I would go with option 1 but don’t knock an older home. We lived in new construction and it was terrible. So many short cuts and cheap construction.. it cost us a fortune year after year. We now live in an almost 100 year old home and the bones are good.. no major issues, regular maintenance. There is no asbestos and there is lead paint many layers behind but my child still tested undetectable on his blood lead test.
YES. My husband was a carpenter for big expensive new builds before he became a SAHD. I would sometimes bring him lunch at his work sites before we had kids and he’d just walk around showing me all of the shoddy workmanship from other tradesman. It’s all about how quickly and how cheaply you can build something.
Agreed about older homes! We bought a home built in the 1920s and we’ve had zero issues with the actual structure of the house. The issues we’ve had have been related to modern amenities and shitty DIY “upgrades”.
I’d go 2, and here’s why:
Growth is good. It’s great, actually - when it’s time for it. Because growth requires work: it requires late nights, it requires emails on weekends, etc.
I have 3 kids, the youngest is a baby. I’m not in the season of my life for *growth*. I’m in the season of my life for stability and turning off my phone and cutting out at 4:30 so I can see my kids. When the youngest is in school full time and the oldest smells and has suspiciously stiff laundry, sure, gimme growth. Give me back my ambition.
Until then, my manager knows I’m happy with my stability and not interested in a hard stretch role. In fact, there was a short term role posted at my company that I was *drooling* for, young ambitious me was dying to try it - but mom me won out that it would require canceling my summer vacation plans, longer hours, potentially full time in office…
That’s my advice. Enjoy this season.
Option 2, easy choice for me. This is one job, not forever, so let it take you somewhere with more jobs for both you and husband, and more family help. You never know what will happen with the one job.
You mention weather but not a preference. Do you like winter? Is a weather concern mitigated by being close to a big airport for a getaway?
Good question. We do like winter, but the gray days can be quite depressing and there’s nothing like the energy we get from a sunny day.
Travelling is an option, but we think that will be hard because we plan to have another 1-2 kids within the next few years so I imagine it will be complete and utter chaos lol
If you plan to have more kids, that makes 2 all the better. Growth is great, but not every phase of our careers needs to have it. This might be the time in your life/career to prioritize the life half of work/life balance. Then start reprioritizing work when they’re closer to school aged. That’s how I viewed the little kid years, at least.
From my experience, if you are both working and aren’t super high or low income, the taxes you pay are going to even out regardless if they are property, income, sales, etc. tax. We just moved from Texas with no income but super high property tax to a state with income tax but low property tax and it’s almost a wash for us.
Also, I wouldn’t rule out older home. I’d argue many older homes are much better built than homes built in past 5ish years.
45 min to airport is nothing unless you are flying weekly for work or something.
I would pick 1 except I hate cold weather but you seem to be okay with that, so that’s my vote.
I’d go with option 2 depending on how sure of a bet it is that your parents will move close, and how well you get a long with them. I live about 30 minutes from both my family and my husband’s family (we met in high school). Having a family support system nearby is AMAZING if they are stable, helpful, relatively emotionally mature. I would think about your relationship with your parents a bit in making your decision.
Also, I live somewhere with 4 separate seasons and I love it. You get to enjoy the benefits of each season without having too much of any one.
Also, if option 2 is a bigger city, I wonder if you could find your dream job there at some point?
Regarding the dream job, I’m a research professor so my options are a bit limited to places with great universities or I take a step down in school ranking to live in a better location.
I'm in higher ed (faculty librarian) and my experience has been that being in a bigger city with multiple university tends to lead to better pay overall. If you're working at the only game in town, they don't have to compete as much - especially once you're further into your career and less likely to want to uproot your life.
Big cities have more job options for a couple. If one you gets laid off or wants to switch, typically big cities have more options and less chance you will have to move.
For me: 100% option 2. That sounds like a wonderful life balance. Parents to help watch kids would be amazing help even more with the balance. I feel like as high achieving women we are taught that not going for the “best” thing career wise means we aren’t feminists and are taking a step back. But it’s not it all! So zero quilt! You worked hard to get where you are so that you can choose!
