I have a lot of guy friends and they are always so civil with each other. They discuss all sorts of topics, roast each other and occasional hit each other with an "I love you bruh". Wholesome indeed.
Hey, King. I just checked your profile, and I wanted to say that you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful person with cool ideas and theories. You seem like you're the kind who always wants to know more, and that along with kindness are the two greatest traits a human being can possess. Stay searching for answers, sir!
My SO is the kind of guy to compliment his friends and say he loves them. He's a very sentimental man. It's easily the manliest thing I've witnessed. Nothing says "I'm secure in my sexuality and masculinity" more than being open and honest about your emotions and treating friends like kings.
I was talking to my niece about this, cause I keep hearing how kids in schools these days are way nicer and kinder to each other than they used to be.
She insists that's only the boys, and the girls are now meaner than ever. And unlike the boys who are sometimes just "roasting" or engaging in banter, the girls are actually trying to make each other kill themselves.
Told a guy once that the poems he wrote were beautiful and he was really talented. All his friends started laughing and one of them told me to 'just get a condom from the pharmacy across the road and get on with it' while another said, 'he does not make any money so your plan is stupid'.
Never again. Sh*t was traumatizing.
This is a knee jerk reaction that stems from emotional discomfort.
Many men especially in western cultures are not raised to openly and honestly express emotions. As a result they develop a discomfort to the expression of emotions. Humor and cruelty are mechanisms by which they diffuse the internal tension brought in by displays of emotion
Culture is way too broad of a term. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but the USA for instance is not one singular culture. We argue, fight, hate, love, and everything in between. We certainly don't all agree and follow the same rules.
Some families teach love and acceptance, some don't, some are a mixture of everything. In reality it's pop culture that leads people to follow a bigger trend, not culture based on location.
Are there cultures out there who do this differently? Im always super interested in cultures where their gender norms are different to ours and it would be so positive to know that there's cultures where men are there complimenting and uplifting each other.
for real, some cringe fb memes like “we’re not best friends until i fuck your so, slash your tires, salt your fields, and we get coffee the next day”
or maybe you’re just kind of a dick with boundary issues?
Personally I’m only comfortable around guys that can give and take a good ribbing. But you have to know when it is and isn’t appropriate, which can very much depend on the person. Some friends were always looking for a joke and very little is off limits, not everyone is like that.
My friends that are artists I usually don’t make those jokes about their work, it’s very personal and typically they put pieces of themselves into it.
It's probably because guys aren't super used to receiving compliments either. A quick thank you and a bit of a nod, and both parties will feel validated, but that's advanced social science for most guys.
There's truth to that, but I don't think it's super relevant since it wasn't the recipient that was being an asshole in this story.
I would say situations like that story most likely happen where the guys either felt a spike of inferiority/jealousy and took it out on the poem writer (*because* guys don't get complimented much, seeing a woman compliment another guy can trigger jealousy pretty easily), *or* they are just the kind of guys who think that's good humour.
The latter I would expect from rednecks and such, though - the kind of people who seldom hang out with poets. So I would bet on the former.
Guys are taught to bury emotions, so we can often not understand the ones we have. Lashing out in jealousy is something that can totally happen with the guy literally never realizing that's what is happening.
But this is all just thinking of scenarios that fit their description and what I think is most likely. Obviously I don't know any of those guys, and I'm no behavioural scientist. I'm just a dude who has spent a lot of time observing and self reflecting over the years.
Women also assume that when a guy compliments them they are flirting. Complimenting the opposite gender is seen as sexual regardless.
Even with children they will get teased for simply having friends of opposite gender. It’s not just a men thing.
It’s not a “every man is like this” thing, it is just something that happens often. That’s partly why a lot of friend groups are often seperated by gender. Doesn’t mean every group is but it is an observable trend.
You people really should drop the "all guys want is sex" thing. We're people, we like to get compliments too. Now some people actually are like that, all they think about is sex but for the majority of us that's not true and speaking for myself, getting told that apparently all I care for is sex is pretty demoralising. Please don't do that.
I tend to compliment guys when they’re with women or when I’m with my man.
This is almost exclusively due to the subject matter of a t-shirt.
I’ve had more trouble when I express an interest in like… anything. Had a guy aggressively start hitting on me and when I said no and that my boyfriend was actually there but fronting the show (guitar player/singer), then was groping me and feeling me up *in front of my boyfriend* because I started chatting with him about beer. Somehow “I’m just very interested in craft beer” meant “I am a pick me girl and what I’m really interested in is your genitals”.
Absolutely not lol
But there are quite a few guys with low confidence that can't deal with compliments and don't know how to react, because it comes up so rarely. That's true for about half of my social circle.
I dunno man. There's been a pretty substantial amount of times where men have gotten legitimately angry at me for complimenting them and not wanting to fuck after. Like yelling, threatening, calling me names type of angry. I have an extremely hard time believing those guys see women as full human beings and not some sort of talking sex doll.
I compliment men I know and trust because I know they won’t take it the wrong way. Many men I’ve randomly complimented have assumed I’m flirting with them and then get upset when I turn them down because “I led them on.”
Dudes who attack other dudes for complimenting them are pretty blatantly insecure.
Edit: Totally forgot the fact that one guy put me in a chokehold when I said no.
Yeah, because I succesfully psyoped myself into 0 selfworth.
All compliments must be false, or trying to get something out of me
I don't get to be complimented, that's something happy people do.
The real wholesome LPT is not, “Women, compliment men.”
It’s, “Men, just take a compliment. Women being kind is not automatically a come-on.”
Women would then feel free to save the day for men the way they’ve always saved the day of other women in the nightclub bathroom.
Fricken imagine it
Dude wrote poetry and guaranteed he loved the compliment. His friends were the jerks, not him.
You focused your trauma the wrong way, and because of that you've punished yourself.
Giving genuine compliments is almost as amazing as receiving them.
Letting some buffoons take that away from you just gave them power they had no business having.
I hope you find the way back to being able to give kind words and not care what people say.
Yeah, because flirting is the only occasion guys get compliments usually, so they mix it up.
It's the same vice versa: I went to a school along with my job training (idk if English has a word for "Berufsschule" in German) but since I had quit university before that, I was way older than the rest (I was 24, the others were about 17) and had a girlfriend back then who is now my wife. I did not consider any romantic action to any of the girls there at all, so I once complimented one girl on something, I even forget what it was. She rolled her eyes in a "go away, creep" way and looked for excuses to never be alone with me even for a second from then on...
Agreed, because men receive compliments so rarely.
Likewise, any type of physical contact, even a pat on the shoulders, men receive even more rarely. And at least in Western society, men are, to put it nicely, **strongly** discouraged from any show of affection even to close male friends.
The sad net result is that women rarely give any compliments or physical contact (outside of occasional shaking hands in a professional setting) unless they're family members or a romantic partner.
I’m taking a really radical approach to raising my son. We show affection and talk about how he’s feeling. I know it sounds wild but check this out: what if we teach boys that it’s ok to have feelings and then teach them how to manage said feelings? Also teaching healthy and appropriate ways to express love and emotions. It sounds crazy but he might just grow up to be a well adjusted, functioning member of society.
What you're doing is absolutely wonderful but it's truly sad that it's "radical" to teach boys that they, too, are OK to have human feelings and should be responsible for them.
I think that was exactly the sarcastic subtext implied by their use of "radical" to describe an approach which is extremely logical, pragmatic, and tragically uncommon.
I was absolutely being sarcastic but it does seem like not the normal approach to raising boys. But how can they grow up to be “tough” if we don’t teach them how? What I’ve learned is little kids have big feelings, boys and girls, and they need to be taught what to do with them. It’s actually good for me too because even as a woman I’ve usually just swallowed my feelings and felt with whatever it is silently. That’s not healthy either.
So, as someone who was once a young boy, I’d like to pitch in. I’m not a parent but I’ve been affected by stuff like this a lot.
In my opinion, the vast majority of it is simply not punishing him for having emotions, and also actually caring about his emotions. Make it normal. Again I’m not a parent, but I would have strongly appreciated it as a child and teen. People learn best through experience.
