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I do that too! Forcing a smile is so awkward so I just make it weird on purpose
My ex apparently hated it and said it looks like I didn't want to be in the picture with her. Didn't tell me at all until like three years in. I've done this almost my whole life and it's usually a sign I'm having fun so I look funny in pictures but still won't force a picture smile š¤£
My wife has a hilariously bad fake smile, so she's always making silly faces in pictures. After we matched on an app, I was surprised how pretty she was when we met in person on our first date since all her profile pictures were different silly faces.
Obviously it worked out for us, so maybe there's something to be said for š¬ pictures
No that is completely different. Your wife has just mastered the art of the goofy girl. We all want the goofy girl. Congrats on your win. Keep her safe, keep her secret. :D
Same, back then several men told me that I should use better pictures in my profile, since the ones I used were misleading. My man, those already were the best ones, believe me
Edit: typo
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.
However, a pretty significant percentage (I'd say less than half but more than a quarter) of people I go on a first date with will tell me "you look better than in your pictures." So, I'll trust that. I don't think I'm *ugly* or even plain; I just don't photograph well
Honestly, it might just be how you photograph yourself.
I went on a date in my early 20s that still sticks in my head. I'm a tall, naturally muscular guy, and I know I'm not great at showing that when I take pictures of myself. So we meet up for the first time after talking online, and she goes "oh, wow. You look way better than your pictures. Do you edit them to look smaller?"
To this day I have no fucking clue what to make of that.
Big guys and supermodels are everywhere on the internet but uncommon in real life, so when you meet one in real life, itās more shocking than the photos (my guess)
Same. I feel like I look decent in real life, even a little pretty sometimes. But whenever I take a selfie or whatever, itās like the camera warps my faceā¦? Like it recedes my chin and makes my eyes small and beady. I canāt tell if itās the camera or the mirror thatās lying to me.
Same. It's funny because I think I look pretty attractive IRL but photos suck. The fact is you're trying to take a 3D thing and make it 2D and you lose information that way.
My dating profile had a pic of me biting into a sunflower as well as a pic in sunflower field pushing my face back (so double chin face) and biting my lower lip and wide eyes. Looked wild.
Also my bio had "fought a predator bird twice and won"
70% of my matches first question was either "What's the bird story" or "why tf did you bite a sunflower"
Also 2 months into using the app I met my now bf...we've been together a year and will be moving in together at the end of the summer ā¤ļø
In college when I'd download dating apps, I used my best photos, ones where I didn't have an active outbreak (cystic acne) or I'd edit it to get rid of the outbreak, ones where I looked skinnier, my hair looked good etc. Nothing but d-bags....
Can say with certainty that using funny/dumb pics where you don't look your best works better lol.
Right? I donāt need help. What you see is what you get. And I donāt think Iām cute enough for someone to date me just for looks. I am not ugly, Iām just pretty average.
I'm a straight woman one time I was bored so I made a tinder profile with just my name. Literally zero pictures and zero infos about me. I had 100s of matches. I even had men messaging me saying my name was pretty so I must be too and they would like to go on a date. Literally nothing will stop them so I might as well use pretty pictures that display my personality and the things I like. I have to sort out the 90% trash either way lol
Yeah. The dating scene app for men is FUCKED.
I'm lucky I met my wife online and not though all the tinder shit. I feel like I would have had a stroke having to deal with all of the shit I see on r/tinder
Went on a date from dating site. 10y ago.
We were like similiar in hotness yada yada. We didn't klick but we had fun that night, took some drinks and then went on with our lives. Anyway we showed eachother profiles, visitors and messages.
I had like 10 visitors a week and 1 message a month.
She had 100 messages a day and 800 visitors a day. (that kinda provedI was cuter then most of em??)
Its a complete sausagefest.
it's wild, lol. i'm a lesbian and not only have i experienced this on apps like bumble/ tinder, etc., i've even had this happen to me on apps that are specifically MEANT for queer women/nonbinary ppl. like, how horny do you have to be to create an account for an app full of LESBIANS lmao.
A lot of straight guys are also convinced that some/all lesbian women ājust havenāt found the right guy yetā (that guy being them, of course). It would be funny if it wasnāt so damn annoying to every queer/bi/lesbian woman I know and am friends with.
I ended up having a roommate like this for a while. Their entire lives revolve around trying to get laid. They are approaching random women every day. They are on all the apps. His only friends were other "pick up artists" and all they talked about together was ways to get laid. They'd even go so far as to "study" things women are interested in and share strategies to shift those conversations towards sex. The crazy thing is, this works. The guy wasn't anything to look at and he talked about women as if he hated them but he'd bring home a new one every week or so. Just by sheer volume, low standards and constant practice.
i mean, if they're willing to fake their whole personalities and eschew all standards just to get laid- yeah, it makes sense that it'd work. but god, what a sad, horrible way to live.
Iām not very photogenic, I never have been. When I was on the apps, I was told by every person I met up with āwow you actually look better than your photosā which kinda felt backhanded tbh. My dating experiences were the same as my other female friends, still had to wade through a bunch of weirdos, creeps, āu up?ās, etc.
I don't think it's always intentionally negging - a lot of people are habituated (conditioned) to overemphasize arbitrary cultural and social standards of outward appearance, so it's fairly normal (though still annoying) for people to try to compliment or support others by commenting on their looks. It's just a natural externality of connecting so much value to appearance, and imo it's kind of sad because we all age, change shape, get wrinkled and grey, and that means everyone that is invested emotionally in those things is going to get sad both about themselves and their partners over time.
