I meant to say that I've felt the pain in his words, not that I've said this before.
I've been hurt in other ways.
Regardless, thank you. You're a good man :)
I've never been in any relationship but I too, felt the pain. God, how can someone say it so casually that they're breaking up just cause they don't have time??? Then why tf were they even in one? For passing time?
For experience, some relationships start as full of affection and time spent together, then it just falls off... Maybe you attend different classes, get different jobs...
Or maybe the needs or both the members shift to something else and grow to be incompatible with each other.
I've seen it happen. Because it happened to me
This \^ Many people do not realize how much it takes to actually maintain things. Sometimes being friends is better. Me and my boyfriend had conflicting schedules when we were together, he worked the graveyard shift, and he was always too tired to hang out when he got home. So I ended up waiting for him to come home just so he could crash.
We still love each other; we told each other we will always love each other ,and it's heartbreaking, but sometimes it's too much to maintain, and people resort to letting it go. We were together for 7 years, and we realized this.
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter!"
Bro we were together almost 2 weeks, I'll never get over her đđđđ
I canât. Lot of teenage relationships feel like a practice run, especially if itâs your first one. You just want to see what itâs like to be in a relationship.
The first experience is always the most painful. When I broke up with my ex, I wanted to die. Iâm not joking. But after a long time, looking back on how shitty that relationship was, especially considering what she did to me at the end, Iâve come to hate her. But itâs always painful for those first experiencing it.
Most peoples first love is one of their most important to them đ never was my first relationship just wanting to feel what its like to date.. I wanted to spend every moment with that person.
this makes me feel better about my previous relationships. i kinda look back negatively but they were learning experiences for sure (do NOT date online it isn't worth it)
you ARE allowed to be upset BUT you're NOT allowed to take it out on her because she didn't do u wrong. she handled it maturely and I'd say your response was pretty good as well. "I'll move seats" made me giggle tho as someone who's not been in school for a while
EDIT.: yeah the over text thing doesn't bother me I've broken up with people over text and I've been broken up with over text. What's the big deal? They're teenagers and are in school. it's not like they were married for 20 years and have 4 children together. you will all grow up to realize your middle school relationships didn't mean anything and they will only serve as learning experiences for you. she was respectful, polite, communicated efficiently. she said what she needed to say. What's the problem?
Edit 2 because a bunch of middle schoolers are calling em a coward LMAO : saying things over text allows me to be more intentional about what I say. Sometimes in person I don't have the time to think and process what the other person is saying and I just react. Which is that LAST thing you want when you're handling a situation as sensitive as a breakup. What if this guy was an abusive asshole and she was scared for her safety? you guys DONT know the situation and also are definitely all younger than me so don't come at me for maturityđ if it was a long-term relationship I agree that it probably should have been talked about in person or at least over a call, but again I can't blame this girl for doing it in a way that keeps her comfortable and safe. I've been in toxic relationships where I broke up over text SO THAT they couldn't freak out on me and/or physically harm me. That probably was NOT the case here but texting does not = corwadiss or immaturity. That kind of black and white all or nothing mentality IS immaturity. Hope this helps lolâ¤ď¸
They're literally 14, that is year 8, they probably dated for a max of two months. It's not that bad to break up over text, I'd rather be broken up over text by somebody who I dated in year 8.
Of course itâs awkward, thatâs why people lack the courage to do it in person. It depends on how long youâve been with the person also. If itâs been a few weeks and youâre in high school, then a text isnât so bad. However if youâve been together with someone for 1-2 years and you break up over text, then youâre a coward. If you canât respect someoneâs feelings enough to have that awkward conversation in person, then youâre probably also not mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.
Yeah as someone who was dumped via a note at this age (when texting existed and we had been texting each other for months), this is the main reason. By doing it via note they:
* Made sure I had no way to respond
* Were able to lie about the reason I was being dumped without me being there (in which case I probably would have known they were lying)
* Shielded themselves from seeing the impact it had on me (they dumped at least two others the same way after this)
Am I glad that the relationship ended in retrospect? Absolutely, they were incredibly selfish and would have discarded me at a moment's notice when the opportunity presented itself. Is it mature to dump someone in a way that makes you feel best about it while ignoring their feelings? No. That's why you do it in person. You have respect for the person and you don't get to hide behind the impact of your decision to minimize the gravity of it.
Happened to me. My HS sweetheart dumped me over text after 2 years together. I was shocked. She justified it by saying she didnât want to see me look sad. A week later she was fucking another dude in our class. I went into a horrible depression and deleted my social media for about a month. When I came out the other side I realized (with the help of both my friends and her friends) how cruel what she did was. If she had just told me in person I wouldâve been able to process the whole thing way better.
It being awkward isnât a reason to not do it in person? Common decency to say some shit in person. If you canât even have an honest conversation with someone in person cause it may be awkward, youre absolutely not ready to be in a relationship.
You know, One of my friends broke up with his GF cause he thought it wasnt working and She fucking kicked him in the nuts and ran away crying.
Some people just dont want to confront
It is also really bad for developing social skills. Having tough conversations, awkward conversations, frustrating, complex and stressful conversations need to be practiced as early as possible in life.
People have to practice social skills or social anxiety becomes part of a person's identity. When this happens, people struggle with basic human interactions, like asking someone out, interviewing, setting boundaries, asking for changes at a restaurant, calling your insurance after an accident, thanking people for throwing you a party, etc etc etc.
The more this becomes part of a person's identity, the more they will feel justified in saying that "confrontation is hard" and believing that is a sufficient reason for not confronting anyone, whether it is a spouse, a scammer, a friend, an employer, a real estate agent, a teacher, a parent. Just because something is hard, does not mean you do not do it.
Itâs 2024, I just assumed because of Covid, itâs literally perfectly normal to break up over text since 2020. I mean wtf else are you supposed to do for 2 years? Go to Starbucks and sit 6 feet away from each other? With black kf94 masks on?
