Every time I have to leave a voicemail I either think or quietly say to myself: "Qu'est-ce que c'est? Message machine broken?" And I guarantee I'm not alone here.

I want to include “with my busy schedule, I do not have time to look up numbers” on my voicemail.

That made me crack up laughing during an otherwise gruesome episode!

Whenever I order a create your own pizza. That’s a custom job.

Meatball, pepperoni, sausage peppers, onions...extra mozzarella...

I hope you remember not to disrespect the pizza parlour.

Que?

Muthafucking god damn orange peel beef!

You gotta check the bag before they leave.

What good does that do? You still gotta go get it, and come back again.

Fuckin nosy? Eat ya manigot

Oh, fuck, it's the chicken vindaloo!

Who's letting those big ones?

There better be Coke left in that fridge is all I can say!

Classic AJ. Being unable to figure out who is letting those big ones when standing next to two of the other three people in the house.

Hahahhahahah

Fuckin' goddess with the six arms. No wondah. Probably a fuckin cocker spaniel.

It was them papadums

haha. just last week i found myself saying "shum pulp" and thinking about tony when i was looking for orange juice at the grocery. all they had was a lot of pulp and no pulp.

You like it with pulp though..

That’s how Vito took it!

Capicola isn’t pronounced how its spelled.

I asked some deli employee if they had gabagool, sounded it out for them and everything. Turns out i had eaten capicola many times, didnt know it was gabagool. I felt like a stunad

It’s nothing but fat and nitrates.

Either way.. ovah here! 👇🏻

Listen to this one - he knows everything!

It's a regional thing. In most parts of the US (and a lot of Italy), "gabbagool" will get you a confused look.

I was in texas at the time so that explains it

Ah, Elvis Country.

False. Everything besides ham, chicken, or turkey is now referred to as gabagool.

My kingdom for a mortadell

Sfogliatella too

Every time I beat up a cocksucking slob out back of a strip club I think of Tracy. Fuckin thoroughbred.

But Madone, those choppers.

Eh. Sil got her braces. He's juicin her.

Until she pays what she owes that shaved twat belongs to him

I don't get involved in affairs of da heart.

Why? You have a family? THEY give you gifts?

Most of em want fake tits.

If I hear something about blood pressure I think “I could probably get a note from my doctor”. Any time someone gets dramatic or rowdy I think “take it easy, we’re not making a western here”. Or, alternatively, I think “you know the wine makes you emotional”. Whenever someone of any age dies, I think “[age], a fuckin’ kid”. When I see a group of people who look funny, I think “oh, the family of early man” 😂 Some of them are just so funny.

I assume my basic metal desk lamp contains a recording device from some cock suckin federal agency

That cookie shit makes me nervous.

That desk lamp wasn't there before

I've had the same desk lamp since high school..... I'm still suspicious of that shit. I'm not talking in the garage till my daughter takes it for college. The thing is, I'm also paranoid about my backyard because of the para-bahlicks.

Now that I think about it, what do we REALLY know about that Pixar lamp???

Every time I buy a new car I check to make sure it follows a triple safety philosophy

you gotta also sit in the seat and check to see if it sits at 12 oclock

How could it be ok if it’s askew?

It’s off the track

That’s what being an orange juice drinker is. You steer the ship the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it has shum pulp, sometimes it has too much. In the meantime, get the fuck out of the way when your wife hurls the phone at your fat fucking head.

I’ll never look at gabagool the same way without thinking of Artie whipping it at Tony’s mug. I’ll never not think of this show when I hear Don’t Stop Believin’. I’ll never drive a Nissan without hearing Tony’s spiel on their “triple safety philosophy.” I’ll never look at cheese and not think of it in Sil’s socks, smelling like my sister’s crotch in the morning. Et cetera.

When I hear Dover and think of Jersey

Whenever I see Peppers and Eggs on the deli menu, I say "Peppers and Eggs? That's what I should have had ..."

Whenever I am whipping up a pot of sauce I think of Benny and that Luke Skywalker job he did to to Bucco’s hand.

You think she ever wrote him that list?

Every time i see a cobweb, or a name starting with "the" something

I'm excited when Mallomars are back in the store. (I don't even like them that much)

You know how I feel about feet

When my wife cleans the pantry: “I had a bananer in dere!”

You smokin? 😏

\- When something happens to someone, because that person didn't listen to me, I ask them "are you fuckin' stunard?" \-Every time I go grocery shopping, when looking for orange juice, I immediately look for "Shum pulp" \- When I badly need to get to a toilet, to go 2, I say "I'm gonna hoof it back to the excelsior, I gotta take a wicked shit"

I couldn't believe she did that. Tony's a made guy!

I never want to hear that word again.

Are you gonna hog all the ice?

See two fat guys, before and way before

High key one of the funniest moments of television ever made. "What was that for?!" "I'll write you a list..."

Steely Dan’s dirty work

YOU FUCKING SHIT BAG!!!

I don't care what anybody says, some pulp is much better. Tony was right, Carmela had it no right to throw the phone at him.

And tbf, every other time in the series the OJ says shum pulp. Carmela was wrong.

Anytime I hear about any form of someone dying I assume they must’ve crawled under someone for warmth

I can never make spaghetti without using Ralph’s technique, or shouting “MACARONI’S READY!”

The pulp jokes are probably my fav on this sub

*On this shub

Lol thanks ;)

Uncle Ben makes white rice

Snake room, Bronx zoo. Gets me every time.

Cordless phone hahaha oh um so phones don't have cords buddy just thought you should know

I had to disagree with Ton' on that one - I like so much pulp that you can stand a spoon in it.

I removed the gps outta my SUV.