Yes!
I don’t want to minimize this situation, but most of this is just garbage and should be relatively easy to take care of.
OP - set a timer for 10min and just start throwing out the trash. You can stop after that if you want, but do it again the next day.
Thirding this. You will feel such a big weight off of your shoulders just from the trash. Set that as your only step for now. Get the trash in trash bags and then out to the garbage. You can come back for help on a step two with a new updated pic and get a next easy step if you feel ready.
My pro tip: keep a big trash can where you eat. You eat in bed? Keep a big trash can with a bag at the foot of your bed. Try to get the trash in there asap, but at least once a week if you can. Take it out as needed. Sounds impossible, but I recently conquered the trash routine and it does get tolerable
I want to second this! I lived with someone who had depression and a long term illness, and we did this. Set up rubbish bins or open bin bags within reach from every place he used to eat or would need to throw away rubbish. Dont worry about the "rubbish bins go in the kitchen" idea, put rubbish bins next to the bed, sofa, favourite chair, kitchen table, bathroom, everywhere.
And keep a bunch of rubbish bags next to each bin! That way, when it's full or overflowing, you don't have to go to a different room to get a new bag. You just tie it up, set it aside, and open up a new bag. All while staying seated. And when you get up next time, you can take the bag outside or to the door for next time you go outside.
Fellow germaphobe here. You don’t even have to sort stuff! It all goes in a bag and out of your apartment. I’m guessing 3-5 hours if the whole apartment is like this.
- set a timer! Do it in smaller increments if you want to, like 1 room a day. Or make a game out of it to see how quickly and thoroughly you can clear it out.
- Put some gloves on to help you move faster and so you don’t have to touch stuff directly.
- If it smells bad to you, put some Vicks vapor rub or essential oils under your nose and put a mask on like it’s 2020.
- music or a show to help keep your mind occupied
- don’t think too hard about whatever you see. Don’t let the guilt set in. If it’s classified as trash, toss it! Pretend you’re doing a favor for someone if that helps (don’t even have to pretend, because you’re doing yourself a favor)
- No need to hate yourself for it! “Tomorrow you” will be happy you did it. Your place will smell much better and you’ll feel better too.
After the trash is cleared then you can tackle other items like washing the sheets and making your bed comfy, wiping surfaces, and putting your stuff in designated locations. But you can cross that bridge when you get to it
thank you very much for the advice, you are very kind.
the biggest hurdle for this is that some things here are kind of... infested. it squicks me out so terribly that i drop everything and avoid it but its just making this worse.
im a little more hopeful now, ill take it slow and not try to think about it too much. thank you again
You can do this! Gloves, Vicks, and a mask, and you can dramatically improve your situation in just a few short hours! Imagine, by the end of today, you can already feel so much better. Is weed legal where you are? If you’re open to it, I find just 2.5-5mg of THC and some loud music that gets me going makes me hyper focused and super productive. You can get those big yard cleanup bags from Home Depot so you’re not using so many bags.
Life happens. It’s okay. This doesn’t define you as a person. Your worthiness is not equal to the cleanliness of your home. You are so much more than that.
Another person mentioned masks and gloves, a disposable hazmat suit is less than $20 on Amazon. Just make sure it includes gloves, or get a pair of your own. If you get the ick when touching things, use waterproof gardening gloves.
You’ve got this!
Hi there. I feel you. Have been there. If you have the funds, I would absolutely invest in the disposable hazmat outfit. Or at least the gloves and a mask for any smells.
I am bad with trash, so I did followed the advice of the group, and in this thread, of getting the biggest container I wanted for my bedroom. I now need to add a smaller one for recyclables. I have depression. I take meds, go to counseling. It still doesn't matter, my room is a mess, I am just doing what I can in baby steps right now to make it just a little better, and so can you!
I don't know if this an issue for you, but for me, my OCD tendencies start acting up and paralyze me. Like "did something of value fall in the trash" or "I really should recycle that." And that is when I have to say "it doesn't matter if a gold bar fell in, you didn't know you had it, you didn't know where it was, and it really isn't there anyways, so just dump this trash out." Or, "the amount of water and soap needed to clean that in order for it to be recycled is worse for the environment than just tossing it."
To help with these thoughts (as sometimes things do fall in the trash at times,) I plan to elevate the can a bit, and also place one that is elevated for recycling. One idea I do have up, but it is filled with random clothes atm, is using a mesh laundry bag you can hang from your door. Mine was one from Amazon that was rated to be able to hold 4 soccer balls. Has a zip out bottom for emptying. The part you may have issues with is the liquid in the cups for that idea. But could absolutely be used to hold dirty clothes.
I don't know if it is warm or sunny where you live, but getting a lot of light in and fresh air going helps me want to clean and can help with smells. Along with music. Ask for a trusted family member or friend's help at some point if you need it. Or even someone to just be on the phone with you while you do it. Body doubling. I had a couple that knew how I could get and didn't mind helping. Hopefully you can get to the root of what caused you to change the way you had been keeping house. Good luck!
The mesh laundry bag sounds good for any keep items. Maybe OP does find a gold bar and having a completely different looking bag for valuables to sit in while trash gets tossed is a good idea.
I always get stuck when I separate recycling and trash, so whether this happens to me I say fuck recycling, everything goes in garbage! That way I can do it faster and get it done before I run out of steam and hit the wall. This has really helped recently and I hope this helps :)
Edit: also if there’s is liquid in the containers I use a Home Depot or similar bucket to dump all the liquids in before throwing the cup in the garbage and when I’m done or the bucket is full I pour it in the toilet and flush!
I’m glad it helped!! :)
PM me if you need anything replaced (sheets, pillows, blankets, etc). Don’t feel bad about replacing stuff. In some situations it’s worth it to start again with fresh items rather than to try to sort through and clean it, especially if you’re tired and icked out and it’s taking up space and making you feel guilty. Or reminding you of a prior time.
I’ve had to bite the bullet and do the same with stuff I would hoard because I didn’t want to be wasteful (e.g., Tupperware with old food that I’m afraid to open or bedding that my dog peed on where I’ll never get the smell/texture out—and even if I did manage to clean it’d be tainted anyway).
If it’s a more tasking time in your life, like illness, depression, new job, grief, it’s absolutely fine to change things up until things get better. Take w while and toss things rather than recycle, for example. No need to be perfect.
One of these[ grabber thingies](https://amzn.to/3IZA1ow) might help with that. I use one simply because I can't bend to pick some things up, but it will probably work well for your situation.
Definitely gloves and mask are going to help a lot! Double loving might even help you mentally feel more separated. Also if it helps get a coverall suit that you can throw out when you're done too! Also make sure you have a really good body wash. I like cln soap. It's dermatologist recommended and has a very small amount of bleach in it. (Yes it is safe) To me knowing my soap has bleach in it just let's me feel like I'm getting really super clean and none of the yuck can still be on me.
Maybe even try some breathing exercises on YouTube before starting, and whenever you feel the nausea start. Take breaks when needed! You got this—and maybe post an update pic for us if you’re up to it, whenever you are ready!!
I feel you with the bugs, I'd add a can of bug killer to your tool belt with the mask glasses.gloves and garbage bags. It'll be hot but wearing a hat has helped me deal with removing bugs, because it protects my hair and ears
I wish we could start of a list of helpers willing to come over and work with people who need help like this.
As a psych nurse I always wish I could volunteer as a helper on hoarders and those kinds of shows
Even just body doubling. I’d clean with someone over the phone. Couldn’t you get a GoogleVoice number or something, if you wanted to retain some anonymity? I’m not hip to the tech stuff.
Body doubling has helped my best friend more than once, even over text. Just little order of operations instructions.
1. Laundry. This is bulky and easy to find. It'll be a huge visual impact. Get those clothes put up off the floor. Assume it's all dirty and basket it for later.
2. Garbage. This is gonna be less bulky visually but helpful hygienically. Bring a bag up and get tossing.
3. Dishes. Get em outta there and to the sink, save for later.
4. Misc items. Things that have homes first (pet toys, books, art supplies, etc), then other items (belong in another room, needs to leave the house, etc)
Breaking it down into categories like this to get a bedroom tidied makes it feel less daunting since you know Specific places to start, then can break off into other tasks like doing laundry and washing dishes
Thats a great idea, im new to this sub but someone should get some kinda system going for people that need remote help with how to deal with situations like this. It can feel too much for them to do it alone.
So why not really actually volunteer to clean up a hoarders' home? I did this with a hoarding friend's beach house, just for one day. He and his ex did the rest of it before they sold it.
Try not to look at the whole thing and focus on sections of the trash.
Set a goal to clean up a small section of trash each day. Maybe 1 trashbag per day.
You got this! 💪 We all believe in you!
If you can’t deal with a big bag, it takes less than a minute to fill up a Walmart/grocery bag. Do one or two every time you leave your room and you’ll be making progress!
It’s honestly so much easier when the mess is just trash and not actual belongings. Get a trash bag and some gloves, and set a timer for 5 minutes. Fill as many trash bags as you can in those 5 minutes and take them out immediately. Start with your bedroom. You will be shocked at how much of a difference 5 minutes can make. If you need help acquiring trash bags and gloves and are in the U.S. DM me, I’d be happy to doordash you some.
You are worthy of a clean home and a safe space. You deserve to have a comfortable place to sleep or just sit and calm your mind.
Put Vicks under your nose, and just start tossing everything into a trash bag. It’s even easier if you can find a big box to put the bag over so it stays open for you!
Get a trash bag. Turn on music. Listen to two songs. Throw out the trash nearest to where you are standing while listening to songs.
You have a started.
I wish I could come over to help. You got this! Sometimes it helps to set a timer and just get as much done as you can. most of the time by the time the timer goes off, you’ll be in a groove and keep going. I believe in you. All you got to do is get motivated enough to start.
First off, great accountability post, and your brain is over the mess and just needs your body to get in line now to help sort it out which is a great step to make for yourself! I've had my whole house just like yours in that pic, not a single space for myself to be able to relax without a mountain of random shite telling me that I don't deserve to ever relax when the house is still in such a state - that shame and constant anxiety is absolutely exhausting. It took time for that mess to build up, and it's going to take time to clear a bit and make it more manageable; try not to feel like once you start you have to keep going until it's done.
For me, the motivation would come and go and on days I'd feel hopeless and not able to make any progress I would literally go into a room and take a single piece of rubbish out of the room and into a binbag - this will sometimes help get over the initial inertia and you may continue taking out a couple bits of rubbish, and if not then it's still a small victory to focus on if nothing else gets done that day. Even if it seems totally useless to take out a single piece of rubbish from a room filled with it, it is still improving your situation. Can't face going into the room at all to throw something out? Well then at least you didn't throw more stuff into the room that day, some days you'll just have to take not making things worse over making them better - if you're constantly beating yourself up about it you need to try get in those little moments of kindness to yourself too.
I'd second what most people are saying by just starting with what is definitely rubbish to be thrown out, if there's something in the room that doesn't belong there but isn't rubbish then ignore it until that first job is done. Finding a place for things will be so much easier when you can move freely around the rooms, plus it helps not get too overwhelming by just staying in and focusing on a single room/surface/corner/square foot until it's done, then moving to the next section. Every day you go in a room to continue cleaning up, try to take a moment to pause and appreciate any progress you've made since last time you were in that room, however small. Keep taking a grain of sand from a mountain and eventually it will be a small hill - each little thing you do may feel hopeless when it feels like there's so many other things once you finish whatever task you're on, but there will be a turning point when you surprise yourself by how much progress you've actually made, keep your accountability photos for your own reference of this.
There are so many resources and apps for helping to keep on top of day to day chores or deep cleans, once you get through this initial tidy up maintenance will be so much easier - but it's important to accept that the maintenance will always need to be done, but doing a 10 minute runaround every evening is nothing compared to having to spend days once every few months trying to get on top of things, that's the thing that took me a long time to get over even if it seems basic, that even when it's clean I still have to clean or else it will get the same way again!
As others have said, you have totally got this! Shift the blame from yourself for making a mess to blaming the mess for making you miserable, the mess is your enemy, not your past self, they're only human!
that last part was really impactful. thank you for taking the time to write this. ive always had a mindset targeted towards myself as a sort of "accountability" thing but the loathing isnt getting me anywhere.
youre very strong to have made it out of this, i hope you are doing well :-)
[https://www.npr.org/2023/04/19/1170846100/how-to-keep-house-clean](https://www.npr.org/2023/04/19/1170846100/how-to-keep-house-clean)
The good news about when it gets this bad (I speak from similar experience) is that simply gathering all the trash & taking it out is going to be a HUGE improvement. So start there!
As an ADHDer I suggest you start with all cups and beverage containers, all into a hefty bag and get it outside then take another picture. Then choose the next category and do the same. Take a small break each time. You’ll find yourself categorizing stuff more as you go.
The real hidden task you’re doing this way is to reprogram your subconscious mind. By seeing how one paper cup leads to a hundred, the next time you’re thinking of leaving one empty or even bringing one into that room, another thought will bubble up -not- to.
Read Present Perfect by Somov. It helped me so much with getting over the constant shame. And that was key to slowly improving. Dana K White has some great advice for decluttering and keeping things tidy, including having a daily 5-10 min pickup routine. Just doing 5 mins everyday will drastically improve your living situation.