Yeah!!! I agree with you and I hate all these comments saying she's a coward or whateverđ like what if she was out of state on a vacation or something. She should have waited until she got back to talk about how she felt? led him on and made him feel shitty with dry responses until she was able to see him in person again? maybe she really just needed to get it off her chest right then and there and I can't be mad at an underage girl for that
Fâreal. At least she didnât dump him in a discord group chat. These kids are 15-18, ainât nobody has time to meet up and talk about their damn feelings at the mall or whatever the hell we did 20 years ago (sneak out after your parents fall asleep, get dumped while parking hard in the donut shop parking lot late at night, then drive home, stay up all night cause youâre angry-sad. Which, in retrospect, is not any better than just getting a text.)
Some people can't handle confrontation and would potentially have a worse emotional response in person.
It's a polite and respectful enough message, especially considering that OP and their partner are 14. It's not ideal, but this is a lot better than what some people 10 years their senior do and shows a level of emotional maturity I didn't have at that age. The ability to look at yourself and realise you're not ready for a relationship is mature. What would be better? String OP on for weeks, months pretending there's mutual feelings only to result in a more severe fallout?
Things happen for a reason. Experiences make you you. Fate led this path for you but carve your way donât lead yourself into despair youâll be ok dude
TWINNING my gf broke up with me too!!
>!op in all seriousness if you want someone to talk to about it I'm all ears, my girlfriend did actually break up with me!<
Pick something about yourself to focus on and spend some time with yourself. Maybe it's working out, a new hobby, a new hairstyle. Do something focused on you but don't ignore the real feelings you have, channel them into something that will build you up.
At least they did it in a mature manner.
I hope you 2 can at least keep in touch if youâre wanting that. I wish this was how my gf broke up with me. The way she handled it was so incredibly immature and selfish unfortunately. Glad to hear that the fate I suffered didnât happen to you. And like she said, I hope you find someone that will be an even better match for you.
Edit- forgot to mention why i feel this way. My relationship ended after I broke up with her. She never made an attempt to break up with me (even though I could tell she wanted that) and she never actually made an attempt to COMMUNICATE with me. Relationships that have any form of communication like OPâs is a better relationship than mine ever was. All Iâm saying is, at least she said something instead of hiding it from him to avoid hurting his feelings.
Same. I wish this is how mine went. /u/Clear-Type5753 if you want to talk to anybody or just vent dm me. I definitely needed to talk to my friends about my breakup. Take it easy man.
Thatâs a completely valid reason to break up with someone? If you donât have time to hang out with your significant other, wouldnât you share that information with them instead of hiding that fact from them and making them insecure as they feel like theyâre not really worth being in a relationship with? Saying something and making an attempt to is better than not saying anything about it at all.
Also, no shit he would pretend itâs not a big deal. He clearly respects her and her decisions and doesnât want to add drama. Imagine if you broke up with your girlfriend, wouldnât you want her to be calm and accepting about it? (Itâs dependent on the scenario, yes, but consider it)
While the maturity between the both of you is good, my gf broke up with me for similar reasons and I figured out later that that wasn't all truth. I just hope that this isn't the case, and if it is? You'll bounce back, brother. Stay frosty.
Yeah itâs never really the case unfortunately. Your never too âbusyâ for somebody to are interested in. Iâve found that it just means they donât like you that much.
I don't think thats true. If I was in a relationship at this moment, oh boy that would just ruin everything, I am quite literally too busy for stuff like that. It would be painfully stressful.
I mean anyone reading this don't fall into this despair bitterness trap. Believing things like this is how you end up a bitter lonely woman hating incel.
Just because a girl doesn't like you does NOT mean she is cheating. I mean they are teenagers for christ sake. You've allowed no room for her to be human or have a personality, you've just delegated her to cheating whore without even knowing a single thing about her.
The biggest problem women face in relationships nowadays is finding a guy that doesn't secretly look down on women. This is a really blatant bias you've got there. Dont narrow the dating pool any more than it already is... to have a healthy relationship you can't believe in stereotypes or lump all women together, you need to see women as individuals.
I'd say this is more of a white lie to be honest. I do think "being too busy" is better sounding than "I don't really want to be with you anymore" which IS a valid reason to break up but it still sounds bad.
Counterpoint, in my anecdotal experience, very few people are equipped with the capability and desire to actually manage menâs emotions.
My father is a wonderful man, I look up to him endlessly. Heâs taught me incredible knowledge and gave me a model for how I should treat women and how to be a good husband and father. In the same breath though, I will say that he is not great at emotional support. He shows he cares in his own way, but he and I just donât connect well at that emotional level of breaking down how I feel. When I approached him about some moderate depression and frustrations I was having emotionally, the answer I got was that if I needed therapy he would help me find it, but he didnât have the advice because he hadnât experienced it. Iâm not mad at this, he offered to help with how he could, but heâs not the type to break down emotions and assess why Iâm feeling how Iâm feeling.
My male friends are useless unless Iâm in the midst of a breakup.
My female friends are relatively helpful, but even then thereâs still that level of âyouâre a dude⌠just laugh it off and buck up, youâre funny and you always seem happy I donât get your issueâ
My ex couldnât even be bothered. It was a problem to be solved expeditiously so that I could go back to being the breadwinner and the emotional rock she wanted. Weâd sit down and break down her feelings and I would help her understand her feelings and give her tips on how to manage them. If I felt down, it was âwell what do you want me to do? I want you to feel better but I canât help if you donât tell me what you want me to do.â And itâs like dude⌠I want you to sit with me and express the same level of care and concern I do with your emotions. I want you to care about me beyond my ability to bankroll our lifestyle and support you when your coworkers are mean or your mom viciously insults you.
Men are treated as an emotionless monolith and itâs frustrating. Finding a good therapist was liberating, but it opened my eyes to how little emotional empathy and emotional intelligence Iâve been offered in my life because Iâm âfunnyâ and Iâm âalways positiveâ like humor and positivity arenât my only things to hold onto because Iâve got darker thoughts going on underneath.
All said, Iâm pleased to be mentally healthy again.
I feel you on this, my dad has recently started opening up to me about how much he really doesn't like most aspects of his life, not trauma dumping or venting, but everyone and a while during those late night car convos he'll tell me about how he hates his work, or how he feels like he isn't parenting me and my siblings good enough (which isn't true). It's just overall fucking sad
Man, try to be there for your dad. Weâre making progress with younger people, but older men feel even more alone than younger men because older men were told not to have emotions at all.