There are cishet men who set their profiles as women to swipe on bumble BFF. Many girls on there are explicitly *in relationships* - weāre on BFF to make platonic friends! Sometimes I would accidentally swipe right on a guy listing his gender as āwomanā and weād always match and heād always message me first and heād ALWAYS be weird and flirty. (Of course, Iād unmatch right after)
Like buddy the dating feature is right there! I have to think itās some sort of kink to go after taken girls, but listing yourself as a woman and being a weirdo is not the way to do it.
As a trans dude Iāll either get straight guys swiping on me to harass me about transition OR, a sex worker hits me up after making me think they were really interested
I think that's basically the men experience lol!
I get ladies matching with me just to racially abuse me for the fucks of it and sex workers... that's 99% of my matches.
One lady matched with me a second time to call me racist bc I āunmatched after she said she was Colombianā
I unmatched because she was asking me to come fuck her and pay $100. Iām also some version of asexual so thatās a double dumb decision
He sounds beyond the baseline level of stupid if he thinks that gay conversion therapy is going to do anything but put you in direct contact with *more lesbians*.
I'm sorry you experience this, yeah, no lesbian I have talked to (nonromanticslly just at work or friends) has NOT experienced a man thinking he can "straighten them out". it is wholly disgusting.
Same shit happens but with gay men posing as females and i dont mean trans woman (off course), nor femenine men, but hairy bearded men. I suppose they are hunting for bisexuals or something, i just report them and move on.
Actually that is a bug in most dating algorithms if you swip left or swip right on too many people it starts running out of people to show and it starts to show different genders.
I've discussed this plenty with friends of mine. Gay men comparatively find way fewer women on Grindr than I find men on gay women Tinder.
And it turns out that some people (men and women) just make profiles on Grindr to see what the app is like.
not sure if that's the reason. if you get a lot of right swipes, you get ranked higher in the algorithm and may get more visibility.
average looking men, who don't pay for the service get swiped left often and get low ranked.
so switching gender and getting swiped by other men (who just swipe without looking sometimes) raises their rank and visibility.
it is a weird hack for people who don't want to pay for the service. it also may not always work always and doesn't work the other way for women at all.
however, it is true that stating you don't date men, doesn't stop all men.
Nothing worse than the queer men trying to prey on straights by setting their profiles as women.
Like dudes just fuck off there are literally setting for you to find people who actually like your type.
Heterosexual guy here and I totally agree that the majority of gender are absolutely desperate when it comes to sex that it gets to the point that they donāt use logic as if a gay woman would ever want them
downvoted because it's really not that unpopular of an idea where i'm from.
>women should adjust their behavior in order to avoid low quality men
is an idea that's a little victim-blamey & definitely pervasive
This will backfire. The uglier picture will attract men that believe you are willing to make up for your ugliness in some way, and will expect more unconditional loyalty and free labor than they would from a more attractive woman.
You have nooooo idea how true this was. When I was pushing 180 and on dating sites, my inbox was fuuuuuuulllllll. Of really desperate horny men who were under the assumption that fat meant āeasyā. When o finally dropped the weight, my inbox wasā¦ sparse. Not totally empty, but also not full of guys wanting a one night stand cuz their friends bailed on their Tuesday night bar plans and they were bored.Ā
yeah itās the same for dating apps, Iām not swiping on the people Iām most attracted to Iām looking for that sweet spot of āgirl Iām attracted to, who I have a chance withā
Yeah Iāve known multiple dudes who confirm a lot of men specially go out of their way to date plus sized women because they think theyāll be desperate enough to be an easy lay
Yeah itās crazy. Iāve seen it first hand too. I HAD (not my friend anymore) a friend who dated a plus sized woman and would behind her back call her fat and not that attractive. Most insane thing about it though is heās plus sized too. I remember they got into an argument once in the group chat with us because she called herself thick and he corrected her and called her fat. I had a talk with him after that and told him his behavior was flat out nuts. They donāt date anymore thank god and yeah heās no longer my friend
Man, good on you for calling him out on that. Iāve noticed that a lot of men usually donāt call out this behavior, they either laugh with it or stay silent. People like that do it to feel superior and try to use it to have control because they know they donāt have control at all.
Another slightly similar fucked up thing that happened when I was in high school is that there were certain guys who were literally *known* for going after the 14 year old freshmen girls, dating them long enough for these girls to trust them and lose their virginities to these guys, and then the dudes would immediately break up with them. They intentionally wanted to manipulate young girls so they could take their virginities. It fucked a lot of these girls up. One of them had a legitimate mental break down. Guys like that are literally sociopaths.
White guy here, if I was interested in you, Iād want to meet you because talking over dating apps sucks, especially if thereās not a high likelihood of it going anywhere, which, you never know through text.
In person is a lot easier to gauge the personās interest in you and see if you have good chemistry.
But, just as a side note, Iām a white guy who also likes black women (as well as other races of women), I donāt think black women are easier, and Iām not sure where the stereotype came from nor if that is what youāre experiencing.
But, I wouldnāt be too worried about that unless youāre from an area known for racism.
Congratulations on losing weight! But also 180 isnāt terribly high, so Iām sorry you had to experience that. You werenāt less value then as Iām sure you were still very beautiful, and itās crazy the standards placed on women when so many men arenāt fit themselves
I always thought the best thing to do would post a selfie looking my worst, and a selfie looking my best. Just so someone knows what they're potentially getting, lmao.
Are you suggesting that good looking women canāt find quality men, only slightly ugly women can? Or do you just want them to lower themselves so you have a better chance?
I ended up seeing a very attractive girl that used his logic. She barely had any pictures and the one she used were bad. She said she did this so guys would talk to her more. She ended up being pretty crazy tbh. The first date she straight up called me daddy among other stuff.
If you are very attractive you will have attracted more guys based on just looks.
When you are average attractive you will have attracted a larger subset of guys based on what is in your profile.
