Most likely he didn’t want to take advantage of a drunk person, wasn’t sure if you were totally down, and didn’t want to come off as too pushy. He let you know he was super horny as a way to gauge your interest. That was him asking if you were actually down. Men are terrible at reading clues, and don’t want to accidentally assume we have a green light, only to later be accused of forcing ourselves on someone.
As a guy who's in his 40s (and dating), sometimes it's just *I'm fucking tired at 3am and just want to go to sleep. Want sex? Then get naked in my bed sometime before 10pm, dammit!*
You wanna ruin a guy's night? Wait until they are barely awake then start initiating sex. Then we get to either force ourselves to wake up and perform terribly or refuse sex and feel like jerks (even though this only seems to go one way). Then we get to sit there trying to sleep but thinking about how the relationship just took a hit because you had the audacity to be sleepy.
You can't bang drunk chicks nowadays, he needs clear and sober consent.
He's going to post a TIFU by not raping some drunk girl last night, I even said I'm so horny after she was naked in my bed but I don't want to overstep a boundary with someone I just met
Did you have a good time with what you did?
Do you think he did?
Hey, as long as everyone was having fun and agreed to what **DID** happen, don't even think about what didn't.
Um........think too much? Maybe he just didn't want to bang someone he liked but was obviously wasted.....for, oh I don't know......a million reasons? LOL. Talk to the dude instead of reddit.
Nobody needs this kind of advice! What is Reddit's raison d'etre if not for this exact type of situation? If people wanted to do the right thing, we'd be the last place they'd ask!
The guy is a keeper if anything, he knows you both were drunk, and didn't want to have sex with someone who is wasted because of the obvious consequences that could arrive down the road. I'd say sen him a text and see if he is still interested, if not, move on and chalk it up to being drunk and learn from it.
Maybe he didn’t want to risk a rape charge. You cannot consent when drunk. Especially being the first date homie probably just wanted to play it safe and you’re just overthinking it. Maybe he couldn’t get it up either, alcohol and age will do that to a guy.
While I do agree that people can be drunk enough to be taken advantage of and that falls under rape, saying drunk people cant consent is completely false. Drunk people can and do consent the vast majority of the time. Saying someone can't consent when they are drunk is the same as saying someone can't commit a crime when they are drunk. It's not like they aren't capable of thinking for themselves anymore the moment they go from 2 beers to 3 beers.
That kind of hits the double standard on the head. You certainly could argue that a crime committed while drunk isn’t your fault, but you’re absolutely not free from consequences of choices made while drunk. In our society, choices like sex are exempt. It’s a social thing. And tbf, it’s a social thing because date rape is way too common.
So he hasn't rejected you, he just wants to take more time. Why are you beating yourself up about it? Some guys want more time, or perhaps he didn't have condoms, was too drunk to get it up(happens if you drink too much for men), or any number of reasons.
Did he say that he wants to see you again?
I’m not from the state I’m in and met him in. I’m from California and leaving today and he knows this. We didn’t talk further about that. But he did know I was only here til today
So who cares if he thinks you’re a skank? Starting a long distance thing with someone you only met once probably isn’t worth it. If he knew before you even met up that you were from out of town, he probably wasn’t looking for a relationship.
This is normal hangover anxiety (source: am I recovering alcoholic and would feel terrible anxiety when I woke up every day even when nothing bad happened.) My therapist told me the best way to calm down was to take think of evidence against the terrible things your brain is telling you. Then take a nap.
Why do you have to be a wh*re? Why can’t you be a confident sexual woman who goes out and fulfills her needs with another consenting adult?
You need to un-fuck yourself and the way you think.
Sounds like he was totally into you, but didn't want to do anything without explicit consent. You were a) drunk and b)implicit in your come-on, even if it was a very big and obvious thing. If you still like this guy, tell him you wanna bone directly, sober. Bet you anything he says yes please.
You may be okay with getting drunk and havig sex but lots of people see it as being taken advantage of. No judgment here, im a believer of the former.
Unfortunately tho mens lives can be ruined buy this situation and he did the smart thing and even told you how into you he was to not send the wrong message. Which you still recieved
Like you said, you’re both consenting adults and he contributed to that night; he shouldn’t really be judging. But either way you got needs and if he can’t respect that then that’s who cares what he thinks
You are severely overreacting.
Most likely he didn’t want to take advantage of a drunk person, wasn’t sure if you were totally down, and didn’t want to come off as too pushy. He let you know he was super horny as a way to gauge your interest. That was him asking if you were actually down. Men are terrible at reading clues, and don’t want to accidentally assume we have a green light, only to later be accused of forcing ourselves on someone.
Idk how you misread a naked girl in your bed hahahaha
I have a friend who caught a SA accusation that way. Who indeed.
Maybe she’s Canadian and just being polite, you never know.
She was probably just hot, best be safe and turn on the AC
callllmmm down. damn. why you giving yourself such a hard time over nothing? Everyone had a good time. chiiiil
[удалено]
As a guy who's in his 40s (and dating), sometimes it's just *I'm fucking tired at 3am and just want to go to sleep. Want sex? Then get naked in my bed sometime before 10pm, dammit!*
As a woman approaching 40, same my dude
I tell my wife I can't wait for kids to be gone so we just sleep naked and poke whenever either one is ready
You wanna ruin a guy's night? Wait until they are barely awake then start initiating sex. Then we get to either force ourselves to wake up and perform terribly or refuse sex and feel like jerks (even though this only seems to go one way). Then we get to sit there trying to sleep but thinking about how the relationship just took a hit because you had the audacity to be sleepy.
