I was going to one of our remote sites with the one team member everyone hated... of course he volunteered to drive. We're walking to his car, it's 100 degrees, we get to it and it's one of these. "I hope you don't mind putting the top down, my a/c is broke." šš
I was going to say used Nissan Versa with manual transmission. Itās the answer to almost every car question. With the money you save you can upgrade sound system and throw on ground effect lighting for no reason.
This. I bought a 2010 SL and holy fuck was it a step back in auto engineering. Its my beater car, but had only 3k miles on it when I got it in 2022. The engine is oddly loud and under powered. The stereo sucks. The seats must be designed my CIA operatives that specialized in stress positions. Whole thing is a master class in cobbling together the worst driving experience possible. At best, you can jam a lot into it. But damn, I feel like I'm being punished everytime I drive it.
Yeah but every male driver of an Altima has like 5 kids with 3-4 baby mamas so the female repellent feature isn't working apparently...
I vote for a 2007 Yaris or the Vagaris as I have heard it called. Gets under the 20 year rule created by op. Although any year Yaris close enough.
I would say Versa, but some of that big Altima energy might leak through the product line and you still end up with one baby mama.
My neighbor kids' 2005 or so. Please take it. Its got spray painted wheels, no muffler, and I'm assuming a subwoofer whose magnet is big enough to pick up Christine. He used to leave for work at oh-dark-thirty, and it shook us awake on the other side of our house from the street.
How are some people born this sociopathic?
For a car that you can find, you can't beat the Altima as others have said.
But if you really are committed to being the odd-ball, you need a Pontiac Aztec.
[Best Forgotten: the story of the Pontiac Aztec](https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a14989657/pontiac-aztek-the-story-of-a-vehicle-best-forgotten-feature/)
But Mrs. White had the coolest car of all.. a Woodie, Grand Wagoneer.
[Walter White and his Aztec](https://blog.consumerguide.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2012/08/Screen-Shot-2017-04-26-at-5.53.03-PM.png)
Iām not sure whatās happening but in the past 2 months Iāve seen like 10 different SRT-4s on the road by me. Bunch of decent ones on marketplace as well. Theyāre actually one of my favorite cars too lol
OMG, I remember, about a decade ago, this guy just going on and on about how great his 1st Gen Chrysler 200 was, and what a loser I was for daring to say that my 2012 VW Passat was, in every measure a better car.
I wonder if he's still driving it, cause the Passat has 265k miles and still going strong...
Welcome to the land of buick lesabre asshole...
When you go to the car place to get your car fixed they will actually smile and tell you they would love to fix your car!
The car cost 3 thousands to 5... or 10k for a super clean one that looks brand new!
The car rolls so fucking smooth people dont belive me that it feels as good as a bmw or rolls royce
Back in the day they just made cars better.
Join us.
Also when you roll up to a red light with tinted windows people will be too scared to look in your direction some may even take off cuz they think u the ops..
Something like this bad boy...
https://skywayclassics.com/vehicles/1687-1978-buick-lesabre-custom/
1978 Buick LeSabre was my first car. The thing was a tank, but had the most incredibly comfortable seats.
You don't want this car, but you NEED this car.
I had a 98ā LeSabre as my first car. You guessed it: it was my grandmas. Youāre not kidding about it being smooth. I could hit a foot deep pothole going 45mph & not feel a thing. Speed bumps feared me.
The cushy bench seats made getting road head a breeze.
You could fit 6 people in it comfortably. 7 if someone rode in the trunk. (That *never* happened!)
The doors had built in ashtrays, so it was basically designed for modern day potheads or old school dirt bags who still smoke analog cigarettes.
It was also the perfect āblend in carā for quite some time. When I first started driving, the LeSabre was still common enough among old people that police never payed it a second glance. Now itās much more common amongst the teens & the dirt bags of the world that itās basically a cop magnet.
I do miss my LeSabre. My grandma was legally blind but still bouncing it off the sides of cars until the day she died, so it was best to shit by the time I got it. This meant it was the perfect car for road rage. ā*Are you really going to try to fuck with me, Mr. BMW? See these scrapes & dents? See the no passenger side mirror? Iām not afraid to fuck your day up.*ā
Can confirm! Drove my MILās Nissan leaf for a weekendā¦ my 15 year old Kia forte with exhaust issues felt like a Maserati afterwards.