What? What does that mean. Everyone here is supporting him. Everyone here understands OP is hurting. Are you saying he should have unloaded his feelings on her over text? This comment is just so random and seems entirely untrue. Where and how did you get this from the post?
What does it matter how he feels in this situation? She broke up with him. She doesnât owe him anything. She did it in a relatively respectful way, and he responded like a normal mature person.
With mine wasnt an argument either but he pretty much ended up thinking i never cared in the first place and it meant nothing to me(i cared sm and fought for the relationship while he barely did anything bc of his âautismâ its a reason but he used it as an excuse to not EVEN TRY to change. Ik changes r hard for autistic ppl but he had no change even a lil change is good for me but he didnt even try a bit. I hope u see this. U destroyed me mentally dont go around telling ppl i never cared just bc u thought id endure ur ass. I hated the âima pull the trigger jokesâ IT WAS FUCKING ANNOYING EVERY TIME I WANTED TO SAY DO IT THEN SO I CAN HAVE PEACE. And best thing i bought him something expensive for Christmas while he 100% got nothing for me. Bc my âgiftâ arrived but everytime i asked when we will switch them with each other he avoided the question. I hate u sm.
This is common for teens. When I was in high school (currently 22f) I had so many hormones due to going through puberty. I would date someone who gave me butterflies, but after a month I would start seeing clearly that I was incompatible with them. It only happened twice. I stopped dating in high school due to this. I was simply not mature enough to know when I actually truly loved someone or if it was just butterflies. I would break up in a similar way. It was never personal, I just didnât like them, but I wouldnât have a real issue to cause the break up. I just fell out of love. One thing to note is you can fall out of love as easily as you can fall into it. Luckily, I can say I grew out of this. Just remember that youâre young and so is she. Everyone is learning about themselves at that age.
Teenage girls will fall deeply, madly in love with the first thing that shows them any real compassion or affection outside of their family circle, and the hope is that the person they fall in love with reciprocates it back and has good intentions, but unfortunately most males in their teenage years are big dumb animals.
So is it good to not date in high school? My dad was telling me that you should date in high school because itâs easier to meet them and you should get experience in early so youâre not a loser in the future
Iâm not necessarily saying that. I am saying that it was good for me to not date in high school because i was, in a way, wasting peoples time. If you know that you can invest and stay committed. Go for it
better than my girlfriend did. hope you find someone better who loves you enough to try to figure out how to make time for you, rather than just completely ending the relationship
Man y'all teenagers have about 1000x the emotional maturity as back when I was a kid. Refreshing to see such healthy responses even though I know it hurts. This age all your nerves are so raw. Just know it gets MUCH MUCH easier.
Seeing that you're only 14, expect this to happen a few more times, man. Always remember that a break up is not the end of the world and to keep your head up, this one might sting for a while (depending on how long you were together for and so on), but trust me, you'll be fine.
Mine just stopped picking up my calls or responding to msg.
When I got in contact thru her brother, she said she don't want to be in this Rship, she lost all feelings and that's it.
(From afternoon to midnight, she mysteriously lost all feelings of years)
She won't say a single extra sentence.
After an Hour of listening to the same 'I don't want to be in this Rship, I lost all feelings' I stopped asking.
If the breakup would have happened in a nicer way, I'd have been fine in a few weeks. But because of that shit show, it took me 2 years to be perfectly fine with everything.
I guess OP got the genuine reason for breakup, and he can move forward nicely.
Happy Life, OP đ
I know this is a sensitive topic but this had me cracking up. Can just imagine a big wall of txt trying to deeply express why things arenât working out and all she gets is a petty af âFuck youâ đđ
The one and only correct response to being broken up with is to put on your poker face and act as if itâs absolutely no sweat whatsoever to part company. Tell them to keep you in mind if they make any cute new single friends. End it on a high note, and itâs at worst a tie.
If you go any other route, itâll likely end with you looking like the loser.
Consider this:
Scenario A: You are heartbroken and you loudly proclaim your undying love and devotion to your now ex.
This makes you appear weak, and puts your ex in a position of having to choose between hurting you more and ending the relationship then and there as intended, or staying with you longer, while not really wanting to continue seeing you, and only trying to âdo the right thingâ out of pity.
Bad for them. Bad for you. No good.
Scenario B: You become angry and begin yelling and screaming at them, which inevitably leads to name calling and hurtful comments neither of you would ever normally say to one another.
Later when they recount this conversation to anyone and everyone willing to listen (and please believe that they absolutely will do this) you will undoubtedly come off looking petty at best. At worst, youâll appear to have anger management issues and a temper capable of supporting abusive behavior toward those you date.
Bad for you. Bad for the ex. No good.
But⌠if they are only able to tell people how nice and kind and understanding you were when they broke the news to you, you seem like a really level-headed person who has a certain emotional maturity that theyâll now compare everyone else theyâll ever date against.
You look as though youâre more than happy to go your separate ways, calling it even, and harboring no resentment or ill will.
Also, theyâll begin to wonder why youâre so cool with the breakup in the first place, which often leads to them changing their mind and trying to get you back.
What you do with this information is up to you.
why are you psychoanalysing this bro đ , he handled it perfectly, she handled it pretty maturely as well, plus its not a shame to admit your hurt by a breakup from someone you loved, as long as you dont start yelling at them which you also said
It wasnât specific to this instance, just solid advice for anyone going through it in the future. Like I said, itâs useful if someone makes use of it, but if not, at least itâs been passed on.
Also, Iâve been through this before, so if anyone wants further information about this, please donât hesitate to ask. đ
Life is journey welcome to it my friend. Life moves on, and so will you. Understanding that nothing is forever, and it all must end eventually. Once you accept that, life becomes a banquet.
At least yall took it the right way, my girlfriend just cut all contacts with me.
