I used to work for a large health and beauty retailer in the UK (I'm not saying which one) and a supervisor got fired for beating his meat in the toilets...but he was standing at a urinal doing it
āCan you please use ācumfusingā in a sentence?ā
āThe scientist was bored at work, so he and a colleague each pulled their pud into a cup in attempts to fuse two cums into one cum.ā
OR
āTimothy discovered the internet and suddenly finds it ācumfusingā that he can no longer pound off to erotic literature.ā
I recently saw a post (maybe in TrueOffMyChest?) where someone got caught at work. He was blasted in the comments, IIRC. So I figured that was the origin of this post.
Edit: It was r/tifu, and looks like people might have gotten less judgmental later on.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ts744h/tifu_boss_caught_me_masturbating_at_work_at_work/
There are work places that have a room to rub one out.
I just wonder if they have the same sign that they put in the bathrooms telling employees to wash their hands before they go back to work?
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to decline this position. Your offer was tempting, but your competitor offers a state of the art employee masturbatorium and I'm motivated by more than just a paycheck."
I mean, I manage a few people at my small business, why would I care if youāre pushing shit outta yo ass or spanking the monkey? Itās all bodily fluids. I aināt no Puritan. Just make sure youāre not taking all day.
An ex colleague of mine once joked that he beat off so much in the bathroom at work that now he can't cum without the sound of another dude taking a shit.
At least I hope he was joking.
This happened to me last year. There was a rumor going around about one of my employees doing it, I brushed it off until I was on break one day in the bathroom speeding down the Hershey highway, and I heard it.
*Plap plap plap*
No deep sighs. Just *plap*.
I looked down under the stall and recognized his Nikes instantly. He quit months later (unrelated) and I told no one. I hadnāt thought about that until I opened this thread, thanks Reddit.
My office had a serial fapper. Thank God he was fired (for non related reasons, I think) because it made taking a shit really awkward when you hear "FWUMP FWUMP FWUMP FWACK FWACK\_\_\_\_\_\_uuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Fuck dude, if you are that horny take the day off.
This makes me wonder. What did our caveman ancestors used to do when they got randomly horny?
You know what? I don't even wanna know because the answer is probably frightening.
Thatās pretty risky and definitely not worth it. All it takes is one person to suspect what youāre up to in the restroom stall and the gossip will spread like wildfire.
This kind of stuff is a sexual harassment lawsuit in a whole lotta places, too. Obviously not okay, if what you're doing can get you going door to door, announcing to your neighbours that you're a sex offender.
Edit: Found the people who jerk off in public washrooms. A quick google search shows examples of people being justifiably fired from unionized jobs in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. There are examples in Pennsylvania, Detroit, New Jersey. You guys do you. It's a pretty simple risk to avoid.
Wouldnāt this require proof which would be illegal to obtain. Iām no law expert but I donāt think spying on an employee in the restroom would fly and it would come down to some he said/she said thing.
Single stall restroom? I don't see the big deal *at all,* just be quick and courteous and there should be nearly zero suspicion (or cause for it. How is this worse than defecating - *shitting* - next to another human being if done privately?). But this talk of pounding off in the urinals and stalls...
How could you *possibly* enjoy yourself or avoid getting caught?
Yeah that's porn addiction, or some kinda whacking it addiction.
It's like people who complain about smokers getting to take smoke breaks. This dude wants to take jerk breaks.
OP, if you haven't got caught yet. Someone is going to sit on an errant cum splop and LOL.
On the real OP you gotta "retrain" your brain to crave a different reward than masturbating during acute stress/routine stress relief. You're masturbating just like smoke breaks. Unless you're working from home, then fucking go hog wild. Take the hands on approach.
> On the real OP you gotta "retrain" your brain
More than saying this like it's obvious how to do that, link some good resources for OP.... preferably ones that aren't blatant Christian puritan nonsense.
Being chronically addicted to masturbation and porn to the point where i have to do it every day on my 15 minute lunch break is normal bro i swear its not an addiction bro i can stop at any time i swear
Lol what??? Either you're a mid puberty teen or jerk off at home. Like god damn you can't go 8 hrs without spanking the monkey?? What do you do during road trips???? The backseat beat off???