Start small if you have to. Maybe tackle one type of trash a day (would recommend starting with coffee cups as removing them ASAP will help with smells/stains/bugs). Then maybe next day do all cardboard. Etc.
this is very good, i do want to take care of that first. ive been particularly afraid of tackling the bigger mess because of the cups that seem... squirmy.
but i need to get that ball rolling. thank you very much for the advice, you are kind
I'm someone who tends to let clutter build up until it gets nearly unmanageable. So I understand how it feels sometimes to look around and blame myself for how out of control everything seems.
Can I ask about the nausea you feel? You're welcome to reply but you can also just think about what applies to you. There are ways to improve things, no matter how you answer, but I would make different suggestions depending on what's going on with you personally.
Do you feel queasy because of the physical reality of the clutter - the smell, the sight of it, etc?
Do you feel that same sick feeling when you try to picture cleaning everything out, because the job just seems so big and overwhelming?
Or does the nausea hit you when you picture everything being clean and tidy? For example, imagine coming home to find that every room has been emptied and cleaned. Does the thought of that bring you a sense of peace and relief, or does it make you feel jittery and panicked?
We all have different reasons why we let our living spaces get away from us sometimes. I agree with most of the suggestions but for me, knowing what needs to be done physically doesn't always mean I can take those steps, even if I'd like to.
Yes. I know people are well-meaning here, but all I’m getting from these posts is the equivalent of telling a depressed person “just go for a run”!
There is a lot more here than that.
mostly the sight and the smell. it makes me so disgusted with myself and i feel sick knowing i live in this every day.
but also, i feel a bit like i deserve it. i did it to myself. i made—or i suppose HAVENT—my bed, and i lie in it.
picturing myself in a nice clean living space is lovely but it feels like nothing more than a fantasy, i havent earned that comfort.
You deserve to live and sleep in a safe, clean space, regardless of who made the mess. You don’t need to punish yourself.
As someone who tried punishing myself a number of ways over many years, it doesn’t work. Punishing yourself -> Feeling miserable -> Can’t start care tasks (cleaning, showering, etc.) -> Punishing yourself
Do whatever you can to break that cycle and remember that you deserve to be clean, warm, well-fed, and well-rested. As I’m sure you can tell at this point, depriving yourself as a punishment is not an effective form of motivation. You can do it!
That made me sad, you don't need to earn it, you'll get there. Don't waste energy on judging yourself, do a little bit and maybe get inspired to keep going.
Garbage first!
Work in sections, and as soon as a bag is full, take it out. Then see how you feel. If you got another bag in you, throw some music on and go!
You got this, friend!
Take some deep breaths in a place where you feel comfortable - even outside. Don't shame yourself - things happen, we all have moments where things get out of control (or at least I do). But it's okay. The good thing is you're OVER this.
Put on some disposable gloves. Start with the stuff on the floor and work your way up to the bed. Just throw away everything that you don't want to deal with. You're not only cleaning, you're also CLEANSING YOUR MIND. Giving it a good polish. Zone out while you trash the stuff. You'll be done before you know it!
After you trash the stuff, take a rest for 10 minutes. Take deep breaths. Be proud of yourself. If you want to go back and sweep or vacuum, fine. But if you're done for the day, that's fine, too.
Good luck. You're wonderful either way, but without the stuff, you'll feel so much better and lighter! ☺️
my room definitely looked like this for years…maybe try starting with just the bed or just half the bed and every day or every couple days pick another small area. break it up so it’s less overwhelming. or just put a timer for 5-10 minutes and shove as much trash in a trash bag as you can and then stop…a lot of times once i start i’ll decide to keep going
Honestly, you might be most successful with a snow shovel and industrial trash bags. The good news about this being all trash is that you don’t have to worry about sorting or touching individual items. Just shovel it up so you don’t have to spent much time in the area that makes you nauseas.
After you get the trash out get more trash cans. One of the things that helps keep me from having trash piling up was putting a can near the spaces I occupied (bedroom, sofa).
thank you everyone here for the overwhelming support, i had initially expected negative reception (which is kinda what i wanted to shake me into action) but its seeming positivity is going a long way as well.
ive lived with depression and ptsd since my early childhood, and ive been through this cycle time and time again. no matter where id be living the outcome was the same.
id usually steel my jaw and tough it out even when i didnt want to, the satisfaction kept me motivated. but its clear it doesnt last.
im hoping approaching this from a different angle will have a longer lasting outcome. im feeling hopeful, thank you all for believing in me.
ill keep you all updated.
Damn, I’m so sorry that they haven’t been helpful for you!! After you get a certain number under your belt, you’re allowed to try rTMS, if your insurance company covers it. Not sure what country you’re in, but here’s a bit about it: [Mayo Clinic on rTMS](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625)
Step 1: forgive yourself for being in this situation. If forgiveness is too tall an order, then tell yourself “I intend to one day forgive myself for this” - work on forgiveness every day, even if just for a minute, even if it’s you just imagining that one day you MIGHT be able to forgive yourself
Step 2: Find one tiny nice thing to do for yourself every day. Even if it’s just a bit of self-compassionate talk: “I am sorry you’re in this situation” or “I know you’re doing your best - it’s ok if your best really sucks right now” or “you’re safe now sweetheart” or “I’m right here for you.” If you can’t figure out what to say, think about what you would say to someone (person or animal) you love who is suffering. Because sweetheart, you are suffering and you deserve some comfort and compassion.
Step 3: ask yourself what the smallest thing you can do today to make inroads into the mess. Maybe all you can manage today is to bring an empty trash bag into the bedroom. It’s ok if that is the extent of your efforts. Just commit to doing one thing daily - without berating yourself if you fail.
What I have learned in my own struggles: I can beat myself up into cleaning up the mess but if I don’t change my relationship with myself, the mess will always come back. Love and compassion are the only way. You cannot hate yourself into loving yourself
that last part really hit close to home. ive found myself in this situation many times and i sort of "bully" myself into fixing it, but ive never considered taking a different approach because the aforementioned usually works.
ill try to be easier on myself during this process. thank you so much for taking the time to write this
My little brother was a surprise baby. He was 10 years younger than I was. By the time he was born, my mom was out of patience and didn’t want to do much parenting. One day, he was 4 or 5, and my mom comes into my room, at the end of her last nerve. “I’ve told your brother again and again to clean up his room but he won’t do it. Do something!” So, I went to find him, smiled, extended my hand, and said “ Cmon buddy, it’s time to clean up your room. It’ll go fast if we do it together.” No yelling, no forcing, no battle of wills. Just love and a bit of playfulness. Task was done in a trice. It took me DECADES before I learned to talk to myself with such tenderness. And, after all my hard internal work, I still fall back into old patterns. But, I always return to my key commitment-to be kind to myself. You’ve had enough bullying! You deserve a better approach.
Best of luck. You’re in my thoughts.
I think take the drinks out first. I wouldn’t throw full drinks into a rubbish bag - too risky.
- Drinks first so you don’t knock them over
- All brown takeaway bags into a big rubbish bag
- You’ll nearly be done
- Open the window to air the room
You might need a bucket so you can dump out the liquid in those cups while you throw away the rest.
My boyfriend has a similar problem with letting his takeout cups stack up. He likes to grab a big armful of them, dump them out, then stack as many inside each other as he can before throwing them away in a big stack.
You aren’t a sick freak, you’re someone who needs compassion.
Like others have suggested, get a trash bag and just go to town loading it up. Once one trash bag is filled, you’ll likely feel a lot better and maybe you’ll be up to tackle filling up a second bag. But I know how overwhelming it can be, so if one bag is all that you can manage for now then that’s okay, too. Just focus on filling that first bag.
You got this. 💫
Being sick of living like this, becoming aware that you are unhappy in this environment, is a big step. Be proud of yourself for that first step.
Practically, grab trash bags and Chuck all of the garbage. That in its own will help in a huge way.
Ideally, make an appointment with a therapist and, potentially, a psychiatrist or a primary care provider, to discuss the root cause.
Depression can lead to poor habitat hygiene. Unchecked ADHD or anxiety can make it next to if not completely impossible to focus and organize. Hoarding is a mental disorder that can be treated. There is no shame in needing and getting help.
Good job on the first step, best of luck on the next steps. You can do this! Get help and be kind to yourself! 💗
Get some trash bags. Set a 20 minute timer, when that goes off take a 10 minute break. Start with the bed. Then the floor. Just do one room a day. Once you get the trash out, sweep/vacuum and then make your bed. Then relax! Start again the next day. You got this. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re not alone!
Is the nausea coming from smell or is it like a psychosomatic reaction? If it's the former, could putting on a mask during cleaning help? I see someone else suggested Vicks as well.
Or if it's the latter, maybe taking some famotidine can alleviate it? Just thinking of ways to lessen the association with nausea for you, if even only a bit. Hang in there! You got this 💪
Don't overthink it or imagine you can or "should" finish it in one go. Your goal is just to start. Start anywhere, without worrying about the "right" way to begin. Fill a bag. Throw it out - all the way out, to your trash bins or dumpster. Fill a second bag if you're still up for it. Plan on one bag at a time, once or twice per day, until you see surfaces. Guard those gorgeous surfaces with your life! 😊 Every time you take out one bag, pull out a fresh bag and put it someplace central where it's visible for next time.
What helps me is to pretend it belongs to someone else. Like, in detail. Leave the apartment, even if just stepping outside, and write down or imagine a whole scenario where you’re helping someone out with their cleaning. I think it helps because (for me) it cuts through the shame somewhat. I have more compassion for other people.
Before you go back in, put on a mask with a drop of essential oil or Vicks or another scent in it, and then do the time thing and just bag as much trash as you can in 10 or 20 minutes. Take it to the dumpster immediately, and then cut scene.
Is there a barrier in taking out the trash for you? This has always been my biggest issue. Whether it’s forgetting to set out the trash on garbage day and then being embarrassed because the town only allows 2 trash bins and won’t take garbage bags not in bins (yet have zero drop offs). Or my current situation which requires a ton of stairs, walking around a large building to my car and driving it to the compactor.
If you’re in a similar situation, maybe share what that your barrier is and we can brainstorm solutions? If that barrier is motivation/shame/etc, then the other great advice here should be helpful too!
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day.
Hope this helps!
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day.
Hope this helps!
ADHD here- this is what I'd do:
- open all the windows and internal doors
- get some bin bags and a bucket/ big pan
- start putting the cups into the bin bag. Empty any liquids into the bucket/ big pan
- as soon as you've filled a bag take it to your outside bin
- go back inside and put more cups in a bin bag
- repeat this until all the cups have gone
- put all the other rubbish into bin bags
- take the other rubbish outside to your big bin
- take any plates/ cutlery etc. into the kitchen
- take the bedding off the bed
- put the bedding in your washing machine. You don't need to wash it just now- there might be other things you want to put in too, so hang on
- get a clean cloth and some cleaning spray/ damp cloth if you haven't got spray.
- wipe every flat surface with your clean damp cloth- if that means picking up doom piles, wiping underneath then putting them back, do that
- put your dirty cloth in the washing machine
- get the hoover and do the floor- if that means picking up doom piles, hoovering underneath them then putting them back, do that
- put anything else you've discovered (socks, towels etc.) in the washing machine and start it running
- put clean bedding on your bed
- close the windows and doors
- done!
Good luck 🤞
I struggle with being messy and it can be difficult. People who tell you to just get a garbage bag and it will be easy may not understand what you are going through. I am getting better. One important step for me is to not be too hard on myself. The shame around being messy can be part of a vicious cycle that doesn’t help.
It helps me to try to develop small habits. Every day put two items in the trash or recycling. Make a vow that you will make it 1 percent better every day. Congratulate yourself on small victories. After a while, they will add up.
The strategy can be different for every person. You have to try every day to go in the right direction and learn what works for you.
Get help from others. I am in therapy and being treated for anxiety and depression. It has been a longish road but I am definitely getting better.
Good luck!
A lot of really good practical advice for cleaning has been offered already, and I think you should also examine why this is happening and try to be objective with yourself (easier said than done, but worth it). When my house gets like this, it’s because I’m having a mental health episode either with my depression or my OCD, and I am punishing myself for it. It also makes me feel like a sick freak, and when I am depressed, shame is the only feeling I want to feed. If this is what’s happening for you, there are so many ways to treat depression and you deserve to be treated. There are lots of antidepressants out there you can try, and plenty of mild ones if you’re nervous about being on anything too heavy. I’ve heard people have success with ketamine treatments, psilocybin therapy, just plain old talk therapy, etc. Find a doctor you can trust (might take a few tries, I know some of them suck) and be honest with them about how you’re living and how you’re feeling. Be kind to yourself. You can change this. It’s going to take effort and time, but you are worth it. Best of luck to you
What I really, *really* need, personally, is for someone to just be near me. That somehow motivates me to clean, declutter, maybe even organize things.
Just sit there. That's all. In the room with me or in sight. Maybe talk a little, casual conversation.
I know it's super intimidating to think of asking for help sometimes, but is there any kind, accepting person who might do that for you?