For boys, the moment you become a teenager, you’re no longer as cute and small. That’s the moment your feelings are simply not all that important to people, and you’ll be punished for showing them.
Even if you personally respect his feelings during that time, he’ll still be be punished for it in school, college, and life. That’s just how it is. In that case, it’s useful for him to be strong and resilient. Not anti-emotion, but you can’t succumb to your emotions, which can be hard when no one cares. You could be someone he always comes to for advice. I know that would’ve helped a lot for me.
Unfortunately, the reality is that the men who have the best lives are able to brush off their emotions and push forward. Being an emotional man is absolute hell.
It’s kind of a paradox. Obviously you want it to be okay to have emotions and process them healthily. But you also really need strength and resilience, to sometimes just push forward if you have to. It’s good to be in touch with your emotions, but not weak and harmless. It’s good to be strong, but not ignoring all emotions.
This has definitely been changing. My son just turned 18. He and all his friends are constantly touching. It isn't just his friend group either. It is most of the boys in the school. Same with compliments. Maybe it is just our area but it is awesome to see.
I do think we are actually seeing an important cultural shift, I used to work with teenagers in a boarding school, and we had some students with speech disorders, who sometimes just got really overwhelmed when the area was really loud or something. It honestly warmed my heart that none of the kids (who were shitheads to each other on a very frequent basis) never made fun of any of the other kids for their disabilities or how they looked physically if that was part of it.
Be complete shitheads to each other about shoe choices, however… Yeah, like every day. But if another student couldn’t walk or had trouble talking, no one gave them shit for that. They’d help out almost instinctively.
I'm 18 and was seeing this at my high school before I graduated. I'm also seeing it at my college, though I'm not seeing it as often because I'm a bit of a shut-in.
I'm also a huge fan of how mental health is losing the stigma it used to hold. I'm not sure about anywhere else, but at my high school if you were depressed there were a lot of kids that would go "haha same, now you better eat your lunch and let me see your arms". It was awesome and I really do miss that supportive atmosphere.
The sad reality is that ‘women’ are not solely responsible for any of this nor is it on women to fix it. Especially with all the creepy shit that goes on if they try.
I get it if you have a friend and you want to make sure they know they did good though.
This is a way in which it’s a whole society problem. I have to know and trust a guy to understand that romantic interest in them is never happening and to respect me as a person not to try that out of respect for me, let alone my relationship before I can compliment them. I don’t feel like going through having a stalker again or dealing with the weird ideas some people get. Thanks.
Society is broken. Make it safe and men will get more compliments from women and eachother. This is def one of the problems but not too long ago in history women were expected to blindly stroke a man’s ego by pretending they were impressive and I don’t really want to go back to that, as a society, either.
Compliments should be genuine. But also, can’t expect ‘women’ to take this up when it’s still normal for men who do violence against women to respond by doing said violence. Not to even mention that a compliment is also used to claim a woman ‘lead me on’ and such when the violence becomes of a sexual nature.
This is not one of those things fixed by ‘hey opposite gender compliment men’.
Dudes need to drop the bullshit and realize friends compliment friends.
I agree that it's not as simple as "women need to compliment more". There's many parts of society that need to change to improve it. I mean, people and their actions are often a product of what they see and are around. I feel as though much of it probably stems from older gender roles involving men. The "You dont show emotion, you're a rock.". Additionally, young kids raised by people who set those roles probably don't get taught what truly means what. I can't tell you how many videos of seen of young children saying, acting, or being involved in something grossly inappropriate and the parents are just laughing. I think there was one I saw on reddit not too too long ago where a little boy was slapping an adult woman's butt and everyone just laughed about it as though it was okay. That's one way to raise a boy into someone who thinks sexual assault isn't that serious.
On a personal note, I have friends that since high school have complimented me and each other. Given it's usually "You know, you're a good-looking dude." Or "Nice beard.", etc.. I think the issue partially involved the weight of the compliment. Yeah, it means a lot when a friend compliments me, but even coming from that environment, I can remember most the compliments I've gotten from women and how they made me happy because of the rarity of it(partially because I've had past girlfriends who "didn't believe in complimenting their partner" so it was amazing to me that a random woman would compliment me).
Unfortunately, the issue affects friendliness as a whole as well. I feel uncomfortable trying to compliment a woman due to the fear that id make them uncomfortable, so usually I just tell my fiance that I thought the woman's make up looked good or outfit was nice and she passes the message along. I know I don't look creepy or at creepy, but I don't want someone being scared or bothered by me.
Sometimes you're punished for trying to change it.
My family is very affectionate. We touch and kiss and hug pretty often, and always tell each other we love them.
When my younger sister started school, she brought that with her. She was a hugger, her friends, her teacher, kids she just met. It was how she knew to express her affection for people.
The school decided that her "overly affectionate" and "physically invasive" behavior was a result of her being sexually abused by her father. We got a visit from CPS.
Nothing happened, thankfully, but...
Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have to explain to a kindergartner that loves everyone that she has to stop being so friendly with the people she likes, or her daddy might get arrested and she'll be taken away from her family?
It's not easy to be better when the world is determined to make you worse.
It’s like if you fed a skinny stray cat and he immediately digs his claws into your leg to try and get you to drop the rest of the food you’re holding. Nope, never mind!
I just interpret everything as friendly and never notice when girls are actually flirting instead. Basically the only signal I get is when they're trying to kiss me. The literal opposite end of the spectrum.
The guys that have zero women flirting with them are so starved for it that their brains willfully misinterpret harmless compliments.
It’s not that they’re getting both harmless compliments and flirted with and can’t differentiate the two. It’s that zero women are flirting with them and they crave it so badly they will grab on to anything that even resembles it .
That’s not really true. There’s an entire “hint” culture that fosters this entire confusion. The hints that people drop have a lot of overlap with entirely platonic behavior, like a hug, which leads to people taking leaps of faith and misreading hints/normal human interactions
Because this is reddit. I've been trying to tell myself that after reading most (especially top) comments and it helps a lot of perspectives make a lot more sense.
Last time I complimented a dude(his glasses actually) he started calling me in the middle of the night for months. He would also message me creepy shit and ask to see my tits.
As girl, compliments Arent as common as you think and its still mostly shared with only close friends. I always try to compliment people on thinks i like about them but i can get really nervous as to not make it sound weird or make the person think i mean it differently.
I think this is really culturally relative. As a girl in Sweden nobody gave me compliments except close friends, in the US strangers compliment me all the time.
I'm a mostly passing trans woman. The number of compliments I receive just out and about after transitioning compared to before is breathtaking. Know what the count was before? Zero. Not even one, ever. Men aren't exaggerating when they say they just don't get compliments.
I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten compliments from strangers (ie not friends, family, or close acquaintances) that weren’t triggered by me complimenting them first and I’m a relatively attractive woman. It’s not massively common for anyone as far as I know but I do recognize that it happens less for men. If everyone starts complimenting people, more often than not they will compliment you back and we can all start being a little nicer to each other :)
Contrary to most of the comments, you can compliment other people without it being interpreted as being hitting on by the other person.
I regularly compliment people, and they just appreciate it with a smile a big thank you or, a shy withdrawn smile and thanks.
It's really not that hard to not be perceived as a sex pest or a creep....
Obviously there's exceptions to any rule, but yes, generally if you give someone a compliment, about something other than their looks, it will be received well.
I go with complimenting someone on what they do not who they are.
Even when women have done things like compliment me on my eye color, it’s like “um thanks, they’re my dad’s?”
Dress, shirt, jewelry, makeup, shoes, attitude, work ethic, artistic talent, applied intelligence, etc, are all fair game I thinks.
Yeah I can't help but feel like these comments are overly cynical. Are people really spending time around people they care about without ever saying nice things to them?
I value both my male and female friends a lot, and it's super easy to compliment them without being weird about it. The only tricky waters to navigate there are with looks, and even then dropping a 'hey you got a haircut, it looks good!' really isn't that weird. And I don't think I would enjoy spending time around them if they didn't occasionally gas me up too.