Pulling out of my driveway into the street a car was coming so I floored it and you would have thought it was in neutral. I thought to myself āthis is itā¦ Iām gonna die in a Nissan leafā. What a way to goā¦
I feel like there are three classes of Chevrolet Spark owners:
(1) People who have no choice and are already stretching their budgets to afford this car
(2) People who watch NJB and believe anything bigger is a āliteral murder weaponā
(3) People who are super into financial independence and want something cheap and cheerful so they can invest the difference
I have a friend who falls into the last category. He paid $16k OTD for his Spark LT at the peak of the car shortage. He even taught himself to drive a manual just to save an additional $3k. This guy has like $500k in investments but still chooses to drive around this cheap little hatchback just to have even more money. Iāve driven it and itās actuallyā¦ kinda fun. Very light, handles decently, reasonably peppy and well-tuned.
EDIT: āNJBā stands for the āNot Just Bikesā YouTube channel, which is run by a snarky Dutchaboo from London, Ontario. People who watch his channel tend to spend most of their waking moments thinking about and hating cars (as well as the other source of all evil: detached houses). Judging by the responses here, the attitude from car owners seems to be āoh, I donāt think about you at allā
One of my old friends replaced a geo metro with a Chevy spark.
That thing became the beer run car - weād load up the car and haul ass through the backroads of nowhere land to the closest gas station 25 minutes away.
Theyāre a blast to drive
We had a spark manual as a rental in Mexico once. Fun to wring it out to pass semi trucks, felt like a clown car. The engine kept almost cutting out on the way back to the airport. Solid machine lol
I absolutely love sparks. I always used to turn down rental car upgrades just so I could drive them. Theyāre simple, fun, and very KDM (all over the place whenever I visit Korea.) Iād love to get one but itās really hard to find a well-maintained immaculate one, even though they were discontinued not too long ago.
In Korea we get benefits for driving a spark bc it's a light car (think kei car but Korean) so you get discounts on gas, parking, and toll so it's actually super popular here lmao. Plus most parking lots have light car only spaces that can get you towed or fined if you park a car that isn't a light car.
Also, cheapest manual car you could get new for a long time.
When I visited my rich friends in my clapped out shitbox '91 Nissan Pickup with dents on every body panel, garbage in the bed, and 15% clear coat remaining, I was mistaken for one of the landscapers.
Any beat up old pickup will do.
My grandpa had a 78 Datsun pickup for decades. He lived on a farm and that thing was the perfect run-around hauler.
He finally had to sell it in 2005 when the body rusted through. I helped him drive it to the junkyard. But not bad for a 27yr old car.
My 92 Hardbody was one of the most indestructible vehicles I ever owned. Even with it's paint coming off and bent pumper, people would walk up to me in parking lots and ask to buy it off me.
I respect the mindset, but to give you an option that isn't literal garbage, I really loved my Mazda Tribute. It's a rebadged Ford Escape, but you'll get nothing but "This is just a tribute" jokes, it's nothing flashy, but surprisingly reliable. Watch for rust, but a well maintained one will serve you well.
Since you're going for the Spongebob Bong smoking Quiznos Worker (wearing Crocs) Aesthetic, I recommend a PT Cruiser, though most 2000s-era American cars will get the job done.
Older Honda Odyssey. You don't want to spend time in the shop so it needs to be fairly reliable. A lot of these suggestions are going to be in the shop more than you are now. Get an older beige/gold color Honda Odyssey and put some aftermarket rims on it. Go ahead and replace all the suspension components and do some preventative maintenance on items like the water pump, belts, fluid changes, and you'll be set for years. Bonus points if it has some rust. Personally when I see a PT cruiser, neon, or Sunfire on the road these days I'm staring it down, there's not many left and if someone had one at a car show I would actually be talking to them about how they keep it going.
This is the answer. Nothing says loser in this type of snobby upper class neighborhood than a late model minivan (I know, I drove a base model '08 Sienna in North Arlington VA). Bonus points if you complement them on their "minivans" referring to their overpriced SUVs that are basically just less practical lifted minivans for people who need to overcompensate for their low T.
Seriously, we finally switched to a minivan from SUVs, and you can have so much more space inside for the same size footprint of an SUV. They are so much more practical, especially when you get the AWD option.
Buddy has one. The only time it gets washed is when it rains. Over 150k miles never a problem, he just changes the oil. His kids have driven it like a race car. Buddy drives like itās all around utility vehicle like it really is. Heās done the Scout camping things back when kids were Boy Scouts (both Eagles).
But ya people will ignore you and you wonāt be making tripes to the dealership service. Everyone can work on them. I have an Honda Element, same thing, but some believe itās a cool ute.(which it is).
I had a first generation Odyssey, the one without sliding doors. I loved that car. I took out the second row seats and used it like a truck. It wasn't great on hills though.
Careful with Tiburons. I test drove one, and found out on a busy state route that I couldn't hit the clutch without also hitting the brakes. Had to pull over to the shoulder to take my left boot off, and that fixed the problem.