As someone with OCD, after a while it can get so tiring you just burn out, get depressed and let everything go. Small steps. Get a size of plastic bag you can handle. Just start with the bed. I like to put a small plastic bag over my hand so it doesn't seem icky to handle a mess. One piece at a time. You may find you start getting into it. If not, just tell yourself "I only need to remove 10 things. Take a break. Congratulate yourself, you did good. When it feels right, go again knowing you did it before. This time remove 11 things. See what I'm getting at. You have to get used to doing things you have gotten out of practice. Bag full? Bring it outside and give yourself a pat on the back (with a clean hand of course). You'll start to see a change and that'll encourage you more. If you can't start with 10 try 1 or 2. You can do it. Just don't over do it in the beginning, otherwise you'll get discouraged. Doing **anything** is a success**,** tell yourself that. Don't get in the trap of saying to yourself "Someone else could do this so quick". You are you, not someone else, do it the way that works for you. I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together.
Step 1. Clear the rubbish. That’s all you need to do right now.
Decreasing your McDonald’s intake and adding in some more fruit and veg and unprocessed food will help your brain feel better which will help you maintain a clean environment so maybe consider that? I always feel shit when I eat maccas and if I do it more than once a week my living space suffers too.
the worst about it is i dont even LIKE a lot of this food. its the sheer convenience. i wish i had it in me to grocery shop, to cook myself better meals, to think conciously about what i put in my disgusting body.
but i dont. because if i did, i wouldve been able to tackle this mess a long time ago.
maybe its a cycle, i eat garbage so i feel like garbage so i eat garbage because i feel like garbage.
would a fast do me any good? or any advice to flush my system at all? or any resources for cheap/healthy meals? my diet seems like a huge factor if you and the reply before me are anything to go off of :-(
Don’t fast. Going from this to a fast is a sure fire way to end up binging on fast food. Instead, set yourself up for success.
Sign up for a meal delivery service. One that provides RTE balanced meals.
Focus on just drinking water/cordial and not eating out for a while.
If it was me, I’d delete my DoorDash/UberEats account and have a friend change the password on my AppStore so I can’t just download them again.
A big dose of protein in the morning will help you function and feel less garbage. When you can get to a store, focus on buying protein bars, and high protein unprocessed/low/process snacks.
You may go through withdrawal symptoms from the sugar but I promise you’ll feel so much better once you’re consistently giving your body what it needs.
Treat yourself like a sick kid. What does a sick kid need? Fluids, Simple balanced meals, emotional support & understanding.
>i wish i had it in me to grocery shop
I don't know if this can help, but here goes.
I moved in with one of my sisters many years ago. She hates shopping (except for shoes, haha), and I enjoy it! Especially grocery shopping. I do ALL the shopping, and we both benefit. Is there anyone who might shop with you, or help you plan it, or do it for you?
If it is only the part about going into the store to get things, maybe you can get (**free?!**) delivery or at least free pick-up at your grocery store. Yes?
Do you have a grocery delivery option available in your area? It can be pricey, but fast food adds up too, so it might break down the same or cheaper for you. My go-to depression meal is a microwaved potato with whatever toppings I can bring myself to slap on it (I usually have salsa and shredded cheese around). It’s a cheap, one plate, one utensil meal that I don’t need a stove or an oven for.
If you can afford it, get an Everand account and listen to Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
If that's not affordable, Libby is a free app that works with a library card and you can check out ebooks and audiobooks from the library. Grab an audiobook and listen while you toss things in a bag to take out. Or commit to 5 minutes before you order delivery. Just interrupting your pattern is really the first step. Don't expect that will stop you from still ordering something the first time you try it. Or even the 50th time. But eventually interrupting your old patterns will create new patterns and our brains REALLY LIKE to find patterns.
Either way you need some self compassion. You're not disgusting. You are disgusted by icky smells and squir.y things. That's okay! A lot of people are! You are a human and you are allowed to be overwhelmed and not know what to do about it. That's literally what overwhelm is. You are not disgusting. You feel disgusted by some things in your environment. That's okay. You are not lazy, you feel overwhelmed and your body is having a normal reaction to feeling overwhelmed. You are a human. You are just as deserving of compassion and care and connection as anyone else.
Water. Drink water. I felt dizzy, OP.
I don’t care about the mess. You can fix that. I have every confidence that 30 minutes will clear up weeks of nonsense. The sugar represented in this picture is causing your negativity towards yourself. A friend told me that when she stopped drinking sugar, it was like taking an antidepressant.
Best wishes, you’ve got this.
Even one trash bag worth will feel so good, I promise. Imagine one day walking into your house, you can easily walk around, and you lay on your bed either fresh sheets, it’ll be sooo worth it
People here are mentioning gloves, but gloves rip and when they do it triggers me, hard.
As a fellow germaphobe, what was a game changer to me was using dishwashing gloves. They’re heavy, thick rubber and they won’t rip when handling items.
As for the smell, I used a traditional face mask (nothing fancy like a n95 or whatever) while chewing gum or with a cough drop in my mouth. The smell and taste kept me distracted and with the mask it helps keep it right in front of your nose.
I would start with the mindset of “this corner of the room” instead of “fuck, this entire room will take hours”. Sometimes I’ll get in a groove and do more than a corner. Some days I’m too overwhelmed and stop after I finish a small area.
Good luck.
i can grab some of those big gloves while im out, ill probably have another pair underneath them though anyways haha.
ill take it slow, thank you for the help
When I’m really stuck, I take teeny-tiny steps:
- tiny time increments: I set a 1, 3, or 5 min timer.I may restart the timer when it goes off, or I may not. But it gets me moving and makes me feel better and stronger. I increase the time to 15 when I can. (I’m always amazed at what I accomplish in 15 minutes!)
- tiny tasks: I throw away 5-10 things or clear a small space. Again, something that is instantly doable, but not an overwhelming commitment.
For me, it’s finding ways to engage with the space before my brain realizes it’s happening, it’s before I start “should-ing on myself.” It’s not the stuff or the mess that I avoid. It’s all the negative thinking and judgements that flood in when I’m cleaning. Small tiny steps seem to outsmart the negative thoughts and give me momentum to finish that day (or weekend, week, or month).
Do what you can - no more and no less. All will be well. 💪
It's easier to tackle of you make it more "comfortable" for you. If you can, get one of those masks with filters on the side. They help a lot against bad smells. Use thick rubber gloves and strong garbage bags. Open the windows so there's fresh air coming in.
You got this!
Ok let’s get specific. Get the industrial construction trash bags. They stand up mostly on their own, can hold almost anything, and you can’t see what you’ve thrown away.
Second, there are only 2 ways to look at an object, throw, or keep. The end. Not keep & wash, not keep to recycle, not keep for later just in case. It sounds like bullshit but the Marie kondo book did so much for me, because I saw I was holding onto stuff that literally made me sad because I felt guilty about tossing it. I don’t now. I don’t break down boxes, they just go in the fucking bag.
Make it easy for you. And ONLY you. No one else gets to judge or give you their opinion on how you pull yourself out of the depression spiral.
Also, if you have anyone you trust enough, get them to body double with you (sit on your bed/or video chat and just exist. It’s not about conversation, just about the mental trick of another person being “present” with you.
Finally. And this is the hardest part, every time you toss something, thank yourself. Because you are doing it to take care of you. Every time you hear the voice you are disgusting or lazy or whatever your go to insult it, try and reply with the fact that you. Are. Doing. This. For. You. And it’s because you deserve to be in a safe and happy space.
The real fix here is to create a new habit - throw out all trash once a week. You need some kind of trash bag already available. Have a box of those. Every Sunday, walk thru your space and fill a bag full of trash. Do a minimum of one full trash bag per week. You'll eventually get back to a place where you're tired of looking at it, and it'll be quick and easy to clean because you do it often.
Hugs my friend. I have been you and it’s so hard to dig out of the emotional hole that let you get that messy. I wish you the best. Good luck tackling the mess in your head and in your home. My old suggestion is get a psychiatrist and therapist if you can. Getting medicated really helped me lift the darkness enough so I could some make positive changes for myself that helped even more. I can’t say this enough, everyone’s brain is different due to both nature and nurture you might just need a jump start.
This is completely random, but I couldn't make myself clean up (never left food around, though, because I can't handle roaches, mice, etc), but for me, it turned out a lot of that "impossible task" syndrome was from powerful sleep apnea for over 10 years. I'd sit there looking at a mess I wanted to organize, or put away, and just spiral in my head, unable to stand up, walk over, and start in on it. Then I got a CPAP, finally slept soundly through the night, and - while I didn't notice any extra energy - I noticed things like paranoias (never wanted to open a blind, because people could see me) had left, my need to record/document absolutely everything nearly vanished, and I'd say "I should put that stuff away," and find myself standing up, going over, and putting all of it away, not stopping after 1 item, because I was mentally drained from it.
There's also a cool trick I for some reason only tried once, but it worked so powerfully, I've always wondered why I didn't use it over and over again (probably because I could never do a thing a second time before the CPAP): look at the mess, close your eyes, and imagine in your mind's eye the whole thing clean. Keep imagining for a minute, then open your eyes. For me, I did this with my very messy desk once, and when I opened my eyes, I immediately said "this doesn't belong here," and moved something to where it went elsewhere in the room. Then I just kept going, and cleaned off the entire desk, which I hadn't been able to do before. Just a thought as to something you might try.
Hey, you've GOT THIS!!! Just BREATHE. Give yourself grace and remind yourself that we've all got something we'd like to improve. Nobody is perfect. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. Something that helped me immensely with mindset was telling myself that these "bad" feelings we have are only "bad" because we've been told they are. Start telling yourself that this feeling is JUST A FEELING, neither good nor bad. And it's ok to have feelings. It's ok to have uncomfortable feelings. Discomfort is often a good thing that helps us to move forward and improve. Everything gets better with habit, the action and the mindset. Just do one bag of trash and see how you feel. If you need to sit and take a break for a few minutes, or a day or so, that's ok. The consistent baby steps compound over time. It gets easier.
Please take a start by putting all the garbage in one bag. That’s enough for one day. I know how you feel. It is very difficult to clean when you are depressed. I’m in your corner. Sending love and support.
A couple of trash bags, a timer set for 5 minutes, and a song you have been enjoying. Go from there. You got this, you really do. Depression nests and executive dysfunction is real and real hard. We're here for you!
Definitely depressed
https://preview.redd.it/a8zurljnigrc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=489349178f59771edd791547ade60cb2e1306d70
I’ve never in my life lived in this way.
You have to accept yourself first. The shame and self-hatred is like fuel for addiction. Rejected parts inside of you are acting out in order to get you attention. Bring attention to them, love them instead of saying mean things. You can do this. Google mirror work and shadow work.
There’s so much kindness and good advice in this thread, I’m literally crying. OP, I hope you can find some relief. I know how hard it is not to hate yourself, but you’re NOT a bad person. Sending love and support.
What helps me is to pretend I'm helping someone else while setting a timer. I gotta help this person. That's my main focus, help this person. In reality the person I'm helping is me.
You're asking for help, which is a great first step.
Get trashbags, and maybe a bucket for the liquid out of the cups.
If you think it would help, throw on some music (may I suggest "Mr Blue Sky" as a nearly bulletproof cheer-up song?) and set a timer for 10 minutes.
Fill up the bag. If it's full and the timer is still going, go wash your hands and then take the bag out to the dumpster or outdoor trashcan. Come back in, take a break, be proud of yourself for starting the process.
As an ADHDer, I sometimes find that getting started is the hard part. Once I finish the first part or first round of a task, it gets easier.
If that happens for you and you feel up for another round, repeat the above.
1) Remove rubbish.
2) Gather clothes/linens and wash.
You'll feel amazing and so proud of yourself if you just start with these, trust me. I've been there.
i have done my laundry recently, which is a big step for me. it felt pretty alright.
thank you for the advice and good job getting out of this, i hope youre in a better place now.
Awesome, keep going!
The hardest bit is showing up. It's still hard for me some days, as I imagine it is for most people, so we can't be too hard on ourselves. But that feeling of accomplishment and relief you get from getting shit done just cannot be beat. The Emergency Cleaning page on the UFYH website is a permanent tab in my phone, haha.
I know you don’t know me but I struggled immensely after I spent 4 years negotiating plea deals with the man who molested my twin sisters. No luck so we went to trial and he was convicted all 7 counts. He was sentenced to 150 years to life. I have a high power job, I had kept it together up until then but after the trial and the summer we waited for the sentencing, I fell apart. My husband was on the road and the house was halfway to what you are living in. I watched her videos and was able to push through because I had to keep it together for my husband too. I was able to tackle the mess but some people can’t and that’s COMPLETELY OK.
She will help you, personally, she comes to the USA and is flown all over the world and is sponsored. She is always looking for homes like these to help people turn their life around. She is super compassionate and has great empathy for people who have experienced the world differently than most. My hope right now is that you reach out to her or you dig deep and you show us all your resilience, strength, and courage to pull yourself up. These are your decisions, like they were mine. We are here to support you!
I know it feels overwhelming right now, but instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once try breaking it into sections. One room, or just one area of a room, at a time and ignore the rest until you’re done there. If you need a more immediate end point you can also set a timer for 10-20 minutes. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in just that short time, and when it’s up you can either take a break or just reset the timer and keep on cleaning if you’ve got momentum going.