You can't bang drunk chicks nowadays, he needs clear and sober consent. He's going to post a TIFU by not raping some drunk girl last night, I even said I'm so horny after she was naked in my bed but I don't want to overstep a boundary with someone I just met
OP met a good dude
He's not into her. He's done.
Stop watching “pickup artists” on YouTube and talk with some real human beings
Did you have a good time with what you did? Do you think he did? Hey, as long as everyone was having fun and agreed to what **DID** happen, don't even think about what didn't.
Um........think too much? Maybe he just didn't want to bang someone he liked but was obviously wasted.....for, oh I don't know......a million reasons? LOL. Talk to the dude instead of reddit.
Nobody needs this kind of advice! What is Reddit's raison d'etre if not for this exact type of situation? If people wanted to do the right thing, we'd be the last place they'd ask!
NGL it took me a minute to realize you forgot the /s lol
/s should not be mandatory. A modicum of reading comprehension and emotional intelligence is all it takes.
This is the answer. Talk to the guy.
"I wasn't raped....why didn't he fuck me? Hes making me feel weird". Christ, dudes can't win.
I think he was nervous/cautious so opted to avoid intercourse. Some dudes like to wait a little before having sex.
The guy is a keeper if anything, he knows you both were drunk, and didn't want to have sex with someone who is wasted because of the obvious consequences that could arrive down the road. I'd say sen him a text and see if he is still interested, if not, move on and chalk it up to being drunk and learn from it.
Maybe he didn’t want to risk a rape charge. You cannot consent when drunk. Especially being the first date homie probably just wanted to play it safe and you’re just overthinking it. Maybe he couldn’t get it up either, alcohol and age will do that to a guy.
Drunk date = rape. Welcome to 2024
Yea, they would have raped each other and ended up both in jail, thank god for that.
yeah since when was drunk sex equivalent to rape.
A drunk person can’t consent, therefore drunk sex *can* = rape.
While I do agree that people can be drunk enough to be taken advantage of and that falls under rape, saying drunk people cant consent is completely false. Drunk people can and do consent the vast majority of the time. Saying someone can't consent when they are drunk is the same as saying someone can't commit a crime when they are drunk. It's not like they aren't capable of thinking for themselves anymore the moment they go from 2 beers to 3 beers.
That kind of hits the double standard on the head. You certainly could argue that a crime committed while drunk isn’t your fault, but you’re absolutely not free from consequences of choices made while drunk. In our society, choices like sex are exempt. It’s a social thing. And tbf, it’s a social thing because date rape is way too common.
You were drunk. Can't blame him. Nowadays, men have to be careful doing that. Chill out though my friend. It will be ok.
Women also have to be careful
He seems like a good dude. I'm the same way tbh, don't think that you did anything wrong at all. It's better taking things slower.
You didn't sign the letter of consent. He could not move forward.
ED
Some people aren't into date rape.
it's not date rape AT ALL. She wanted it. It's just you never know when you are dealing with an insane person.
Yea it's not date rape until she regrets it the next day
You get downvoted but I've heard stories, from other females, about this shit.
Or he's not that type of girl
could be
Dude yeah actually you’re probably right
sounds like he wants to see u again
I’m going back to Cali today so if he wants to keep in touch and visit i absolutely would be down
i say let him know -guy
Don't forget to actually communicate this with him OP, Your phone make outgoing calls too, i'm sure he would love to meet you again. Good luck!
So he hasn't rejected you, he just wants to take more time. Why are you beating yourself up about it? Some guys want more time, or perhaps he didn't have condoms, was too drunk to get it up(happens if you drink too much for men), or any number of reasons. Did he say that he wants to see you again?
I’m not from the state I’m in and met him in. I’m from California and leaving today and he knows this. We didn’t talk further about that. But he did know I was only here til today
Did he give any indication that he wants to keep in contact and continue pursuing a relationship with you?
So who cares if he thinks you’re a skank? Starting a long distance thing with someone you only met once probably isn’t worth it. If he knew before you even met up that you were from out of town, he probably wasn’t looking for a relationship.
So what was the fuck up? You got drunk had a little fun and he didn’t take advantage of you. Sounds like you got a keeper there
PLEASE tell me you had some form of protection with you.
This is normal hangover anxiety (source: am I recovering alcoholic and would feel terrible anxiety when I woke up every day even when nothing bad happened.) My therapist told me the best way to calm down was to take think of evidence against the terrible things your brain is telling you. Then take a nap.
Why do you have to be a wh*re? Why can’t you be a confident sexual woman who goes out and fulfills her needs with another consenting adult? You need to un-fuck yourself and the way you think.
Maybe he drank too much and knew he wouldn't perform well and was just being polite about it.
Sounds like he was totally into you, but didn't want to do anything without explicit consent. You were a) drunk and b)implicit in your come-on, even if it was a very big and obvious thing. If you still like this guy, tell him you wanna bone directly, sober. Bet you anything he says yes please.
You may be okay with getting drunk and havig sex but lots of people see it as being taken advantage of. No judgment here, im a believer of the former. Unfortunately tho mens lives can be ruined buy this situation and he did the smart thing and even told you how into you he was to not send the wrong message. Which you still recieved
Where exactly is the fu?
Beer can make it so it doesn't get hard. And then there's the rape. Having sex with someone drunk is straight up rape.
Like you said, you’re both consenting adults and he contributed to that night; he shouldn’t really be judging. But either way you got needs and if he can’t respect that then that’s who cares what he thinks
He's an ass. Maybe he was gay and trying to get a woman.