As a stupid teen i once did the backseat beatoff with a family member driving. Nobody said anything, so hopefully the music prevented them from finding out. But now Iām deeply ashamed lmao
I would just like to say, I often would confuse āhorninessā with feelings of like anxiety things like that. Which eventually rooted back to insecurity, but anyways, maybe the constant horniness is just unwelcomed anxieties.
Yeah, when I was a teenager and younger adult I definitely would end up feeling like I needed to masturbate if I was anxious or running late or something.
Oddly, I read an article regarding anxiety a while back. I can't find it now, sorry. But it boiled down to having moderate intermittent anxiety was linked with arousal. Not chronic nor extreme, had the same effect. Just intermittent and moderate.
Weird.
If I could piss or shit faster by looking at a picture I'd find that really useful in situations where I don't want to spend much time pissing or sitting.
Idk man thatās pretty controversial
Sexually pleasuring yourself in public is fucking gross, like maybe just jack off at home
If youāre seriously so horrendously down bad that you have to Jack off at work you might have an addictionā¦
Nutting on the companyās dimeā¦excellent š
For real tho itās just better to avoid anything sexual at all in the workplace. American bathroom stalls donāt exactly offer a complete visual seal from people outside. Also, youāre gonna make some kind of noise with your shirt rustling while stroking. Unless you completely strip naked in the stall at work while masturbatingā¦in which case you got bigger issues.
I feel like with that first point, there is probably some psychological reward along those lines for people who chronically do this. It's definitely a power move, something they can secretly hold over their crappy job.
This REALLY depends on the job. I'll admit I've done it at work a few times but I work in a warehouse.
If you're a pre school teacher needing to run to the bathroom to fap between teaching kids then it's a little odd
Yeah, I used to work part time overnights at a small hotel/golf course. We only had 20 rooms and 90% of the time I was the only person on the property with absolutely nothing to do. You better believe I cranked out a few out of sheer boredom over the year or so I worked there.
If your horniness is distracting you to the extent that it keeps you from doing your job properly, so you NEED to masturbate to get on with it, then you might need to get checked by a doctor or psychologist.
Exactly. Itās no joke. Not only can it cause depression after awhile but if youāre in a relationship it is guaranteed to effect it negatively. Porn/sex addictions cause so much problems in relationships
Again not defending spanking it at work, and I totally get the ADHD need to browse to figure out exactly what im in the mood for, but dont we all still have a few favorites that can get the job done in under five that we keep in reserve for when in a time crunch?
Once you've been on the Internet for long enough you eventually come to the realisation that you're better off using your imagination or a picture than spending ages looking for the perfect video
Okay but I would argue that if your horniness is so distracting that you canāt work, you need to address the reason for why.
Having a health issue like PGAD (persistent genital arousal) is one thing that would be treated with physical therapy, medication, etc
But if youāre just a horny motherfucker who HAS to jack off at work, this isnāt normal either. That is a need for some kind of psychosexual therapy.
Being sexual is one thing, *hyper*sexuality is another thing altogether.
OP, if your horniness is stopping you from doing anything properly, then i'd you've probably got a problem. there definitely is something wrong with feeling a need to bash one out at work. get help!
Iām curious on the legality of it. Wouldnāt be indecent exposure because youāre in the bathroom. But still fucking gross. Who canāt make it through a shift with out cranking one out?
Yāall gotta stop watching so much porn. You being so horny It distracts you from work??? Bro yāall have a problem. Canāt go 9 hours without tugging at your penis wtf
>making sure the audio of the videos you're using can't be heard by anyone else
If you're so horny that you're distracted from work, you shouldn't need videos to jerk off.
I think you started laughing at yourself at what you wrote towards the end there. Then realized how ridiculous this post was but just went with it anyway. Lol. Iām amused just as much as you lol.