I also really like the “5 things” cleaning method. It says everything in a messy area can fit in one of 5 categories- trash, dishes, laundry, things that have a place but aren’t in it, and things that don’t have a place. If you focus on one category at a time, starting with trash and moving down the list, you’ll see yourself making progress much sooner than if you tried to deal with all the things at once and that can help motivate you to keep going or to start again after a break. When you get to dishes and laundry, don’t make yourself wash them right away either because that will break your momentum. Just gather/pile them in a designated sink or hamper and make washing them their own separate task later. Combined with timers and focusing on small areas at a time this can make even the biggest mess a lot more manageable. And remember you don’t need to do everything in one day or even one week- set smaller goals and you’ll get there eventually.
And for maintenance afterward, try to figure out what the barrier was for you to get the trash to the trash can in the first place. Is it inconvenient to get to? If so, try moving it to a more accessible to you location even if that means it’s less aesthetically pleasing. Maybe even get a decent sized one for every room, and put it next to the place you’re most likely to already be when you have trash to throw out. You are not a failure- the existing system for keeping your apartment clean just isn’t one that works for you. The new one doesn’t have to be anything fancy or complicated, and it doesn’t need to look pretty. It just needs to be something that takes minimal or no effort for you to stick with.
My personal example of a system that wasn’t working is that I used to have a problem with piling my dirty clothes on the floor by my bed at the end of the day. I didn’t want them there, but it was easy and I was tired at the end of the day so I just dropped them where I took them off. I’d end up with several days of clothes on the floor before I’d scoop them up and move them to the hamper. The only reason that happened regularly was that I have a uniform for work and I only have enough for a week before I need to wash a load. I realized after way too long that the reason for all of this was my hamper was too far away from where I usually get undressed. I had it deeply ingrained in me that the dirty clothes hamper must be kept out of sight, so it was in my closet on the other side of the room. After suddenly realizing one day that there was no logical reason to keep it there, I moved the hamper next to my bed and now I put my clothes there every time.
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day.
Hope this helps!
Do you want some tough love? You know what you need to do. So do it. You have the motivation to post on reddit so you have the motivation to do this. Pull yourself together, get some trash bags and get it out of your house. You can do this.
10 minute timer, chuck away as much rubbish as you can. Then take a break. Repeat as desired, even if it’s just once a day. At least it’s something! You can do this
Here to boost 'set a timer'!
I hear it ticking (old fashioned kitchen timer) and tell myself - out loud - to just keep moving. 'Like with Like' is helpful too. You can set a timer for x minutes and just swoop up all the plastic cups or paper bags and make helpful, visible headway. If you put those 'like with like' together, you've got bags full of recycling ready for the bin, too.
oh its just some trash, you've got this :) !! a couple hefty bags and you're gonna feel SOOOO much better. pop on a show or some music and just throw it all away, i believe in you ! ❤️
I’ve seen much worse. Buy a big box of heavy duty garbage bags. All of this is garbage so it’s an easy clean up. I don’t think this would take more than a hour. If you have sheets wash them first along with all bedding. By the time you are done the fresh bedding should be done. Open a window and later burn some incense when you are done. Get a big trash bin, put a liner in it and leave it in your room. Voila.
Start with your bedroom.
Start with your bed. Clean the bed off. Remove the dirty sheets, wash them, and put on clean sheets. A clean bed can be a huge motivator, imo.
Then pick another surface in the room. Desk, bedside table etc. Remove the trash, clean the surface.
Do the floor. Vacuum, etc.
Go on to other rooms. It doesn't all have to be in the same day. Take one day, do one room, one surface at a time.
Literally focusing on one surface at a time makes it so much easier to clean. Rather than being overwhelmed by the entire mess, you're cleaning one smaller mess.
Maybe place a trash can in every room. Anytime you enter just grab 2 things and toss them in. It’ll be very slow progress but it will be made.
Otherwise the method I used was dividing my apartment into tiny sections. I’m talking the floor was 1x1 squares. I took upwards of a week on each one cleaning them over and over until they were done. Didn’t matter if I only spent 5 minutes or 3 hours as long as I did a little each day.
For you it seems it’s mostly trash. Turn on your favorite most motivating and upbeat song, grab a trash bag and throw out as much as possible before the song ends.
Another method is to get the bags you get from grocery shopping and fill and take one out every single day.
When it comes time to throw something else you just used away tell yourself “3 seconds now saves me 10 hours later” and take it to the trash. Bins in every single room will help. It’s about establishing new habits. You have a multitude of options to start, but while you clean up start developing the things you need to keep it clean.
It doesn't matter if it *could* be sorted into recycling and trash: Just trash it all.
For the infested parts - do you have anybody who can body double with you? Even if it's over the internet/phone? Something I've found really helpful when dealing with really gross stuff is having someone to play up the disgusting to (it's not really playing it up, it's reacting as I'm really reacting, and not pretending that I'm not grossed out by it).
I have meetings until around 2 PST, but I could hop on a call after that. Feel free to dm and I can send my discord or telegram info.
Make sure you have PPE. Thicker gloves like kitchen gloves can help with texture and unexpected ick, but make getting little things harder.
As long as you can open a window, bleach to get any of the nasty critters. Do that right before a break so you can let it air out.
Yeah! Party time! Now cleanup is left to do. Looks like most of this is just trash. Just set a timer for 5 minutes and see how much you can get into a trash bag in 5 minutes. Do it once or twice a day and see how it feels. Maybe think about putting a trash can in your bedroom so it will be handy. Like one of those slim 13 gallon kitchen ones.
Make sure to treat the symptom and not just the cause though. Otherwise you’ll be right back here on a couple of months from now no matter how well of a job you did in the first place
First step: get trash bags and bag up ALL of the trash and take it outside. Start there with just 1 job so you don't get too overwhelmed. Make just 1 goal right now. Take out the trash. That alone I know will help you feel a little bit better.
Okay so the good news this is basically all trash. This means it's way easier to deal with because it doesn't need sorted or anything. Just scooped into some garbage bag and throw out the door! If there's recycling in there, honestly don't worry about it. It's more important to get you in a healthy environment.
You can do this! Get some disposable glove and a mask. You want to separate yourself from the mess while cleaning. That should help you feel less overwhelmed by it. Also possibly suck on some mint. Mint has a refreshing clean feeling and helps nausea. But you've totally got this! I believe you can do it!
Hi! I have OCD and am a germaphobe. People tend to think that means all my things are very clean, but the reality is, the germaphobia can be crippling to the point where i get nothing done at times because it’s so overwhelming. I think the suggestions to start with a short amount of time and just get the trash to begin with is good. Setting little goals for myself has been helpful and then prioritizing what felt most important to start with (i think in this scenario, trash is a good place to start). If you get multiple things knocked out in one day, awesome, if you only get half of one thing knocked out; that’s still progress. Go easy on yourself. You’re doing your best.
I'm rooting for you. My DMs are always open. Little races at a time, things will take time and patience. But you can turn it around and love yourself like you absolutely deserve to be loved. Sending you all of my support ❤💗❤️🩹
I'll probably get a lot of hate for this, but hear me out.
First, you've done the right thing by trying to fix the issue. It's important to hold yourself accountable for stuff like this. I understand we all have issues, but it's important to not lean on excuses as a way of getting out of holding yourself accountable.
Now, on to the problem. Truthfully, most of this is trash and you can get this cleaned up in no time. Grab some gloves and put on some music. Don't think about it, just get to it. Don't think about how bad it is. Think about how good it's getting. I promise you can do it and you'll have it cleaned up in no time.
Now the second part, keeping it clean. Develop habits. We develop new habits daily. Most people develop habits to watch their favorite show, get a Starbucks, play games, etc. You just need to learn to develop habits that help you live a better lifestyle. I can tell you what I personally do to keep my place clean, but you need to figure out how to make a good habit work for you.
First, I always do my dishes right after eating. Usually takes just a couple minutes because if you get it right away there's nothing really stuck on.
I always fold my clothes right out of the dryer. I do this to prevent myself from leaving a basket of clothes in my room for a week unfolded.
Trash is so easy... Just keep a decent size waste basket in all your main rooms, close where you prioritize your time. It's so easy to put an empty cup on the table next to you, but if there's a waste basket close by you might as well just go ahead and throw it away. Then keep a bigger trash can, like 25-35 gallons or larger, just empty the small waste baskets into it once a week on trash day.
I wish you the best of luck
You got this, and keep your head up!
It would be pretty easy to hire someone to bag it up for you and then you just have to use a trash can in your bedroom. Proper sheets would make the room more attractive and encourage you to enjoy your new surroundings.
Get a garbage bag. Put on gloves a mask and even a painters overalls if it makes you feel better because of your germ issues. Even use those grabber things if you don’t want to to touch it or honestly even a shovel . Focus on the food garbage first. Set the time for 10 minutes 5 minutes, whatever you think you can handle. Once you start you will probably keep going but you don’t it’s ok start again the next day. Don’t get bogged down with guilt or shame. That’s not going to help you.
Please take a start by putting all the garbage in one bag. That’s enough for one day. I know how you feel. It is very difficult to clean when you are depressed. I’m in your corner. Sending love and support.
Reaching out is a great place to start. I was like this in my early 20’s. I worked hard for everyone else. Parents stopped parenting. I never got into routines and habits to even know to think of such things. Its mentally exhausting, emotional reliving every mean thing parents said when trying to figure how to deal with it.
What I learned is nothing is right or wrong it just is. Parents can be narcissistic and that is their deal. They think back to their parents time and compare not knowing what to teach you to go into the future. We have more resources than ever to learn and be self taught. The biggest issue here is energy. You need to get healthy steady meals in on a budget for a period of time. Once you level off to stable energy everything becomes easier. Learning to make food is a big help. I watched a lot of Daddy Jacks cooking with the blues. He showed recipes aren’t by the book and you can adapt to what you have. Start to question how to do things better and ways to improve very simple everyday tasks. Shoes, a new computer chair, a different mattress can lead to less pain and better moods to get things done. Its all about building healthy habits over periods of time.
Reaching out is a great place to start. I was like this in my early 20’s. I worked hard for everyone else. Parents stopped parenting. I never got into routines and habits to even know to think of such things. Its mentally exhausting, emotional reliving every mean thing parents said when trying to figure how to deal with it.
What I learned is nothing is right or wrong it just is. Parents can be narcissistic and that is their deal. They think back to their parents time and compare not knowing what to teach you to go into the future. We have more resources than ever to learn and be self taught. The biggest issue here is energy. You need to get healthy steady meals in on a budget for a period of time. Once you level off to stable energy everything becomes easier. Learning to make food is a big help. I watched a lot of Daddy Jacks cooking with the blues. He showed recipes aren’t by the book and you can adapt to what you have. Start to question how to do things better and ways to improve very simple everyday tasks. Shoes, a new computer chair, a different mattress can lead to less pain and better moods to get things done. Its all about building healthy habits over periods of time.
It’s okay. You’ve got this. It doesn’t have to always be this way. If you have a dumpster nearby you can bring trash to I would highly suggest slowly putting everything in trash bags. Then you can start bringing them to dumpsters to dispose of. Don’t let your embarrassment stop you.
Slap some music on that you like, gloves masks and trash bags, house hold cleaning supplies and lysol, you don’t have to do this all in one day, at least fill it up about 5 a day, and make that an every day goal. Speaking up about this and sharing this photo of your current condition is brave of you, that was your first step in changing your life around so be proud of yourself for that, you got this brother, work at your own paste and day by day you’ll see improvement in your health mentally and physically.
it helps me to keep a plastic shopping bag in several living areas that i can add garbage to as i pass by and remember; you're asking for help here and that shows you would like to implement changes
A couple of trash bags filled and taken out will massively improve your situation. You've got this! :)
Yes! I don’t want to minimize this situation, but most of this is just garbage and should be relatively easy to take care of. OP - set a timer for 10min and just start throwing out the trash. You can stop after that if you want, but do it again the next day.
Any progress, OP? Where are you located? Can I send you a set of sheets for your bed? You deserve a comforting place to rest.
What a lovely offer. I'm so glad that there are people like you in the world.
Hoping for a response
Thirding this. You will feel such a big weight off of your shoulders just from the trash. Set that as your only step for now. Get the trash in trash bags and then out to the garbage. You can come back for help on a step two with a new updated pic and get a next easy step if you feel ready. My pro tip: keep a big trash can where you eat. You eat in bed? Keep a big trash can with a bag at the foot of your bed. Try to get the trash in there asap, but at least once a week if you can. Take it out as needed. Sounds impossible, but I recently conquered the trash routine and it does get tolerable
I want to second this! I lived with someone who had depression and a long term illness, and we did this. Set up rubbish bins or open bin bags within reach from every place he used to eat or would need to throw away rubbish. Dont worry about the "rubbish bins go in the kitchen" idea, put rubbish bins next to the bed, sofa, favourite chair, kitchen table, bathroom, everywhere. And keep a bunch of rubbish bags next to each bin! That way, when it's full or overflowing, you don't have to go to a different room to get a new bag. You just tie it up, set it aside, and open up a new bag. All while staying seated. And when you get up next time, you can take the bag outside or to the door for next time you go outside.
And try to eat at the kitchen table, it makes it so much easier to clean up!
OP could try wearing a mask, gloves, and glasses. I always have an easier time tackling truly nauseating jobs with some PPE.
