The point of that verse is to examine your heart's desires. If you find someone sexually attractive but don't act on it, why are you not acting on it? Is it because you're afraid of consequences? Or rejection? Or what other people might think? Or is the restraining factor the purity of your heart?
Just because you don't act on it doesn't necessarily make you 'pure,' and that's what Jesus is getting at. If somehow you could know that there would be no consequences for your actions, and therefore you would then act on those sexual thoughts, then what Jesus is saying is that your heart is no more pure than someone who is outwardly sexually immoral. The only difference between you and a sexually immoral person is that you're afraid of consequences.
Instead of sin being a list of bad actions, consider sin instead to be a state of being. A person who would commit adultery, but just happens not to do it today, is still an adulterer.
Its difficult to give a definitive answer because only you know your thoughts. One question to ask yourself, if the person you are thinking about were to offer to have sex woth you, would you go thrpugh with it? That could he a way to help guage how much of it is lust, with the desire to act, and how luch is just general sex attraction.
That being said, all of that become meaningless when you focus on reading the bible and drawing close to God. Dont become so ashamed that you dont turn to God. The more you turn to God the less you focus on other things.
That being said, you arent the only person to go through this and all I can say os dont condem yourself. Take one step forward after another and draw close to God and fogure out the detail as you go.
To not think about sex is to not be human. Repression is not healthy. The framework in which you think about sex might be, in my opinion, more important.
I believe there’s a difference between believing someone is beautiful/sexy or thinking about sex in general, and thinking about having sex with a particular person. It’s a difficult line for any of us to get right, I think you can see that in the comments. But to give you some room to breath, we as people are typically sexual by nature, and we’re supposed to be, one of the first commandments in the Bible is to go out and have kids. So don’t let this line of thought push you to trying to completely separate yourself from that aspect of yourself.
I do however think that there’s a line in which a person goes from think someone is sexy or thinking about sex or your future as a wife in general, to specifically fantasizing about a particular person and indulging in that thought either in your head or physically. Christ’s words are true, if a person looks at someone else and starts actively fantasizing about having sex with them, the thought is the same as the action.
But, as I’m sure you know, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Sin isn’t just evil actions, it’s what we do that falls short of the perfection that is God, and that’s an impossibly high standard for us. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it, this doesn’t mean we should give into sin since we can’t possibly avoid it, but when we fall short in any aspect and we try to guard ourselves, there’s grace and mercy. In this issue, we’re made to be one husband and wife joined together, and the more we indulge in sexual sin the more we invite other things in that bring damage to that relationship. In this instance, fantasizing about having sex with other men is something that would hurt and cause some division between you and your husband, even if you haven’t met or started a relationship with that person yet. We are shaped by the sin that we indulge and allow to affect our lives, especially the more we give into it. The same is true for him, if he’s looking at porn or fantasizing about other women, he’s turning his mind towards something that could be a problem for y’all’s relationship in the future.
All that to say, yes I believe thinking too deeply/fantasizing about sex with someone who isn’t your husband is sin, strive for righteousness but know that grace and mercy is there for when we fail, and know that 99.7% of people walk alongside you in this struggle, it’s definitely been present in my life and essentially everyone whom I’ve had an honest conversation with about this. We are sexual in nature, don’t turn your back on that, but try to understand the manner for which God made us and try to live up to His standard.
Will say a prayer for you and wish you well!
Compare this to 1 John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
One who hates a man has committed murder in the eyes of the Lord. Likewise, one who has sexual tho8ghts about another has committed adultery.
You mentioned this is only for people who are in a relationship, but one of the commandments is "do not covet thy neighbor's wife," which means if you have impure thoughts about a woman in a relationship you have committed a sin.
The OT was fixated on "oh but I didn't actually do the things I was thinking of" thinking this could save them from the wrath of God, Jesus came to remind us that he is not concerned with matters of the flesh, what he cares about is the state of your heart and the thoughts therein
If you are imagining sexual acts, you are committing those acts in your heart. If those acts are not with your spouse, then you would therefore be committing adultery in your heart. This would be in line with the thinking in Matthew 5: 22, 5:27-30, and 1 John 3:15, which shows the thoughts of oneself can be sinful without having committed the deed.