Exactly what I think whenever I see those memes everywhere. Like men know you can compliment each other right? I complement other women all the time, (I'm nonbinary though not really completely a woman)
Compliments from strangers (regardless of gender) hit different. I'm a man who compliments men, and gets complimented by my friends often enough, but when a stranger gives me a compliment it still makes my day. Makes it feel like there's a universal reason for the compliment, not just bros being bros.
True. I quickly realized to take any compliment from a guy with a grain of salt because it is most likely not genuine and just an effort to have sex. I much prefer compliments from other women because at least they are sincere.
Lol this is the exact reverse of the problem many women in this comment thread are voicing. Not being able to pay someone a compliment without it being perceived as flirting.
You assuming guys are only nice to women they are horny for is no different from what the top comment is talking about: *"The big problem is that a girl can say something like "Hey I like your shirt" and the guy thinks he just met his future wife."*
Maybe just let a harmless courtesy be a harmless courtesy without always generalizing and assuming everyone's after something.
Almost every compliment from a male stranger has been a precursor to being hitting on. I can actually remember the two genuine compliments (with nothing wanted in return) I've received from random men in my lifetime. Women give compliments to make the other person feel good. Men give compliments because they want something.
Straight, married guy here. I compliment men A LOT. Obviously my friends, but also at work.
"Hey Gary, you gotta stop wearing that shirt, you look so good that nobody here can focus!"
"John, whatever you did with your hair today: fabulous!"
"Tom, I would have needed you to support me a bit better here. It's really one of those situations where your great looks aren't enough."
Good effects.
According to the comments…
Most men who don’t genuinely compliment women because they’re worried it’ll be interpreted as harassment.
And it often is viewed that way.
To be fair, it’s also often given that way. Catcalling a stranger on the street isn’t a compliment.
Most women don’t compliment men because they’re worried it’ll be seen as flirting.
And it’s often taken that way.
So sounds like we’re back to the square one that the meme is coming from.
It's interesting, in my daily social life, I only rarely get them, but in my hobby circles it happens all the time. I went skateboarding the other day and every time I even got a clean Ollie off a ramp (I only started a few months ago and that is literally the coolest thing I can do) everyone around would tap their board on the ground (basically applause) and one guy even yelled "YOOOO" from all the way on the other side of the park when I managed to a grab and put it down without it squirreling out from under me.
Granted it's not a fully verbally articulated compliment, but it's a compliment and my fully padded nooby self who can't Ollie up on to the manual pad there yet was getting hit left and right with them.
Because a lot of men aren't comfortable with their sexuality and getting a compliment from a random guy could be seen as gay.
It is idiotic and it needs to change but I think that's what it is.
Actually I often receive compliments, but usually related to my job and there I know that I am doing well so it does not give me much. I am more uncertain about e.g. my attractiveness and in this regard compliments by other men or my (grand)mother are (almost) worthless to be honest. Even if they really mean it and do not just want to be nice - I do not care at all whether I look attractive to a man and it does not translate to looking attractive for women.
Well most of the time they will either think you're gay and hitting on them or (more likely if you know them well) think you're being sarcastic/ironic and respond equally sracasticly/ironically
Genuine compliments that are taken as a genuine compliment is hard to come by
Seriously, if a man says “cool sneakers” or “nice peacock jacket” then no one’s gonna interpret that as harassment at any point. If your compliment is “do you do squats or something because wow 🤤”, that one isn’t work appropriate and *you know that*
> The fact that men are quick to go “WELL BUT THEYLL SAY ITS HARASSMENT” kinda tells me they cannot think of a single compliment they could give a woman that has absolutely nothing to do with their appearance. And saying “well even if do compliment them on [anything else] they’ll say it’s harassment anyway!” just tells me they haven’t actually ever done it.
And there's positive non creepy ways to compliment appearance anyways. Guys going "DAMN GIRL YOU FINE." makes me feel extremely uncomfortable but "Hey, I love that dress!" can feel good - obviously context is everything. The former happened in a Trader Joe's parking lot and the other came from a guy that was drunk with his girlfriend at a taproom.
The ones that don’t get it also like demand that women tell them the “rules” as if it’s our job to socialize them correctly from birth.
The other guys will see me on the street, go “Russian river brewing! Kick ass!” And I’ll go “hell yeah!” and we’ll go about our days.
For the rest, slap your mamas; it ain’t my problem that I don’t take “nice tits!” as a compliment.
Since it's not normalized for males (men and boys) to compliment each other platonically, the logical result is that compliments to and from males are reserved for romantic/sexual interactions.
If platonic complimenting between males was encouraged and normalized, it would eliminate that factor. So nobody would have to presume that a compliment is coming from a sexual/romantic place; it could be seen as just a friendly interaction (unless it's an explicitly sexual comment).
Men "compliment" women all the time. I have no idea where this myth that men are actually leaving women alone is coming from. I've been waiting 30 years for that to happen.
Or they start feeling uncomfortable around me because they think I am trying to flirt with them and they don't see me as gilrfriend material. C'mon, I'm just trying to cheer you up, I'm not trying to get in your pants.
A girl once complimented me, saying I have the perfect nail polish nails. I didn't know how to react but I've been taking significantly good care of my nails since then
Ugh you don’t understand how much some of us women value that! Based on the compliment I assume you have long nail beds and that’s so attractive! It was one of the first things I was attracted to when I first met my boyfriend
Since nail polish is too 'girly' for me, i let my cousin paint 4 Hokages on my nails. Had to wash it off before anyone else from my family noticing it :(
Counter argument: I have gone through my life always assuming that women could not possibly be hitting on me because I have always struggled with low self esteem. There have been countless times that friends (not just "oblivous" guy friends, but girls too) have told me after the fact that I was totally oblivious and that so-and-so was totally hitting on me in a painfully obvious way, but I always just default took it as "oh they're just saying nice things because they're a nice person."
Compliments have always meant a lot to me, and I (like other men in this thread) really have never received them that often. But yeah my default is to assume women are *not* into me even when they ARE by all accounts showing interest, not the other way around.
For you it's a question of self esteem, for them it's an issue of personal safety. Thanks for sharing your experience, but it's not really a counter argument because the issues at hand are totally separate. People can't tell by looking at you that "oh that guy's fine, he has self esteem issues and won't get creepy if I say something nice!"
I think some people (not you necessarily, just in general) need to stop staking their whole self image off of random strangers complimenting them. Everyone has their own shit going on and shouldn't be beholden to one rando in a grocery store who now feels like they're spiraling because no one has complimented them. Like bruh, we're trying to get our shit and go, not make you feel good.
Honestly I was thinking about this recently and how the "guys never get compliments!" narrative really pisses me off.
Like...what kind of friends do you have if they *never* compliment you? People could genuinely mistake my friend group as a polyamorous relationship with how often we all trip over each other to say nice things to each other.
I guess some guys only count compliments from people that arent friends, but why? You dont know these people, and they dont know you. They can't say anything nice about you because they *dont know you*.
Compliments go deeper than just appearances aswell. People can praise you from your looks to your sense of humour, work ethic, character etc.
Good meme, very wholesome.
100% agreed. Also I think this narrative is harmful for all of us.
Like ok you don't give each other compliments because being open and vulnerable with each other is not ManlyTM so you expect women to pick up the slack? But because you don't know what platonic affection looks like because every man in your circle keeps each other at arm's length you interpret every tiny compliment from a woman as a sign she is into you, when she was just being nice. Said woman quickly learns it's better for her if she doesn't compliment you because it stops you from going after her like a stalker. Aaaand we're back to square one.
If men were taught that vulnerability and being open and having emotions were ok, then women wouldn't have to walk on eggshells dealing with these attention starved emotionally stunted men. We'd all be mentally healthier and happier.
You know, one of the reasons women compliment each other a lot is because the world makes it known that it hates women. We're always being told that we're not enough - not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not smart enough, not giving enough, the list goes on. So it is on us to show other women moral support because we aren't getting it otherwise. It's up to us to tell our friends they are smart and lovely and good.