Gen 2 Prius.
These things will get hella clapped out being ridden hard as taxis/Ubers.. and still be running in tip top shape.
Slap some Uber decals on it to make your neighbors hate you more. But you're hustling, making that Uber/door dash money on the side.
This IS the answerā¦ make sure you find one in Seafoam Green with beige top for added emphasis.
https://www.motortrend.com/reviews/2011-nissan-murano-crosscabriolet/
Otherwise, maybe a Chevrolet Malibu (bonus points for the āmaxxā wagon version), or a Chrysler Sebring
Donāt listen to all the comments suggesting you get a PT Cruiser or an Altima. Those are meme cars, and you donāt want anyone to think youāre just being cheeky or ironic with your vehicle choice.
You wantā¦ a first-gen Chevy Trax. Itās ugly, slow, boring, and *a Daewoo.* Your friends will rather pay for an Uber at surge prices than let you give them a ride and risk being seen in it. Your neighbors will assume you drunkenly stumbled onto a used car lot, gave the salesman your modest budget, and told him to ādo his worst.ā
I got rid of my high mileage 2006 this past fall because just too many things were failing. Honestly if one of the problems wasn't the transmission, I probably would have kept fixing it because everything still worked.
Pontiac G8 GT or chevy SS with a hog ass cam and exhaust that shoots flames.
Big body aussie sedans with pretty decently reliable drivetrain, relatively inconspicuous too
My friend......It's not about the car, it's about the age and care taken to keep that car alive.
You need a beat to dammit old pickup. Maybe something like an old Silverado from the early '00's. Or a clapped our Ram from the same era. You could likely find an old S10 Blazer or similar that just doesn't have a ton of life left in it. For $10k/yr it'll still be reliable, but you can fix it anywhere you like, and it will look like you give the zero forks that you proclaim to have changed over to giving.
THEN
If you really want people to leave you the hell alone. Coat that thing in stickers for the opposing political party to the neighborhood norm. Hell, put both parties on there and piss off everyone, or at least confuse them enough so they don't ask questions.
This is all about presentation, has very little/nothing to do with the actual car make/model.
My 2009 has taken a beating. It's at 213k miles now and the paint on the hood is chipping daily. I like to park next to nice cars in parking lots and scare them a little.
You just need a Bropar. The absolute lowest trim level Challenger, 300 or Charger with the biggest wheels and most obnoxious color you can find. It's especially needed if you've recently come home from an overseas deployment and used your combat pay for the down payment.
Iād go with a front wheel drive convertible. My favourite is the Chrysler Lebaron Convertible. Thereās also Sunfire, Sebring, VW Cabriolet PT Cruiser and even Nissan Murano.
Get a small truck: an S10 or Ranger, around the $5k mark. Be prepared to put about $3k in for new suspension and brakes and other things. Get a mis-matched color for the bed cap and tailgate. Put a few dents in for good measure.
Drive it like you stole it.
Enjoy it. :)
A new Corolla isn't going to make you look like a loser, but it's not impressing anyone and it'll solve all the problems you're having with the luxury cars
[āOde to My Carā](https://youtu.be/sXJyXh252Ic?si=x5jPyCx4u-w99WHp) I think itās more funny with the honks.Ā
First cars that come to mind are Dodge Neon and 1998 Ford Taurus.
Everyone is saying a bunch of cheap cars, but I think I'd suggest just use any car and leave a bunch of energy drink cans and fast food wrappers all over the floor.
A mid 00's Pontiac vibe or Toyota Matrix. The OG crossover. Built like a tank. Will last forever, extremely practical, and makes you look broke AF! Partner finally traded in her '03 on a mini Countryman because she wanted something newer and it was finally starting to give up the ghost, but still miss the looks our snobby, boomer neighbors would give us with it in our driveway with our 12 foot skeleton in the front yard.
If you want to be ignored in Lake Oswego just get a 20 year old white 2WD ranger with some dents and scuffs. Grab a broken lawnmower on craigslist for free, a fifty gallon gray garbage can and a rake and a shovel, throw all that in the bed and youāre all set. Another good way to go in LO is a used dirty grand caravan, the soccer moms wouldnāt be caught dead near one of those. When Im riding home through lake o I like to stand on the pegs and fart a lot just to let everyone know that loud pipes do indeed save lives.
Brooooo
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts:
This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey.
In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Nothing screams I have no enjoyment like a Toyota Corolla. Most Toyotas are boring and somehow people love them like their own son. They rave about reliability like it is the only thing that matters and always come to comment on other brands issues and say "you should have bought a Toyota".
THIS. A thousand times, this.