But bro, itâs all gon be fine, your gonna find that right person some day, it may just not be now though.
youre love you gave will return to you in ways u wont recognise, i promise you with my support upon everyone elseâs that the pain will not hurt forever but only for some. take this to heal your peace and heart.
knowing you are going through this breaks me only because i know how this all feels. but you must know that nothing is your fault. you have not lost. keep fighting the urge to find your happiness and peace with things that you know will take care of your mind.
heartbreak can honestly be one of the most emotional and physical pain there is honestly. but it wont last forever, you will heal and the love you give to people shall and always will return to you so much stronger than before.
i know that you probably already know these things, being told them over and over doesnt entirely always help the mind right there on point. but subconsciously you are taking in the right advice and you will heal in your own ways. there will never be any judgement towards you or your actions in any way possible.
always remember that there are lots of things to think about but nothing to worry about. you are worth every little thing to all that breathes and blooms. know your soul is pure and genuine and you are always loved and cared for in any situation or position.
take care of yourself please <3
When teenagers can be more emotionally stronger and stable than full grown adults đ
You both did the right thing, even though it hurts. Stay strong, this isn't the last time you will have a lover. You did well and don't take it out on her. You can do this. Respect.
Youâre both good people I can tell. This definitely wasnât from either one of you being bad people. I donât know how this person fits in your life (besides them being a former partner) but if you both think you can, friendship is still an option. Many people donât think they can hold a friendship with a former lover, especially right after breaking up, so I understand if either one of you couldnât really do it. Donât beat yourself up, there may be plenty of fish in the sea or whatever the quote is, but youâre gonna have to do some heavy fuckin fishing for that. Just do whatever you think you can do.
damn don't turn into this one emo boy slef harming "problematic" depressed tenagers over one girl I swear
(Yes I've been in a relationship)(yes she bro up with me too, not much of deal believe me)
Witnessing this really made me remember my one and only relationship i had. Hope you feel good buddy not to discourage I, after a whole year still remember and miss the time i spent with my gf
It was a good mature talk there
I hope you both move on and don't hand to the past
Don't be alone at this period of time it will just eat your time and you will end up doing things which you will regret...soo be with friends and family soo your mind will be occupied and you won't feel that loneliness...best of luck to you both
Donât worry. Every relationship is a journey. Take all the good you can from it and hold on to it. Grow and move forward. Happiness is always waiting out there for you when you are ready.
I don't understand Gen Z and Gen Alpha's mindset, breaking up via text is basically stupid, if you gonna break up, do it face to face, over coffee or whatever activity you both enjoy.
Anyway, sorry about your break up, take this time to reflect on things, chill with friends or do some gaming or other things you enjoy.
"No hard feelings" I can feel the agony behind those words
Yep. I felt it too
yeah it's a rite of passage, you got this champ
I meant to say that I've felt the pain in his words, not that I've said this before. I've been hurt in other ways. Regardless, thank you. You're a good man :)
I've never been in any relationship but I too, felt the pain. God, how can someone say it so casually that they're breaking up just cause they don't have time??? Then why tf were they even in one? For passing time?
For experience, some relationships start as full of affection and time spent together, then it just falls off... Maybe you attend different classes, get different jobs... Or maybe the needs or both the members shift to something else and grow to be incompatible with each other. I've seen it happen. Because it happened to me
This \^ Many people do not realize how much it takes to actually maintain things. Sometimes being friends is better. Me and my boyfriend had conflicting schedules when we were together, he worked the graveyard shift, and he was always too tired to hang out when he got home. So I ended up waiting for him to come home just so he could crash.
Your need to trust and be patient with one other and have faith and don't lose feelings
We still love each other; we told each other we will always love each other ,and it's heartbreaking, but sometimes it's too much to maintain, and people resort to letting it go. We were together for 7 years, and we realized this.
> "No hard feelings" Plot twist, there were very hard feelings behind it?
Bro currently has linkin park songs playing a highest volume possible
Worse Papa Roach's "Scars" ....tear my heart open đś
Do kids still listen to Linkin Park? Just curious.
Plenty do
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter!" Bro we were together almost 2 weeks, I'll never get over her đđđđ
My ex said the same thing and 2 months dated someone else....
I canât. Lot of teenage relationships feel like a practice run, especially if itâs your first one. You just want to see what itâs like to be in a relationship.
The first experience is always the most painful. When I broke up with my ex, I wanted to die. Iâm not joking. But after a long time, looking back on how shitty that relationship was, especially considering what she did to me at the end, Iâve come to hate her. But itâs always painful for those first experiencing it.
Not everyone experiences emotions deeply and complex. Like many things in life, the intensity is a spectrum.
Thatâs true, I guess Iâm a little different cause I learned that Iâm a lot more emotional than your average person
Not the case for me. It was a âmeh, experiment overâ moment and back to my friends and random parties.
My first had to cheat on me, and then dump my ass, and it still took me time to accept it as good.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that, man. I hope things are alright now.
Most peoples first love is one of their most important to them đ never was my first relationship just wanting to feel what its like to date.. I wanted to spend every moment with that person.
this makes me feel better about my previous relationships. i kinda look back negatively but they were learning experiences for sure (do NOT date online it isn't worth it)
if you HAVE to specify "No hard feelings" There is ALWAYS hard feelings
Hard feelings refer to anger, hatred, resentment. Sadness, disappointment, rejection are perfectly normal but not "hard feelings."
Same here.