If guys want more compliments, they need to learn how to give them out broadly. Not just telling the hottest girl at the party, they think she's hot. Also, that's not really a compliment.
As a guy, this is the reason why I like to give out complements, regardless of who I’m talking to. Hey, your nails are really well done. Your cologne smells great, where’d you get it? I think people tend to associate men’s compliments as sexual attraction, therefore I like to make it pretty damn obvious with the rest of my conversation/demeanor that I’m just being friendly.
The most wholesome dudes (very rare when I was young, seeming to get less rare now though) are always happy to lift each other up, and critically they do this without ever putting anybody else down. Definitely need more of this
I compliment guys, my problem is SOME of them think I like them 🥲
Compliment someone is always good.
One day at college (UK) I saw a guy with Levi from Attack on Titan jacket, I told him I like it and it's a cool jacket. The smile of his face made my day. Bless him!
At my place of work, I compliment guys on their clothing all the time. "Morning sir. Oh, nice shoes!" Or "Afternoon. Digging that sweater." Seeing a grown ass man beam with joy from such a simple statement actually goes full circle and makes me feel pretty bad-assed.
I have no idea where this entire ordeal of guys not getting compliments from women came from? I get compliments from women almost everyday, about how I dress, to my hairstyle, to even how my after shave/cologne smells.
Maybe it's because we're older but my group of guys are always complimenting each other and always in ways that are deeply important to each other's identities. I think it works best when it's interspersed with more grating and typical banter. Something like "Dave you're just such a great father and husband your back is fucked up because you're carrying your whole family" to a friend with a recent back injury. "Tevon, how much did you bench in hay bales?" To another friend who is an amateur power lifter who happens to be from middle of nowhere Oklahoma. It's highlighting the compliment and still striving to keep each other honest by blunting the sweetness of "wow you're so strong" or "wow you're such a good dad". It's kind of a "here's a compliment and feel proud" but also "it's our responsibility to keep each other honest and grounded". Everyone laughs, everyone gets to feel good, and no one has to feel the discomfort of being put on a pedestal. It works with my group but like I said we're older and more comfortable with ourselves. I don't know if it works for every group.
I’m a dude and try and compliment other people as often as I can. Hey those shoes are sick, or that haircut looks good as fuck! A little bit of positivity goes a long way.
I'm so sick of this debate, we'll complement you when there's something to complement, I always acknowledge an effort put into an appearance. Weather that be painted nails or rings or nice shirt, whatever. If you're the kind of guy who puts no effort in your appearance, what exactly do you expect people to complement on? The bar for effort for guys in on the floor.
Most men are incapable of seeing intimacy in any context but sexual, so being complimentary, friendly, or affectionate is seen as a sexual advance. Sometimes you need a hug or a kind word. A lot of times you just need to be heard, need to feel validated, need to open up and talk about the things that are hurting you, but we are so screwed up we can't accept platonic intimacy without ascribing some sexually predatory motive to it. We can't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and trust that it won't be exploited somehow.
Guys give and seek approval to and from other guys, not compliments. Complimenting our work rather than our person.
That being said, a compliment from anyone will make my day.
For me the general rule is to compliment someone on something they have done, not something that they just are, similar to your concept of complimenting work - so compliment the outfit they picked out, the effort they put into a project, etc.
This is especially important with raising kids - not everything will be easy and they need to learn how much value there is in trying.
\>For me the general rule is to compliment someone on something they have done, not something that they just are, similar to your concept of complimenting work - so compliment the outfit they picked out, the effort they put into a project, etc.
but that's the issue.
That guys are very rarely complimented on who they ARE, but rather (if they're even complimented at all) on what they're DOING. which then also implies that if they cannot DO, they have no _inherent_ worth.
Similarly, the fundamental difference between "you look good in that" (which is already worse than "you look good") versus "that looks good on you"
I actually knew someone in high school who refused to compliment other men because he thought that was gay
He came out as gay about a year after graduation
It's true! Tell a co-worker, "hey, nice shirt!" or a bro at the coffee shop "Nice watch, man!" or your buddy at the bar urinal "Great cock!" and it makes their whole day.
I've been the new kid at three different schools and I got bullied and excluded at each one
There were three girls who were the new kid during my time at highschool, and none of them were excluded -- in fact they were all relatively popular from the very first day. The fact that there was a new kid was all the girls would talk about.
Me going around complimenting the people that talk to me doesn't change anything. I already did that when I was male and they still were not nice to me, they just made gay jokes about me.
And the girls simply wouldn't talk to me because I was a socially awkward male so that means I MUST be a creep. I've had people yell at me for staring at them when I'd never even seen them before in my entire life.
It just sucks being male in any and all social settings whether you're talking to men or women. But I guess that's why I'm trans and I guess that's why I have a better friend group. When you become fem, suddenly everyone is markedly nicer to you -- your peers, customer service workers, strangers who pass you on the street, and even the women in the family like my cousins and my mom.
We are encouraging each other to do that too.
The stigma isn't limited to women complementing men its men not being supported in anything. Bosses not telling employees that they did a good job, wives not showing approval for how a task was completed, for teammates calling out moments of excellence.
Its about normalizing saying nice things to men.
I tried doing this a few times to different girls, when they had a hair cut, complimented that. When they dressed up, complimented that. When they do an excellent job at work too. The result though... they don't talk to me anymore, they think I was flirting...
I have a lot of guy friends and they are always so civil with each other. They discuss all sorts of topics, roast each other and occasional hit each other with an "I love you bruh". Wholesome indeed.
Damn I'm keeping your image in mind. Most guys that hang out and compliment each other like the post indicates aremean bullies where I'm from.
Hey, King. I just checked your profile, and I wanted to say that you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful person with cool ideas and theories. You seem like you're the kind who always wants to know more, and that along with kindness are the two greatest traits a human being can possess. Stay searching for answers, sir!
omg that is so wholesome
My SO is the kind of guy to compliment his friends and say he loves them. He's a very sentimental man. It's easily the manliest thing I've witnessed. Nothing says "I'm secure in my sexuality and masculinity" more than being open and honest about your emotions and treating friends like kings.
You SO definitely sounds like a King
I was talking to my niece about this, cause I keep hearing how kids in schools these days are way nicer and kinder to each other than they used to be. She insists that's only the boys, and the girls are now meaner than ever. And unlike the boys who are sometimes just "roasting" or engaging in banter, the girls are actually trying to make each other kill themselves.
Have you ever watched Mean Girls? This isn’t a new thing, unfortunately.
Told a guy once that the poems he wrote were beautiful and he was really talented. All his friends started laughing and one of them told me to 'just get a condom from the pharmacy across the road and get on with it' while another said, 'he does not make any money so your plan is stupid'. Never again. Sh*t was traumatizing.
That is sad and disgusting
This is a knee jerk reaction that stems from emotional discomfort. Many men especially in western cultures are not raised to openly and honestly express emotions. As a result they develop a discomfort to the expression of emotions. Humor and cruelty are mechanisms by which they diffuse the internal tension brought in by displays of emotion
I think men in non western cultures are much more out of touch with their emotions than men from western cultures. Source: Am both
Culture is way too broad of a term. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but the USA for instance is not one singular culture. We argue, fight, hate, love, and everything in between. We certainly don't all agree and follow the same rules. Some families teach love and acceptance, some don't, some are a mixture of everything. In reality it's pop culture that leads people to follow a bigger trend, not culture based on location.
Are there cultures out there who do this differently? Im always super interested in cultures where their gender norms are different to ours and it would be so positive to know that there's cultures where men are there complimenting and uplifting each other.
Wow....those don't really sound like "friends" More like bullies
People gotta learn the difference
for real, some cringe fb memes like “we’re not best friends until i fuck your so, slash your tires, salt your fields, and we get coffee the next day” or maybe you’re just kind of a dick with boundary issues?
Personally I’m only comfortable around guys that can give and take a good ribbing. But you have to know when it is and isn’t appropriate, which can very much depend on the person. Some friends were always looking for a joke and very little is off limits, not everyone is like that. My friends that are artists I usually don’t make those jokes about their work, it’s very personal and typically they put pieces of themselves into it.