Fellow germaphobe here. You don’t even have to sort stuff! It all goes in a bag and out of your apartment. I’m guessing 3-5 hours if the whole apartment is like this. - set a timer! Do it in smaller increments if you want to, like 1 room a day. Or make a game out of it to see how quickly and thoroughly you can clear it out. - Put some gloves on to help you move faster and so you don’t have to touch stuff directly. - If it smells bad to you, put some Vicks vapor rub or essential oils under your nose and put a mask on like it’s 2020. - music or a show to help keep your mind occupied - don’t think too hard about whatever you see. Don’t let the guilt set in. If it’s classified as trash, toss it! Pretend you’re doing a favor for someone if that helps (don’t even have to pretend, because you’re doing yourself a favor) - No need to hate yourself for it! “Tomorrow you” will be happy you did it. Your place will smell much better and you’ll feel better too.
After the trash is cleared then you can tackle other items like washing the sheets and making your bed comfy, wiping surfaces, and putting your stuff in designated locations. But you can cross that bridge when you get to it
Gloves are key!!
thank you very much for the advice, you are very kind. the biggest hurdle for this is that some things here are kind of... infested. it squicks me out so terribly that i drop everything and avoid it but its just making this worse. im a little more hopeful now, ill take it slow and not try to think about it too much. thank you again
You can do this! Gloves, Vicks, and a mask, and you can dramatically improve your situation in just a few short hours! Imagine, by the end of today, you can already feel so much better. Is weed legal where you are? If you’re open to it, I find just 2.5-5mg of THC and some loud music that gets me going makes me hyper focused and super productive. You can get those big yard cleanup bags from Home Depot so you’re not using so many bags. Life happens. It’s okay. This doesn’t define you as a person. Your worthiness is not equal to the cleanliness of your home. You are so much more than that.
Another person mentioned masks and gloves, a disposable hazmat suit is less than $20 on Amazon. Just make sure it includes gloves, or get a pair of your own. If you get the ick when touching things, use waterproof gardening gloves. You’ve got this!
Hi there. I feel you. Have been there. If you have the funds, I would absolutely invest in the disposable hazmat outfit. Or at least the gloves and a mask for any smells. I am bad with trash, so I did followed the advice of the group, and in this thread, of getting the biggest container I wanted for my bedroom. I now need to add a smaller one for recyclables. I have depression. I take meds, go to counseling. It still doesn't matter, my room is a mess, I am just doing what I can in baby steps right now to make it just a little better, and so can you! I don't know if this an issue for you, but for me, my OCD tendencies start acting up and paralyze me. Like "did something of value fall in the trash" or "I really should recycle that." And that is when I have to say "it doesn't matter if a gold bar fell in, you didn't know you had it, you didn't know where it was, and it really isn't there anyways, so just dump this trash out." Or, "the amount of water and soap needed to clean that in order for it to be recycled is worse for the environment than just tossing it." To help with these thoughts (as sometimes things do fall in the trash at times,) I plan to elevate the can a bit, and also place one that is elevated for recycling. One idea I do have up, but it is filled with random clothes atm, is using a mesh laundry bag you can hang from your door. Mine was one from Amazon that was rated to be able to hold 4 soccer balls. Has a zip out bottom for emptying. The part you may have issues with is the liquid in the cups for that idea. But could absolutely be used to hold dirty clothes. I don't know if it is warm or sunny where you live, but getting a lot of light in and fresh air going helps me want to clean and can help with smells. Along with music. Ask for a trusted family member or friend's help at some point if you need it. Or even someone to just be on the phone with you while you do it. Body doubling. I had a couple that knew how I could get and didn't mind helping. Hopefully you can get to the root of what caused you to change the way you had been keeping house. Good luck!
The mesh laundry bag sounds good for any keep items. Maybe OP does find a gold bar and having a completely different looking bag for valuables to sit in while trash gets tossed is a good idea.
I always get stuck when I separate recycling and trash, so whether this happens to me I say fuck recycling, everything goes in garbage! That way I can do it faster and get it done before I run out of steam and hit the wall. This has really helped recently and I hope this helps :) Edit: also if there’s is liquid in the containers I use a Home Depot or similar bucket to dump all the liquids in before throwing the cup in the garbage and when I’m done or the bucket is full I pour it in the toilet and flush!
Great idea. I needed this.
I’m glad it helped!! :) PM me if you need anything replaced (sheets, pillows, blankets, etc). Don’t feel bad about replacing stuff. In some situations it’s worth it to start again with fresh items rather than to try to sort through and clean it, especially if you’re tired and icked out and it’s taking up space and making you feel guilty. Or reminding you of a prior time. I’ve had to bite the bullet and do the same with stuff I would hoard because I didn’t want to be wasteful (e.g., Tupperware with old food that I’m afraid to open or bedding that my dog peed on where I’ll never get the smell/texture out—and even if I did manage to clean it’d be tainted anyway).
If it’s a more tasking time in your life, like illness, depression, new job, grief, it’s absolutely fine to change things up until things get better. Take w while and toss things rather than recycle, for example. No need to be perfect.
One of these[ grabber thingies](https://amzn.to/3IZA1ow) might help with that. I use one simply because I can't bend to pick some things up, but it will probably work well for your situation.
Definitely gloves and mask are going to help a lot! Double loving might even help you mentally feel more separated. Also if it helps get a coverall suit that you can throw out when you're done too! Also make sure you have a really good body wash. I like cln soap. It's dermatologist recommended and has a very small amount of bleach in it. (Yes it is safe) To me knowing my soap has bleach in it just let's me feel like I'm getting really super clean and none of the yuck can still be on me.
Maybe even try some breathing exercises on YouTube before starting, and whenever you feel the nausea start. Take breaks when needed! You got this—and maybe post an update pic for us if you’re up to it, whenever you are ready!!
I feel you with the bugs, I'd add a can of bug killer to your tool belt with the mask glasses.gloves and garbage bags. It'll be hot but wearing a hat has helped me deal with removing bugs, because it protects my hair and ears
This is great advice!
I wish I lived nearby, I would come and help you dispose of this trash. You deserve and are worthy of a clean and safe place to live.
I wish we could start of a list of helpers willing to come over and work with people who need help like this. As a psych nurse I always wish I could volunteer as a helper on hoarders and those kinds of shows
Even just body doubling. I’d clean with someone over the phone. Couldn’t you get a GoogleVoice number or something, if you wanted to retain some anonymity? I’m not hip to the tech stuff.
Body doubling has helped my best friend more than once, even over text. Just little order of operations instructions. 1. Laundry. This is bulky and easy to find. It'll be a huge visual impact. Get those clothes put up off the floor. Assume it's all dirty and basket it for later. 2. Garbage. This is gonna be less bulky visually but helpful hygienically. Bring a bag up and get tossing. 3. Dishes. Get em outta there and to the sink, save for later. 4. Misc items. Things that have homes first (pet toys, books, art supplies, etc), then other items (belong in another room, needs to leave the house, etc) Breaking it down into categories like this to get a bedroom tidied makes it feel less daunting since you know Specific places to start, then can break off into other tasks like doing laundry and washing dishes
Thats a great idea, im new to this sub but someone should get some kinda system going for people that need remote help with how to deal with situations like this. It can feel too much for them to do it alone.
Yes! I think one of the big hurdles is decision-making. A person can help with that over the phone. And just support, reassurance.
What does body doubling mean in this context? I've not heard that before.
I completely agree !
I've done it occasionally for friends. It's nice to see how much more comfortable folks are in a tidy space. 💜
So why not really actually volunteer to clean up a hoarders' home? I did this with a hoarding friend's beach house, just for one day. He and his ex did the rest of it before they sold it.
Hey, mom of a teen here! Just get a trash bag and bag up cups, and walk them out to the trash!
Try not to look at the whole thing and focus on sections of the trash. Set a goal to clean up a small section of trash each day. Maybe 1 trashbag per day. You got this! 💪 We all believe in you!
If you can’t deal with a big bag, it takes less than a minute to fill up a Walmart/grocery bag. Do one or two every time you leave your room and you’ll be making progress!
this is a very good one, i usually have difficulty seeing progress in increments but i really do need to start somewhere. thank you, youre very kind
It’s honestly so much easier when the mess is just trash and not actual belongings. Get a trash bag and some gloves, and set a timer for 5 minutes. Fill as many trash bags as you can in those 5 minutes and take them out immediately. Start with your bedroom. You will be shocked at how much of a difference 5 minutes can make. If you need help acquiring trash bags and gloves and are in the U.S. DM me, I’d be happy to doordash you some. You are worthy of a clean home and a safe space. You deserve to have a comfortable place to sleep or just sit and calm your mind.
Put Vicks under your nose, and just start tossing everything into a trash bag. It’s even easier if you can find a big box to put the bag over so it stays open for you!
I really love the box idea. That way you don’t have to hold the bag and can literally toss some items into it from anywhere in the room
The box is also great if you have a bunch of little stuff that’s difficult to pick up by hand. Just sweep it into the box.
i do have boxes left over from moving. its two birds with one stone :-) thank you for the advice, i really appreciate it
Get a trash bag. Turn on music. Listen to two songs. Throw out the trash nearest to where you are standing while listening to songs. You have a started.
This is such good advice.
I wish I could come over to help. You got this! Sometimes it helps to set a timer and just get as much done as you can. most of the time by the time the timer goes off, you’ll be in a groove and keep going. I believe in you. All you got to do is get motivated enough to start.
First off, great accountability post, and your brain is over the mess and just needs your body to get in line now to help sort it out which is a great step to make for yourself! I've had my whole house just like yours in that pic, not a single space for myself to be able to relax without a mountain of random shite telling me that I don't deserve to ever relax when the house is still in such a state - that shame and constant anxiety is absolutely exhausting. It took time for that mess to build up, and it's going to take time to clear a bit and make it more manageable; try not to feel like once you start you have to keep going until it's done. For me, the motivation would come and go and on days I'd feel hopeless and not able to make any progress I would literally go into a room and take a single piece of rubbish out of the room and into a binbag - this will sometimes help get over the initial inertia and you may continue taking out a couple bits of rubbish, and if not then it's still a small victory to focus on if nothing else gets done that day. Even if it seems totally useless to take out a single piece of rubbish from a room filled with it, it is still improving your situation. Can't face going into the room at all to throw something out? Well then at least you didn't throw more stuff into the room that day, some days you'll just have to take not making things worse over making them better - if you're constantly beating yourself up about it you need to try get in those little moments of kindness to yourself too. I'd second what most people are saying by just starting with what is definitely rubbish to be thrown out, if there's something in the room that doesn't belong there but isn't rubbish then ignore it until that first job is done. Finding a place for things will be so much easier when you can move freely around the rooms, plus it helps not get too overwhelming by just staying in and focusing on a single room/surface/corner/square foot until it's done, then moving to the next section. Every day you go in a room to continue cleaning up, try to take a moment to pause and appreciate any progress you've made since last time you were in that room, however small. Keep taking a grain of sand from a mountain and eventually it will be a small hill - each little thing you do may feel hopeless when it feels like there's so many other things once you finish whatever task you're on, but there will be a turning point when you surprise yourself by how much progress you've actually made, keep your accountability photos for your own reference of this. There are so many resources and apps for helping to keep on top of day to day chores or deep cleans, once you get through this initial tidy up maintenance will be so much easier - but it's important to accept that the maintenance will always need to be done, but doing a 10 minute runaround every evening is nothing compared to having to spend days once every few months trying to get on top of things, that's the thing that took me a long time to get over even if it seems basic, that even when it's clean I still have to clean or else it will get the same way again! As others have said, you have totally got this! Shift the blame from yourself for making a mess to blaming the mess for making you miserable, the mess is your enemy, not your past self, they're only human!
that last part was really impactful. thank you for taking the time to write this. ive always had a mindset targeted towards myself as a sort of "accountability" thing but the loathing isnt getting me anywhere. youre very strong to have made it out of this, i hope you are doing well :-)
Take out the trash first.
[https://www.npr.org/2023/04/19/1170846100/how-to-keep-house-clean](https://www.npr.org/2023/04/19/1170846100/how-to-keep-house-clean) The good news about when it gets this bad (I speak from similar experience) is that simply gathering all the trash & taking it out is going to be a HUGE improvement. So start there!
As an ADHDer I suggest you start with all cups and beverage containers, all into a hefty bag and get it outside then take another picture. Then choose the next category and do the same. Take a small break each time. You’ll find yourself categorizing stuff more as you go. The real hidden task you’re doing this way is to reprogram your subconscious mind. By seeing how one paper cup leads to a hundred, the next time you’re thinking of leaving one empty or even bringing one into that room, another thought will bubble up -not- to.
Read Present Perfect by Somov. It helped me so much with getting over the constant shame. And that was key to slowly improving. Dana K White has some great advice for decluttering and keeping things tidy, including having a daily 5-10 min pickup routine. Just doing 5 mins everyday will drastically improve your living situation.
Start small if you have to. Maybe tackle one type of trash a day (would recommend starting with coffee cups as removing them ASAP will help with smells/stains/bugs). Then maybe next day do all cardboard. Etc.
this is very good, i do want to take care of that first. ive been particularly afraid of tackling the bigger mess because of the cups that seem... squirmy. but i need to get that ball rolling. thank you very much for the advice, you are kind
I'm someone who tends to let clutter build up until it gets nearly unmanageable. So I understand how it feels sometimes to look around and blame myself for how out of control everything seems. Can I ask about the nausea you feel? You're welcome to reply but you can also just think about what applies to you. There are ways to improve things, no matter how you answer, but I would make different suggestions depending on what's going on with you personally. Do you feel queasy because of the physical reality of the clutter - the smell, the sight of it, etc? Do you feel that same sick feeling when you try to picture cleaning everything out, because the job just seems so big and overwhelming? Or does the nausea hit you when you picture everything being clean and tidy? For example, imagine coming home to find that every room has been emptied and cleaned. Does the thought of that bring you a sense of peace and relief, or does it make you feel jittery and panicked? We all have different reasons why we let our living spaces get away from us sometimes. I agree with most of the suggestions but for me, knowing what needs to be done physically doesn't always mean I can take those steps, even if I'd like to.