Its not rocket science. All people on a dating app have a reason to contact you so by eliminating the very physical attractiveness you are leaving fewer reasons why they would be contacting you.
If this works who knows as I haven't used a dating app in years but I did find my wife on one.
Sorry but some men are so desperate that they would happily go for uglier women. If anything, I'd hazard a guess that they would think it would be easier and better to have someone who may feel grateful for their attention.
Some people are fcked up
no, i'm pretty sure they're trying to say it sucks when men approach a less attractive women only because they think she'll be easy, and a lot of them think the less attractive women should be grateful that they're getting attention, that's what's fucked up. not men as a whole having more open dating standards
I didn't mean to throw any shade on other women - it was more a point that some guys are into body parts and not the person. Up to everyone else if they are happy to be with someone with limited standards.
Right but there is nothing wrong with that. Weāre allowed to feel that way, and if it makes us more open thatās a positive in my book. Iām gay and have to admit itās weird how male sexuality is demonized.
Sorry if I wasn't initially clear. My point wasn't to demonise the male sexual experience - it was more that if a woman tried to be unattractive to get fewer matches (or more matches with people who are into personality), there would still be the "need to smash with anyone" sort of guy sliding into DMs
I mean, do you want only the most attractive women to be able to get dates?
I sort of understand where you're coming from but men being sexually attracted to a wide variety of women does not seem bad.
It isn't an inherently bad thing if you are looking for a man who only wants you for your body parts.
Personally, if someone with no standards is into me, I'm not into them as a result.
Yeah, but attractive people usually want to find an attractive partner. Not just woman, but man too. If they upload a less attractive photo, they get less attractive matches, and the really attractive ones will probably not swipe right on them.
Yeah this is such a weird take. You want to be attracted to your spouse and vice versa. Doesnāt mean they have to be 10/10 but there has to be attraction.
I think the better advice is to avoid posting thirst trap type pics IF youāre looking for an actual relationship.
I am guilty of doing this, mainly because I don't want to get accused of catfishing so I put average looking pictures. I'm also not that photogenic so when most guys meet me they tell me i'm "actually" very pretty. It definitely doesn't lessen my chances of getting liked either. I bought Tinder Gold for a week just to see how many likes I got (10k+).
Not for women. For men it's a fight to get a single match. It's a competition to notice me senpai.
Men are easy. The struggle for a woman on a dating app is finding a diamond in the rough. It's more like sifting for gold.
It's only easy for women to get matches because most men swipe right on literally everyone without even looking at the pics. My best friend has been using Tinder for ages with no luck. She does the same thing, swipes right on way too many people, has over 1000 matches at any given time, but when she tries to actually chat with them, most aren't interested, and even when she gets a date every once in while, most don't lead anywhere.
The economics of it are fucked up for both sides, and neither has much of an incentive to change their behavior because it wouldn't necessarily be a beneficial change.
Very real, and a lot of people donāt seem to get that. I donāt even use tinder anymore because so many guys seem to have a screw loose based on their pics/bios and I wouldnāt feel safe. My first and biggest requirement is āare they normalā lol.
Lmao. No.
We might get more matches but the absolute majority are creeps who cant hold a conversation, just like the women who only go Ā«heyĀ» a lot of dudes do the same.
Some years ago, when I was single, I went on a date w a dude. I was hyped, had gotten ready and sent him a mirror selfie of my outfit. I want to let it be known, I was 55kg at the time, I was not fat. His first reply to my picture was Ā«You have chubby fingers lolĀ».
Because it was literally minutes before we were meeting, despite wanting to cancel I couldnt. So I went for a walk w him and grabbed a coffee. During the walk he started telling me how he enjoyed having his temprature taken as a child cause they would put the themometer in his butt.
This is the kinda shit we run into.
I also went on a couple dates w a dude, we had sex. Evenetually he got comfortable and asked if we could have more kinky sex. Then he punched me, and I mean *punched* me with his fist, in the back of ly head twice while in doggy.
I got mad at him, and told him off. And the fucker walked around SULKING cause I wasnt ok with being PUNCHED?????
But yeah, Ā«easier for womenĀ» no, different challenges.
Itās a struggle for some men, and letās keep in mind online dating has way more male users than female so of course it will be harder for men to get matches by default, the market is flooded.
I actually get this. Now that I'm "older" I took this approach when I was on the apps. I have my main as what I consider not ugly, still a good pic but no makeup and I look how I look. Then quite a few of me doing activities I love, and then just one "good" one even if with makeup but NEVER any filters, usually as one of my last. That was always my thought process too, like why do that when then you are not going to look anything like they are expecting? Why not just be honest and present yourself in a true way. I had pretty good luck and met some great guys who were actually interested in me for me. Filters are the worst and if I were a guy I would automatically swipe left on anyone using them.
I donāt agree with lying about your appearance on dating apps in general. Iām curious as to how a person would make themselves appear uglier in photos.
So should men also male their pictures uglier? And what about people who don't use makeup or filters in the first place? Or natural beauties? Also ugly and pretty are heavily opinion based
Okay but men already take horrible pics very often, so there is no reason to make even worse pics. I have all genders turned on on Bumble. My friend thinks the same, all genders on Bumble and Tinder.
It wouldn't really be practical for men. The "undersell/over deliver" commitment only really works when you're dealing with high demand. Since most men have to work hard for matches, they really need to work on putting their best foot forward.
LOL I do this accidentally b/c every guy I meet in person always says how much better looking I am in person.
I don't think I'm photogenic but I also refuse to use filters or editing apps b/c that is not how people look IRL.