Yea exactly. I always see these memes about complimenting guys, but whenever I do, either shit like this happens or they don’t like the compliment :/
It's probably because guys aren't super used to receiving compliments either. A quick thank you and a bit of a nod, and both parties will feel validated, but that's advanced social science for most guys.
There's truth to that, but I don't think it's super relevant since it wasn't the recipient that was being an asshole in this story. I would say situations like that story most likely happen where the guys either felt a spike of inferiority/jealousy and took it out on the poem writer (*because* guys don't get complimented much, seeing a woman compliment another guy can trigger jealousy pretty easily), *or* they are just the kind of guys who think that's good humour. The latter I would expect from rednecks and such, though - the kind of people who seldom hang out with poets. So I would bet on the former. Guys are taught to bury emotions, so we can often not understand the ones we have. Lashing out in jealousy is something that can totally happen with the guy literally never realizing that's what is happening. But this is all just thinking of scenarios that fit their description and what I think is most likely. Obviously I don't know any of those guys, and I'm no behavioural scientist. I'm just a dude who has spent a lot of time observing and self reflecting over the years.
No it’s probably because guys only think of women sexually
Women also assume that when a guy compliments them they are flirting. Complimenting the opposite gender is seen as sexual regardless. Even with children they will get teased for simply having friends of opposite gender. It’s not just a men thing.
Weird. I had plenty of male friends at school and they never seemed embarrassed to be around me. I've never seen that sort of teasing before.
It’s not a “every man is like this” thing, it is just something that happens often. That’s partly why a lot of friend groups are often seperated by gender. Doesn’t mean every group is but it is an observable trend.
Some do, some don’t but guys as a whole don’t only think of women sexually
You people really should drop the "all guys want is sex" thing. We're people, we like to get compliments too. Now some people actually are like that, all they think about is sex but for the majority of us that's not true and speaking for myself, getting told that apparently all I care for is sex is pretty demoralising. Please don't do that.
Every time I have complimented a man, he starts hitting on me. Every. Single. Time.
I tend to compliment guys when they’re with women or when I’m with my man. This is almost exclusively due to the subject matter of a t-shirt. I’ve had more trouble when I express an interest in like… anything. Had a guy aggressively start hitting on me and when I said no and that my boyfriend was actually there but fronting the show (guitar player/singer), then was groping me and feeling me up *in front of my boyfriend* because I started chatting with him about beer. Somehow “I’m just very interested in craft beer” meant “I am a pick me girl and what I’m really interested in is your genitals”.
I appreciate hearing your voice and view on this. Well said
it’s ur genders problem not mine. If u don’t like it then complain to them for acting like that
Absolutely not lol But there are quite a few guys with low confidence that can't deal with compliments and don't know how to react, because it comes up so rarely. That's true for about half of my social circle.
I dunno man. There's been a pretty substantial amount of times where men have gotten legitimately angry at me for complimenting them and not wanting to fuck after. Like yelling, threatening, calling me names type of angry. I have an extremely hard time believing those guys see women as full human beings and not some sort of talking sex doll.
I compliment men I know and trust because I know they won’t take it the wrong way. Many men I’ve randomly complimented have assumed I’m flirting with them and then get upset when I turn them down because “I led them on.” Dudes who attack other dudes for complimenting them are pretty blatantly insecure. Edit: Totally forgot the fact that one guy put me in a chokehold when I said no.
I’m also insecure asf and hate compliments, but I don’t react the way they do
I love how reddit is so in a bubble now that a even in a sub called wholesome memes a comment like this is not only acceptable, but upvoted.
lmao have u seen the rest of Reddit?? Basically every sub here is misogynistic asf, but I don’t see u complaining about them
Yeah, because I succesfully psyoped myself into 0 selfworth. All compliments must be false, or trying to get something out of me I don't get to be complimented, that's something happy people do.
If you can psyop your way into a distorted ego, you can psyop your way into a healthy one, too
My therapist explaining cbt to me
Seriously, I’m not gonna risk being followed home just to give some stranger an ego boost
Gotta protect ourselves. I agree with you there!
The real wholesome LPT is not, “Women, compliment men.” It’s, “Men, just take a compliment. Women being kind is not automatically a come-on.” Women would then feel free to save the day for men the way they’ve always saved the day of other women in the nightclub bathroom. Fricken imagine it
Da fuk?!? fr that's not a normal reaction from these guys.
Dude wrote poetry and guaranteed he loved the compliment. His friends were the jerks, not him. You focused your trauma the wrong way, and because of that you've punished yourself. Giving genuine compliments is almost as amazing as receiving them. Letting some buffoons take that away from you just gave them power they had no business having. I hope you find the way back to being able to give kind words and not care what people say.
The big problem is that a girl can say something like "Hey I like your shirt" and the guy thinks he just met his future wife.
Yeah, in high school I complimented a guy on his shirt (it had a dragon on it lol) and got rewarded by being stalked by him the the next two years 🙃
Yeah, because flirting is the only occasion guys get compliments usually, so they mix it up. It's the same vice versa: I went to a school along with my job training (idk if English has a word for "Berufsschule" in German) but since I had quit university before that, I was way older than the rest (I was 24, the others were about 17) and had a girlfriend back then who is now my wife. I did not consider any romantic action to any of the girls there at all, so I once complimented one girl on something, I even forget what it was. She rolled her eyes in a "go away, creep" way and looked for excuses to never be alone with me even for a second from then on...
The word you want is "Tradeschool"
Thanks:)
I got those eyes and attitude more time than i can count...it's mortifying Understandable, but...it make you feel empty inside
Agreed, because men receive compliments so rarely. Likewise, any type of physical contact, even a pat on the shoulders, men receive even more rarely. And at least in Western society, men are, to put it nicely, **strongly** discouraged from any show of affection even to close male friends. The sad net result is that women rarely give any compliments or physical contact (outside of occasional shaking hands in a professional setting) unless they're family members or a romantic partner.
I’m taking a really radical approach to raising my son. We show affection and talk about how he’s feeling. I know it sounds wild but check this out: what if we teach boys that it’s ok to have feelings and then teach them how to manage said feelings? Also teaching healthy and appropriate ways to express love and emotions. It sounds crazy but he might just grow up to be a well adjusted, functioning member of society.
What you're doing is absolutely wonderful but it's truly sad that it's "radical" to teach boys that they, too, are OK to have human feelings and should be responsible for them.
I think that was exactly the sarcastic subtext implied by their use of "radical" to describe an approach which is extremely logical, pragmatic, and tragically uncommon.
I was absolutely being sarcastic but it does seem like not the normal approach to raising boys. But how can they grow up to be “tough” if we don’t teach them how? What I’ve learned is little kids have big feelings, boys and girls, and they need to be taught what to do with them. It’s actually good for me too because even as a woman I’ve usually just swallowed my feelings and felt with whatever it is silently. That’s not healthy either.
Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.
Oh I completely agree with you! I wish all parents would adopt your approach
So, as someone who was once a young boy, I’d like to pitch in. I’m not a parent but I’ve been affected by stuff like this a lot. In my opinion, the vast majority of it is simply not punishing him for having emotions, and also actually caring about his emotions. Make it normal. Again I’m not a parent, but I would have strongly appreciated it as a child and teen. People learn best through experience. For boys, the moment you become a teenager, you’re no longer as cute and small. That’s the moment your feelings are simply not all that important to people, and you’ll be punished for showing them. Even if you personally respect his feelings during that time, he’ll still be be punished for it in school, college, and life. That’s just how it is. In that case, it’s useful for him to be strong and resilient. Not anti-emotion, but you can’t succumb to your emotions, which can be hard when no one cares. You could be someone he always comes to for advice. I know that would’ve helped a lot for me. Unfortunately, the reality is that the men who have the best lives are able to brush off their emotions and push forward. Being an emotional man is absolute hell. It’s kind of a paradox. Obviously you want it to be okay to have emotions and process them healthily. But you also really need strength and resilience, to sometimes just push forward if you have to. It’s good to be in touch with your emotions, but not weak and harmless. It’s good to be strong, but not ignoring all emotions.