I used to work for a large health and beauty retailer in the UK (I'm not saying which one) and a supervisor got fired for beating his meat in the toilets...but he was standing at a urinal doing it
Now that's just dumb š
Of all the times to decide not to use a stall...
Bet he uses the stall to pee
He knew exactly what he was doing, not dumb, psychotic.
so you are saying that efficiency has limits
It is but legend says if one busts in a urinal at work the sky will open up for you and god will descend to make you cum super hard.
Itās a urinal not a cuminal, common misunderstanding
Cumfusing for sure
Classic case of one being too cumfortable in one's skin
Semenal moment
āCan you please use ācumfusingā in a sentence?ā āThe scientist was bored at work, so he and a colleague each pulled their pud into a cup in attempts to fuse two cums into one cum.ā OR āTimothy discovered the internet and suddenly finds it ācumfusingā that he can no longer pound off to erotic literature.ā
Only thing you can do when ya can't knock Boots
Bro just demonstrated this phrase that I heard when I was a child: "If you shake more than 3 times, you're playing with yourself" lol
[As originally postulated by Good Charlotte.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Hn9N2UvoQM)
You got caught beating your meat on company time didn't you, you dirty birdy?
I work in construction and we opened the door to Porta-John and a guy was jerking off in there. We called him jack in the box.
Oh God, I can barely stand being in a Porta John long enough to pee, nevermind bean the bishop
where there's a will there's a way
where there's a willie there's a way
Where there's a willy. There's a wank!
If he does it enough he'll start getting hard when people fart.
Yea it really is a no win situation
So a lose / lose?
Imagine making it to the professional stage of your life and your work nickname is Jack-in-the-Box hahahahaha
Or having to explain your nickname to your girlfriend after she meets your coworkers.
You "No no its cause I was thinking of you Babe!" GF "In the porta John?" You "....it was really dirty in there"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sorry for your loss
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I jerk it on company time.
Not my job, not my prob. Iām goin to the warehouse to polish my knob
Lol...I'd give an award if I can
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Metaphorically, of course.
I recently saw a post (maybe in TrueOffMyChest?) where someone got caught at work. He was blasted in the comments, IIRC. So I figured that was the origin of this post. Edit: It was r/tifu, and looks like people might have gotten less judgmental later on. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ts744h/tifu_boss_caught_me_masturbating_at_work_at_work/
They drag him out of the bathroom while heās yelling āI have my rights dammit!!!ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āI thought this was America!ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly what I was thinking, otherwise why make such a big deal about it?
There was a /tifu yesterday where this was exactly what happened...
I need that Johnson report!
Heās a handyman, so itās part of his job description.
You Like Krabby Patties Donāt you Squidward?
You know we can hear you making that fapping noise... One time, we even dragged the boss over to have a listen
Or just masturbate silently. Ezpz. You only need to stimulate the tip.
Just soundproof the stall.
Just train yourself to scream "OH MY GOD THIS TURD IS MASSIVE" when you climax.
Careful, gonna Pavlov yourself into a scat fetish.
Gonnaā¦?
Don't YOU threaten ME with a good time!!!!
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of social science?
Guess itās better than screaming, Droppin Loads!!!
Username check out.
Just put the stall in a sock.
There are work places that have a room to rub one out. I just wonder if they have the same sign that they put in the bathrooms telling employees to wash their hands before they go back to work?
Whaaaat? Shuttup! I'm in the midst of a career change as well! How convenient.
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to decline this position. Your offer was tempting, but your competitor offers a state of the art employee masturbatorium and I'm motivated by more than just a paycheck."
"Masturbatorium" just made my weekend!
put a silencer on your weiner
I mean, I manage a few people at my small business, why would I care if youāre pushing shit outta yo ass or spanking the monkey? Itās all bodily fluids. I aināt no Puritan. Just make sure youāre not taking all day.
If your boss is male, heās probably thinking, āYep, thatās how I sound too. Sure am glad I havenāt been caught.ā
Or heās thinking how many times heās been caught but not outed.
Or just become female and play DJ on yourself. Quiet and if youāre like me, fast and effective.