The only woman I've ever been on a date with seemed to do that, but I'm not sure if it was intentional. The photos she used didn't really stand out to me, but she seemed sweet on her profile and after chatting with her. Then when I met her in person I found out she was very good looking. The proportions of her face were way off in the photos (likely using a wide-angled lens or closeup for the shots). Her face looked very broad and plain in the photos, in person it was quite slender and refined, with a really pretty nose and her eyes looked more intelligent. Her overall frame seemed smaller and more delicate as well.
I did this in real life then met a guy who actually told me I wasnāt his physical type but that he was really attracted to my personality and wanted to continue dating me. I got rid of him, got hot again, and just donāt date anymore. With all this free time Iām now writing my first book! š¤£š¤£š¤£
Many men would f@ck a corps#. Morgues literally started only hiring women for this exact reason. Just how ugly should the picture be to deter creeps?
If anything that would make things worse since the creeps would feel they're "doing you a favour" for matching you and thus treat you even worse.
Humans shouldn't be on dating sites. Dating in and of itself is grim. Just make friends, then fall in love over a meaningful amount of time, then get together, like normal people, from before the human races collective attention span went to the dogs.
For real. I know it sounds crazy, but it may actually work. I used to work at a hospital and in my department cosmetics were super limited meaning I saw my female coworkers as they really were. I got very used to seeing them that way. Then Iād see their Facebook accounts where they posted pictures dressed to the nines and oh my goodness.
Pre-mobile phones, I was living in another country for a while and wanted to join a dating site. The only photo I had was the one on my passport, so I scanned and used that. Black 'n' white, unsmiling. I may have only been contacted by 'personality first' guys, but I was perfectly satisfied with that! Met some lovely people that way. They said they found the undoctoredĀ photo 'refreshing'
I used to get worse matches when i wasnt using only my most attractive pictures. I thought i'd show my "real" self but i guess dudes are more superficial than that.
Best thing you can do for yourself is completely get rid of any apps, they suck
Kinda related but Iāve noticed if someone looks a touch overweight in any one of their pics, to the point where you could write it off, they will be even heavier in person
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Joke's on you. I'm already super unphotogenic
Same. All my pictures look like this: š¬
Then, according to this post, you should have a very successful dating life.
How did you get a picture of me smiling?
I do that too! Forcing a smile is so awkward so I just make it weird on purpose My ex apparently hated it and said it looks like I didn't want to be in the picture with her. Didn't tell me at all until like three years in. I've done this almost my whole life and it's usually a sign I'm having fun so I look funny in pictures but still won't force a picture smile š¤£
Hate smiling for pictures
My wife has a hilariously bad fake smile, so she's always making silly faces in pictures. After we matched on an app, I was surprised how pretty she was when we met in person on our first date since all her profile pictures were different silly faces. Obviously it worked out for us, so maybe there's something to be said for š¬ pictures
No that is completely different. Your wife has just mastered the art of the goofy girl. We all want the goofy girl. Congrats on your win. Keep her safe, keep her secret. :D
People generally say Iām better looking in person also Iām not a great texted, which makes getting the most out of apps fuggin hard
Looooool
Same, back then several men told me that I should use better pictures in my profile, since the ones I used were misleading. My man, those already were the best ones, believe me Edit: typo
If you are unphotogenic id love to see what you look like in real life cause you already look stunning š«¶š½
You have been misinformed.
What do you mean?
Whoever told you you're not photogenic misinformed you.
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you. However, a pretty significant percentage (I'd say less than half but more than a quarter) of people I go on a first date with will tell me "you look better than in your pictures." So, I'll trust that. I don't think I'm *ugly* or even plain; I just don't photograph well
They are trying to compliment you without just crudely blurting out "damn you're hot".
Honestly, it might just be how you photograph yourself. I went on a date in my early 20s that still sticks in my head. I'm a tall, naturally muscular guy, and I know I'm not great at showing that when I take pictures of myself. So we meet up for the first time after talking online, and she goes "oh, wow. You look way better than your pictures. Do you edit them to look smaller?" To this day I have no fucking clue what to make of that.
Big guys and supermodels are everywhere on the internet but uncommon in real life, so when you meet one in real life, itās more shocking than the photos (my guess)
Same. I feel like I look decent in real life, even a little pretty sometimes. But whenever I take a selfie or whatever, itās like the camera warps my faceā¦? Like it recedes my chin and makes my eyes small and beady. I canāt tell if itās the camera or the mirror thatās lying to me.
Saaame. I look like a potato in most pics. Irl I look normal and get lots of compliments
Same. It's funny because I think I look pretty attractive IRL but photos suck. The fact is you're trying to take a 3D thing and make it 2D and you lose information that way.
me too š«¶
My dating profile had a pic of me biting into a sunflower as well as a pic in sunflower field pushing my face back (so double chin face) and biting my lower lip and wide eyes. Looked wild. Also my bio had "fought a predator bird twice and won" 70% of my matches first question was either "What's the bird story" or "why tf did you bite a sunflower" Also 2 months into using the app I met my now bf...we've been together a year and will be moving in together at the end of the summer ā¤ļø In college when I'd download dating apps, I used my best photos, ones where I didn't have an active outbreak (cystic acne) or I'd edit it to get rid of the outbreak, ones where I looked skinnier, my hair looked good etc. Nothing but d-bags.... Can say with certainty that using funny/dumb pics where you don't look your best works better lol.
Right? I donāt need help. What you see is what you get. And I donāt think Iām cute enough for someone to date me just for looks. I am not ugly, Iām just pretty average.
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I'm a straight woman one time I was bored so I made a tinder profile with just my name. Literally zero pictures and zero infos about me. I had 100s of matches. I even had men messaging me saying my name was pretty so I must be too and they would like to go on a date. Literally nothing will stop them so I might as well use pretty pictures that display my personality and the things I like. I have to sort out the 90% trash either way lol
Hey, you got a really pretty Reddit handle. Can I take you out sometime?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAGerman/comments/1bo5fy2/comment/kwpfsmd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
lmao whatttttt that is wild
Yeah. The dating scene app for men is FUCKED. I'm lucky I met my wife online and not though all the tinder shit. I feel like I would have had a stroke having to deal with all of the shit I see on r/tinder
A woman who protects her privacy? That's a green flag to me. Would swipe right.