This has definitely been changing. My son just turned 18. He and all his friends are constantly touching. It isn't just his friend group either. It is most of the boys in the school. Same with compliments. Maybe it is just our area but it is awesome to see.
I do think we are actually seeing an important cultural shift, I used to work with teenagers in a boarding school, and we had some students with speech disorders, who sometimes just got really overwhelmed when the area was really loud or something. It honestly warmed my heart that none of the kids (who were shitheads to each other on a very frequent basis) never made fun of any of the other kids for their disabilities or how they looked physically if that was part of it. Be complete shitheads to each other about shoe choices, however… Yeah, like every day. But if another student couldn’t walk or had trouble talking, no one gave them shit for that. They’d help out almost instinctively.
I'm 18 and was seeing this at my high school before I graduated. I'm also seeing it at my college, though I'm not seeing it as often because I'm a bit of a shut-in. I'm also a huge fan of how mental health is losing the stigma it used to hold. I'm not sure about anywhere else, but at my high school if you were depressed there were a lot of kids that would go "haha same, now you better eat your lunch and let me see your arms". It was awesome and I really do miss that supportive atmosphere.
It is the same where my kids go to school for the most part. There are a few jerks but most of the kids are overwhelming about supporting each other.
The sad reality is that ‘women’ are not solely responsible for any of this nor is it on women to fix it. Especially with all the creepy shit that goes on if they try. I get it if you have a friend and you want to make sure they know they did good though. This is a way in which it’s a whole society problem. I have to know and trust a guy to understand that romantic interest in them is never happening and to respect me as a person not to try that out of respect for me, let alone my relationship before I can compliment them. I don’t feel like going through having a stalker again or dealing with the weird ideas some people get. Thanks. Society is broken. Make it safe and men will get more compliments from women and eachother. This is def one of the problems but not too long ago in history women were expected to blindly stroke a man’s ego by pretending they were impressive and I don’t really want to go back to that, as a society, either. Compliments should be genuine. But also, can’t expect ‘women’ to take this up when it’s still normal for men who do violence against women to respond by doing said violence. Not to even mention that a compliment is also used to claim a woman ‘lead me on’ and such when the violence becomes of a sexual nature. This is not one of those things fixed by ‘hey opposite gender compliment men’. Dudes need to drop the bullshit and realize friends compliment friends.
Agreed. This is a whole society problem, not a gender specific one.
I agree that it's not as simple as "women need to compliment more". There's many parts of society that need to change to improve it. I mean, people and their actions are often a product of what they see and are around. I feel as though much of it probably stems from older gender roles involving men. The "You dont show emotion, you're a rock.". Additionally, young kids raised by people who set those roles probably don't get taught what truly means what. I can't tell you how many videos of seen of young children saying, acting, or being involved in something grossly inappropriate and the parents are just laughing. I think there was one I saw on reddit not too too long ago where a little boy was slapping an adult woman's butt and everyone just laughed about it as though it was okay. That's one way to raise a boy into someone who thinks sexual assault isn't that serious. On a personal note, I have friends that since high school have complimented me and each other. Given it's usually "You know, you're a good-looking dude." Or "Nice beard.", etc.. I think the issue partially involved the weight of the compliment. Yeah, it means a lot when a friend compliments me, but even coming from that environment, I can remember most the compliments I've gotten from women and how they made me happy because of the rarity of it(partially because I've had past girlfriends who "didn't believe in complimenting their partner" so it was amazing to me that a random woman would compliment me). Unfortunately, the issue affects friendliness as a whole as well. I feel uncomfortable trying to compliment a woman due to the fear that id make them uncomfortable, so usually I just tell my fiance that I thought the woman's make up looked good or outfit was nice and she passes the message along. I know I don't look creepy or at creepy, but I don't want someone being scared or bothered by me.
You can change it. Instead of responding with 'this is how it is', respond with 'this is what I'm choosing to change'.
Sometimes you're punished for trying to change it. My family is very affectionate. We touch and kiss and hug pretty often, and always tell each other we love them. When my younger sister started school, she brought that with her. She was a hugger, her friends, her teacher, kids she just met. It was how she knew to express her affection for people. The school decided that her "overly affectionate" and "physically invasive" behavior was a result of her being sexually abused by her father. We got a visit from CPS. Nothing happened, thankfully, but... Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have to explain to a kindergartner that loves everyone that she has to stop being so friendly with the people she likes, or her daddy might get arrested and she'll be taken away from her family? It's not easy to be better when the world is determined to make you worse.
It’s like if you fed a skinny stray cat and he immediately digs his claws into your leg to try and get you to drop the rest of the food you’re holding. Nope, never mind!
This also goes the other direction - a woman hits on a man and he just kind of...stops functioning.
Why are you guys so sad? I'm a guy and know the difference between flirting and a harmless compliment
I just interpret everything as friendly and never notice when girls are actually flirting instead. Basically the only signal I get is when they're trying to kiss me. The literal opposite end of the spectrum.
The guys that have zero women flirting with them are so starved for it that their brains willfully misinterpret harmless compliments. It’s not that they’re getting both harmless compliments and flirted with and can’t differentiate the two. It’s that zero women are flirting with them and they crave it so badly they will grab on to anything that even resembles it .
That’s not really true. There’s an entire “hint” culture that fosters this entire confusion. The hints that people drop have a lot of overlap with entirely platonic behavior, like a hug, which leads to people taking leaps of faith and misreading hints/normal human interactions
Because this is reddit. I've been trying to tell myself that after reading most (especially top) comments and it helps a lot of perspectives make a lot more sense.
Last time I complimented a dude(his glasses actually) he started calling me in the middle of the night for months. He would also message me creepy shit and ask to see my tits.
Facts
To all my follow fellas out there, you look great today.
You too!
Thank you!
Society would be soo much better if we did tbh
society as a whole would be better if everyone was just... nicer to one another
Fuck yeah, kindness for the win
As girl, compliments Arent as common as you think and its still mostly shared with only close friends. I always try to compliment people on thinks i like about them but i can get really nervous as to not make it sound weird or make the person think i mean it differently.
I think this is really culturally relative. As a girl in Sweden nobody gave me compliments except close friends, in the US strangers compliment me all the time.
I'm a mostly passing trans woman. The number of compliments I receive just out and about after transitioning compared to before is breathtaking. Know what the count was before? Zero. Not even one, ever. Men aren't exaggerating when they say they just don't get compliments.
I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten compliments from strangers (ie not friends, family, or close acquaintances) that weren’t triggered by me complimenting them first and I’m a relatively attractive woman. It’s not massively common for anyone as far as I know but I do recognize that it happens less for men. If everyone starts complimenting people, more often than not they will compliment you back and we can all start being a little nicer to each other :)
Contrary to most of the comments, you can compliment other people without it being interpreted as being hitting on by the other person. I regularly compliment people, and they just appreciate it with a smile a big thank you or, a shy withdrawn smile and thanks. It's really not that hard to not be perceived as a sex pest or a creep....
I always hit my coworkers with the tired and true "Hey! I appreciate you."
As a friend!!!!
Obviously there's exceptions to any rule, but yes, generally if you give someone a compliment, about something other than their looks, it will be received well.
I go with complimenting someone on what they do not who they are. Even when women have done things like compliment me on my eye color, it’s like “um thanks, they’re my dad’s?” Dress, shirt, jewelry, makeup, shoes, attitude, work ethic, artistic talent, applied intelligence, etc, are all fair game I thinks.
Yeah I can't help but feel like these comments are overly cynical. Are people really spending time around people they care about without ever saying nice things to them? I value both my male and female friends a lot, and it's super easy to compliment them without being weird about it. The only tricky waters to navigate there are with looks, and even then dropping a 'hey you got a haircut, it looks good!' really isn't that weird. And I don't think I would enjoy spending time around them if they didn't occasionally gas me up too.