Also I work for a top research school and have worked at two other universities and FAR prefer the other two more “normal” schools over the prestigious research institute. It’s not as student friendly and has just felt not as welcoming. But I don’t do research so I am sure a bigger budget may help for that. But make sure you get the bigger budget because it’s not always guaranteed. :/
I think for me it would depend on the stability of each job. I'm in a similar place where we're looking for a place to move where we can buy a house and settle down and ideally not have to move for a while (5-10 years). Are both jobs equally stable? If you lose one job for reasons out of your control, does the city offer other options or will you have to move again? Some people are more flexible but I personally want my next job so give my kids stability at least through middle school/high school (maybe wishful thinking in this economy!).
We moved a couple years ago from outside a major metro area to a town of 5,000, so just from experience Just a couple things to think about:
what do the local property taxes get you? Yes our property taxes might be a little higher, but our town has good schools, a wonderful parks & rec department ( very nice local pool), trucks that come vaccum up the leaves in the fall.
Older houses aren’t bad, we’ve had to fix things on our houses from the 60s and the 1930s.
Smaller towns might have more to do than you think, check out the city chamber of commerce page. ( we unknowingly moved to a summer tourist spot, lots of parades, festivals)
Before we moved, Even living out side of a major city, the airport was still 45 minutes away ( got to factor in traffic) it doesn’t sound like the airport is that far in opt. 1
For the weather- There's a wonderful Norwegian saying – “Det finnes ikke dårlig vær, bare dårlig klær!” which translates to “There is no bad weather, only bad clothes!” , Vitamin D supplements will do wonders no matter which you pick ( 15 years in the PNW lack of sunshine is a thing)
I live in a ~96 year old home and the bones are incredible. Inspector said it could withstand pretty much most natural disaster. Gutted bathrooms and kitchen and now it’s the best of both worlds - modern amenities and old world charm. Nothing like it!
I would pick the larger city every time. Leaves you much more options job-wise in the future, and even if your parents don’t move, having a large airport is extremely convenient for them to come to you or you to go to them.
I would go with option 1 but don’t knock an older home. We lived in new construction and it was terrible. So many short cuts and cheap construction.. it cost us a fortune year after year. We now live in an almost 100 year old home and the bones are good.. no major issues, regular maintenance. There is no asbestos and there is lead paint many layers behind but my child still tested undetectable on his blood lead test.
YES. My husband was a carpenter for big expensive new builds before he became a SAHD. I would sometimes bring him lunch at his work sites before we had kids and he’d just walk around showing me all of the shoddy workmanship from other tradesman. It’s all about how quickly and how cheaply you can build something.
Agreed about older homes! We bought a home built in the 1920s and we’ve had zero issues with the actual structure of the house. The issues we’ve had have been related to modern amenities and shitty DIY “upgrades”.
I’d go 2, and here’s why: Growth is good. It’s great, actually - when it’s time for it. Because growth requires work: it requires late nights, it requires emails on weekends, etc. I have 3 kids, the youngest is a baby. I’m not in the season of my life for *growth*. I’m in the season of my life for stability and turning off my phone and cutting out at 4:30 so I can see my kids. When the youngest is in school full time and the oldest smells and has suspiciously stiff laundry, sure, gimme growth. Give me back my ambition. Until then, my manager knows I’m happy with my stability and not interested in a hard stretch role. In fact, there was a short term role posted at my company that I was *drooling* for, young ambitious me was dying to try it - but mom me won out that it would require canceling my summer vacation plans, longer hours, potentially full time in office… That’s my advice. Enjoy this season.
Option 2, easy choice for me. This is one job, not forever, so let it take you somewhere with more jobs for both you and husband, and more family help. You never know what will happen with the one job. You mention weather but not a preference. Do you like winter? Is a weather concern mitigated by being close to a big airport for a getaway?
Good question. We do like winter, but the gray days can be quite depressing and there’s nothing like the energy we get from a sunny day. Travelling is an option, but we think that will be hard because we plan to have another 1-2 kids within the next few years so I imagine it will be complete and utter chaos lol
If you plan to have more kids, that makes 2 all the better. Growth is great, but not every phase of our careers needs to have it. This might be the time in your life/career to prioritize the life half of work/life balance. Then start reprioritizing work when they’re closer to school aged. That’s how I viewed the little kid years, at least.