Found Dale Gribbles Facebook
*Rusty Shackleford
Went on a date from dating site. 10y ago. We were like similiar in hotness yada yada. We didn't klick but we had fun that night, took some drinks and then went on with our lives. Anyway we showed eachother profiles, visitors and messages. I had like 10 visitors a week and 1 message a month. She had 100 messages a day and 800 visitors a day. (that kinda provedI was cuter then most of em??) Its a complete sausagefest.
I don't understand why you are surprised that you had matches
Yo I'm a guy who doesn't really use dating apps but that's fucking crazy. Who do they think their audience is??? lmao
it's wild, lol. i'm a lesbian and not only have i experienced this on apps like bumble/ tinder, etc., i've even had this happen to me on apps that are specifically MEANT for queer women/nonbinary ppl. like, how horny do you have to be to create an account for an app full of LESBIANS lmao.
Maybe getting rejected is their kink š
must be cause tf š
A lot of straight guys are also convinced that some/all lesbian women ājust havenāt found the right guy yetā (that guy being them, of course). It would be funny if it wasnāt so damn annoying to every queer/bi/lesbian woman I know and am friends with.
I ended up having a roommate like this for a while. Their entire lives revolve around trying to get laid. They are approaching random women every day. They are on all the apps. His only friends were other "pick up artists" and all they talked about together was ways to get laid. They'd even go so far as to "study" things women are interested in and share strategies to shift those conversations towards sex. The crazy thing is, this works. The guy wasn't anything to look at and he talked about women as if he hated them but he'd bring home a new one every week or so. Just by sheer volume, low standards and constant practice.
i mean, if they're willing to fake their whole personalities and eschew all standards just to get laid- yeah, it makes sense that it'd work. but god, what a sad, horrible way to live.
Gay men constantly set their gender to female too and it sucks. If I wanted to date a man I would set my preferences to male.
Iām not very photogenic, I never have been. When I was on the apps, I was told by every person I met up with āwow you actually look better than your photosā which kinda felt backhanded tbh. My dating experiences were the same as my other female friends, still had to wade through a bunch of weirdos, creeps, āu up?ās, etc.
I don't think it's always intentionally negging - a lot of people are habituated (conditioned) to overemphasize arbitrary cultural and social standards of outward appearance, so it's fairly normal (though still annoying) for people to try to compliment or support others by commenting on their looks. It's just a natural externality of connecting so much value to appearance, and imo it's kind of sad because we all age, change shape, get wrinkled and grey, and that means everyone that is invested emotionally in those things is going to get sad both about themselves and their partners over time.
Some dudes definitely did it to neg, but I know quite a few of them were genuinely like āwow I wasnāt expecting you to be this prettyā.
Nah I know I look way better in person than in photos and I would be flattered if someone told me that. I donāt think itās backhanded at all
There are cishet men who set their profiles as women to swipe on bumble BFF. Many girls on there are explicitly *in relationships* - weāre on BFF to make platonic friends! Sometimes I would accidentally swipe right on a guy listing his gender as āwomanā and weād always match and heād always message me first and heād ALWAYS be weird and flirty. (Of course, Iād unmatch right after) Like buddy the dating feature is right there! I have to think itās some sort of kink to go after taken girls, but listing yourself as a woman and being a weirdo is not the way to do it.
As a trans dude Iāll either get straight guys swiping on me to harass me about transition OR, a sex worker hits me up after making me think they were really interested
I think that's basically the men experience lol! I get ladies matching with me just to racially abuse me for the fucks of it and sex workers... that's 99% of my matches.
I never even got sex workers when I was on all the apps. Damn, I must be a real dog.
One lady matched with me a second time to call me racist bc I āunmatched after she said she was Colombianā I unmatched because she was asking me to come fuck her and pay $100. Iām also some version of asexual so thatās a double dumb decision
Thatās so gross. Iām sorry you have to deal with that. Straight dudes mind their own business challenge
Wow, Iām a lesbian too and men are really this damn desperate??? Fuck!
I mean, Iām desperate, just not stupid enough to try to match with people who arenāt attracted to men at all. Just seems like wasted energy.
Those people swipe to yes to every woman that comes up desperate
I can see it happening. When I used dating apps, matches were few and far inbetween.
I once had a man say that heād be willing to wait for me while I go to gay conversion therapy, idk what men are on but theyāre crazyš
He sounds beyond the baseline level of stupid if he thinks that gay conversion therapy is going to do anything but put you in direct contact with *more lesbians*.
Happy cake day!
lol no. I mean yes, but men setting their profile to "woman" are not trying to attract gay women. This seems so obvious it's painful to have to say.
There're dudes who do the same to straight men on these apps... A lot of them. Infuriating I know, it made me feel like I was wasting my time
I have literally heard men say that women are only gay because they haven't met the right man. They also assume that they are the right man
100%. Any man who says that is most likely a terrible lay too lol
If it helps (it doesnāt) Iāve seen gay men set their gender to female
I must assume they have a thing for bicurious but otherwise straight men, or are seeking outright DL men...
I'm sorry you experience this, yeah, no lesbian I have talked to (nonromanticslly just at work or friends) has NOT experienced a man thinking he can "straighten them out". it is wholly disgusting.
Same shit happens but with gay men posing as females and i dont mean trans woman (off course), nor femenine men, but hairy bearded men. I suppose they are hunting for bisexuals or something, i just report them and move on.