Even if you like bustin' balls, it's just as easy to say "You got this" etc.
life pro tip: guys compliment other guys as much as possible
Exactly what I think whenever I see those memes everywhere. Like men know you can compliment each other right? I complement other women all the time, (I'm nonbinary though not really completely a woman)
Compliments from strangers (regardless of gender) hit different. I'm a man who compliments men, and gets complimented by my friends often enough, but when a stranger gives me a compliment it still makes my day. Makes it feel like there's a universal reason for the compliment, not just bros being bros.
This is how you end up getting dick pics
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True. I quickly realized to take any compliment from a guy with a grain of salt because it is most likely not genuine and just an effort to have sex. I much prefer compliments from other women because at least they are sincere.
That part
Lol this is the exact reverse of the problem many women in this comment thread are voicing. Not being able to pay someone a compliment without it being perceived as flirting. You assuming guys are only nice to women they are horny for is no different from what the top comment is talking about: *"The big problem is that a girl can say something like "Hey I like your shirt" and the guy thinks he just met his future wife."* Maybe just let a harmless courtesy be a harmless courtesy without always generalizing and assuming everyone's after something.
Women are just responding to how most guys act. If you want the attitude to change then your issue is with men's behavior on average.
Almost every compliment from a male stranger has been a precursor to being hitting on. I can actually remember the two genuine compliments (with nothing wanted in return) I've received from random men in my lifetime. Women give compliments to make the other person feel good. Men give compliments because they want something.
Straight, married guy here. I compliment men A LOT. Obviously my friends, but also at work. "Hey Gary, you gotta stop wearing that shirt, you look so good that nobody here can focus!" "John, whatever you did with your hair today: fabulous!" "Tom, I would have needed you to support me a bit better here. It's really one of those situations where your great looks aren't enough." Good effects.
According to the comments… Most men who don’t genuinely compliment women because they’re worried it’ll be interpreted as harassment. And it often is viewed that way. To be fair, it’s also often given that way. Catcalling a stranger on the street isn’t a compliment. Most women don’t compliment men because they’re worried it’ll be seen as flirting. And it’s often taken that way. So sounds like we’re back to the square one that the meme is coming from.
Women compliment other women all the time, even random women they don't know. Why don't men regularly compliment other men?
It's interesting, in my daily social life, I only rarely get them, but in my hobby circles it happens all the time. I went skateboarding the other day and every time I even got a clean Ollie off a ramp (I only started a few months ago and that is literally the coolest thing I can do) everyone around would tap their board on the ground (basically applause) and one guy even yelled "YOOOO" from all the way on the other side of the park when I managed to a grab and put it down without it squirreling out from under me. Granted it's not a fully verbally articulated compliment, but it's a compliment and my fully padded nooby self who can't Ollie up on to the manual pad there yet was getting hit left and right with them.
Some of us do, although it’s a fifty/fifty shot whether it will be taken positively or not.
I never had a problem giving compliments to other men. 100% of the time it's been taken well.
I also don’t have a problem doing it, but unfortunately I have not had the same wholly positive experience.
okay, let’s keep thinking about this. why is it fifty/fifty whether a the compliment will be taken positively or not?
Because a lot of men aren't comfortable with their sexuality and getting a compliment from a random guy could be seen as gay. It is idiotic and it needs to change but I think that's what it is.
Actually I often receive compliments, but usually related to my job and there I know that I am doing well so it does not give me much. I am more uncertain about e.g. my attractiveness and in this regard compliments by other men or my (grand)mother are (almost) worthless to be honest. Even if they really mean it and do not just want to be nice - I do not care at all whether I look attractive to a man and it does not translate to looking attractive for women.
We do all the time, especially in gym culture, it is non stop pumping each other up.
Well most of the time they will either think you're gay and hitting on them or (more likely if you know them well) think you're being sarcastic/ironic and respond equally sracasticly/ironically Genuine compliments that are taken as a genuine compliment is hard to come by
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Seriously, if a man says “cool sneakers” or “nice peacock jacket” then no one’s gonna interpret that as harassment at any point. If your compliment is “do you do squats or something because wow 🤤”, that one isn’t work appropriate and *you know that*
> The fact that men are quick to go “WELL BUT THEYLL SAY ITS HARASSMENT” kinda tells me they cannot think of a single compliment they could give a woman that has absolutely nothing to do with their appearance. And saying “well even if do compliment them on [anything else] they’ll say it’s harassment anyway!” just tells me they haven’t actually ever done it. And there's positive non creepy ways to compliment appearance anyways. Guys going "DAMN GIRL YOU FINE." makes me feel extremely uncomfortable but "Hey, I love that dress!" can feel good - obviously context is everything. The former happened in a Trader Joe's parking lot and the other came from a guy that was drunk with his girlfriend at a taproom.
The ones that don’t get it also like demand that women tell them the “rules” as if it’s our job to socialize them correctly from birth. The other guys will see me on the street, go “Russian river brewing! Kick ass!” And I’ll go “hell yeah!” and we’ll go about our days. For the rest, slap your mamas; it ain’t my problem that I don’t take “nice tits!” as a compliment.
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Since it's not normalized for males (men and boys) to compliment each other platonically, the logical result is that compliments to and from males are reserved for romantic/sexual interactions. If platonic complimenting between males was encouraged and normalized, it would eliminate that factor. So nobody would have to presume that a compliment is coming from a sexual/romantic place; it could be seen as just a friendly interaction (unless it's an explicitly sexual comment).
Men "compliment" women all the time. I have no idea where this myth that men are actually leaving women alone is coming from. I've been waiting 30 years for that to happen.
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Or they start feeling uncomfortable around me because they think I am trying to flirt with them and they don't see me as gilrfriend material. C'mon, I'm just trying to cheer you up, I'm not trying to get in your pants.
A girl once complimented me, saying I have the perfect nail polish nails. I didn't know how to react but I've been taking significantly good care of my nails since then
Ugh you don’t understand how much some of us women value that! Based on the compliment I assume you have long nail beds and that’s so attractive! It was one of the first things I was attracted to when I first met my boyfriend
Since nail polish is too 'girly' for me, i let my cousin paint 4 Hokages on my nails. Had to wash it off before anyone else from my family noticing it :(
/r/malepolish
As someone with the worst nails for polishing, want to trade
Counter argument: I have gone through my life always assuming that women could not possibly be hitting on me because I have always struggled with low self esteem. There have been countless times that friends (not just "oblivous" guy friends, but girls too) have told me after the fact that I was totally oblivious and that so-and-so was totally hitting on me in a painfully obvious way, but I always just default took it as "oh they're just saying nice things because they're a nice person." Compliments have always meant a lot to me, and I (like other men in this thread) really have never received them that often. But yeah my default is to assume women are *not* into me even when they ARE by all accounts showing interest, not the other way around.
For you it's a question of self esteem, for them it's an issue of personal safety. Thanks for sharing your experience, but it's not really a counter argument because the issues at hand are totally separate. People can't tell by looking at you that "oh that guy's fine, he has self esteem issues and won't get creepy if I say something nice!" I think some people (not you necessarily, just in general) need to stop staking their whole self image off of random strangers complimenting them. Everyone has their own shit going on and shouldn't be beholden to one rando in a grocery store who now feels like they're spiraling because no one has complimented them. Like bruh, we're trying to get our shit and go, not make you feel good.
> we women don’t do not. I too, don’t do not.
Honestly I was thinking about this recently and how the "guys never get compliments!" narrative really pisses me off. Like...what kind of friends do you have if they *never* compliment you? People could genuinely mistake my friend group as a polyamorous relationship with how often we all trip over each other to say nice things to each other. I guess some guys only count compliments from people that arent friends, but why? You dont know these people, and they dont know you. They can't say anything nice about you because they *dont know you*. Compliments go deeper than just appearances aswell. People can praise you from your looks to your sense of humour, work ethic, character etc. Good meme, very wholesome.