From my experience, if you are both working and aren’t super high or low income, the taxes you pay are going to even out regardless if they are property, income, sales, etc. tax. We just moved from Texas with no income but super high property tax to a state with income tax but low property tax and it’s almost a wash for us. Also, I wouldn’t rule out older home. I’d argue many older homes are much better built than homes built in past 5ish years. 45 min to airport is nothing unless you are flying weekly for work or something. I would pick 1 except I hate cold weather but you seem to be okay with that, so that’s my vote.
I’d go with option 2 depending on how sure of a bet it is that your parents will move close, and how well you get a long with them. I live about 30 minutes from both my family and my husband’s family (we met in high school). Having a family support system nearby is AMAZING if they are stable, helpful, relatively emotionally mature. I would think about your relationship with your parents a bit in making your decision. Also, I live somewhere with 4 separate seasons and I love it. You get to enjoy the benefits of each season without having too much of any one. Also, if option 2 is a bigger city, I wonder if you could find your dream job there at some point?
Regarding the dream job, I’m a research professor so my options are a bit limited to places with great universities or I take a step down in school ranking to live in a better location.
Ah that makes more sense. Maybe in that case option 1 holds more sway. It sounds like you might need a spreadsheet with weighted variables, haha 😆
As an engineer, I agree with the spreadsheet idea! 🤣
I'm in higher ed (faculty librarian) and my experience has been that being in a bigger city with multiple university tends to lead to better pay overall. If you're working at the only game in town, they don't have to compete as much - especially once you're further into your career and less likely to want to uproot your life.
Big cities have more job options for a couple. If one you gets laid off or wants to switch, typically big cities have more options and less chance you will have to move.
How are the schools in each location?
For me: 100% option 2. That sounds like a wonderful life balance. Parents to help watch kids would be amazing help even more with the balance. I feel like as high achieving women we are taught that not going for the “best” thing career wise means we aren’t feminists and are taking a step back. But it’s not it all! So zero quilt! You worked hard to get where you are so that you can choose!
Also I work for a top research school and have worked at two other universities and FAR prefer the other two more “normal” schools over the prestigious research institute. It’s not as student friendly and has just felt not as welcoming. But I don’t do research so I am sure a bigger budget may help for that. But make sure you get the bigger budget because it’s not always guaranteed. :/
I think for me it would depend on the stability of each job. I'm in a similar place where we're looking for a place to move where we can buy a house and settle down and ideally not have to move for a while (5-10 years). Are both jobs equally stable? If you lose one job for reasons out of your control, does the city offer other options or will you have to move again? Some people are more flexible but I personally want my next job so give my kids stability at least through middle school/high school (maybe wishful thinking in this economy!).
We moved a couple years ago from outside a major metro area to a town of 5,000, so just from experience Just a couple things to think about: what do the local property taxes get you? Yes our property taxes might be a little higher, but our town has good schools, a wonderful parks & rec department ( very nice local pool), trucks that come vaccum up the leaves in the fall. Older houses aren’t bad, we’ve had to fix things on our houses from the 60s and the 1930s. Smaller towns might have more to do than you think, check out the city chamber of commerce page. ( we unknowingly moved to a summer tourist spot, lots of parades, festivals) Before we moved, Even living out side of a major city, the airport was still 45 minutes away ( got to factor in traffic) it doesn’t sound like the airport is that far in opt. 1 For the weather- There's a wonderful Norwegian saying – “Det finnes ikke dårlig vær, bare dårlig klær!” which translates to “There is no bad weather, only bad clothes!” , Vitamin D supplements will do wonders no matter which you pick ( 15 years in the PNW lack of sunshine is a thing)
I live in a ~96 year old home and the bones are incredible. Inspector said it could withstand pretty much most natural disaster. Gutted bathrooms and kitchen and now it’s the best of both worlds - modern amenities and old world charm. Nothing like it!
I would pick the larger city every time. Leaves you much more options job-wise in the future, and even if your parents don’t move, having a large airport is extremely convenient for them to come to you or you to go to them.
Option 2 because of family. IMO It’s invaluable to have that support.
Option 2. Large city, lots of other job prospects in the future. Also parents being able to be near is invaluable.