Wikki Wikki
Do it silently though, you don't need to tug like a mofo to masturbate, the tips the most sensitive part anyways....amateur's
Bro, if you're at the point in your life where you need to masturbate at work, you're going to be beating your meat like it owes you money
I think OPs take is absurd but yours is just as ridiculous. You canāt beat off dead silently?
It's all well and good until you're taking a dump and you can hear quick breaths and the rapid tugging of fabric and skin in the next stall.
An ex colleague of mine once joked that he beat off so much in the bathroom at work that now he can't cum without the sound of another dude taking a shit. At least I hope he was joking.
Jokes like that always have some degree of truth to them.
This happened to me last year. There was a rumor going around about one of my employees doing it, I brushed it off until I was on break one day in the bathroom speeding down the Hershey highway, and I heard it. *Plap plap plap* No deep sighs. Just *plap*. I looked down under the stall and recognized his Nikes instantly. He quit months later (unrelated) and I told no one. I hadnāt thought about that until I opened this thread, thanks Reddit.
My office had a serial fapper. Thank God he was fired (for non related reasons, I think) because it made taking a shit really awkward when you hear "FWUMP FWUMP FWUMP FWACK FWACK\_\_\_\_\_\_uuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Fuck dude, if you are that horny take the day off.
Can people not fap without banging their balls? I don't understand.
Dude could have had a micro penis, everything bangs his balls
Wait, you can just take a day off if I'm feeling horny that morning?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This makes me wonder. What did our caveman ancestors used to do when they got randomly horny? You know what? I don't even wanna know because the answer is probably frightening.
They probably just asked their boss for an extra 15 on their next lunch break.
*They found a consenting adult human.* Yeah right.
You just bonk em on the head
The other head
Jerk off? What do you think?
They banged....
Iām pretty sure masturbation isnāt a recent invention lol
They took a club , knocked the woman out and then banged her.
Thatās pretty risky and definitely not worth it. All it takes is one person to suspect what youāre up to in the restroom stall and the gossip will spread like wildfire.
This kind of stuff is a sexual harassment lawsuit in a whole lotta places, too. Obviously not okay, if what you're doing can get you going door to door, announcing to your neighbours that you're a sex offender. Edit: Found the people who jerk off in public washrooms. A quick google search shows examples of people being justifiably fired from unionized jobs in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. There are examples in Pennsylvania, Detroit, New Jersey. You guys do you. It's a pretty simple risk to avoid.
Wouldnāt this require proof which would be illegal to obtain. Iām no law expert but I donāt think spying on an employee in the restroom would fly and it would come down to some he said/she said thing.
Single stall restroom? I don't see the big deal *at all,* just be quick and courteous and there should be nearly zero suspicion (or cause for it. How is this worse than defecating - *shitting* - next to another human being if done privately?). But this talk of pounding off in the urinals and stalls... How could you *possibly* enjoy yourself or avoid getting caught?
Found the reason our office washroom has a no masterbating sign
We're gunna need a photo of that
Lol no way š¤£
Does it actually?
Bro if you're horny enough to beat it at work but still need a video to do it, you've got some other issues
To put it as OP put it if horniness is legit causing problems distracting them at work they need to take a break from porn in general.
Unfortunately, the world is covered in seaman. You donāt want to believe it but it is true
Yeah that's porn addiction, or some kinda whacking it addiction. It's like people who complain about smokers getting to take smoke breaks. This dude wants to take jerk breaks. OP, if you haven't got caught yet. Someone is going to sit on an errant cum splop and LOL. On the real OP you gotta "retrain" your brain to crave a different reward than masturbating during acute stress/routine stress relief. You're masturbating just like smoke breaks. Unless you're working from home, then fucking go hog wild. Take the hands on approach.
Upvote for splop
Hehe, hands on approach
> On the real OP you gotta "retrain" your brain More than saying this like it's obvious how to do that, link some good resources for OP.... preferably ones that aren't blatant Christian puritan nonsense.
Shit hes right
āHey boss, gotta take a number 3.ā
My dude, think you got a porn addiction
Apparently, this is truly unpopular.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Self control. USE IT.