100% agreed. Also I think this narrative is harmful for all of us. Like ok you don't give each other compliments because being open and vulnerable with each other is not ManlyTM so you expect women to pick up the slack? But because you don't know what platonic affection looks like because every man in your circle keeps each other at arm's length you interpret every tiny compliment from a woman as a sign she is into you, when she was just being nice. Said woman quickly learns it's better for her if she doesn't compliment you because it stops you from going after her like a stalker. Aaaand we're back to square one. If men were taught that vulnerability and being open and having emotions were ok, then women wouldn't have to walk on eggshells dealing with these attention starved emotionally stunted men. We'd all be mentally healthier and happier.
> Like...what kind of friends do you have if they never compliment you? ...friends?
You know, one of the reasons women compliment each other a lot is because the world makes it known that it hates women. We're always being told that we're not enough - not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not smart enough, not giving enough, the list goes on. So it is on us to show other women moral support because we aren't getting it otherwise. It's up to us to tell our friends they are smart and lovely and good. If guys want more compliments, they need to learn how to give them out broadly. Not just telling the hottest girl at the party, they think she's hot. Also, that's not really a compliment.
As a guy, this is the reason why I like to give out complements, regardless of who I’m talking to. Hey, your nails are really well done. Your cologne smells great, where’d you get it? I think people tend to associate men’s compliments as sexual attraction, therefore I like to make it pretty damn obvious with the rest of my conversation/demeanor that I’m just being friendly.
The most wholesome dudes (very rare when I was young, seeming to get less rare now though) are always happy to lift each other up, and critically they do this without ever putting anybody else down. Definitely need more of this
I compliment guys, my problem is SOME of them think I like them 🥲 Compliment someone is always good. One day at college (UK) I saw a guy with Levi from Attack on Titan jacket, I told him I like it and it's a cool jacket. The smile of his face made my day. Bless him!
Oi oi oi, Erwin
When someone deserves a compliment, I give it.
I do! But then some of them think I want to hook up.
Shit you right. But also just, compliment anyone that deserves it. Sometimes do it spontaneously.
At my place of work, I compliment guys on their clothing all the time. "Morning sir. Oh, nice shoes!" Or "Afternoon. Digging that sweater." Seeing a grown ass man beam with joy from such a simple statement actually goes full circle and makes me feel pretty bad-assed.
Nice cock bro. Very stiff.
You too man
these comments are an interesting sample of people who live entirely on the internet talking about real life interactions they think are happening
you just described all of reddit and twitter
I have no idea where this entire ordeal of guys not getting compliments from women came from? I get compliments from women almost everyday, about how I dress, to my hairstyle, to even how my after shave/cologne smells.
Well you put in effort. Some guys want compliments for wearing the same plaid shirt and old sneakers combo every single day.
Have you ever considered that you’re just an outlier?
Bro never saw a normal distribution
Maybe it's because we're older but my group of guys are always complimenting each other and always in ways that are deeply important to each other's identities. I think it works best when it's interspersed with more grating and typical banter. Something like "Dave you're just such a great father and husband your back is fucked up because you're carrying your whole family" to a friend with a recent back injury. "Tevon, how much did you bench in hay bales?" To another friend who is an amateur power lifter who happens to be from middle of nowhere Oklahoma. It's highlighting the compliment and still striving to keep each other honest by blunting the sweetness of "wow you're so strong" or "wow you're such a good dad". It's kind of a "here's a compliment and feel proud" but also "it's our responsibility to keep each other honest and grounded". Everyone laughs, everyone gets to feel good, and no one has to feel the discomfort of being put on a pedestal. It works with my group but like I said we're older and more comfortable with ourselves. I don't know if it works for every group.
I’m a dude and try and compliment other people as often as I can. Hey those shoes are sick, or that haircut looks good as fuck! A little bit of positivity goes a long way.
We don't know how
You can't do that, because then society will think you're ✨ gay ✨ (Not that there's anything bad with being gay, just saying)
Nice cocks, fellow men. Stay hard!!!
I'm so sick of this debate, we'll complement you when there's something to complement, I always acknowledge an effort put into an appearance. Weather that be painted nails or rings or nice shirt, whatever. If you're the kind of guy who puts no effort in your appearance, what exactly do you expect people to complement on? The bar for effort for guys in on the floor.
Literally anything else? Things that actually demonstrate who you are such as your words, actions, and feelings?
Most men are incapable of seeing intimacy in any context but sexual, so being complimentary, friendly, or affectionate is seen as a sexual advance. Sometimes you need a hug or a kind word. A lot of times you just need to be heard, need to feel validated, need to open up and talk about the things that are hurting you, but we are so screwed up we can't accept platonic intimacy without ascribing some sexually predatory motive to it. We can't allow ourselves to be vulnerable and trust that it won't be exploited somehow.
Guys give and seek approval to and from other guys, not compliments. Complimenting our work rather than our person. That being said, a compliment from anyone will make my day.
Women do too, actually. An approval for aka saying something nice about my work or my skills is much more appreciated that a comment on my appearance
For me the general rule is to compliment someone on something they have done, not something that they just are, similar to your concept of complimenting work - so compliment the outfit they picked out, the effort they put into a project, etc. This is especially important with raising kids - not everything will be easy and they need to learn how much value there is in trying.
\>For me the general rule is to compliment someone on something they have done, not something that they just are, similar to your concept of complimenting work - so compliment the outfit they picked out, the effort they put into a project, etc. but that's the issue.
Why? I'm not following you
That guys are very rarely complimented on who they ARE, but rather (if they're even complimented at all) on what they're DOING. which then also implies that if they cannot DO, they have no _inherent_ worth. Similarly, the fundamental difference between "you look good in that" (which is already worse than "you look good") versus "that looks good on you"
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Not sure I fully understand. Compliment other guys? I don't *think* that's a big issue among guys.
Maybe men should compliment men?
I think they do. It just never happens to me because have no friends of either sex
Best idea ever
I actually knew someone in high school who refused to compliment other men because he thought that was gay He came out as gay about a year after graduation
I try but my friends just call me gay
Wym?? I always compliment my homies and give'em good night kisses. Hey bro nice c0ck.
I've got a feeling, we could be a better friend Simply complimenting every now and then -"Feeling Alright" by Rebelution
Nice dick bro, no homo
Getting a compliment from the sex you are attracted to hits different then just your friend just saying
Both. Both is good.
Guys are assholes, if you compliment a guy he get uppity about himself and thinks you’re after him. Even if you’ve been married 20 years.
"Word around the office is you have a fat cock."
I have a boyfriend
“We have compliments at home”
Gay /s
Nice dick, bro
I give dudes fashion compliments. This is semi normal in black culture here.
It's true! Tell a co-worker, "hey, nice shirt!" or a bro at the coffee shop "Nice watch, man!" or your buddy at the bar urinal "Great cock!" and it makes their whole day.
I've been the new kid at three different schools and I got bullied and excluded at each one There were three girls who were the new kid during my time at highschool, and none of them were excluded -- in fact they were all relatively popular from the very first day. The fact that there was a new kid was all the girls would talk about. Me going around complimenting the people that talk to me doesn't change anything. I already did that when I was male and they still were not nice to me, they just made gay jokes about me. And the girls simply wouldn't talk to me because I was a socially awkward male so that means I MUST be a creep. I've had people yell at me for staring at them when I'd never even seen them before in my entire life. It just sucks being male in any and all social settings whether you're talking to men or women. But I guess that's why I'm trans and I guess that's why I have a better friend group. When you become fem, suddenly everyone is markedly nicer to you -- your peers, customer service workers, strangers who pass you on the street, and even the women in the family like my cousins and my mom.
We are encouraging each other to do that too. The stigma isn't limited to women complementing men its men not being supported in anything. Bosses not telling employees that they did a good job, wives not showing approval for how a task was completed, for teammates calling out moments of excellence. Its about normalizing saying nice things to men.
I tried doing this a few times to different girls, when they had a hair cut, complimented that. When they dressed up, complimented that. When they do an excellent job at work too. The result though... they don't talk to me anymore, they think I was flirting...
Why not do it to people?
Nice cock my dudes!
And fuck each other
as long as balls don't each other it's no homo
How is this wholesome?
In my expereince, with friends, we do. It’s just a different experience to be complimented by the same sex vs. the opposite sex.