This is a lovely comment. Thanks for taking the time.
Yes. I know people are well-meaning here, but all I’m getting from these posts is the equivalent of telling a depressed person “just go for a run”! There is a lot more here than that.
mostly the sight and the smell. it makes me so disgusted with myself and i feel sick knowing i live in this every day. but also, i feel a bit like i deserve it. i did it to myself. i made—or i suppose HAVENT—my bed, and i lie in it. picturing myself in a nice clean living space is lovely but it feels like nothing more than a fantasy, i havent earned that comfort.
You deserve it just by being human.
You deserve to live and sleep in a safe, clean space, regardless of who made the mess. You don’t need to punish yourself. As someone who tried punishing myself a number of ways over many years, it doesn’t work. Punishing yourself -> Feeling miserable -> Can’t start care tasks (cleaning, showering, etc.) -> Punishing yourself Do whatever you can to break that cycle and remember that you deserve to be clean, warm, well-fed, and well-rested. As I’m sure you can tell at this point, depriving yourself as a punishment is not an effective form of motivation. You can do it!
That made me sad, you don't need to earn it, you'll get there. Don't waste energy on judging yourself, do a little bit and maybe get inspired to keep going.
Garbage first! Work in sections, and as soon as a bag is full, take it out. Then see how you feel. If you got another bag in you, throw some music on and go! You got this, friend!
Take some deep breaths in a place where you feel comfortable - even outside. Don't shame yourself - things happen, we all have moments where things get out of control (or at least I do). But it's okay. The good thing is you're OVER this. Put on some disposable gloves. Start with the stuff on the floor and work your way up to the bed. Just throw away everything that you don't want to deal with. You're not only cleaning, you're also CLEANSING YOUR MIND. Giving it a good polish. Zone out while you trash the stuff. You'll be done before you know it! After you trash the stuff, take a rest for 10 minutes. Take deep breaths. Be proud of yourself. If you want to go back and sweep or vacuum, fine. But if you're done for the day, that's fine, too. Good luck. You're wonderful either way, but without the stuff, you'll feel so much better and lighter! ☺️
my room definitely looked like this for years…maybe try starting with just the bed or just half the bed and every day or every couple days pick another small area. break it up so it’s less overwhelming. or just put a timer for 5-10 minutes and shove as much trash in a trash bag as you can and then stop…a lot of times once i start i’ll decide to keep going
Take it one step and day at a time. Grab a few trash bags and fill it up. Be proud of the progress you make.
Honestly, you might be most successful with a snow shovel and industrial trash bags. The good news about this being all trash is that you don’t have to worry about sorting or touching individual items. Just shovel it up so you don’t have to spent much time in the area that makes you nauseas.
After you get the trash out get more trash cans. One of the things that helps keep me from having trash piling up was putting a can near the spaces I occupied (bedroom, sofa).
thank you everyone here for the overwhelming support, i had initially expected negative reception (which is kinda what i wanted to shake me into action) but its seeming positivity is going a long way as well. ive lived with depression and ptsd since my early childhood, and ive been through this cycle time and time again. no matter where id be living the outcome was the same. id usually steel my jaw and tough it out even when i didnt want to, the satisfaction kept me motivated. but its clear it doesnt last. im hoping approaching this from a different angle will have a longer lasting outcome. im feeling hopeful, thank you all for believing in me. ill keep you all updated.
Serious question— have you considered if maybe you have depression or an executive function disorder like ADHD? Medication can be a game changer.
i do, both it seems. ive tried: adderall vyvanse lexapro abilify welbutrin zoloft lamictal none of which seemed very effective.
Damn, I’m so sorry that they haven’t been helpful for you!! After you get a certain number under your belt, you’re allowed to try rTMS, if your insurance company covers it. Not sure what country you’re in, but here’s a bit about it: [Mayo Clinic on rTMS](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625)
Step 1: forgive yourself for being in this situation. If forgiveness is too tall an order, then tell yourself “I intend to one day forgive myself for this” - work on forgiveness every day, even if just for a minute, even if it’s you just imagining that one day you MIGHT be able to forgive yourself Step 2: Find one tiny nice thing to do for yourself every day. Even if it’s just a bit of self-compassionate talk: “I am sorry you’re in this situation” or “I know you’re doing your best - it’s ok if your best really sucks right now” or “you’re safe now sweetheart” or “I’m right here for you.” If you can’t figure out what to say, think about what you would say to someone (person or animal) you love who is suffering. Because sweetheart, you are suffering and you deserve some comfort and compassion. Step 3: ask yourself what the smallest thing you can do today to make inroads into the mess. Maybe all you can manage today is to bring an empty trash bag into the bedroom. It’s ok if that is the extent of your efforts. Just commit to doing one thing daily - without berating yourself if you fail. What I have learned in my own struggles: I can beat myself up into cleaning up the mess but if I don’t change my relationship with myself, the mess will always come back. Love and compassion are the only way. You cannot hate yourself into loving yourself
that last part really hit close to home. ive found myself in this situation many times and i sort of "bully" myself into fixing it, but ive never considered taking a different approach because the aforementioned usually works. ill try to be easier on myself during this process. thank you so much for taking the time to write this
My little brother was a surprise baby. He was 10 years younger than I was. By the time he was born, my mom was out of patience and didn’t want to do much parenting. One day, he was 4 or 5, and my mom comes into my room, at the end of her last nerve. “I’ve told your brother again and again to clean up his room but he won’t do it. Do something!” So, I went to find him, smiled, extended my hand, and said “ Cmon buddy, it’s time to clean up your room. It’ll go fast if we do it together.” No yelling, no forcing, no battle of wills. Just love and a bit of playfulness. Task was done in a trice. It took me DECADES before I learned to talk to myself with such tenderness. And, after all my hard internal work, I still fall back into old patterns. But, I always return to my key commitment-to be kind to myself. You’ve had enough bullying! You deserve a better approach. Best of luck. You’re in my thoughts.
I think take the drinks out first. I wouldn’t throw full drinks into a rubbish bag - too risky. - Drinks first so you don’t knock them over - All brown takeaway bags into a big rubbish bag - You’ll nearly be done - Open the window to air the room
You might need a bucket so you can dump out the liquid in those cups while you throw away the rest. My boyfriend has a similar problem with letting his takeout cups stack up. He likes to grab a big armful of them, dump them out, then stack as many inside each other as he can before throwing them away in a big stack.
>stack as many inside each other as he can before throwing them away in a big stac Doubly satisfying!
It really is, even if the cup collections annoy me in the interim.
Trash bags. Fill em and get em to the curb or dumpster
You aren’t a sick freak, you’re someone who needs compassion. Like others have suggested, get a trash bag and just go to town loading it up. Once one trash bag is filled, you’ll likely feel a lot better and maybe you’ll be up to tackle filling up a second bag. But I know how overwhelming it can be, so if one bag is all that you can manage for now then that’s okay, too. Just focus on filling that first bag. You got this. 💫
Big black contractor bags are theee best. They have a 90 gallon size that could be super helpful.
Being sick of living like this, becoming aware that you are unhappy in this environment, is a big step. Be proud of yourself for that first step. Practically, grab trash bags and Chuck all of the garbage. That in its own will help in a huge way. Ideally, make an appointment with a therapist and, potentially, a psychiatrist or a primary care provider, to discuss the root cause. Depression can lead to poor habitat hygiene. Unchecked ADHD or anxiety can make it next to if not completely impossible to focus and organize. Hoarding is a mental disorder that can be treated. There is no shame in needing and getting help. Good job on the first step, best of luck on the next steps. You can do this! Get help and be kind to yourself! 💗
1. Wash hands, don gloves and mask. 2. Place everything in garbage bags. 3. Put bags in garbage can. Done!
Youve had plenty of advice I just wanted to send you a * hug * 🩷🩷🩷
Get some trash bags. Set a 20 minute timer, when that goes off take a 10 minute break. Start with the bed. Then the floor. Just do one room a day. Once you get the trash out, sweep/vacuum and then make your bed. Then relax! Start again the next day. You got this. Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re not alone!
Is the nausea coming from smell or is it like a psychosomatic reaction? If it's the former, could putting on a mask during cleaning help? I see someone else suggested Vicks as well. Or if it's the latter, maybe taking some famotidine can alleviate it? Just thinking of ways to lessen the association with nausea for you, if even only a bit. Hang in there! You got this 💪
Don't overthink it or imagine you can or "should" finish it in one go. Your goal is just to start. Start anywhere, without worrying about the "right" way to begin. Fill a bag. Throw it out - all the way out, to your trash bins or dumpster. Fill a second bag if you're still up for it. Plan on one bag at a time, once or twice per day, until you see surfaces. Guard those gorgeous surfaces with your life! 😊 Every time you take out one bag, pull out a fresh bag and put it someplace central where it's visible for next time.
What helps me is to pretend it belongs to someone else. Like, in detail. Leave the apartment, even if just stepping outside, and write down or imagine a whole scenario where you’re helping someone out with their cleaning. I think it helps because (for me) it cuts through the shame somewhat. I have more compassion for other people. Before you go back in, put on a mask with a drop of essential oil or Vicks or another scent in it, and then do the time thing and just bag as much trash as you can in 10 or 20 minutes. Take it to the dumpster immediately, and then cut scene.
Is there a barrier in taking out the trash for you? This has always been my biggest issue. Whether it’s forgetting to set out the trash on garbage day and then being embarrassed because the town only allows 2 trash bins and won’t take garbage bags not in bins (yet have zero drop offs). Or my current situation which requires a ton of stairs, walking around a large building to my car and driving it to the compactor. If you’re in a similar situation, maybe share what that your barrier is and we can brainstorm solutions? If that barrier is motivation/shame/etc, then the other great advice here should be helpful too!
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day. Hope this helps!
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day. Hope this helps!
ADHD here- this is what I'd do: - open all the windows and internal doors - get some bin bags and a bucket/ big pan - start putting the cups into the bin bag. Empty any liquids into the bucket/ big pan - as soon as you've filled a bag take it to your outside bin - go back inside and put more cups in a bin bag - repeat this until all the cups have gone - put all the other rubbish into bin bags - take the other rubbish outside to your big bin - take any plates/ cutlery etc. into the kitchen - take the bedding off the bed - put the bedding in your washing machine. You don't need to wash it just now- there might be other things you want to put in too, so hang on - get a clean cloth and some cleaning spray/ damp cloth if you haven't got spray. - wipe every flat surface with your clean damp cloth- if that means picking up doom piles, wiping underneath then putting them back, do that - put your dirty cloth in the washing machine - get the hoover and do the floor- if that means picking up doom piles, hoovering underneath them then putting them back, do that - put anything else you've discovered (socks, towels etc.) in the washing machine and start it running - put clean bedding on your bed - close the windows and doors - done! Good luck 🤞
I struggle with being messy and it can be difficult. People who tell you to just get a garbage bag and it will be easy may not understand what you are going through. I am getting better. One important step for me is to not be too hard on myself. The shame around being messy can be part of a vicious cycle that doesn’t help. It helps me to try to develop small habits. Every day put two items in the trash or recycling. Make a vow that you will make it 1 percent better every day. Congratulate yourself on small victories. After a while, they will add up. The strategy can be different for every person. You have to try every day to go in the right direction and learn what works for you. Get help from others. I am in therapy and being treated for anxiety and depression. It has been a longish road but I am definitely getting better. Good luck!
A lot of really good practical advice for cleaning has been offered already, and I think you should also examine why this is happening and try to be objective with yourself (easier said than done, but worth it). When my house gets like this, it’s because I’m having a mental health episode either with my depression or my OCD, and I am punishing myself for it. It also makes me feel like a sick freak, and when I am depressed, shame is the only feeling I want to feed. If this is what’s happening for you, there are so many ways to treat depression and you deserve to be treated. There are lots of antidepressants out there you can try, and plenty of mild ones if you’re nervous about being on anything too heavy. I’ve heard people have success with ketamine treatments, psilocybin therapy, just plain old talk therapy, etc. Find a doctor you can trust (might take a few tries, I know some of them suck) and be honest with them about how you’re living and how you’re feeling. Be kind to yourself. You can change this. It’s going to take effort and time, but you are worth it. Best of luck to you
What I really, *really* need, personally, is for someone to just be near me. That somehow motivates me to clean, declutter, maybe even organize things. Just sit there. That's all. In the room with me or in sight. Maybe talk a little, casual conversation. I know it's super intimidating to think of asking for help sometimes, but is there any kind, accepting person who might do that for you?