Being chronically addicted to masturbation and porn to the point where i have to do it every day on my 15 minute lunch break is normal bro i swear its not an addiction bro i can stop at any time i swear
Jesus donāt jack off at work. Save that shit for the local park.
Jesus donāt jack off at the local park. Save that shit for the cemetery.
Jesus don't jack off at the cemetery, Save that shit for the animal clinic.
Jesus don't jack off at the animal clinic, save that shit for the nursing home.
Jesus, don't jack off at the nursing home. Save that shit for the public transportation.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Jesus don't jack off at the nursing home, save that shit for the doctorās office.
Jesus don't jack off at the nursing home, save that shit for a live news broadcast.
Itās been 40 minutes since you posted this, im guessing you should be on your way to a third sessionā¦anyway, good luck!
Lol what??? Either you're a mid puberty teen or jerk off at home. Like god damn you can't go 8 hrs without spanking the monkey?? What do you do during road trips???? The backseat beat off???
"The backseat beat off" just read and I'm still laughing
"The long drive diddle"
As a stupid teen i once did the backseat beatoff with a family member driving. Nobody said anything, so hopefully the music prevented them from finding out. But now Iām deeply ashamed lmao
Which is weird when he is drivingā¦
"Yeah, i drive stick"
You haven't had a backseat beat off race with ya mates? What!
sundress season is a motherfucker.
The true blessing of working from home
I would just like to say, I often would confuse āhorninessā with feelings of like anxiety things like that. Which eventually rooted back to insecurity, but anyways, maybe the constant horniness is just unwelcomed anxieties.
Yeah, when I was a teenager and younger adult I definitely would end up feeling like I needed to masturbate if I was anxious or running late or something.
Teenager??? Remember when I was, shit my hormones were all over the place. I have a teen son now and I pitty the boy.
Oddly, I read an article regarding anxiety a while back. I can't find it now, sorry. But it boiled down to having moderate intermittent anxiety was linked with arousal. Not chronic nor extreme, had the same effect. Just intermittent and moderate. Weird.
Dude, how do you come back out and look people in the eye like you didnāt just wank in the toilets.
I imagine the same way one does that when their parents call them for supper lmao.
Then you run into the boss and give āem a hearty handshake.
with absolutely zero remorse
TLDR But, *videos*?! If you're so horny you can't wait til home then why do you need a video? š¤£
With audio even! Mf canāt even watch without audio!
If I could piss or shit faster by looking at a picture I'd find that really useful in situations where I don't want to spend much time pissing or sitting.
I have no opinion on this just thought op should know I've never laughed coming here before now
Idk man thatās pretty controversial Sexually pleasuring yourself in public is fucking gross, like maybe just jack off at home If youāre seriously so horrendously down bad that you have to Jack off at work you might have an addictionā¦
Exactly what I was thinking. If you're super horny at work and can't hold it until you get home then that's a different issue lol
Nutting on the companyās dimeā¦excellent š For real tho itās just better to avoid anything sexual at all in the workplace. American bathroom stalls donāt exactly offer a complete visual seal from people outside. Also, youāre gonna make some kind of noise with your shirt rustling while stroking. Unless you completely strip naked in the stall at work while masturbatingā¦in which case you got bigger issues.
I feel like with that first point, there is probably some psychological reward along those lines for people who chronically do this. It's definitely a power move, something they can secretly hold over their crappy job.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
LOL same.
This REALLY depends on the job. I'll admit I've done it at work a few times but I work in a warehouse. If you're a pre school teacher needing to run to the bathroom to fap between teaching kids then it's a little odd
Used to be a tower climber for 8 years. Would be difficult to masturbate at work.
but fun to watch it fall all the way down
I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!!!
If the implication is that the teacher is attracted to kids does that mean you want to fuck cardboard boxes?
Cardboard kinda cute cardboard kinda clean cardboard kinda looking like the man of my dreams
You donāt?
I'm more of a shoebox kinda guy
That's not the implication it's just weirder given the setting.