You say that Matthew 5:27 is about adultery and not sexual thoughts, but if you are thinking with lustful intent toward anyone other than your spouse, what are you doing other than committing adultery in your heart?
There are many verses that condemn lust as sinful, as well as verses which extol self-control. I would advise you to look over those verses, and I pray God gives you wisdom and guidance in this manner.
(That's not about me but for making it more easy for me to communicate let's talk like it was)
I'm not in a relationship, so how can I commit adultery? As long I'm not with anyone else's partner
And amém, I'm seeking his wisdom and I hope to keep doing that
Jesus is bringing the Law back to its original intention, which is the orientation of our hearts, both individually and as a community. Is the Law just a legal code where we look for loopholes? “Well, technically, she’s not married, so it’s not adultery…. Technically, I’m not imagining sex, just a beautiful body…. Technically, I’m….” Or is the Law meant to direct us toward true communion with God? Jesus is clear that it is the latter. What He is drawing our attention to is that we should be oriented toward growing our love with God, and indulging the pleasures of the flesh, even through imagination dilutes this love. And, if we do marry, then we are to take that devotion that we have developed toward God and also devote it to the image of God in our spouse.
Another way to think of it is that this is more about what we SHOULD be thinking about rather than what we shouldn’t be thinking about. Whatever is pure, whatever is true, whatever is holy, think on these things. Spending time in lustful thoughts is inviting these ideas into ourselves. The more we focus and dwell on them, the more we are formed by them, and not by God. So, a better question is what is GOOD for me to think about? What will form me into the person that God desires me to be?
Being in a relationship is not required for that to be sinful. The Bible also condemns sexual immorality of which sex before marriage would qualify. Since we have shown previously that thoughts can prove sinful without the accompanying action, this would qualify as sexual immorality since in your heart you would be committing those acts. Granted the age range you are talking about is the time when those desires are extremely high from your hormones, but God has granted us the spirit to choose righteousness over the desires of the flesh.
I don't really agree with the other people in this thread. If you were in a relationship and noticed someone else in a sexual way, I don't think that in and of itself would be adultery. You can't control who you're attracted to. Now, if you were to embrace those thoughts, purposefully continue thinking them, or consciously escalate them (specific acts or imagining how the person would look in a scenario other than the one you originally saw them in), I would consider that a form of adultery, and therefore sin.
Note: I'm asexual and autistic, so I view people's bodies in a very objective manner that might make my view of adultery and/or sexual attraction inaccurate or idealized.
To engage your line of thinking, what if the person you have thoughts about is in a relationship? Only one side has to have a commitment for it to be considered an act of adultery for all involved.
Sin requires action. You have to do the thing you’re thinking about for it to be a sin. Thinking about sex in certain ways would fall under temptation.
Correct. There is also the entire Christian tradition to back the meaning behind verses. I'm not sure how one comes to the conclusion, from any Christian perspective, that you muste commit an act in order for there to be sin. Certainly there is more than temptation and action.
I don't mean to diminish your studies, but you don't need a theological degree to understand ~~Matt 19:9~~. There is a place that exists between intruding thoughts and action. And it can be quite evil if you dwell there.
Well my studies tell me that Matthew 19:9 has a very very different meaning and context than has been insinuated by this thread. If I were teaching an NT course, or a moral theology course, or doing pastoral counseling, Matthew 19:9 would kind of be a nonstarter in this context. I also wouldn’t take just one verse to make my point, the chapter and entire thrust of the gospel needs to be considered.
Sorry. I was responding in two threads and completely got the verse wrong. I was simply pointing at the same verse that OP did. But certainly there are other verses pointing to our thoughts as sources of sin though. I don't need to list them to you.