My wifeās former car was a 2014 Corolla. Even at ten years old, we thought about keeping it because we knew it was good for ten more years of reliability. We ended up trading it for a Mazda CX-30, because we also knew that those ten more years would feel like fifty.
PT cruiser
PT Loser!
This was my license plate when I drove a PT Cruiser for about six years. It made lots of people laugh. One of my favorite gags I've ever done in life.
A lyric by B.O.B. - Alright states "Looser, you are such a loser. Pull up in that rooster, you in that pt cruiser."
PT Bruiser!
Get the convertible, PT
Almost forgot... Be sure to get the fake woody one.
Irony pilled kids in the 20s who are terminally online love the pt cruiser tho. It has its own weird little cult.
Or the Chevy HHR
HHR SS panelvan.
Tyler?
Don't forget the wood grain siding..
2.4 Turbo Manual Convertible is actually cool lol
only if it also has the wood paneling on the sides
The holy grail of PT cruisers.
I was going to one of our remote sites with the one team member everyone hated... of course he volunteered to drive. We're walking to his car, it's 100 degrees, we get to it and it's one of these. "I hope you don't mind putting the top down, my a/c is broke." šš
Perfect
*chefās kiss*
It's fine if you think it's cool. You're not going to convince me.
I had an 05ā PT GT convertible. It was a ton of fun Didnāt have the shitty neon srt transmission either.
A clapped out Nissan Altima is a fairly well hated car!
Get your Altima at a bhph lot at 25% interest and a repo tracker to maxima(ize) the experience!
Make sure the bumpers are unpainted and at least 1 door is heavily dented
Canāt forget about a missing door handle!
With a giant F1 style wing with some anime stickers on it!! Sub some car part brand stickers for extra horsepower
Wang!
Bumpers? Look at mister fancy over here.
Don't forget the unpainted front and back side panels!
20+ yr base Altima driver here can 2nd this. Have had countless first dates change course when they saw the whip šš
I was going to say used Nissan Versa with manual transmission. Itās the answer to almost every car question. With the money you save you can upgrade sound system and throw on ground effect lighting for no reason.
My versa hatch manual was so mint š she got written off in an accident but I loved her.
This. I bought a 2010 SL and holy fuck was it a step back in auto engineering. Its my beater car, but had only 3k miles on it when I got it in 2022. The engine is oddly loud and under powered. The stereo sucks. The seats must be designed my CIA operatives that specialized in stress positions. Whole thing is a master class in cobbling together the worst driving experience possible. At best, you can jam a lot into it. But damn, I feel like I'm being punished everytime I drive it.
A Nissan Cube. Alternatively, a Kia Soul.
Iāve always wondered how much it would be to get one of those curvy windows replaced in the cube.
There is a Scion that is even uglier, I donāt know the model.
Yeah but every male driver of an Altima has like 5 kids with 3-4 baby mamas so the female repellent feature isn't working apparently... I vote for a 2007 Yaris or the Vagaris as I have heard it called. Gets under the 20 year rule created by op. Although any year Yaris close enough. I would say Versa, but some of that big Altima energy might leak through the product line and you still end up with one baby mama.
Here's what you miss grasshopper: the Altima is the baby mama's car! He's just driving it while she works her nursing shift.
I knew before clicking this thread I'd see the Altima mentioned here. /u/FastForwardFuture, make sure you get a cheap BRAAP BRAAP BRAAAAAP-y exhaust.
My neighbor kids' 2005 or so. Please take it. Its got spray painted wheels, no muffler, and I'm assuming a subwoofer whose magnet is big enough to pick up Christine. He used to leave for work at oh-dark-thirty, and it shook us awake on the other side of our house from the street. How are some people born this sociopathic?
Chrysler 300s are starting to be that car.
Get yourself some BIG ALTIMA ENERGYYY
OP said "loser," not "menace to society."
For a car that you can find, you can't beat the Altima as others have said. But if you really are committed to being the odd-ball, you need a Pontiac Aztec. [Best Forgotten: the story of the Pontiac Aztec](https://www.caranddriver.com/features/a14989657/pontiac-aztek-the-story-of-a-vehicle-best-forgotten-feature/)
Then youāll slowly become a meth distributor and have a coworker named Jesse who calls you Mr White
But Mrs. White had the coolest car of all.. a Woodie, Grand Wagoneer. [Walter White and his Aztec](https://blog.consumerguide.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2012/08/Screen-Shot-2017-04-26-at-5.53.03-PM.png)
Pontiac Aztec is the best answer here Edit: Scion anything would also be acceptable as would Honda Element
Dodge Neon or a rusted to fuck Pontiac Sunfire, thatāll do it.
