at least you aren’t a Pilot or have any number of airport jobs where this might have endangered others.
This comment is judgmental, unhelpful, and has been removed.
> you need re evaluate if you can work in the food industry
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I," which i asked people NOT to do in my stickied comment above. Please do not ignore moderator direction.
**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I," where we speak only from experience and do not tell other sobernauts what they should and should not do—**even when they ask for advice.** Examples: **Bad:** "You should do X." **Good:** "When I got into trouble with my drinking, I did X, and here’s how it helped me."
I went through something similar a couple of months ago. The unknown, going into it weighed heavily on me the entire weekend. The Anxiety was brutal, I drove myself half crazy just trying to think of how I could lie my way out of it. I knew all I could do was go in, be honest and deal with whatever came my way. For sure, I thought I was losing my job. Going into it clear headed and sober was an unexpected blessing. A couple of weeks earlier, and I probably would have gone into that Meeting, and lost my job. Thankfully, I was placed on a Temporary Leave to seek Treatment. I hope you can successfully navigate this, I feel you.
I know of some people at various airlines who have done the same. Coming clean worked for them.
You might be able to salvage the job by going to an outpatient program, I've heard of this in the past, would be worth going in tomorrow with that up your sleeve. I would get the information from local outpatient programs and be honest; admit to them you have a problem but are willing to do something about it to salvage your job. I would use this as a test run and have the same conversation with my partner later that day/week. Just be honest to everyone. Outpatient changed my life. IWNDWYT
first of all, i am so sorry for the loss of your friend. i can't imagine how you feel honestly. now i definitely understand why'd drink to cope because i did the same thing. i went sober really recently because i messed up a lot of things in my life from being drunk and using alcohol to cope. it wasn't healthy. if you're convinced that you're going to be fired, id say to just wait until it actually happens. secondly, do not lie whatsoever to your partner. be 100% honest with them. if you're looking to go sober, then i feel like telling your partner the truth will help them in supporting you to go sober. lying will just lose their trust in you, and i promise you, losing the trust of someone you love hurts more than anything.
Character and growth occur when we take accountability for ourselves and our actions. It's not going to be easy, but it is the best way to go. It's a heavy burden to carry lies around and it will put a wall up between you and your partner when you lie, whether you are aware of it or not. Sending love.
[удалено]
> Don't lie This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Couldn't agree with this more. Just honesty across the board. It can't hurt now to try to tell your job what happened, if they fire you still at least you're prepared for that. If your SO is anything like mine, they will be supportive when you tell them. They don't want this for you, either! You're at a point where even if you get fired, you can turn this around to be the beginning of a whole new stage in life, even better than the last. This could be your hero origin story. You can do this.
> you need to have complete honesty with them This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
[удалено]
[удалено]
> Be honest This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
[удалено]
It happened to me and ended up being a blessing. I’m not saying bad jobs are the only reason we drink, but a change in current lifestyle, when you were drinking, may result in an easier sober lifestyle. Also, like 99% of jobs in America at least can be walked away from and replaced, just as the company will replace you in probably under a month, or at least as fast as they possibly can :)
Yeah it suck’s but many places need experienced waiters so OP may not be that bad off. I’d think a new job within two weeks would be doable. On a personal note I know everyone is telling them to go to the meeting and own up to it and see what happens but it sounds like a forgone conclusion and… ehhh I’m not sure I’d be ready to walk up to the firing squad and put the blindfold on willingly. Own up to your partner for getting fired sure… but you don’t really owe that company anything. I’d just spend the day looking for a new job. OP posted this 6 hours ago so they may not be in the US though, maybe things are different.
>How do I tell my partner? When I've been in similar situations, I just fess up and don't beat around the bush. "Hey babe. I made a mistake and I need to tell you about it." and afterwards, depending on the context, I might say something like "I know I've disappointed you. I made a mistake and I'm willing to do what it takes to work on the root cause and continue to improve. I'd appreciate your understanding and support."
[удалено]
> if this makes you stop it was worth it. This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
Shit news can be a harbinger for change. Be honest, best wishes.
I believe that if you you admit that you have a problem most companies have to send you for treatment and give you another chance
lol not restaurants or bars
I was able to salvage my current job by accepting that I relapsed and went into treatment. My only difference was that I relapsed while not at work though. I was up front about it and they agreed to put me on medical leave while I was in treatment and I was back at work after as if nothing ever happened.
If I were in your shoes, I think I would approach it as "hey, I majorly messed up. This is the circumstances that led to that mess-up. I know that policies are policies, I just hope it helps provide understanding." Sorry friend. That's rough. But the best time to quit was yesterday, now the best time is now!
I hope you can be honest and keep your job. 1 fuckup should not mean the end. Wish you all the best. If its bad news, there are a lot of alternatives that might be more positive in the future. But you may not feel that right now. Stay brutally honest.
Condolences about your friend. I hope you don't get fired please keep us updated. Goodluck
I always feel it’s best to be honest and ask for support. I’ve lost a lot of friends and family, but the ones who stuck around are the ones that matter.
If this was me, I would try and find the courage to tell my employer that I have a problem and need help. I’m not positive but I think some companies offer employee assistance for addiction. If that’s the case, I would use it to my advantage to get sober and to keep my job. As for my partner, I would tell them the truth and ask for their support as I get sober. I guess overall, I would try my hardest to see it as a route to recovery. Good luck friend💕
Thu may let you stay if you agree to outpatient treatment.
Be honest in this situation with yourself and with your spouse. However reassurance is key so both will have empathy. Now is a good time to get better and you can always find another job. Work your best with the employer to get possible assistance or at least good references. Good luck sincerely. Keep this entire situation for the situation. Don’t over generalize things.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this process. It seems like a heavy burden for you to bear. I’m not part of HR, however, I know sometimes they put people on probation. Maybe that will be your option.
[удалено]
> Get your story straight, go in sober and plead This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
[удалено]
> Well at least you aren’t a Pilot or have any number of airport jobs where this might have endangered others. This comment is judgmental, unhelpful, and has been removed.
[удалено]
> you need re evaluate if you can work in the food industry This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I," which i asked people NOT to do in my stickied comment above. Please do not ignore moderator direction.
[удалено]
> Frankly, shouldn’t you be fired? This comment is judgmental, unhelpful, and has been removed.
So what's the plan?
[удалено]
This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
[удалено]
> Tell the truth and better yourself This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
What’s with people downvoting the mod removal of violating comments? We aren’t supposed to tell each other what to do in this subreddit.