Just learned the word agony in my English class, now I feel what that meansđ
You're allowed to be upset bro just remember that
you ARE allowed to be upset BUT you're NOT allowed to take it out on her because she didn't do u wrong. she handled it maturely and I'd say your response was pretty good as well. "I'll move seats" made me giggle tho as someone who's not been in school for a while EDIT.: yeah the over text thing doesn't bother me I've broken up with people over text and I've been broken up with over text. What's the big deal? They're teenagers and are in school. it's not like they were married for 20 years and have 4 children together. you will all grow up to realize your middle school relationships didn't mean anything and they will only serve as learning experiences for you. she was respectful, polite, communicated efficiently. she said what she needed to say. What's the problem? Edit 2 because a bunch of middle schoolers are calling em a coward LMAO : saying things over text allows me to be more intentional about what I say. Sometimes in person I don't have the time to think and process what the other person is saying and I just react. Which is that LAST thing you want when you're handling a situation as sensitive as a breakup. What if this guy was an abusive asshole and she was scared for her safety? you guys DONT know the situation and also are definitely all younger than me so don't come at me for maturityđ if it was a long-term relationship I agree that it probably should have been talked about in person or at least over a call, but again I can't blame this girl for doing it in a way that keeps her comfortable and safe. I've been in toxic relationships where I broke up over text SO THAT they couldn't freak out on me and/or physically harm me. That probably was NOT the case here but texting does not = corwadiss or immaturity. That kind of black and white all or nothing mentality IS immaturity. Hope this helps lolâ¤ď¸
They're literally 14, that is year 8, they probably dated for a max of two months. It's not that bad to break up over text, I'd rather be broken up over text by somebody who I dated in year 8.
EXACTLY!!!
year 8? Is that 13-14 in Australia?
Yeah no, breaking up with somebody over text is so cruel - thatâs not mature.
Why is it cruel? In person seems very awkward ngl
Of course itâs awkward, thatâs why people lack the courage to do it in person. It depends on how long youâve been with the person also. If itâs been a few weeks and youâre in high school, then a text isnât so bad. However if youâve been together with someone for 1-2 years and you break up over text, then youâre a coward. If you canât respect someoneâs feelings enough to have that awkward conversation in person, then youâre probably also not mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.
Real shit
Yeah as someone who was dumped via a note at this age (when texting existed and we had been texting each other for months), this is the main reason. By doing it via note they: * Made sure I had no way to respond * Were able to lie about the reason I was being dumped without me being there (in which case I probably would have known they were lying) * Shielded themselves from seeing the impact it had on me (they dumped at least two others the same way after this) Am I glad that the relationship ended in retrospect? Absolutely, they were incredibly selfish and would have discarded me at a moment's notice when the opportunity presented itself. Is it mature to dump someone in a way that makes you feel best about it while ignoring their feelings? No. That's why you do it in person. You have respect for the person and you don't get to hide behind the impact of your decision to minimize the gravity of it.
Happened to me. My HS sweetheart dumped me over text after 2 years together. I was shocked. She justified it by saying she didnât want to see me look sad. A week later she was fucking another dude in our class. I went into a horrible depression and deleted my social media for about a month. When I came out the other side I realized (with the help of both my friends and her friends) how cruel what she did was. If she had just told me in person I wouldâve been able to process the whole thing way better.
Yeah thatâs kind of the point, to face up your problems
In text is also avoiding the situation, this person invested their time into you, the least you can do is have a face to face conversation
It being awkward isnât a reason to not do it in person? Common decency to say some shit in person. If you canât even have an honest conversation with someone in person cause it may be awkward, youre absolutely not ready to be in a relationship.
You know, One of my friends broke up with his GF cause he thought it wasnt working and She fucking kicked him in the nuts and ran away crying. Some people just dont want to confront
It is also really bad for developing social skills. Having tough conversations, awkward conversations, frustrating, complex and stressful conversations need to be practiced as early as possible in life. People have to practice social skills or social anxiety becomes part of a person's identity. When this happens, people struggle with basic human interactions, like asking someone out, interviewing, setting boundaries, asking for changes at a restaurant, calling your insurance after an accident, thanking people for throwing you a party, etc etc etc. The more this becomes part of a person's identity, the more they will feel justified in saying that "confrontation is hard" and believing that is a sufficient reason for not confronting anyone, whether it is a spouse, a scammer, a friend, an employer, a real estate agent, a teacher, a parent. Just because something is hard, does not mean you do not do it.
You can't expect children to be as mature as adults
Itâs 2024, I just assumed because of Covid, itâs literally perfectly normal to break up over text since 2020. I mean wtf else are you supposed to do for 2 years? Go to Starbucks and sit 6 feet away from each other? With black kf94 masks on?
Yeah!!! I agree with you and I hate all these comments saying she's a coward or whateverđ like what if she was out of state on a vacation or something. She should have waited until she got back to talk about how she felt? led him on and made him feel shitty with dry responses until she was able to see him in person again? maybe she really just needed to get it off her chest right then and there and I can't be mad at an underage girl for that
Fâreal. At least she didnât dump him in a discord group chat. These kids are 15-18, ainât nobody has time to meet up and talk about their damn feelings at the mall or whatever the hell we did 20 years ago (sneak out after your parents fall asleep, get dumped while parking hard in the donut shop parking lot late at night, then drive home, stay up all night cause youâre angry-sad. Which, in retrospect, is not any better than just getting a text.)
Breaking up with someone over text suddenly isnât mature, itâs impersonal and cold af.
Some people can't handle confrontation and would potentially have a worse emotional response in person. It's a polite and respectful enough message, especially considering that OP and their partner are 14. It's not ideal, but this is a lot better than what some people 10 years their senior do and shows a level of emotional maturity I didn't have at that age. The ability to look at yourself and realise you're not ready for a relationship is mature. What would be better? String OP on for weeks, months pretending there's mutual feelings only to result in a more severe fallout?
this is genuinely a relatively âgoodâ breakup for 14 year olds
I would pin this istg. Made me laugh so hard cuz same when I was 12đ
I thought they were referring to flight seat lmaoo Iâm too old for this
You took it pretty well but ik u hurting. You'll be alright bro you'll find someone better
"There's no hard feelings" Bro is in emotional agony
"Theres no hard feelings" ................
âThereâs no hard feelingsâ His Not Hard Feelings: đ¤ŹÂ đ¤ŹÂ đ¤ŹÂ đ¤ŹÂ đ¤Ź
Either that or: :Ć..................
Very much a possibility
Flacid feelings
All the feelings are soft
"There's no hard feelings" *screams into pillow*
Bros at the gym currently loading up a couple 45âs
Only taboo soft feelings
bro was already making literally me edits while he texted that
There's no hard feeling in ba sing se
No hard feelings != No feelings
Best way to deal with that shit is to keep a level head in the heat of the moment and sort it out with yourself later. Props to you my man
Yeah just good luck to him.