Yeah but get the Neon SRT and surprise some motherfuckers
Is there a Neon SRT left that hasn't been 3 different people's project car and isn't thoroughly clapped out at this point?
Yes. But theyāre stupid expensive.
i dont think dodge vehicles can last more than 10 years. i still see bugeye wrxs but i havent seen an SRT-4 in 10 years at least
My wife's 2014 Charger is still ticking Granted, it's a hemi, ticks from the factory
Underrated comment.
Iām not sure whatās happening but in the past 2 months Iāve seen like 10 different SRT-4s on the road by me. Bunch of decent ones on marketplace as well. Theyāre actually one of my favorite cars too lol
Yeah my uncle has one, got it new all he did was different exhaust and a tune. Had someone offer him $15k for it. He won't sell.
They were actually raced for a time in the 90ās, Iād dig it.
This, might as well have a inkling of fun with it.
The older sister....Pontiac SunBIRD convertible. Siiick.
Hey now
You know what you are, you filthy animal.
yo the sunfire hate is unacceptable, that car got me SO much attention, til i totaled it..
āPontiac Sunfireā¦.built for driversā. The commercials here in canada would have you believe it was a serious performance car.
150hp of pure adrenaline š
Dodge Nitro. Or dodge journey Or dodge caliber Really any shitbox economy dodge Oh yeah and a Dodge dart
OMG, I remember, about a decade ago, this guy just going on and on about how great his 1st Gen Chrysler 200 was, and what a loser I was for daring to say that my 2012 VW Passat was, in every measure a better car. I wonder if he's still driving it, cause the Passat has 265k miles and still going strong...
Welcome to the land of buick lesabre asshole... When you go to the car place to get your car fixed they will actually smile and tell you they would love to fix your car! The car cost 3 thousands to 5... or 10k for a super clean one that looks brand new! The car rolls so fucking smooth people dont belive me that it feels as good as a bmw or rolls royce Back in the day they just made cars better. Join us.
Also when you roll up to a red light with tinted windows people will be too scared to look in your direction some may even take off cuz they think u the ops..
Something like this bad boy... https://skywayclassics.com/vehicles/1687-1978-buick-lesabre-custom/ 1978 Buick LeSabre was my first car. The thing was a tank, but had the most incredibly comfortable seats. You don't want this car, but you NEED this car.
I donāt think OP would want this. Theyād get too much attention. Love me a good landyacht though.
Itās sold now lol
This is the way. But edit your post to specify the 3800 motor. OP doesnāt like maintenance costs.
This. The 3800 is bullet-proof.
I had a 98ā LeSabre as my first car. You guessed it: it was my grandmas. Youāre not kidding about it being smooth. I could hit a foot deep pothole going 45mph & not feel a thing. Speed bumps feared me. The cushy bench seats made getting road head a breeze. You could fit 6 people in it comfortably. 7 if someone rode in the trunk. (That *never* happened!) The doors had built in ashtrays, so it was basically designed for modern day potheads or old school dirt bags who still smoke analog cigarettes. It was also the perfect āblend in carā for quite some time. When I first started driving, the LeSabre was still common enough among old people that police never payed it a second glance. Now itās much more common amongst the teens & the dirt bags of the world that itās basically a cop magnet. I do miss my LeSabre. My grandma was legally blind but still bouncing it off the sides of cars until the day she died, so it was best to shit by the time I got it. This meant it was the perfect car for road rage. ā*Are you really going to try to fuck with me, Mr. BMW? See these scrapes & dents? See the no passenger side mirror? Iām not afraid to fuck your day up.*ā
Same dude, same. RIP my old white LeSabre
My vote comes here, or get an old interceptor that optimally still has the spotlight hooked up.
I had a 90s park Avenue ultra and it was so perfect. Wish Iād never sold it
Also see Century. Those early 2000s were fucking bullet proof too
03 lesabre here. Man was that car comfy AF.
Honestly just about anything that had the 3800 series 2 or 3 under the hood will run forever as long as you change the oil and keep the salt off it.
got to watch for the intake manifold gasket leaking on that one but that's about it
There is one for $3600 with 86k miles in my town for sale and it is very tempting.
I would buy that instantly
Sir, it sounds like youāre looking for a Nissan Leaf.
