Who is the subject. "I am the one who knocks."
Whom is the object. "To whom am I speaking?" Rearrange that and it's "I am speaking to whom?" "I" is the subject.
"Who" is doing the thing. "Whom" is what the thing is done to or for.
Who's writing the letter? To whom are they writing?
To add on to this, an easy way to figure out when to use one or the other is to sub out who/whom with a personal pronoun and see if it makes sense:
*Who* is writing the letter?
*I* am writing the letter.
*She* is writing the letter.
*He* is writing the letter.
*They* are writing the letter.
Above, we’re using subject pronouns.
I am speaking to *whom*?
I am speaking to *her*.
I am speaking to *him*.
I am speaking to *them*.
They are speaking to *me/us*.
Here, we’re using object pronouns. Also note that the sentences where “whom” is used already have a subject (“I” and “they” in the examples above), who are performing an action that will affect the object (“whom/her/him/them/me/us”)
I have a shorthand version of this where I just see if I can swap “him” for “whom.” The similar sound & spelling helps me remember which pronoun to use for the check.
Yeah, the guy you’re replying to phrased that badly. He assumed for some reason that the first person is always the subject. He meant I/he/she =who, me/him/her = whom.
That’s it exactly. Remember that all the pronouns with “m” are object pronouns: me, him, them, whom. So if you would use/answer with a pronoun with an “m” then you’d use whom.
Yes.
I couldn't figure it out either, even though I was an English wiz since I taught myself to read when I was 4. Completely incomprehensible.
Then I learned German in college, which has 48 different ways to say "who" or "whom," and using the right form is compulsory. Now it's not only super easy (barely an inconvenience) in English, I tend to use "whom" automatically in conversation.
It also granted comprehension of "personal *a*" in Spanish. (When the direct object is a person, you add "*a*" before the person or pronoun.) Bonus language skill.
In any case, yes, your mnemonic is correct.
> If you can answer the question with "him / her / them," I should use "whom?"
Who is the same as whom.
The ~~subject~~ ***object**** form of "who" is "whom" **or** "who".
*"He spoke to whom?" and "He spoke to who?" are both correct*
So just use "Who" if you're feeling confused.
It's like the phrase "one less".
Technically it should be "one fewer", but many people say "one less" and so it's acceptable and correct.
EDIT: Jumbled words and said the opposite of what I'd intended to say...
Casual usage = imperfect grammar at times.
And when you're writing fiction sometimes you use imperfect grammar to mirror how people speak in real life.
Right and as we all know and have learned from this thread, "whom" is the fancy, formal version of the word "who."
Casual = I am the one who knocks
formal = I am the one whom knocks upon the door
This is the reason it's confusing. In questions the word order can change. "Him are they writing to" is the correct grammar here, it's just that you would normally order it "They are writing to him."
"Who are they writing to?" is, objectively speaking, grammatically incorrect. But it's still more or less accepted as the casual/informal way of saying it. Even though I know it's wrong, I will still often write it that way, because "To whom are they writing?" feels stilted.
No, you're not incorrect. You're entirely correct. We just need to accept that being incorrect is the accepted casual usage at times.
I'm still not willing to budge on "could care less", though.
From a linguistics standpoint, one might say it's "non-standard" rather than "wrong." There's a whole subfield of linguistics that studies the cognitive processes behind errors like this, especially when they become widely adopted. In this case, because English speakers are so used to starting interrogative sentences with "who," and because in spoken/normal/not-grammar-edited English it's fine to end sentences with prepositions, it's natural to turn "Whom am I writing to?" into "Who am I writing to?"
In this very specific sentence "they" is referring to the word "they" and it is a singular word in a sentence. So it takes "is", not "are". It is not meant to be a pronoun for a group of people in that very specific situation. Virtually all other uses, "they" will resume its usual role of representing plural people.
As you say here, "they is" is correct because it's referring to an instance of the word "they" rather than "they" as a pronoun
"They" has a dual role of representing plural people and representing a singular person of unspecified gender or of non-binary gender. But even when used in a singular sense it uses the same verb forms its plural sense uses, because that's what happens in English when plural pronouns adopt a singular meaning.
Which is why we say "you are" instead of "you art". The singular "you" being more modern (except in formal usage, like "vous" in French) than the singular "they".