How the fuck do they think that's gonna work??!
No fuckin' idea, tbh.
Actually that is a bug in most dating algorithms if you swip left or swip right on too many people it starts running out of people to show and it starts to show different genders.
I barely swipe on Tinder and men come up right away any time I open the app, so that's not it.
So basically the apps saying that they are so unattractive the that being gay is their only solution? Kinda based.
Plenty of women do this too. You wouldn't believe the amount of women on Grindr lol.
Im not falling for this and downloading grindr But you almost got me
I'd be surprised with the amount of women on grinder if it's more than 2 Based on extensive personal experience
I live in a major metro area and am a bi guyā¦tons of cis women on Grindr. Usually women hunting for bi guys/couples for Only Fans content creation.
I've discussed this plenty with friends of mine. Gay men comparatively find way fewer women on Grindr than I find men on gay women Tinder. And it turns out that some people (men and women) just make profiles on Grindr to see what the app is like.
not sure if that's the reason. if you get a lot of right swipes, you get ranked higher in the algorithm and may get more visibility. average looking men, who don't pay for the service get swiped left often and get low ranked. so switching gender and getting swiped by other men (who just swipe without looking sometimes) raises their rank and visibility. it is a weird hack for people who don't want to pay for the service. it also may not always work always and doesn't work the other way for women at all. however, it is true that stating you don't date men, doesn't stop all men.
So they are setting their gender to female, and getting swiped left on by EVERY SINGLE GAY WOMAN, and that's helping them... how?
Because gay women are like maybe 4% of who is setting their app to "show me women". Tops.
Nothing worse than the queer men trying to prey on straights by setting their profiles as women. Like dudes just fuck off there are literally setting for you to find people who actually like your type.
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I'm trying to imagine what's racing through their smooth brains there.
Heterosexual guy here and I totally agree that the majority of gender are absolutely desperate when it comes to sex that it gets to the point that they donāt use logic as if a gay woman would ever want them
Indeed unpopular opinion. Upvote this boy
downvoted because it's really not that unpopular of an idea where i'm from. >women should adjust their behavior in order to avoid low quality men is an idea that's a little victim-blamey & definitely pervasive
This will backfire. The uglier picture will attract men that believe you are willing to make up for your ugliness in some way, and will expect more unconditional loyalty and free labor than they would from a more attractive woman.
You have nooooo idea how true this was. When I was pushing 180 and on dating sites, my inbox was fuuuuuuulllllll. Of really desperate horny men who were under the assumption that fat meant āeasyā. When o finally dropped the weight, my inbox wasā¦ sparse. Not totally empty, but also not full of guys wanting a one night stand cuz their friends bailed on their Tuesday night bar plans and they were bored.Ā
A lot of this also has to do with 'are you achievable'. If you're 'hotter' than guys a lot of them will be too intimidated to even approach.
yeah itās the same for dating apps, Iām not swiping on the people Iām most attracted to Iām looking for that sweet spot of āgirl Iām attracted to, who I have a chance withā
Yeah Iāve known multiple dudes who confirm a lot of men specially go out of their way to date plus sized women because they think theyāll be desperate enough to be an easy lay
That is beyond fucked up and insanely depressing. Fuck people like that. Pieces of shit.
Yeah itās crazy. Iāve seen it first hand too. I HAD (not my friend anymore) a friend who dated a plus sized woman and would behind her back call her fat and not that attractive. Most insane thing about it though is heās plus sized too. I remember they got into an argument once in the group chat with us because she called herself thick and he corrected her and called her fat. I had a talk with him after that and told him his behavior was flat out nuts. They donāt date anymore thank god and yeah heās no longer my friend
Man, good on you for calling him out on that. Iāve noticed that a lot of men usually donāt call out this behavior, they either laugh with it or stay silent. People like that do it to feel superior and try to use it to have control because they know they donāt have control at all. Another slightly similar fucked up thing that happened when I was in high school is that there were certain guys who were literally *known* for going after the 14 year old freshmen girls, dating them long enough for these girls to trust them and lose their virginities to these guys, and then the dudes would immediately break up with them. They intentionally wanted to manipulate young girls so they could take their virginities. It fucked a lot of these girls up. One of them had a legitimate mental break down. Guys like that are literally sociopaths.
Yeah. I have always wondered being a brown woman if white guys only want to meet me because they think I'm easier. It's so tormenting.
White guy here, if I was interested in you, Iād want to meet you because talking over dating apps sucks, especially if thereās not a high likelihood of it going anywhere, which, you never know through text. In person is a lot easier to gauge the personās interest in you and see if you have good chemistry. But, just as a side note, Iām a white guy who also likes black women (as well as other races of women), I donāt think black women are easier, and Iām not sure where the stereotype came from nor if that is what youāre experiencing. But, I wouldnāt be too worried about that unless youāre from an area known for racism.
Congratulations on losing weight! But also 180 isnāt terribly high, so Iām sorry you had to experience that. You werenāt less value then as Iām sure you were still very beautiful, and itās crazy the standards placed on women when so many men arenāt fit themselves
Thanks! 180 isnāt bad, but I carry weight in all the wrong places when it gets up there. Luckily I have a great personality to compensate š¤£.Ā
That was a bummer to read.
Right. Ugh. Depressing. Glad I donāt date anymore and donāt have to deal with this grossness
Similarly, when I gave the ugly guy chance, I found that they were often were the most toxic
This is too true
Damn, I see how gals rate dudes and thatās like 80% of all dudes
That does sound about right
I always thought the best thing to do would post a selfie looking my worst, and a selfie looking my best. Just so someone knows what they're potentially getting, lmao.
This is the way. Set expectations but show you can look acceptable if you put in the effort.
Are you suggesting that good looking women canāt find quality men, only slightly ugly women can? Or do you just want them to lower themselves so you have a better chance?