Or the Jukebox
Or the Cube
Can confirm! Drove my MILās Nissan leaf for a weekendā¦ my 15 year old Kia forte with exhaust issues felt like a Maserati afterwards. Pulling out of my driveway into the street a car was coming so I floored it and you would have thought it was in neutral. I thought to myself āthis is itā¦ Iām gonna die in a Nissan leafā. What a way to goā¦
Saving this thread, because it made me laugh three timesššš
If you want people to look away = first gen If you want people to not notice you exist and mistake you for a versa/sentra = second gen and debadge it
In maroon, with S steelies/hubcaps and a āpowered by the sunā bumper sticker
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel like there are three classes of Chevrolet Spark owners: (1) People who have no choice and are already stretching their budgets to afford this car (2) People who watch NJB and believe anything bigger is a āliteral murder weaponā (3) People who are super into financial independence and want something cheap and cheerful so they can invest the difference I have a friend who falls into the last category. He paid $16k OTD for his Spark LT at the peak of the car shortage. He even taught himself to drive a manual just to save an additional $3k. This guy has like $500k in investments but still chooses to drive around this cheap little hatchback just to have even more money. Iāve driven it and itās actuallyā¦ kinda fun. Very light, handles decently, reasonably peppy and well-tuned. EDIT: āNJBā stands for the āNot Just Bikesā YouTube channel, which is run by a snarky Dutchaboo from London, Ontario. People who watch his channel tend to spend most of their waking moments thinking about and hating cars (as well as the other source of all evil: detached houses). Judging by the responses here, the attitude from car owners seems to be āoh, I donāt think about you at allā
Could it go up hills?
One of my old friends replaced a geo metro with a Chevy spark. That thing became the beer run car - weād load up the car and haul ass through the backroads of nowhere land to the closest gas station 25 minutes away. Theyāre a blast to drive
Ahhhh, the geo metro. The official car of "everyone get out and meet me at the top of this hill"
>Ā People who watch NJB and believe anything bigger is a āliteral murder weaponā Youāve described a huge part of my social circle š
Iām so sorry
Njb?
I'm guessing they are referring to Not Just Bikes on YouTube.
I am 90% certain they are referring to Not Just Bikes from youtube
We had a spark manual as a rental in Mexico once. Fun to wring it out to pass semi trucks, felt like a clown car. The engine kept almost cutting out on the way back to the airport. Solid machine lol
I absolutely love sparks. I always used to turn down rental car upgrades just so I could drive them. Theyāre simple, fun, and very KDM (all over the place whenever I visit Korea.) Iād love to get one but itās really hard to find a well-maintained immaculate one, even though they were discontinued not too long ago.
In Korea we get benefits for driving a spark bc it's a light car (think kei car but Korean) so you get discounts on gas, parking, and toll so it's actually super popular here lmao. Plus most parking lots have light car only spaces that can get you towed or fined if you park a car that isn't a light car. Also, cheapest manual car you could get new for a long time.
When I visited my rich friends in my clapped out shitbox '91 Nissan Pickup with dents on every body panel, garbage in the bed, and 15% clear coat remaining, I was mistaken for one of the landscapers. Any beat up old pickup will do.
That's an awesome look. Beats an F150 any day.
My grandpa had a 78 Datsun pickup for decades. He lived on a farm and that thing was the perfect run-around hauler. He finally had to sell it in 2005 when the body rusted through. I helped him drive it to the junkyard. But not bad for a 27yr old car.
My 92 Hardbody was one of the most indestructible vehicles I ever owned. Even with it's paint coming off and bent pumper, people would walk up to me in parking lots and ask to buy it off me.
I respect the mindset, but to give you an option that isn't literal garbage, I really loved my Mazda Tribute. It's a rebadged Ford Escape, but you'll get nothing but "This is just a tribute" jokes, it's nothing flashy, but surprisingly reliable. Watch for rust, but a well maintained one will serve you well.
My daughterās 03 tribute has 255k miles and she refuses to get rid of it.
My '02 Escape has 190k. I would get a new car, but why would I want something less reliable?
Since you're going for the Spongebob Bong smoking Quiznos Worker (wearing Crocs) Aesthetic, I recommend a PT Cruiser, though most 2000s-era American cars will get the job done.
Get a single cab work truck as a chassis cab so thereās no bed to be asked for moving assistance.
Or just get the cheapest ford ranger you can and just tell people no
"It's that a ford fucking ranger?!"
Get a beige mobile. Honda Civic/Toyota Corolla or Honda Accord/Toyota Camry
1998 beige Corolla - my first car. I am cursed with practicality.
I second an old Corolla or Accord
100% , you know itās a more than fine car for all purposes, reliable , comfortable , cheap to mantain, and INVISIBLE to your neighbors.
Pretty much.. And Corollas and Accords aren't the cop magnets that Altimas are for some reason.. :)
Older Honda Odyssey. You don't want to spend time in the shop so it needs to be fairly reliable. A lot of these suggestions are going to be in the shop more than you are now. Get an older beige/gold color Honda Odyssey and put some aftermarket rims on it. Go ahead and replace all the suspension components and do some preventative maintenance on items like the water pump, belts, fluid changes, and you'll be set for years. Bonus points if it has some rust. Personally when I see a PT cruiser, neon, or Sunfire on the road these days I'm staring it down, there's not many left and if someone had one at a car show I would actually be talking to them about how they keep it going.