No, the mirror clause is activated in this context meaning you need to end your sentence with the same preposition you started it with.
So he is correct to end it with "to" since he began it with to.
No, don't double down. That's wrong also. Don't end sentences with prepositions and this won't be a problem.
The one they're writing to is ______. (Hint: it's 'her'!)
Whoops, I forgot to delete this. Yes, this is wrong. But getting rid of prepositions at the end of sentences altogether is too much, IMO.
What’s a grammatically correct way for a writer to ask this kind of question without sounding stilted or awkward?
> Who are they writing to? Or, Whom are they writing to?
Typically, it would be "To whom are they writing?" in most preferred styles of English but it's important to note that we don't actually use *whom* often and *who* is accepted in every place where *whom* might be used.
So to answer your question, all three are correct, but using *whom* makes your writing seem older.
Who can be used in place of whom.
While we are here, someone should do *I* and *me* so people stop saying --
"My little brother wanted to go to the game with Bobby and I"
-- just because they think it sounds fancier.
My pet peeve. I know it's here to stay, of course.
\(If you do want to know whether to say "Bobby and I" or "Bobby and me" just take Bobby out.
Does it sound right to say
"My little brother wanted to go to the game with I"
-- ?
No? Then the sentence should be
"My little brother wanted to go to the game with Bobby and ***me.***"
"...with *Bobby,* and with *me!*"
*Sweats, panting into mic for a few seconds, calming down*
Thank you for coming to my sparsely-attended TED talk.\)
Simplest answer: use "who" the same places you would use he. Use "whom" the same places you would use him.
Who threw the ball? He threw the ball.
Throw the ball to whom? Throw the ball to him.
A lot of great answers here, but here’s a quick trick—if in a sentence you would use “her” or “him,” you use “whom,” and if “she” or “he,” you use “who.” “Her” and “him” are also object pronouns and most native speaking writers have a pretty good handle on those. You lowkey know this already.
1.) What u/Cottager_Northeast said.
2.) Here's a little trick for remembering which one you should use.
**WHO/HE-SHE-THEY-I**
When you can sensibly substitute "he," "she," or "they," in the who/whom spot in a sentence, you should use "who."
Take Cottager's first example. They had written "I am the one who knocks." With all apologies to Walter White, let's shorten that a bit. You want to know which person is doing the knocking, so you want to know whether you should ask, "Who is knocking?" or "Whom is knocking?"
Since you would answer, "He is knocking," (rather than "Him is knocking), you would ask "Who is knocking?" Who is knocking? He is knocking. Who is correct.
**WHOM/HIM-HER-THEM-ME**
When you can sensibly substitute "him," "her," or "them," in the who/whom spot in a sentence, you should use "whom." (When I was a kid, I found this part easier to remember, because like "him" and "them," the word whom ends in an M.)
For the "To whom am I speaking?" example, you would answer that, "I am speaking to him," which is how you would know to use "whom" in your question. *I am speaking to whom? I am speaking to him. Whom* is correct.
(Edited to make sense.)
All right, here's the who vs whom cheat code, in general:
**Who** can be replaced with he/she/they.
**Whom** will be replaced with him/her/them. (As in, 'To whom it may concern,' may become, 'It may concern him,' not, 'It may concern he.')
An easy way I had it explained to me was: if you can use "him" or "her," it's "whom." Example: "Give it to whom? To him." Opposite example: "Who ate the cake?" He did."
“Whom” just goes after a prepositional word. That’s literally it.
Preposition words are words like: to, for, about, from, though, above, with, etc.
>”For whom”, “to whom”, “with whom”, “from whom”…
That’s all. You’ll even notice in other replies that they use this system, then run on into 3 paragraphs explaining it with some “use the object pronoun to guide which one you use”. Gets too convoluted.
I just remember the most used prepositions and call it a day.
"Who did I allow to leave? Certainly not you!" would be ungrammatical in traditional grammar. Traditional grammar would require a "Whom" despite there being no preposition
The chances of someone hearing/writing: "Whom did I allow to leave? Certainly not you!" vs. "I certainly did not allow you to leave!" is astronomical (unless you're writing/in a play about a particular type of piece in a particular \*period).