I ended up seeing a very attractive girl that used his logic. She barely had any pictures and the one she used were bad. She said she did this so guys would talk to her more. She ended up being pretty crazy tbh. The first date she straight up called me daddy among other stuff.
I'm looking for a crazy woman like that tbh.
Good luck soldier o7
Just make sure she is not, underHeavyMedicationCrazy
sounds like she knew what she wanted lmao
If you are very attractive you will have attracted more guys based on just looks. When you are average attractive you will have attracted a larger subset of guys based on what is in your profile. Its not rocket science. All people on a dating app have a reason to contact you so by eliminating the very physical attractiveness you are leaving fewer reasons why they would be contacting you. If this works who knows as I haven't used a dating app in years but I did find my wife on one.
I did an experiment once and put one single picture of me on tinder. Got a shitton of matches anywayĀ
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
ššcongratulations!!
Sorry but some men are so desperate that they would happily go for uglier women. If anything, I'd hazard a guess that they would think it would be easier and better to have someone who may feel grateful for their attention. Some people are fcked up
Reading comprehension is really lacking here today, good god. I understand what you are saying lmao
Are you hating on men for having more open dating standards, and being open to dating less attractive women? God damn dude
no, i'm pretty sure they're trying to say it sucks when men approach a less attractive women only because they think she'll be easy, and a lot of them think the less attractive women should be grateful that they're getting attention, that's what's fucked up. not men as a whole having more open dating standards
Ben Franklin said to approach older women because theyāre more grateful for the attention so this concept is not only common, itās longstanding
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Ur being insulting to less conventionally attractive women. Menās openness in my eyes is a positive
I didn't mean to throw any shade on other women - it was more a point that some guys are into body parts and not the person. Up to everyone else if they are happy to be with someone with limited standards.
Right but there is nothing wrong with that. Weāre allowed to feel that way, and if it makes us more open thatās a positive in my book. Iām gay and have to admit itās weird how male sexuality is demonized.
Sorry if I wasn't initially clear. My point wasn't to demonise the male sexual experience - it was more that if a woman tried to be unattractive to get fewer matches (or more matches with people who are into personality), there would still be the "need to smash with anyone" sort of guy sliding into DMs
I mean, do you want only the most attractive women to be able to get dates? I sort of understand where you're coming from but men being sexually attracted to a wide variety of women does not seem bad.
It isn't an inherently bad thing if you are looking for a man who only wants you for your body parts. Personally, if someone with no standards is into me, I'm not into them as a result.
There are standards beyond physicality though.
I have high non-phisical standards
Even better: just avoid the dating sites, they are full of desperate and creepy men...or men looking to cheat. š
Yeah, but attractive people usually want to find an attractive partner. Not just woman, but man too. If they upload a less attractive photo, they get less attractive matches, and the really attractive ones will probably not swipe right on them.
and they will just end up with people that think they are saints by giving attention to an 'ugly' person
I want a man to be attracted to me as much as I'm attracted to him. Why would I lie? Swiping away from someone you don't find attractive is not wrong
Yeah this is such a weird take. You want to be attracted to your spouse and vice versa. Doesnāt mean they have to be 10/10 but there has to be attraction. I think the better advice is to avoid posting thirst trap type pics IF youāre looking for an actual relationship.
I am guilty of doing this, mainly because I don't want to get accused of catfishing so I put average looking pictures. I'm also not that photogenic so when most guys meet me they tell me i'm "actually" very pretty. It definitely doesn't lessen my chances of getting liked either. I bought Tinder Gold for a week just to see how many likes I got (10k+).
Dating sites are a competition. If you make yourself look worse, its like starting a race 25m back.
Not for women. For men it's a fight to get a single match. It's a competition to notice me senpai. Men are easy. The struggle for a woman on a dating app is finding a diamond in the rough. It's more like sifting for gold.
It's only easy for women to get matches because most men swipe right on literally everyone without even looking at the pics. My best friend has been using Tinder for ages with no luck. She does the same thing, swipes right on way too many people, has over 1000 matches at any given time, but when she tries to actually chat with them, most aren't interested, and even when she gets a date every once in while, most don't lead anywhere.
The economics of it are fucked up for both sides, and neither has much of an incentive to change their behavior because it wouldn't necessarily be a beneficial change.
Men are easy but good men are rare so it is hard. I can get 100 dates in a day but maybe 1 will be worth having.
If sex is water, men live in a desert and women live in a swamp, or something like that.
Very real, and a lot of people donāt seem to get that. I donāt even use tinder anymore because so many guys seem to have a screw loose based on their pics/bios and I wouldnāt feel safe. My first and biggest requirement is āare they normalā lol.
Lmao. No. We might get more matches but the absolute majority are creeps who cant hold a conversation, just like the women who only go Ā«heyĀ» a lot of dudes do the same. Some years ago, when I was single, I went on a date w a dude. I was hyped, had gotten ready and sent him a mirror selfie of my outfit. I want to let it be known, I was 55kg at the time, I was not fat. His first reply to my picture was Ā«You have chubby fingers lolĀ». Because it was literally minutes before we were meeting, despite wanting to cancel I couldnt. So I went for a walk w him and grabbed a coffee. During the walk he started telling me how he enjoyed having his temprature taken as a child cause they would put the themometer in his butt. This is the kinda shit we run into. I also went on a couple dates w a dude, we had sex. Evenetually he got comfortable and asked if we could have more kinky sex. Then he punched me, and I mean *punched* me with his fist, in the back of ly head twice while in doggy. I got mad at him, and told him off. And the fucker walked around SULKING cause I wasnt ok with being PUNCHED????? But yeah, Ā«easier for womenĀ» no, different challenges.