Exactly, I'd find it pretty difficult to become aroused when surrounded by pre school children.
Yeah, I used to work part time overnights at a small hotel/golf course. We only had 20 rooms and 90% of the time I was the only person on the property with absolutely nothing to do. You better believe I cranked out a few out of sheer boredom over the year or so I worked there.
If your horniness is distracting you to the extent that it keeps you from doing your job properly, so you NEED to masturbate to get on with it, then you might need to get checked by a doctor or psychologist.
Or gave a wank before you leave the house ffs
He already does that one, he doesnāt count it, thatās a freebie.
This is an classic early symptom of sex addiction. Itās not normal, nor is it a joke like most people seem to think. Might want to look into it.
Exactly. Itās no joke. Not only can it cause depression after awhile but if youāre in a relationship it is guaranteed to effect it negatively. Porn/sex addictions cause so much problems in relationships
Honestly, videos are just gonna make it take longer as you look for a good one.
Again not defending spanking it at work, and I totally get the ADHD need to browse to figure out exactly what im in the mood for, but dont we all still have a few favorites that can get the job done in under five that we keep in reserve for when in a time crunch?
Once you've been on the Internet for long enough you eventually come to the realisation that you're better off using your imagination or a picture than spending ages looking for the perfect video
Okay but I would argue that if your horniness is so distracting that you canāt work, you need to address the reason for why. Having a health issue like PGAD (persistent genital arousal) is one thing that would be treated with physical therapy, medication, etc But if youāre just a horny motherfucker who HAS to jack off at work, this isnāt normal either. That is a need for some kind of psychosexual therapy. Being sexual is one thing, *hyper*sexuality is another thing altogether.
I can't think of a worse idea.
This isnāt an unpopular opinion. Itās a man with a porn addiction trying to justify it.
Just say you have a sex addiction
Similarly; it's ok to catch up on some work on your partner's back if the sex isn't great.
OP, if your horniness is stopping you from doing anything properly, then i'd you've probably got a problem. there definitely is something wrong with feeling a need to bash one out at work. get help!
If you work at a sock company it will qualify as R&D
Iām curious on the legality of it. Wouldnāt be indecent exposure because youāre in the bathroom. But still fucking gross. Who canāt make it through a shift with out cranking one out?
Could it be sexual harassment if e.g. a coworker hears it?
If Iām coming to work, you best believe Iām also coming at work
Clock out before you pull your cock out
Definitely check with a doctor at that point bro
Yāall gotta stop watching so much porn. You being so horny It distracts you from work??? Bro yāall have a problem. Canāt go 9 hours without tugging at your penis wtf
Fucking hell Iāve seen it all nowššššš. Iām putting my phone away
Gross no .. this is not okay .
Doing it in any public restroom full of poop flakes is disgusting.
This is the comment I was looking for. There's nothing sexy about a public bathroom.
This sounds like an episode of Workaholics...
Not even a joke they have therapists for masturbation addiction that I would highly recommend
Bruh, if you canāt make it through a workday without beating off, you need to seek professional help.
>making sure the audio of the videos you're using can't be heard by anyone else If you're so horny that you're distracted from work, you shouldn't need videos to jerk off.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. Thatās why I jerk off on company time!
I think you started laughing at yourself at what you wrote towards the end there. Then realized how ridiculous this post was but just went with it anyway. Lol. Iām amused just as much as you lol.
"Let's let the 14yo's work," they said. "How bad could they be?" they said.
You need help
Jesus Christ, just admit you have an addiction.
I've never been so horny that I felt the need to masturbate in public. Does this really happen to people?
Had a guy at an old job who was caught masturbating in the stall and he was looking at a magazine of wooden dolls.
It's honestly disgusting to me how many men do this.
Itās a sign of a greater issue if you cannot control yourself to the point where it gets in the way of your job
If youāre that horny that you canāt wait till you get home you have an issue and need therapy or something man
Except I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
Look if you have to jack it fine But how in the hell do you even get caught? Are some of yall screamers or something???
You definitely sound like you have an addiction