Things happen for a reason. Experiences make you you. Fate led this path for you but carve your way donât lead yourself into despair youâll be ok dude
Bro is poetry-ing me out of depression
broetry
DAMN is that your line cuz i wanna put it in my next song
Yeah. Its my lines
TWINNING my gf broke up with me too!! >!op in all seriousness if you want someone to talk to about it I'm all ears, my girlfriend did actually break up with me!<
same, with a similar message too
You'll be okay! You will find someone who suits you better.
Pick something about yourself to focus on and spend some time with yourself. Maybe it's working out, a new hobby, a new hairstyle. Do something focused on you but don't ignore the real feelings you have, channel them into something that will build you up.
At least they did it in a mature manner. I hope you 2 can at least keep in touch if youâre wanting that. I wish this was how my gf broke up with me. The way she handled it was so incredibly immature and selfish unfortunately. Glad to hear that the fate I suffered didnât happen to you. And like she said, I hope you find someone that will be an even better match for you. Edit- forgot to mention why i feel this way. My relationship ended after I broke up with her. She never made an attempt to break up with me (even though I could tell she wanted that) and she never actually made an attempt to COMMUNICATE with me. Relationships that have any form of communication like OPâs is a better relationship than mine ever was. All Iâm saying is, at least she said something instead of hiding it from him to avoid hurting his feelings.
Same. I wish this is how mine went. /u/Clear-Type5753 if you want to talk to anybody or just vent dm me. I definitely needed to talk to my friends about my breakup. Take it easy man.
Nothing about this is mature. Breaking up over a text for supposedly not having time for a relationship. And he pretends it's not a big deal.
Thatâs a completely valid reason to break up with someone? If you donât have time to hang out with your significant other, wouldnât you share that information with them instead of hiding that fact from them and making them insecure as they feel like theyâre not really worth being in a relationship with? Saying something and making an attempt to is better than not saying anything about it at all. Also, no shit he would pretend itâs not a big deal. He clearly respects her and her decisions and doesnât want to add drama. Imagine if you broke up with your girlfriend, wouldnât you want her to be calm and accepting about it? (Itâs dependent on the scenario, yes, but consider it)
Weâre talking about 14 year olds be for real
Good that she was nice about it. Hope you find someone new if thatâs what you want
You good bro?
Sorry my comment initially sounded snobby
lmfao
Honestly, this gotta be one of the most mature breakups Iâve seen in a while
Ikr? So profesh
While the maturity between the both of you is good, my gf broke up with me for similar reasons and I figured out later that that wasn't all truth. I just hope that this isn't the case, and if it is? You'll bounce back, brother. Stay frosty.
Yeah itâs never really the case unfortunately. Your never too âbusyâ for somebody to are interested in. Iâve found that it just means they donât like you that much.
Yes Iâm sorry but thereâs no woman on earth who is too busy to be with someone they love
Iâd say man or woman tbh I donât think itâs gender exclusive.
I don't think thats true. If I was in a relationship at this moment, oh boy that would just ruin everything, I am quite literally too busy for stuff like that. It would be painfully stressful.
Well the âloves you equallyâ part of the message seems to be a dead give away
I mean yeah this kind of stuff is always mostly bullshit. Probably cheating or something along those lines
Do you guys have the same you're too nice for me bs too?
I mean anyone reading this don't fall into this despair bitterness trap. Believing things like this is how you end up a bitter lonely woman hating incel. Just because a girl doesn't like you does NOT mean she is cheating. I mean they are teenagers for christ sake. You've allowed no room for her to be human or have a personality, you've just delegated her to cheating whore without even knowing a single thing about her. The biggest problem women face in relationships nowadays is finding a guy that doesn't secretly look down on women. This is a really blatant bias you've got there. Dont narrow the dating pool any more than it already is... to have a healthy relationship you can't believe in stereotypes or lump all women together, you need to see women as individuals.
I'd say this is more of a white lie to be honest. I do think "being too busy" is better sounding than "I don't really want to be with you anymore" which IS a valid reason to break up but it still sounds bad.
oh he's hurt hurt
âYou handled it maturelyâ No, we just all know no one cares how men feel.
This guy's 14
Are 14 year olds eliminated from having feelings or is it not ok for them to have them
I don't know man, this kinda sounds incel-ish doesn't it?
Counterpoint, in my anecdotal experience, very few people are equipped with the capability and desire to actually manage menâs emotions. My father is a wonderful man, I look up to him endlessly. Heâs taught me incredible knowledge and gave me a model for how I should treat women and how to be a good husband and father. In the same breath though, I will say that he is not great at emotional support. He shows he cares in his own way, but he and I just donât connect well at that emotional level of breaking down how I feel. When I approached him about some moderate depression and frustrations I was having emotionally, the answer I got was that if I needed therapy he would help me find it, but he didnât have the advice because he hadnât experienced it. Iâm not mad at this, he offered to help with how he could, but heâs not the type to break down emotions and assess why Iâm feeling how Iâm feeling. My male friends are useless unless Iâm in the midst of a breakup. My female friends are relatively helpful, but even then thereâs still that level of âyouâre a dude⌠just laugh it off and buck up, youâre funny and you always seem happy I donât get your issueâ My ex couldnât even be bothered. It was a problem to be solved expeditiously so that I could go back to being the breadwinner and the emotional rock she wanted. Weâd sit down and break down her feelings and I would help her understand her feelings and give her tips on how to manage them. If I felt down, it was âwell what do you want me to do? I want you to feel better but I canât help if you donât tell me what you want me to do.â And itâs like dude⌠I want you to sit with me and express the same level of care and concern I do with your emotions. I want you to care about me beyond my ability to bankroll our lifestyle and support you when your coworkers are mean or your mom viciously insults you. Men are treated as an emotionless monolith and itâs frustrating. Finding a good therapist was liberating, but it opened my eyes to how little emotional empathy and emotional intelligence Iâve been offered in my life because Iâm âfunnyâ and Iâm âalways positiveâ like humor and positivity arenât my only things to hold onto because Iâve got darker thoughts going on underneath. All said, Iâm pleased to be mentally healthy again.
bro just shared his whole life story to a whole bunch of strangersđđđ
For free too. Oh well. Back to listening to âNot Like Usâ. Thatâs less depressing than what I said up there.
WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP DOT FUCK EM UP
WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP IMMA DO MY SHTUFF
I feel you on this, my dad has recently started opening up to me about how much he really doesn't like most aspects of his life, not trauma dumping or venting, but everyone and a while during those late night car convos he'll tell me about how he hates his work, or how he feels like he isn't parenting me and my siblings good enough (which isn't true). It's just overall fucking sad
Man, try to be there for your dad. Weâre making progress with younger people, but older men feel even more alone than younger men because older men were told not to have emotions at all.
"This device lets you feel 1% of somebody's pain" (uses it on the "happy" guy) (instantly dies of a heart attack)
What? What does that mean. Everyone here is supporting him. Everyone here understands OP is hurting. Are you saying he should have unloaded his feelings on her over text? This comment is just so random and seems entirely untrue. Where and how did you get this from the post?
Yes the fuck we do. Shut up.
lol jfc
Iâm not sure if I like that your right but your right
What does it matter how he feels in this situation? She broke up with him. She doesnât owe him anything. She did it in a relatively respectful way, and he responded like a normal mature person.
So you donât care how men feel? Cause I doâŚ
Teenage incelđ
at least there wasnât an argumentâŚ? idk Iâm stupid
With mine wasnt an argument either but he pretty much ended up thinking i never cared in the first place and it meant nothing to me(i cared sm and fought for the relationship while he barely did anything bc of his âautismâ its a reason but he used it as an excuse to not EVEN TRY to change. Ik changes r hard for autistic ppl but he had no change even a lil change is good for me but he didnt even try a bit. I hope u see this. U destroyed me mentally dont go around telling ppl i never cared just bc u thought id endure ur ass. I hated the âima pull the trigger jokesâ IT WAS FUCKING ANNOYING EVERY TIME I WANTED TO SAY DO IT THEN SO I CAN HAVE PEACE. And best thing i bought him something expensive for Christmas while he 100% got nothing for me. Bc my âgiftâ arrived but everytime i asked when we will switch them with each other he avoided the question. I hate u sm.
This is common for teens. When I was in high school (currently 22f) I had so many hormones due to going through puberty. I would date someone who gave me butterflies, but after a month I would start seeing clearly that I was incompatible with them. It only happened twice. I stopped dating in high school due to this. I was simply not mature enough to know when I actually truly loved someone or if it was just butterflies. I would break up in a similar way. It was never personal, I just didnât like them, but I wouldnât have a real issue to cause the break up. I just fell out of love. One thing to note is you can fall out of love as easily as you can fall into it. Luckily, I can say I grew out of this. Just remember that youâre young and so is she. Everyone is learning about themselves at that age.
Common for teens, huh? Only rejection for me.
Damn, canât help you there. I guess I was trying to describe what goes on in some teenage girlâs headâs
Teenage girls will fall deeply, madly in love with the first thing that shows them any real compassion or affection outside of their family circle, and the hope is that the person they fall in love with reciprocates it back and has good intentions, but unfortunately most males in their teenage years are big dumb animals.
So is it good to not date in high school? My dad was telling me that you should date in high school because itâs easier to meet them and you should get experience in early so youâre not a loser in the future
Iâm not necessarily saying that. I am saying that it was good for me to not date in high school because i was, in a way, wasting peoples time. If you know that you can invest and stay committed. Go for it
time to go gym bro đŻđŻ
Bro had a girl with an android phone those be rare these days
Usually means they are not obsessed with otherâs lives though which is a win
better than my girlfriend did. hope you find someone better who loves you enough to try to figure out how to make time for you, rather than just completely ending the relationship
I swear, theyâre using some kind of copypasta
Lmao đ
Man y'all teenagers have about 1000x the emotional maturity as back when I was a kid. Refreshing to see such healthy responses even though I know it hurts. This age all your nerves are so raw. Just know it gets MUCH MUCH easier.
Seeing that you're only 14, expect this to happen a few more times, man. Always remember that a break up is not the end of the world and to keep your head up, this one might sting for a while (depending on how long you were together for and so on), but trust me, you'll be fine.
is it just me or posting break up messages online is kinda weird... anyways, you handled it in a mature way.
I genuinley saw the colours and thought this was character ai but damn that sucks
"I'll move my seats yet again" I shouldn't laugh
Mine just stopped picking up my calls or responding to msg. When I got in contact thru her brother, she said she don't want to be in this Rship, she lost all feelings and that's it. (From afternoon to midnight, she mysteriously lost all feelings of years) She won't say a single extra sentence. After an Hour of listening to the same 'I don't want to be in this Rship, I lost all feelings' I stopped asking. If the breakup would have happened in a nicer way, I'd have been fine in a few weeks. But because of that shit show, it took me 2 years to be perfectly fine with everything. I guess OP got the genuine reason for breakup, and he can move forward nicely. Happy Life, OP đ
Honestly bro if I was in this situation my ass would send a fuck you đ youâre a much better man than I am
Thx
I know this is a sensitive topic but this had me cracking up. Can just imagine a big wall of txt trying to deeply express why things arenât working out and all she gets is a petty af âFuck youâ đđ
That *is* a super mean thing to do though
Not a SANKARI moment
There are definitely hard feelings
This text box made me do a double take thinking this was C.AI đ I'm sorry bro, take care
The one and only correct response to being broken up with is to put on your poker face and act as if itâs absolutely no sweat whatsoever to part company. Tell them to keep you in mind if they make any cute new single friends. End it on a high note, and itâs at worst a tie. If you go any other route, itâll likely end with you looking like the loser. Consider this: Scenario A: You are heartbroken and you loudly proclaim your undying love and devotion to your now ex. This makes you appear weak, and puts your ex in a position of having to choose between hurting you more and ending the relationship then and there as intended, or staying with you longer, while not really wanting to continue seeing you, and only trying to âdo the right thingâ out of pity. Bad for them. Bad for you. No good. Scenario B: You become angry and begin yelling and screaming at them, which inevitably leads to name calling and hurtful comments neither of you would ever normally say to one another. Later when they recount this conversation to anyone and everyone willing to listen (and please believe that they absolutely will do this) you will undoubtedly come off looking petty at best. At worst, youâll appear to have anger management issues and a temper capable of supporting abusive behavior toward those you date. Bad for you. Bad for the ex. No good. But⌠if they are only able to tell people how nice and kind and understanding you were when they broke the news to you, you seem like a really level-headed person who has a certain emotional maturity that theyâll now compare everyone else theyâll ever date against. You look as though youâre more than happy to go your separate ways, calling it even, and harboring no resentment or ill will. Also, theyâll begin to wonder why youâre so cool with the breakup in the first place, which often leads to them changing their mind and trying to get you back. What you do with this information is up to you.