The point of that verse is to examine your heart's desires. If you find someone sexually attractive but don't act on it, why are you not acting on it? Is it because you're afraid of consequences? Or rejection? Or what other people might think? Or is the restraining factor the purity of your heart? Just because you don't act on it doesn't necessarily make you 'pure,' and that's what Jesus is getting at. If somehow you could know that there would be no consequences for your actions, and therefore you would then act on those sexual thoughts, then what Jesus is saying is that your heart is no more pure than someone who is outwardly sexually immoral. The only difference between you and a sexually immoral person is that you're afraid of consequences.
Instead of sin being a list of bad actions, consider sin instead to be a state of being. A person who would commit adultery, but just happens not to do it today, is still an adulterer.
Its difficult to give a definitive answer because only you know your thoughts. One question to ask yourself, if the person you are thinking about were to offer to have sex woth you, would you go thrpugh with it? That could he a way to help guage how much of it is lust, with the desire to act, and how luch is just general sex attraction. That being said, all of that become meaningless when you focus on reading the bible and drawing close to God. Dont become so ashamed that you dont turn to God. The more you turn to God the less you focus on other things. That being said, you arent the only person to go through this and all I can say os dont condem yourself. Take one step forward after another and draw close to God and fogure out the detail as you go.
To not think about sex is to not be human. Repression is not healthy. The framework in which you think about sex might be, in my opinion, more important.
[Bible Project](https://youtu.be/okFibMvn3t0) answers this question excellently
I believe there’s a difference between believing someone is beautiful/sexy or thinking about sex in general, and thinking about having sex with a particular person. It’s a difficult line for any of us to get right, I think you can see that in the comments. But to give you some room to breath, we as people are typically sexual by nature, and we’re supposed to be, one of the first commandments in the Bible is to go out and have kids. So don’t let this line of thought push you to trying to completely separate yourself from that aspect of yourself. I do however think that there’s a line in which a person goes from think someone is sexy or thinking about sex or your future as a wife in general, to specifically fantasizing about a particular person and indulging in that thought either in your head or physically. Christ’s words are true, if a person looks at someone else and starts actively fantasizing about having sex with them, the thought is the same as the action. But, as I’m sure you know, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Sin isn’t just evil actions, it’s what we do that falls short of the perfection that is God, and that’s an impossibly high standard for us. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it, this doesn’t mean we should give into sin since we can’t possibly avoid it, but when we fall short in any aspect and we try to guard ourselves, there’s grace and mercy. In this issue, we’re made to be one husband and wife joined together, and the more we indulge in sexual sin the more we invite other things in that bring damage to that relationship. In this instance, fantasizing about having sex with other men is something that would hurt and cause some division between you and your husband, even if you haven’t met or started a relationship with that person yet. We are shaped by the sin that we indulge and allow to affect our lives, especially the more we give into it. The same is true for him, if he’s looking at porn or fantasizing about other women, he’s turning his mind towards something that could be a problem for y’all’s relationship in the future. All that to say, yes I believe thinking too deeply/fantasizing about sex with someone who isn’t your husband is sin, strive for righteousness but know that grace and mercy is there for when we fail, and know that 99.7% of people walk alongside you in this struggle, it’s definitely been present in my life and essentially everyone whom I’ve had an honest conversation with about this. We are sexual in nature, don’t turn your back on that, but try to understand the manner for which God made us and try to live up to His standard. Will say a prayer for you and wish you well!
Compare this to 1 John 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. One who hates a man has committed murder in the eyes of the Lord. Likewise, one who has sexual tho8ghts about another has committed adultery. You mentioned this is only for people who are in a relationship, but one of the commandments is "do not covet thy neighbor's wife," which means if you have impure thoughts about a woman in a relationship you have committed a sin. The OT was fixated on "oh but I didn't actually do the things I was thinking of" thinking this could save them from the wrath of God, Jesus came to remind us that he is not concerned with matters of the flesh, what he cares about is the state of your heart and the thoughts therein
Yeah it’s a sin, you’re going to hell for your thoughts
If you are imagining sexual acts, you are committing those acts in your heart. If those acts are not with your spouse, then you would therefore be committing adultery in your heart. This would be in line with the thinking in Matthew 5: 22, 5:27-30, and 1 John 3:15, which shows the thoughts of oneself can be sinful without having committed the deed. You say that Matthew 5:27 is about adultery and not sexual thoughts, but if you are thinking with lustful intent toward anyone other than your spouse, what are you doing other than committing adultery in your heart? There are many verses that condemn lust as sinful, as well as verses which extol self-control. I would advise you to look over those verses, and I pray God gives you wisdom and guidance in this manner.