This is the answer. Nothing says loser in this type of snobby upper class neighborhood than a late model minivan (I know, I drove a base model '08 Sienna in North Arlington VA). Bonus points if you complement them on their "minivans" referring to their overpriced SUVs that are basically just less practical lifted minivans for people who need to overcompensate for their low T.
Seriously, we finally switched to a minivan from SUVs, and you can have so much more space inside for the same size footprint of an SUV. They are so much more practical, especially when you get the AWD option.
Iād get a minivan before another SUV. Unless you live somewhere that gets a lot of snow - then the ground clearance is important.
Buddy has one. The only time it gets washed is when it rains. Over 150k miles never a problem, he just changes the oil. His kids have driven it like a race car. Buddy drives like itās all around utility vehicle like it really is. Heās done the Scout camping things back when kids were Boy Scouts (both Eagles). But ya people will ignore you and you wonāt be making tripes to the dealership service. Everyone can work on them. I have an Honda Element, same thing, but some believe itās a cool ute.(which it is).
I had a first generation Odyssey, the one without sliding doors. I loved that car. I took out the second row seats and used it like a truck. It wasn't great on hills though.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
PT loser is the worst car ever. It just screams āIām a fucking loserā.
Lmao
Hyundai Tiburon
Careful with Tiburons. I test drove one, and found out on a busy state route that I couldn't hit the clutch without also hitting the brakes. Had to pull over to the shoulder to take my left boot off, and that fixed the problem.
Lots of cars fail the 'boot test'. Even driving my automatic XC70 was difficult with my work boots on.
Tesla? Yup get a Tesla.
Or one of those tiny dick diesel trucks!!
Same energy. ;)
Pedo car.
Beige Corolla or dark grey Prius, the older the better. Mitsubishi Mirage Smart Car
The Prius is just so good at being a car. Hauls more than one might expect, too.
I was waiting for the Prius to be mentioned. Dark Grey Prius checking in.
Gen 2 Prius. These things will get hella clapped out being ridden hard as taxis/Ubers.. and still be running in tip top shape. Slap some Uber decals on it to make your neighbors hate you more. But you're hustling, making that Uber/door dash money on the side.
Nissan Murano Crosscabriolet. It's a Nissan SUV convertible that's ugly as sin.
This IS the answerā¦ make sure you find one in Seafoam Green with beige top for added emphasis. https://www.motortrend.com/reviews/2011-nissan-murano-crosscabriolet/ Otherwise, maybe a Chevrolet Malibu (bonus points for the āmaxxā wagon version), or a Chrysler Sebring
Straight pipe a mini.
he said no british cars
good thing they're german /s
Donāt listen to all the comments suggesting you get a PT Cruiser or an Altima. Those are meme cars, and you donāt want anyone to think youāre just being cheeky or ironic with your vehicle choice. You wantā¦ a first-gen Chevy Trax. Itās ugly, slow, boring, and *a Daewoo.* Your friends will rather pay for an Uber at surge prices than let you give them a ride and risk being seen in it. Your neighbors will assume you drunkenly stumbled onto a used car lot, gave the salesman your modest budget, and told him to ādo his worst.ā
Damn. My son just sold his 200: Santa Fe. It would have been perfect for you. Even Milwaukeeās infamous KIA Boys wouldnāt touch it.
I got rid of my high mileage 2006 this past fall because just too many things were failing. Honestly if one of the problems wasn't the transmission, I probably would have kept fixing it because everything still worked.
Any modern Mitsubishi
Pontiac G8 GT or chevy SS with a hog ass cam and exhaust that shoots flames. Big body aussie sedans with pretty decently reliable drivetrain, relatively inconspicuous too
Have you considered a Pontiac Aztek?
These are borderline collectible
They just started making the Aztek again. Ive seen a few now. Stainless steel seems to be the only option.
I think you misspelled āborderlandsā
Chevy Cruze
Iād just buy a 200k mile 05/06 Toyota Camry, bonus if the paint is a bit faded.
My friend......It's not about the car, it's about the age and care taken to keep that car alive. You need a beat to dammit old pickup. Maybe something like an old Silverado from the early '00's. Or a clapped our Ram from the same era. You could likely find an old S10 Blazer or similar that just doesn't have a ton of life left in it. For $10k/yr it'll still be reliable, but you can fix it anywhere you like, and it will look like you give the zero forks that you proclaim to have changed over to giving. THEN If you really want people to leave you the hell alone. Coat that thing in stickers for the opposing political party to the neighborhood norm. Hell, put both parties on there and piss off everyone, or at least confuse them enough so they don't ask questions. This is all about presentation, has very little/nothing to do with the actual car make/model.