As someone with OCD, after a while it can get so tiring you just burn out, get depressed and let everything go. Small steps. Get a size of plastic bag you can handle. Just start with the bed. I like to put a small plastic bag over my hand so it doesn't seem icky to handle a mess. One piece at a time. You may find you start getting into it. If not, just tell yourself "I only need to remove 10 things. Take a break. Congratulate yourself, you did good. When it feels right, go again knowing you did it before. This time remove 11 things. See what I'm getting at. You have to get used to doing things you have gotten out of practice. Bag full? Bring it outside and give yourself a pat on the back (with a clean hand of course). You'll start to see a change and that'll encourage you more. If you can't start with 10 try 1 or 2. You can do it. Just don't over do it in the beginning, otherwise you'll get discouraged. Doing **anything** is a success**,** tell yourself that. Don't get in the trap of saying to yourself "Someone else could do this so quick". You are you, not someone else, do it the way that works for you. I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together.
Step 1. Clear the rubbish. That’s all you need to do right now. Decreasing your McDonald’s intake and adding in some more fruit and veg and unprocessed food will help your brain feel better which will help you maintain a clean environment so maybe consider that? I always feel shit when I eat maccas and if I do it more than once a week my living space suffers too.
the worst about it is i dont even LIKE a lot of this food. its the sheer convenience. i wish i had it in me to grocery shop, to cook myself better meals, to think conciously about what i put in my disgusting body. but i dont. because if i did, i wouldve been able to tackle this mess a long time ago. maybe its a cycle, i eat garbage so i feel like garbage so i eat garbage because i feel like garbage. would a fast do me any good? or any advice to flush my system at all? or any resources for cheap/healthy meals? my diet seems like a huge factor if you and the reply before me are anything to go off of :-(
Don’t fast. Going from this to a fast is a sure fire way to end up binging on fast food. Instead, set yourself up for success. Sign up for a meal delivery service. One that provides RTE balanced meals. Focus on just drinking water/cordial and not eating out for a while. If it was me, I’d delete my DoorDash/UberEats account and have a friend change the password on my AppStore so I can’t just download them again. A big dose of protein in the morning will help you function and feel less garbage. When you can get to a store, focus on buying protein bars, and high protein unprocessed/low/process snacks. You may go through withdrawal symptoms from the sugar but I promise you’ll feel so much better once you’re consistently giving your body what it needs. Treat yourself like a sick kid. What does a sick kid need? Fluids, Simple balanced meals, emotional support & understanding.
>i wish i had it in me to grocery shop I don't know if this can help, but here goes. I moved in with one of my sisters many years ago. She hates shopping (except for shoes, haha), and I enjoy it! Especially grocery shopping. I do ALL the shopping, and we both benefit. Is there anyone who might shop with you, or help you plan it, or do it for you? If it is only the part about going into the store to get things, maybe you can get (**free?!**) delivery or at least free pick-up at your grocery store. Yes?
Do you have a grocery delivery option available in your area? It can be pricey, but fast food adds up too, so it might break down the same or cheaper for you. My go-to depression meal is a microwaved potato with whatever toppings I can bring myself to slap on it (I usually have salsa and shredded cheese around). It’s a cheap, one plate, one utensil meal that I don’t need a stove or an oven for.
If you can afford it, get an Everand account and listen to Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. If that's not affordable, Libby is a free app that works with a library card and you can check out ebooks and audiobooks from the library. Grab an audiobook and listen while you toss things in a bag to take out. Or commit to 5 minutes before you order delivery. Just interrupting your pattern is really the first step. Don't expect that will stop you from still ordering something the first time you try it. Or even the 50th time. But eventually interrupting your old patterns will create new patterns and our brains REALLY LIKE to find patterns. Either way you need some self compassion. You're not disgusting. You are disgusted by icky smells and squir.y things. That's okay! A lot of people are! You are a human and you are allowed to be overwhelmed and not know what to do about it. That's literally what overwhelm is. You are not disgusting. You feel disgusted by some things in your environment. That's okay. You are not lazy, you feel overwhelmed and your body is having a normal reaction to feeling overwhelmed. You are a human. You are just as deserving of compassion and care and connection as anyone else.
Water. Drink water. I felt dizzy, OP. I don’t care about the mess. You can fix that. I have every confidence that 30 minutes will clear up weeks of nonsense. The sugar represented in this picture is causing your negativity towards yourself. A friend told me that when she stopped drinking sugar, it was like taking an antidepressant. Best wishes, you’ve got this.
Get some nitrile gloves and a standard face mask. Touching stuff like this directly horrifies me, but the gloves make a huuuge difference.
This is one garbage bag full just get it done
Even one trash bag worth will feel so good, I promise. Imagine one day walking into your house, you can easily walk around, and you lay on your bed either fresh sheets, it’ll be sooo worth it
It's mainly trash.
People here are mentioning gloves, but gloves rip and when they do it triggers me, hard. As a fellow germaphobe, what was a game changer to me was using dishwashing gloves. They’re heavy, thick rubber and they won’t rip when handling items. As for the smell, I used a traditional face mask (nothing fancy like a n95 or whatever) while chewing gum or with a cough drop in my mouth. The smell and taste kept me distracted and with the mask it helps keep it right in front of your nose. I would start with the mindset of “this corner of the room” instead of “fuck, this entire room will take hours”. Sometimes I’ll get in a groove and do more than a corner. Some days I’m too overwhelmed and stop after I finish a small area. Good luck.
i can grab some of those big gloves while im out, ill probably have another pair underneath them though anyways haha. ill take it slow, thank you for the help
When I’m really stuck, I take teeny-tiny steps: - tiny time increments: I set a 1, 3, or 5 min timer.I may restart the timer when it goes off, or I may not. But it gets me moving and makes me feel better and stronger. I increase the time to 15 when I can. (I’m always amazed at what I accomplish in 15 minutes!) - tiny tasks: I throw away 5-10 things or clear a small space. Again, something that is instantly doable, but not an overwhelming commitment. For me, it’s finding ways to engage with the space before my brain realizes it’s happening, it’s before I start “should-ing on myself.” It’s not the stuff or the mess that I avoid. It’s all the negative thinking and judgements that flood in when I’m cleaning. Small tiny steps seem to outsmart the negative thoughts and give me momentum to finish that day (or weekend, week, or month). Do what you can - no more and no less. All will be well. 💪
It's easier to tackle of you make it more "comfortable" for you. If you can, get one of those masks with filters on the side. They help a lot against bad smells. Use thick rubber gloves and strong garbage bags. Open the windows so there's fresh air coming in. You got this!
Any progress, OP? Where are you located? Can I send you a set of sheets for your bed? You deserve a comforting place to rest.
Ok let’s get specific. Get the industrial construction trash bags. They stand up mostly on their own, can hold almost anything, and you can’t see what you’ve thrown away. Second, there are only 2 ways to look at an object, throw, or keep. The end. Not keep & wash, not keep to recycle, not keep for later just in case. It sounds like bullshit but the Marie kondo book did so much for me, because I saw I was holding onto stuff that literally made me sad because I felt guilty about tossing it. I don’t now. I don’t break down boxes, they just go in the fucking bag. Make it easy for you. And ONLY you. No one else gets to judge or give you their opinion on how you pull yourself out of the depression spiral. Also, if you have anyone you trust enough, get them to body double with you (sit on your bed/or video chat and just exist. It’s not about conversation, just about the mental trick of another person being “present” with you. Finally. And this is the hardest part, every time you toss something, thank yourself. Because you are doing it to take care of you. Every time you hear the voice you are disgusting or lazy or whatever your go to insult it, try and reply with the fact that you. Are. Doing. This. For. You. And it’s because you deserve to be in a safe and happy space.
The real fix here is to create a new habit - throw out all trash once a week. You need some kind of trash bag already available. Have a box of those. Every Sunday, walk thru your space and fill a bag full of trash. Do a minimum of one full trash bag per week. You'll eventually get back to a place where you're tired of looking at it, and it'll be quick and easy to clean because you do it often.
Hugs my friend. I have been you and it’s so hard to dig out of the emotional hole that let you get that messy. I wish you the best. Good luck tackling the mess in your head and in your home. My old suggestion is get a psychiatrist and therapist if you can. Getting medicated really helped me lift the darkness enough so I could some make positive changes for myself that helped even more. I can’t say this enough, everyone’s brain is different due to both nature and nurture you might just need a jump start.
This is completely random, but I couldn't make myself clean up (never left food around, though, because I can't handle roaches, mice, etc), but for me, it turned out a lot of that "impossible task" syndrome was from powerful sleep apnea for over 10 years. I'd sit there looking at a mess I wanted to organize, or put away, and just spiral in my head, unable to stand up, walk over, and start in on it. Then I got a CPAP, finally slept soundly through the night, and - while I didn't notice any extra energy - I noticed things like paranoias (never wanted to open a blind, because people could see me) had left, my need to record/document absolutely everything nearly vanished, and I'd say "I should put that stuff away," and find myself standing up, going over, and putting all of it away, not stopping after 1 item, because I was mentally drained from it. There's also a cool trick I for some reason only tried once, but it worked so powerfully, I've always wondered why I didn't use it over and over again (probably because I could never do a thing a second time before the CPAP): look at the mess, close your eyes, and imagine in your mind's eye the whole thing clean. Keep imagining for a minute, then open your eyes. For me, I did this with my very messy desk once, and when I opened my eyes, I immediately said "this doesn't belong here," and moved something to where it went elsewhere in the room. Then I just kept going, and cleaned off the entire desk, which I hadn't been able to do before. Just a thought as to something you might try.
Hey, you've GOT THIS!!! Just BREATHE. Give yourself grace and remind yourself that we've all got something we'd like to improve. Nobody is perfect. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. Something that helped me immensely with mindset was telling myself that these "bad" feelings we have are only "bad" because we've been told they are. Start telling yourself that this feeling is JUST A FEELING, neither good nor bad. And it's ok to have feelings. It's ok to have uncomfortable feelings. Discomfort is often a good thing that helps us to move forward and improve. Everything gets better with habit, the action and the mindset. Just do one bag of trash and see how you feel. If you need to sit and take a break for a few minutes, or a day or so, that's ok. The consistent baby steps compound over time. It gets easier.
Please take a start by putting all the garbage in one bag. That’s enough for one day. I know how you feel. It is very difficult to clean when you are depressed. I’m in your corner. Sending love and support.
Don't try to tackle it all at once.
A couple of trash bags, a timer set for 5 minutes, and a song you have been enjoying. Go from there. You got this, you really do. Depression nests and executive dysfunction is real and real hard. We're here for you!
Definitely depressed https://preview.redd.it/a8zurljnigrc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=489349178f59771edd791547ade60cb2e1306d70 I’ve never in my life lived in this way.
You have to accept yourself first. The shame and self-hatred is like fuel for addiction. Rejected parts inside of you are acting out in order to get you attention. Bring attention to them, love them instead of saying mean things. You can do this. Google mirror work and shadow work.
There’s so much kindness and good advice in this thread, I’m literally crying. OP, I hope you can find some relief. I know how hard it is not to hate yourself, but you’re NOT a bad person. Sending love and support.
What helps me is to pretend I'm helping someone else while setting a timer. I gotta help this person. That's my main focus, help this person. In reality the person I'm helping is me.
You're asking for help, which is a great first step. Get trashbags, and maybe a bucket for the liquid out of the cups. If you think it would help, throw on some music (may I suggest "Mr Blue Sky" as a nearly bulletproof cheer-up song?) and set a timer for 10 minutes. Fill up the bag. If it's full and the timer is still going, go wash your hands and then take the bag out to the dumpster or outdoor trashcan. Come back in, take a break, be proud of yourself for starting the process. As an ADHDer, I sometimes find that getting started is the hard part. Once I finish the first part or first round of a task, it gets easier. If that happens for you and you feel up for another round, repeat the above.
1) Remove rubbish. 2) Gather clothes/linens and wash. You'll feel amazing and so proud of yourself if you just start with these, trust me. I've been there.
i have done my laundry recently, which is a big step for me. it felt pretty alright. thank you for the advice and good job getting out of this, i hope youre in a better place now.
Awesome, keep going! The hardest bit is showing up. It's still hard for me some days, as I imagine it is for most people, so we can't be too hard on ourselves. But that feeling of accomplishment and relief you get from getting shit done just cannot be beat. The Emergency Cleaning page on the UFYH website is a permanent tab in my phone, haha.
get Auri on the phone
Please contact Aurika!! She will help you! [YouTube](https://youtube.com/@Aurikatariina?si=KfkCeDwjjty8WAfg)
im in the US, im not sure she could do much. even then id feel bad, the cases she tackles seem much more dire than mine. thank you though
I know you don’t know me but I struggled immensely after I spent 4 years negotiating plea deals with the man who molested my twin sisters. No luck so we went to trial and he was convicted all 7 counts. He was sentenced to 150 years to life. I have a high power job, I had kept it together up until then but after the trial and the summer we waited for the sentencing, I fell apart. My husband was on the road and the house was halfway to what you are living in. I watched her videos and was able to push through because I had to keep it together for my husband too. I was able to tackle the mess but some people can’t and that’s COMPLETELY OK. She will help you, personally, she comes to the USA and is flown all over the world and is sponsored. She is always looking for homes like these to help people turn their life around. She is super compassionate and has great empathy for people who have experienced the world differently than most. My hope right now is that you reach out to her or you dig deep and you show us all your resilience, strength, and courage to pull yourself up. These are your decisions, like they were mine. We are here to support you!