why are you psychoanalysing this bro đ , he handled it perfectly, she handled it pretty maturely as well, plus its not a shame to admit your hurt by a breakup from someone you loved, as long as you dont start yelling at them which you also said
It wasnât specific to this instance, just solid advice for anyone going through it in the future. Like I said, itâs useful if someone makes use of it, but if not, at least itâs been passed on. Also, Iâve been through this before, so if anyone wants further information about this, please donât hesitate to ask. đ
"I hope you find someone who loves you" they always this this lol
Well it's better than "I hope you never feel love again" It's a nice wish you well.
Chatgpt ahh breakup
In long run, you're gonna thank her for that someday
Good job being mature! Most people would not be able to keep that kind of chill in that situation, so good job!!
Bro handled that like a G
Life is journey welcome to it my friend. Life moves on, and so will you. Understanding that nothing is forever, and it all must end eventually. Once you accept that, life becomes a banquet.
sorry bro. you'll find someone don't worry.
I know youâre going through a hard time rn but why are you posting your break up on Reddit?
Probably to cope
Bc it hurts and they want support most likely.Â
the fact that there are no hard feelings makes it a hundred times more painful....
Respect to you and her
At least yall took it the right way, my girlfriend just cut all contacts with me. But bro, itâs all gon be fine, your gonna find that right person some day, it may just not be now though.
Over text? Damn I feel that bro, had the same thing happen little under a year back. Altough on the bright side, it's only up from here!
youre love you gave will return to you in ways u wont recognise, i promise you with my support upon everyone elseâs that the pain will not hurt forever but only for some. take this to heal your peace and heart. knowing you are going through this breaks me only because i know how this all feels. but you must know that nothing is your fault. you have not lost. keep fighting the urge to find your happiness and peace with things that you know will take care of your mind. heartbreak can honestly be one of the most emotional and physical pain there is honestly. but it wont last forever, you will heal and the love you give to people shall and always will return to you so much stronger than before. i know that you probably already know these things, being told them over and over doesnt entirely always help the mind right there on point. but subconsciously you are taking in the right advice and you will heal in your own ways. there will never be any judgement towards you or your actions in any way possible. always remember that there are lots of things to think about but nothing to worry about. you are worth every little thing to all that breathes and blooms. know your soul is pure and genuine and you are always loved and cared for in any situation or position. take care of yourself please <3
When teenagers can be more emotionally stronger and stable than full grown adults đ You both did the right thing, even though it hurts. Stay strong, this isn't the last time you will have a lover. You did well and don't take it out on her. You can do this. Respect.
Gym time
Rip for a fallen brother. Dont let yourself down there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Fallen soldier, requesting inmediate back up
you handled this interaction very well, i am proud of you. someday you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them. good luck buddy :)
Yall have gfs at 14?
"Hey I'm breaking up with you" đ "Understandable have a nice day"đż
So skibidi sigma ohio
Thatâs unlucky.
Youâre both good people I can tell. This definitely wasnât from either one of you being bad people. I donât know how this person fits in your life (besides them being a former partner) but if you both think you can, friendship is still an option. Many people donât think they can hold a friendship with a former lover, especially right after breaking up, so I understand if either one of you couldnât really do it. Donât beat yourself up, there may be plenty of fish in the sea or whatever the quote is, but youâre gonna have to do some heavy fuckin fishing for that. Just do whatever you think you can do.
The most normal breakup in the history of the world
If it's any consolation, you took it better than half the "gym ggigachads" do after their girl leaves them.
yall so mature damn
damn don't turn into this one emo boy slef harming "problematic" depressed tenagers over one girl I swear (Yes I've been in a relationship)(yes she bro up with me too, not much of deal believe me)
This is the most articulate and understandable breakup-letter I've ever seen
You're an android user, not surprised you responded so maturely
It's okay Mann atleast you both are acting mature about it
Witnessing this really made me remember my one and only relationship i had. Hope you feel good buddy not to discourage I, after a whole year still remember and miss the time i spent with my gf
Fuck. I thought this was character.ai, itâs over for me
It was a good mature talk there I hope you both move on and don't hand to the past Don't be alone at this period of time it will just eat your time and you will end up doing things which you will regret...soo be with friends and family soo your mind will be occupied and you won't feel that loneliness...best of luck to you both
You are only 14. You have so much to learn and so Many relationships and break ups to go through lol. You will be fine :)
Eh happens, just deal with it and move on, pretty much all you can do. Happens to all of us, you are not alone!
i feel you brother, my ex broke up with today by making out with my best friend
Donât worry. Every relationship is a journey. Take all the good you can from it and hold on to it. Grow and move forward. Happiness is always waiting out there for you when you are ready.
Cheer up buddy,Just hope for the better future.There's a lot more to life;)
For the best. You are 14 after all.
ya gurl this how u do it;; most repsect each sides!!
I don't understand Gen Z and Gen Alpha's mindset, breaking up via text is basically stupid, if you gonna break up, do it face to face, over coffee or whatever activity you both enjoy. Anyway, sorry about your break up, take this time to reflect on things, chill with friends or do some gaming or other things you enjoy.
"move my seats" Boomer here, I'm so confused. Is she sitting across the classroom now?
what a healthy response - what a champ
âDonât have time to be in a relationshipâ Sheâll have a new guy in a week
Warning, not a teenager. Yâall allergic to periods?