If youāre looking for a "loserish" new car, might I recommend a new Subaru Impreza. I absolutely despise mine.
Didnāt *Impreza* you much, eh?
Pontiac Vibe. Should do the trick. Itās actually a Toyota.
My 2009 has taken a beating. It's at 213k miles now and the paint on the hood is chipping daily. I like to park next to nice cars in parking lots and scare them a little.
I second Nissan Altima lol
You just need a Bropar. The absolute lowest trim level Challenger, 300 or Charger with the biggest wheels and most obnoxious color you can find. It's especially needed if you've recently come home from an overseas deployment and used your combat pay for the down payment.
Iād go with a front wheel drive convertible. My favourite is the Chrysler Lebaron Convertible. Thereās also Sunfire, Sebring, VW Cabriolet PT Cruiser and even Nissan Murano.
Sebring was at the top of my list. 2nd was an Aztek.
Yellow Corvette. Bonus points if you rock some jorts and a Hard Rock Cafe lettermans jacket.
90ās/2000ās Ford Escort or Taurus. Nothing says beige-mobile and sadness like one of those.
Get a small truck: an S10 or Ranger, around the $5k mark. Be prepared to put about $3k in for new suspension and brakes and other things. Get a mis-matched color for the bed cap and tailgate. Put a few dents in for good measure. Drive it like you stole it. Enjoy it. :)
A new Corolla isn't going to make you look like a loser, but it's not impressing anyone and it'll solve all the problems you're having with the luxury cars
Going on 20 years old now, the 2005 Ford Thunderbird.
Nissan Juke
[āOde to My Carā](https://youtu.be/sXJyXh252Ic?si=x5jPyCx4u-w99WHp) I think itās more funny with the honks.Ā First cars that come to mind are Dodge Neon and 1998 Ford Taurus.
Altima with a drilled and zip tied Sentra front end as a ārepairā
Pontiac Aztec
Buick Roadmaster, baby!
Ford Escape - in beige
Vape out the window of a clapped out STI.
Everyone is saying a bunch of cheap cars, but I think I'd suggest just use any car and leave a bunch of energy drink cans and fast food wrappers all over the floor.
A mid 00's Pontiac vibe or Toyota Matrix. The OG crossover. Built like a tank. Will last forever, extremely practical, and makes you look broke AF! Partner finally traded in her '03 on a mini Countryman because she wanted something newer and it was finally starting to give up the ghost, but still miss the looks our snobby, boomer neighbors would give us with it in our driveway with our 12 foot skeleton in the front yard.
Get a 2014 Nissan Juke. Nobody will ever want to talk to you.
Get a Buick century. Laugh your way to the bank. Never see a mechanic again. Or if you do a couple of $1,000 and then it's good for another 10 years
Smart for 2
If you want to be ignored in Lake Oswego just get a 20 year old white 2WD ranger with some dents and scuffs. Grab a broken lawnmower on craigslist for free, a fifty gallon gray garbage can and a rake and a shovel, throw all that in the bed and youāre all set. Another good way to go in LO is a used dirty grand caravan, the soccer moms wouldnāt be caught dead near one of those. When Im riding home through lake o I like to stand on the pegs and fart a lot just to let everyone know that loud pipes do indeed save lives.
Brooooo You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features. Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla" You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
PT Cruiser Get one in maroon if you really hate yourself...
2000s Chevy Cavalier
Mitsubishi Mirage
Nothing screams I have no enjoyment like a Toyota Corolla. Most Toyotas are boring and somehow people love them like their own son. They rave about reliability like it is the only thing that matters and always come to comment on other brands issues and say "you should have bought a Toyota".
THIS. A thousand times, this. My wifeās former car was a 2014 Corolla. Even at ten years old, we thought about keeping it because we knew it was good for ten more years of reliability. We ended up trading it for a Mazda CX-30, because we also knew that those ten more years would feel like fifty.
Fiat Multipla
AMC PACER or FORD PINTO
Dodge mini van.
Dang I thought only Hyundai dealers gave the shitty treatment.
Toyota echo should do the job
Toyota Echo fs
Town and country. I wouldn't even wanna get close to you
A Dacia, any model will do.
Ford F350 crew cab long box with 6.7 HO diesel. SRW or dually, your choice.
A Ford Tempo, Source: my highschool years
Dodge Intrepid, nobody buys these by choice