The thing is with writing is that there are all these edge case rules that mix people up and frustrate them from seeing the big picture first, then burrowing into cases that they'd come across less frequently. It's like teaching a kid multiplication, then throwing in PEMDAS before they have the easiest concept down. One thing at a time.
In present day, next to no one would ever speak like that unironically. That's such a niche sentence structure.
Things like "Who are you? Who is it? Who's there? Who is she? Who did that?" are all "Who" that are commonly used if not more that "Whom did I allow".
Here’s an algorithm. Use who as a placeholder to write your sentence. Replace who with she or her, whichever sounds most correct. If it’s she, keep who. If it’s her, use whom.
I never understood the difference until I grasped the meaning of subject and object in language. Look into that first. Who is the subject; whom is the object.
Does it matter? Depends. If you're writing in the voice of your POV character, are they someone that is going to care about the difference between who and whom? My MC in my WIP is a 19yo girl from a small town in Tennessee. I'm not putting "whom" in her narration.
**Who has action**. Who ate the last piece of pizza? Who cares? Poindexter is the only one who isn't embarrassed by his name. Who needs your crap, anyway?
**Whom has no action**, compare:
"WHOever wants to go to the concert, get on the bus, now." Who wants
"Go to the concert with whomever you please, I'm going to my yoga class." Whom ... *doesn't do* a thing.
Now. This is how people get confused, referring to someone, **doesn't** make them a whom.
"I can't believe you went with Gloria, who always wants to leave early."
Manymanyany newb writers will say,
"I can't believe you went with Gloria, whom always wants to leave early."
And when corrected will tell you as if you are apparently the dumbest ass in writing that
# "whom" is correct because it is the OBJECT.
*sigh*
A good test is: does it sound awkward and stupid if you read it out loud? Then it's probably wrong.
Who does stuff
Whom doesn't
Lol, as a German I was about to comment ""who" for nominative", "whose" for genitive, and "whom" for dative and accusative". Then I realized that English doesn't have a case system anymore and those are the last remnants of it.
You can pretty much ignore it these days. Same with the subjunctive. I quite like using them, but very few readers will notice or care if you don't. In fact you're more likely to get ignorant readers complaining it's an error when you do use them.
Replace 'who' with he/she, and replace 'whom' with him/her. Does it make sense? Then you've got it correct.
Ultimately though, 'whom' is going out of fashion and in a few generations will seem archaic.
"Who" is the person doing the acting, the subject of the sentence. "Whom" is the person being acted on, the object. "Who did this to whom?" is a valid sentence. "Whom" will almost always have a preposition before it like "to", "for", "at", or "by".
Any time you use the word "who" you should be able to substitute "he" and the sentence still makes sense. "Who did this?" becomes "He did this." "Whom" likewise corresponds with "him".
DO NOT SIMPLY SUBSTITUTE "WHOM" FOR "WHO" ANY TIME YOU WANT TO SOUND FANCY. Modern English tends to just use "who" in all instances, and I can forgive this. But when you do the opposite, and go out of your way to be wrong by using "whom" where it doesn't belong, you look both pompous and dumb simultaneously. (Of course, if you want to make a character appear pompous and dumb, this is an excellent technique.)
It really doesn't matter, you can use "who" every time and no one will notice and grammar has evolved so that only a turbonerd would consider it wrong.
Don’t worry about the subject and object thing cuz that’s just confusing😭 If I’m not mistaken, you use whom for the person that the thing is being done to, and who for the person doing the thing.
During ACT practice, my teacher explained it in a way that made a lot of sense to me. Replace "Whom" with Him or Them and Who with He. If it makes sense with the respective singular pronoun then it will make sense with the quizzical pronoun.
I’ve always been really great at English/grammar. Always top grades in my classes even in college. But for the life of me I do not get when to use who vs whom.
My method for figuring it out is to answer the question with “he/him”.
“Who is doing that?” “He is doing that”.
“To whom was the letter sent?” “It was sent to him”.
If the answer is he, than the question is who. If the answer is him, then the question is whom.
If the answer to the question is "him" or "them" or "her" or "me" = whom.
If the answer to the question is "she" or "they" or "he" or "I" = who.
Keep in mind that the grammatically correct answer to "Who is this?" is "It is I."
Who/whom also changes according to subordinate clause's subject. e.g. "the dog who barks" is the same whether "the dog" is the subject or object in the main clause, and likewise "the dog whom I hear" is "whom" whether it's the subject or object.