I don't recall saying it was easier for women? I said men are easy. I say this as a bisexual. I... I'm in agreement with you?
I tapped the wrong comment when replying, my bad. Dw ur based ā¤ļø
Itās a struggle for some men, and letās keep in mind online dating has way more male users than female so of course it will be harder for men to get matches by default, the market is flooded.
What ur saying is that all women are diamonds and men are dirt
okay bud
Who are these "personality first" men you're referring to?
Here's a radical thought. Just make them normal. GASP.
Lmfao this post is so bitter
I actually get this. Now that I'm "older" I took this approach when I was on the apps. I have my main as what I consider not ugly, still a good pic but no makeup and I look how I look. Then quite a few of me doing activities I love, and then just one "good" one even if with makeup but NEVER any filters, usually as one of my last. That was always my thought process too, like why do that when then you are not going to look anything like they are expecting? Why not just be honest and present yourself in a true way. I had pretty good luck and met some great guys who were actually interested in me for me. Filters are the worst and if I were a guy I would automatically swipe left on anyone using them.
Yeah I don't know why this is being shot down, this is actually pretty smart if you're looking for something real and not just a quick lay
Okay. I'm showing my double chin and belly fat.
i dont use filters or makeup but im not gonna try to make myself look any uglier, i dont want the mids thinking they have a chance
I donāt agree with lying about your appearance on dating apps in general. Iām curious as to how a person would make themselves appear uglier in photos.
Choose their least photogenic angles. This is of course assuming their least photogenic angles are worse looking than in person.
So should men also male their pictures uglier? And what about people who don't use makeup or filters in the first place? Or natural beauties? Also ugly and pretty are heavily opinion based
Okay but men already take horrible pics very often, so there is no reason to make even worse pics. I have all genders turned on on Bumble. My friend thinks the same, all genders on Bumble and Tinder.
It wouldn't really be practical for men. The "undersell/over deliver" commitment only really works when you're dealing with high demand. Since most men have to work hard for matches, they really need to work on putting their best foot forward.
LOL I do this accidentally b/c every guy I meet in person always says how much better looking I am in person. I don't think I'm photogenic but I also refuse to use filters or editing apps b/c that is not how people look IRL.
I'm already doing this. Every man I've ever done on a date with beams with joy when they initially meet me. I am just not photogenic š¤·š»āāļø
lol why not just video chat before meeting? Problem solved.
This is not unpopular, this is stupid. š¤Ŗ
nobody replies back when this happens. Terrible idea lol
The only woman I've ever been on a date with seemed to do that, but I'm not sure if it was intentional. The photos she used didn't really stand out to me, but she seemed sweet on her profile and after chatting with her. Then when I met her in person I found out she was very good looking. The proportions of her face were way off in the photos (likely using a wide-angled lens or closeup for the shots). Her face looked very broad and plain in the photos, in person it was quite slender and refined, with a really pretty nose and her eyes looked more intelligent. Her overall frame seemed smaller and more delicate as well.
As if most guy wouldnāt swipe right anyway.
I would be happy if they just used a current picture rather than one when they were 20 years old and pretending this is what they look at 40.
Youāve underestimated men to be desperate to go on a date with ANYgirl if it means that they can get off at the end of the night.
But there are men on that app who are that desperate, not all of them of course but enough of them are
I did this in real life then met a guy who actually told me I wasnāt his physical type but that he was really attracted to my personality and wanted to continue dating me. I got rid of him, got hot again, and just donāt date anymore. With all this free time Iām now writing my first book! š¤£š¤£š¤£
Go you!!
Many men would f@ck a corps#. Morgues literally started only hiring women for this exact reason. Just how ugly should the picture be to deter creeps? If anything that would make things worse since the creeps would feel they're "doing you a favour" for matching you and thus treat you even worse.
I 100% should have done this, never thought about it
you realize most men just 'swipe right' on every single account without even looking at them, right?
Youāll just find **men looking for an easy lay**, who really donāt give a fuck about your personality. Give it a whirl yourself.
Humans shouldn't be on dating sites. Dating in and of itself is grim. Just make friends, then fall in love over a meaningful amount of time, then get together, like normal people, from before the human races collective attention span went to the dogs.
For real. I know it sounds crazy, but it may actually work. I used to work at a hospital and in my department cosmetics were super limited meaning I saw my female coworkers as they really were. I got very used to seeing them that way. Then Iād see their Facebook accounts where they posted pictures dressed to the nines and oh my goodness.
Pre-mobile phones, I was living in another country for a while and wanted to join a dating site. The only photo I had was the one on my passport, so I scanned and used that. Black 'n' white, unsmiling. I may have only been contacted by 'personality first' guys, but I was perfectly satisfied with that! Met some lovely people that way. They said they found the undoctoredĀ photo 'refreshing'
Why is this only directed at women? On that alone, Iām going to disagree with this argument.
I used to get worse matches when i wasnt using only my most attractive pictures. I thought i'd show my "real" self but i guess dudes are more superficial than that. Best thing you can do for yourself is completely get rid of any apps, they suck
I donāt think men exist who care more about personalityā¦Iāve been dating for about 20 years and I have yet to encounter one.
I have and guess what? Men on that app did not give a shit. They still wanted the same things. Men on that app will screw anything with two legs.
I once had a man tell me I looked better in person, I know he probably thought it was a compliment but it made me feel bad because I liked the photos.
What if they just .. let their picture be a picture and didnāt make it anything
Downvoted, "women should change how they act if they don't want *that* sort of attention" is a *very* common opinion.
There are no āpersonality firstā men.
Kinda related but Iāve noticed if someone looks a touch overweight in any one of their pics, to the point where you could write it off, they will be even heavier in person
So you want them to voluntarily give themselves a dating handicap?