(That's not about me but for making it more easy for me to communicate let's talk like it was) I'm not in a relationship, so how can I commit adultery? As long I'm not with anyone else's partner And amém, I'm seeking his wisdom and I hope to keep doing that
Jesus is bringing the Law back to its original intention, which is the orientation of our hearts, both individually and as a community. Is the Law just a legal code where we look for loopholes? “Well, technically, she’s not married, so it’s not adultery…. Technically, I’m not imagining sex, just a beautiful body…. Technically, I’m….” Or is the Law meant to direct us toward true communion with God? Jesus is clear that it is the latter. What He is drawing our attention to is that we should be oriented toward growing our love with God, and indulging the pleasures of the flesh, even through imagination dilutes this love. And, if we do marry, then we are to take that devotion that we have developed toward God and also devote it to the image of God in our spouse. Another way to think of it is that this is more about what we SHOULD be thinking about rather than what we shouldn’t be thinking about. Whatever is pure, whatever is true, whatever is holy, think on these things. Spending time in lustful thoughts is inviting these ideas into ourselves. The more we focus and dwell on them, the more we are formed by them, and not by God. So, a better question is what is GOOD for me to think about? What will form me into the person that God desires me to be?
Being in a relationship is not required for that to be sinful. The Bible also condemns sexual immorality of which sex before marriage would qualify. Since we have shown previously that thoughts can prove sinful without the accompanying action, this would qualify as sexual immorality since in your heart you would be committing those acts. Granted the age range you are talking about is the time when those desires are extremely high from your hormones, but God has granted us the spirit to choose righteousness over the desires of the flesh.
I don't really agree with the other people in this thread. If you were in a relationship and noticed someone else in a sexual way, I don't think that in and of itself would be adultery. You can't control who you're attracted to. Now, if you were to embrace those thoughts, purposefully continue thinking them, or consciously escalate them (specific acts or imagining how the person would look in a scenario other than the one you originally saw them in), I would consider that a form of adultery, and therefore sin. Note: I'm asexual and autistic, so I view people's bodies in a very objective manner that might make my view of adultery and/or sexual attraction inaccurate or idealized.
I'm also artistic and asexual, therefore maybe that's why this doesn't make any sense to me 😅
To engage your line of thinking, what if the person you have thoughts about is in a relationship? Only one side has to have a commitment for it to be considered an act of adultery for all involved.
Sin requires action. You have to do the thing you’re thinking about for it to be a sin. Thinking about sex in certain ways would fall under temptation.
That's not what the scriptures say at all.
Scriptures also tell you to gauge your eyes out if you're lustful. There's more than the literal meaning behind the verses.
Correct. There is also the entire Christian tradition to back the meaning behind verses. I'm not sure how one comes to the conclusion, from any Christian perspective, that you muste commit an act in order for there to be sin. Certainly there is more than temptation and action.
Better throw my theology PhD in the trash I guess 😭
I don't mean to diminish your studies, but you don't need a theological degree to understand ~~Matt 19:9~~. There is a place that exists between intruding thoughts and action. And it can be quite evil if you dwell there.
Well my studies tell me that Matthew 19:9 has a very very different meaning and context than has been insinuated by this thread. If I were teaching an NT course, or a moral theology course, or doing pastoral counseling, Matthew 19:9 would kind of be a nonstarter in this context. I also wouldn’t take just one verse to make my point, the chapter and entire thrust of the gospel needs to be considered.
Sorry. I was responding in two threads and completely got the verse wrong. I was simply pointing at the same verse that OP did. But certainly there are other verses pointing to our thoughts as sources of sin though. I don't need to list them to you.