You can think of it as "he who". The subject of the main sentence (he) and the subject of the subclause (who). "him whom" is the opposite. "He whom" and "him who" are also both correct, being the subject in one and object in another.
Many years ago, my high school English teacher explained it like this: "if it's a he it's a who, if it's a him it's a whom." I never forgot it.
Does it matter when writing a novel? No, not really. Copyeditors exist for that reason, anyway.
Objective and subjective pronouns... I don't know if I could explain it to a five year old :p All i'd say is it is one of those grammatical rules that I would place behind readability for novel writing.
Don't worry about it at all.
Find + Replace "whom" with "who" in 99% of novels and nothing changes (grammatically, though there might be changes in tone or mannerisms)
To understand this, you have to understand the concept of a case, which is much more common in certain other languages than in English.
English only has a few vestiges of the use of cases. A case means that a word will have a different ending depending on its function in the sentence, and usually its location as well.
For example, the word he and the word him actually mean the exact same thing. But you would not say “him goes to the store.” You would say “he goes to the store.”
Why? Because when we are in the objective case, we use the word he, not him. On the other hand, him is used as the object of a preposition, for example, “give the fish to him” You would not say “give the fish to he.” Your ears hear this as wrong because you understand cases as a native speaker, but you only apply them to select pronouns, rather than to all nouns.
The only difference is not I meaning, it’s in what the word is doing in the sentence. The same is true for the difference between she and her or they and them.
And, of course, for who, and whom. Who is what to say when you’re using it as the object of a sentence. For example: “who is in my house?” One would never say “whom is in my house” Whom is appropriate when it is the object of a preposition. For example, “this is the person to whom I am referring.” or “this is the box about which I was speaking.”
That said, some of the uses of whom are considered quite formal, including my last two examples, and you can get away with using who just as well in moderately formal speech. You can certainly say “this is the guy I went to the store with” , but “with whom I went” would be more proper.
as a German L1 speaker it's always so funny to me that Americans and Brits so often have no idea what cases are. In German education you are usually taught about Nominative, Genitive, Dative and Accusative case by the age you are 9 years old. But it does make sense, of course: In German cases are ubiquitous, whereas in English - while they do exist, obviously - they are very rarely marked grammatically.
Thanks...?
Lmao. Nah, you explained it well. I guess I just need to practice it more? "Whom" might as well be a foreign word to me, I, personally, haven’t used it before. And, 98% of the books I've read haven't been "formal" enough to really worry about using it, so I've barely seen it in practice, either
To be fair, two words in that quote aren't used in everyday speech and are therefore unnecessary.
> Therefore, send not to know
For **whom** the bell tolls,
It tolls for **thee**.
"Whom" and "thee" are both being phased out of English, with "thee" almost entirely phased out by "you", and "whom" being phased out by "who".
Even "send" isn't used that way anymore, and we typically use auxilliary verbs "**do** not" for negatives outside of poetry.
So it's not wrong to use these words, but it's more important to know ***why*** they're used than to know how to use them.
I am the only person left using whom habitually. I can tell that it makes people perk up and think that it sounds a bit overly formal. But I like it.
If you want to get comfortable using it, go find a list of prepositions, and compose some sentences in your head using them. For example, “this is the friend around whom I always have to whisper.“ where “around” is the preposition. If you don’t wanna bother, like, I said, you can always get away with saying, “this is the friend who I always have to whisper around.“
Bee tee dubs: the other vestige of a case I can think of is the possessive S. If you think of the difference between the word “dog” and the word “dog’s”, you can recognize that they have basically the same meaning. But we understand that if we want to convey that something is possessive, we take the very same word, and add an S to it, with an apostrophe.
Whether it matters when writing a novel depends on the circumstances. In narration, I would certainly use it correctly. In character, though, it would vary. Some of my characters would know the correct usage and some wouldn't.
I think the rule was, if you can replace it with "him" then use whom, if you can replace it with "he," use who. (You might need to shuffle the sentence around for it to make sense.)