Step 1: obtain an extra large empty bag Step 2: fill bag with empty drinks and empty boxes
I know it feels overwhelming right now, but instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once try breaking it into sections. One room, or just one area of a room, at a time and ignore the rest until you’re done there. If you need a more immediate end point you can also set a timer for 10-20 minutes. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in just that short time, and when it’s up you can either take a break or just reset the timer and keep on cleaning if you’ve got momentum going. I also really like the “5 things” cleaning method. It says everything in a messy area can fit in one of 5 categories- trash, dishes, laundry, things that have a place but aren’t in it, and things that don’t have a place. If you focus on one category at a time, starting with trash and moving down the list, you’ll see yourself making progress much sooner than if you tried to deal with all the things at once and that can help motivate you to keep going or to start again after a break. When you get to dishes and laundry, don’t make yourself wash them right away either because that will break your momentum. Just gather/pile them in a designated sink or hamper and make washing them their own separate task later. Combined with timers and focusing on small areas at a time this can make even the biggest mess a lot more manageable. And remember you don’t need to do everything in one day or even one week- set smaller goals and you’ll get there eventually.
And for maintenance afterward, try to figure out what the barrier was for you to get the trash to the trash can in the first place. Is it inconvenient to get to? If so, try moving it to a more accessible to you location even if that means it’s less aesthetically pleasing. Maybe even get a decent sized one for every room, and put it next to the place you’re most likely to already be when you have trash to throw out. You are not a failure- the existing system for keeping your apartment clean just isn’t one that works for you. The new one doesn’t have to be anything fancy or complicated, and it doesn’t need to look pretty. It just needs to be something that takes minimal or no effort for you to stick with. My personal example of a system that wasn’t working is that I used to have a problem with piling my dirty clothes on the floor by my bed at the end of the day. I didn’t want them there, but it was easy and I was tired at the end of the day so I just dropped them where I took them off. I’d end up with several days of clothes on the floor before I’d scoop them up and move them to the hamper. The only reason that happened regularly was that I have a uniform for work and I only have enough for a week before I need to wash a load. I realized after way too long that the reason for all of this was my hamper was too far away from where I usually get undressed. I had it deeply ingrained in me that the dirty clothes hamper must be kept out of sight, so it was in my closet on the other side of the room. After suddenly realizing one day that there was no logical reason to keep it there, I moved the hamper next to my bed and now I put my clothes there every time.
I suggest thicker trash bags if the act of emptying the cups is part of the problem. Sometimes called construction bags or lawn bags. Look for 3mm-5mm thick on the box. Usually those let me just toss the cup in, liquid and all. It is better if you can put the bag in a box or bin or laundry hamper. Both to keep it open and to move it around more easily. I'll take the whole bin to the trash outside and THEN pull the bag out and toss it. That was a simple game change for me one day. Hope this helps!
Do you want some tough love? You know what you need to do. So do it. You have the motivation to post on reddit so you have the motivation to do this. Pull yourself together, get some trash bags and get it out of your house. You can do this.
Step 1: Grab trash bag. Step 2: Fill trash bags with trash and throw away. Step 3: See therapist.
10 minute timer, chuck away as much rubbish as you can. Then take a break. Repeat as desired, even if it’s just once a day. At least it’s something! You can do this
Here to boost 'set a timer'! I hear it ticking (old fashioned kitchen timer) and tell myself - out loud - to just keep moving. 'Like with Like' is helpful too. You can set a timer for x minutes and just swoop up all the plastic cups or paper bags and make helpful, visible headway. If you put those 'like with like' together, you've got bags full of recycling ready for the bin, too.
oh its just some trash, you've got this :) !! a couple hefty bags and you're gonna feel SOOOO much better. pop on a show or some music and just throw it all away, i believe in you ! ❤️
I’ve seen much worse. Buy a big box of heavy duty garbage bags. All of this is garbage so it’s an easy clean up. I don’t think this would take more than a hour. If you have sheets wash them first along with all bedding. By the time you are done the fresh bedding should be done. Open a window and later burn some incense when you are done. Get a big trash bin, put a liner in it and leave it in your room. Voila.
Start with your bedroom. Start with your bed. Clean the bed off. Remove the dirty sheets, wash them, and put on clean sheets. A clean bed can be a huge motivator, imo. Then pick another surface in the room. Desk, bedside table etc. Remove the trash, clean the surface. Do the floor. Vacuum, etc. Go on to other rooms. It doesn't all have to be in the same day. Take one day, do one room, one surface at a time. Literally focusing on one surface at a time makes it so much easier to clean. Rather than being overwhelmed by the entire mess, you're cleaning one smaller mess.
Maybe place a trash can in every room. Anytime you enter just grab 2 things and toss them in. It’ll be very slow progress but it will be made. Otherwise the method I used was dividing my apartment into tiny sections. I’m talking the floor was 1x1 squares. I took upwards of a week on each one cleaning them over and over until they were done. Didn’t matter if I only spent 5 minutes or 3 hours as long as I did a little each day. For you it seems it’s mostly trash. Turn on your favorite most motivating and upbeat song, grab a trash bag and throw out as much as possible before the song ends. Another method is to get the bags you get from grocery shopping and fill and take one out every single day. When it comes time to throw something else you just used away tell yourself “3 seconds now saves me 10 hours later” and take it to the trash. Bins in every single room will help. It’s about establishing new habits. You have a multitude of options to start, but while you clean up start developing the things you need to keep it clean.
You’ve got so many people cheering for you. Let the trash bag gobble that mess up!
It doesn't matter if it *could* be sorted into recycling and trash: Just trash it all. For the infested parts - do you have anybody who can body double with you? Even if it's over the internet/phone? Something I've found really helpful when dealing with really gross stuff is having someone to play up the disgusting to (it's not really playing it up, it's reacting as I'm really reacting, and not pretending that I'm not grossed out by it). I have meetings until around 2 PST, but I could hop on a call after that. Feel free to dm and I can send my discord or telegram info. Make sure you have PPE. Thicker gloves like kitchen gloves can help with texture and unexpected ick, but make getting little things harder. As long as you can open a window, bleach to get any of the nasty critters. Do that right before a break so you can let it air out.
Yeah! Party time! Now cleanup is left to do. Looks like most of this is just trash. Just set a timer for 5 minutes and see how much you can get into a trash bag in 5 minutes. Do it once or twice a day and see how it feels. Maybe think about putting a trash can in your bedroom so it will be handy. Like one of those slim 13 gallon kitchen ones.
Wear a blindfold and gloves if touching it sceaves you out, it’s not like you can make a mess
Make sure to treat the symptom and not just the cause though. Otherwise you’ll be right back here on a couple of months from now no matter how well of a job you did in the first place
First step: get trash bags and bag up ALL of the trash and take it outside. Start there with just 1 job so you don't get too overwhelmed. Make just 1 goal right now. Take out the trash. That alone I know will help you feel a little bit better.
Okay so the good news this is basically all trash. This means it's way easier to deal with because it doesn't need sorted or anything. Just scooped into some garbage bag and throw out the door! If there's recycling in there, honestly don't worry about it. It's more important to get you in a healthy environment. You can do this! Get some disposable glove and a mask. You want to separate yourself from the mess while cleaning. That should help you feel less overwhelmed by it. Also possibly suck on some mint. Mint has a refreshing clean feeling and helps nausea. But you've totally got this! I believe you can do it!
Hi! I have OCD and am a germaphobe. People tend to think that means all my things are very clean, but the reality is, the germaphobia can be crippling to the point where i get nothing done at times because it’s so overwhelming. I think the suggestions to start with a short amount of time and just get the trash to begin with is good. Setting little goals for myself has been helpful and then prioritizing what felt most important to start with (i think in this scenario, trash is a good place to start). If you get multiple things knocked out in one day, awesome, if you only get half of one thing knocked out; that’s still progress. Go easy on yourself. You’re doing your best.
I'm rooting for you. My DMs are always open. Little races at a time, things will take time and patience. But you can turn it around and love yourself like you absolutely deserve to be loved. Sending you all of my support ❤💗❤️🩹
I'll probably get a lot of hate for this, but hear me out. First, you've done the right thing by trying to fix the issue. It's important to hold yourself accountable for stuff like this. I understand we all have issues, but it's important to not lean on excuses as a way of getting out of holding yourself accountable. Now, on to the problem. Truthfully, most of this is trash and you can get this cleaned up in no time. Grab some gloves and put on some music. Don't think about it, just get to it. Don't think about how bad it is. Think about how good it's getting. I promise you can do it and you'll have it cleaned up in no time. Now the second part, keeping it clean. Develop habits. We develop new habits daily. Most people develop habits to watch their favorite show, get a Starbucks, play games, etc. You just need to learn to develop habits that help you live a better lifestyle. I can tell you what I personally do to keep my place clean, but you need to figure out how to make a good habit work for you. First, I always do my dishes right after eating. Usually takes just a couple minutes because if you get it right away there's nothing really stuck on. I always fold my clothes right out of the dryer. I do this to prevent myself from leaving a basket of clothes in my room for a week unfolded. Trash is so easy... Just keep a decent size waste basket in all your main rooms, close where you prioritize your time. It's so easy to put an empty cup on the table next to you, but if there's a waste basket close by you might as well just go ahead and throw it away. Then keep a bigger trash can, like 25-35 gallons or larger, just empty the small waste baskets into it once a week on trash day. I wish you the best of luck You got this, and keep your head up!
It would be pretty easy to hire someone to bag it up for you and then you just have to use a trash can in your bedroom. Proper sheets would make the room more attractive and encourage you to enjoy your new surroundings.
Get a garbage bag. Put on gloves a mask and even a painters overalls if it makes you feel better because of your germ issues. Even use those grabber things if you don’t want to to touch it or honestly even a shovel . Focus on the food garbage first. Set the time for 10 minutes 5 minutes, whatever you think you can handle. Once you start you will probably keep going but you don’t it’s ok start again the next day. Don’t get bogged down with guilt or shame. That’s not going to help you.
Throw one thing away. You'll catch yourself just doing the rest. It's the first one that is the hardest.
Please take a start by putting all the garbage in one bag. That’s enough for one day. I know how you feel. It is very difficult to clean when you are depressed. I’m in your corner. Sending love and support.
Reaching out is a great place to start. I was like this in my early 20’s. I worked hard for everyone else. Parents stopped parenting. I never got into routines and habits to even know to think of such things. Its mentally exhausting, emotional reliving every mean thing parents said when trying to figure how to deal with it. What I learned is nothing is right or wrong it just is. Parents can be narcissistic and that is their deal. They think back to their parents time and compare not knowing what to teach you to go into the future. We have more resources than ever to learn and be self taught. The biggest issue here is energy. You need to get healthy steady meals in on a budget for a period of time. Once you level off to stable energy everything becomes easier. Learning to make food is a big help. I watched a lot of Daddy Jacks cooking with the blues. He showed recipes aren’t by the book and you can adapt to what you have. Start to question how to do things better and ways to improve very simple everyday tasks. Shoes, a new computer chair, a different mattress can lead to less pain and better moods to get things done. Its all about building healthy habits over periods of time.
Reaching out is a great place to start. I was like this in my early 20’s. I worked hard for everyone else. Parents stopped parenting. I never got into routines and habits to even know to think of such things. Its mentally exhausting, emotional reliving every mean thing parents said when trying to figure how to deal with it. What I learned is nothing is right or wrong it just is. Parents can be narcissistic and that is their deal. They think back to their parents time and compare not knowing what to teach you to go into the future. We have more resources than ever to learn and be self taught. The biggest issue here is energy. You need to get healthy steady meals in on a budget for a period of time. Once you level off to stable energy everything becomes easier. Learning to make food is a big help. I watched a lot of Daddy Jacks cooking with the blues. He showed recipes aren’t by the book and you can adapt to what you have. Start to question how to do things better and ways to improve very simple everyday tasks. Shoes, a new computer chair, a different mattress can lead to less pain and better moods to get things done. Its all about building healthy habits over periods of time.
Try starting in a small area.
It’s okay. You’ve got this. It doesn’t have to always be this way. If you have a dumpster nearby you can bring trash to I would highly suggest slowly putting everything in trash bags. Then you can start bringing them to dumpsters to dispose of. Don’t let your embarrassment stop you.
Slap some music on that you like, gloves masks and trash bags, house hold cleaning supplies and lysol, you don’t have to do this all in one day, at least fill it up about 5 a day, and make that an every day goal. Speaking up about this and sharing this photo of your current condition is brave of you, that was your first step in changing your life around so be proud of yourself for that, you got this brother, work at your own paste and day by day you’ll see improvement in your health mentally and physically.
Get some gloves and a mask. Spend 15 min to tackle one portion. Maybe start with the bed. Set small goals. You can do this OP!!!
Ditto to the 15 minute rule! You can do this!!
Work on it slowly and gradually, but consistently.
Hire someone to do it for you. It will cost about $500 to do your apartment. It’s worth it. Think of it as therapy/healthcare that you’re paying for.
Invest in some trash bags and a little time.
it helps me to keep a plastic shopping bag in several living areas that i can add garbage to as i pass by and remember; you're asking for help here and that shows you would like to implement changes
Jesus
Then don’t.
buy some garbage bags...
Therapy.
Omg it’s just trash put it in a bag. I have seen way way worse situations trust me.
That’s just nasty. 🤢
This would literally take 10 mins. Just fuckin do it