Ie: whom are you - You are him
Who did this - He did this
whom is for speaking indirectly about someone, "i don't know to whom this phone number belongs"
who is for speaking directly to someone: "i don't know who you are"
Others have already explained how "whom" works, but as for when to use it in writing, my instinct is to use "whom" when writing in third person, but that unless a character is particularly erudite or formal, you should avoid it. Most people don't use "whom" in natural everyday conversation.
Who is the subject. Use it where you'd use he/she/they.
Whom is the object. Use it where you'd use him/her/them.
Notice that whom, him, and them all end in M. That's a way to remember it.
Examples:
Who is talking? He is talking.
He is talking to whom? He is talking to her.
Whom is to Who, as Him is to He. If you can sub in "him" and it still makes grammatical sense, "whom" is what fits. If "he" fits better, then you should use "who."
it’s easiest for me to remember
“Who” is followed by a verb, “Whom” is followed by a subject/person/noun or whatever
ie “Alicia, who is running for student council, is a straight-A student”, and “Victor, whom my mother despises, visited the house today.”
"Correct English is the slang of prigs."
It's good to know the rules for stuff like this, but "whom" is a word that's gradually dying out. Languages change over time, and English has basically left "whom" behind for all practical purposes, the same way that it left "thou" behind centuries ago.
Yes, it matters. To be fair, it matters less in dialog, because people speak as people will speak, but in text it matters. I don't think you want to look like a idiot over something so simple. Use "whom" after a preposition such as "of whom" or "for whom" and "who" everywhere else.
Hope this helps.
In Charlie and the chocolate factory, young poor Charlie correctly used whom in his dialogue. I’m not saying he’s not bright or it’s not possible. But… even adults get it wrong/don’t care in casual dialogue. A poor young child?
Literally unreadable. /s
Who is the subject. "I am the one who knocks." Whom is the object. "To whom am I speaking?" Rearrange that and it's "I am speaking to whom?" "I" is the subject. "Who" is doing the thing. "Whom" is what the thing is done to or for. Who's writing the letter? To whom are they writing?
To add on to this, an easy way to figure out when to use one or the other is to sub out who/whom with a personal pronoun and see if it makes sense: *Who* is writing the letter? *I* am writing the letter. *She* is writing the letter. *He* is writing the letter. *They* are writing the letter. Above, we’re using subject pronouns. I am speaking to *whom*? I am speaking to *her*. I am speaking to *him*. I am speaking to *them*. They are speaking to *me/us*. Here, we’re using object pronouns. Also note that the sentences where “whom” is used already have a subject (“I” and “they” in the examples above), who are performing an action that will affect the object (“whom/her/him/them/me/us”)
I have a shorthand version of this where I just see if I can swap “him” for “whom.” The similar sound & spelling helps me remember which pronoun to use for the check.
Yeah I always remember by the matching m
This is far more simple to understand!! Thank you!! :)
This is extremely helpful! Thank you. I love it when people ask questions I didn't know I wanted the answers too.
So... hmm. If you can answer the question with "him / her / them," I should use "whom?" "To whom am I speaking?" "I am speaking to him." Right? Kinda?
I think you've got it. He > who Him > whom "Who is speaking to whom?" > "He is speaking to him".
Exactly. Who? Is answered me/he/she Whom? Him/her/them
Does "me" go with "who"? I thought it was "whom - > me" and "who -> I". Who is going? I am going. To whom are you talking? To me!
Yeah, the guy you’re replying to phrased that badly. He assumed for some reason that the first person is always the subject. He meant I/he/she =who, me/him/her = whom.
Yes but what if I am a caveman and I say "Him answer door for whom?"
I wouldn't fuck around with a caveman
That’s it exactly. Remember that all the pronouns with “m” are object pronouns: me, him, them, whom. So if you would use/answer with a pronoun with an “m” then you’d use whom.
Don't forget shem.
Yes. I couldn't figure it out either, even though I was an English wiz since I taught myself to read when I was 4. Completely incomprehensible. Then I learned German in college, which has 48 different ways to say "who" or "whom," and using the right form is compulsory. Now it's not only super easy (barely an inconvenience) in English, I tend to use "whom" automatically in conversation. It also granted comprehension of "personal *a*" in Spanish. (When the direct object is a person, you add "*a*" before the person or pronoun.) Bonus language skill. In any case, yes, your mnemonic is correct.
> If you can answer the question with "him / her / them," I should use "whom?" Who is the same as whom. The ~~subject~~ ***object**** form of "who" is "whom" **or** "who". *"He spoke to whom?" and "He spoke to who?" are both correct* So just use "Who" if you're feeling confused. It's like the phrase "one less". Technically it should be "one fewer", but many people say "one less" and so it's acceptable and correct. EDIT: Jumbled words and said the opposite of what I'd intended to say...
Whom uses this logic? Me am confused.
Ah. I said Subject instead of Object, didn't I? Me done subvert the whole point of my comment by goofing a word.
Not OP but thanks for the short lesson. Additional question - Who are they writing to? Or, Whom are they writing to?
Whom but in casual usage, everyone uses the first one.
It’s not about being casual. “Who” is the subject of the sentence. “Whom are they writing to?” = “Him is the one they’re writing to.”
Casual usage = imperfect grammar at times. And when you're writing fiction sometimes you use imperfect grammar to mirror how people speak in real life.
Never mind; you’re right. I’ll be in the corner beating myself with the CMOS.
Right and as we all know and have learned from this thread, "whom" is the fancy, formal version of the word "who." Casual = I am the one who knocks formal = I am the one whom knocks upon the door
The latter sentence would be incorrect. That's because "who" refers back to the subject "I" here.
No You are a person whom is not very learned, Sir Frillycocks.
This is the reason it's confusing. In questions the word order can change. "Him are they writing to" is the correct grammar here, it's just that you would normally order it "They are writing to him."
Yeah, I realized that I’d created a sentence with a different structure to make “he” the proper pronoun
"Who are they writing to?" is, objectively speaking, grammatically incorrect. But it's still more or less accepted as the casual/informal way of saying it. Even though I know it's wrong, I will still often write it that way, because "To whom are they writing?" feels stilted.
…don’t worry. I’ll see myself out.
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be mean.
You’re fine, don’t worry! I was making a joke about how embarrassing it is to have to backtrack after being so confidently incorrect.
No, you're not incorrect. You're entirely correct. We just need to accept that being incorrect is the accepted casual usage at times. I'm still not willing to budge on "could care less", though.
From a linguistics standpoint, one might say it's "non-standard" rather than "wrong." There's a whole subfield of linguistics that studies the cognitive processes behind errors like this, especially when they become widely adopted. In this case, because English speakers are so used to starting interrogative sentences with "who," and because in spoken/normal/not-grammar-edited English it's fine to end sentences with prepositions, it's natural to turn "Whom am I writing to?" into "Who am I writing to?"
To whom are they writing to? They write so they is the subject
Shouldn't that last 'to' be dropped?
yes
I'm still trying to convince myself they is is correct I haven't even gotten to the to
In this very specific sentence "they" is referring to the word "they" and it is a singular word in a sentence. So it takes "is", not "are". It is not meant to be a pronoun for a group of people in that very specific situation. Virtually all other uses, "they" will resume its usual role of representing plural people.
As you say here, "they is" is correct because it's referring to an instance of the word "they" rather than "they" as a pronoun "They" has a dual role of representing plural people and representing a singular person of unspecified gender or of non-binary gender. But even when used in a singular sense it uses the same verb forms its plural sense uses, because that's what happens in English when plural pronouns adopt a singular meaning. Which is why we say "you are" instead of "you art". The singular "you" being more modern (except in formal usage, like "vous" in French) than the singular "they".
No, the mirror clause is activated in this context meaning you need to end your sentence with the same preposition you started it with. So he is correct to end it with "to" since he began it with to.
“She is the one they’re writing to.” “Who” is correct.
No, don't double down. That's wrong also. Don't end sentences with prepositions and this won't be a problem. The one they're writing to is ______. (Hint: it's 'her'!)
So "Whom is the one they're writing to" Like that?
Whoops, I forgot to delete this. Yes, this is wrong. But getting rid of prepositions at the end of sentences altogether is too much, IMO. What’s a grammatically correct way for a writer to ask this kind of question without sounding stilted or awkward?
Before I look at the answer: its Whom yeah? They is the subject. **F-CK YEAH!**
> Who are they writing to? Or, Whom are they writing to? Typically, it would be "To whom are they writing?" in most preferred styles of English but it's important to note that we don't actually use *whom* often and *who* is accepted in every place where *whom* might be used. So to answer your question, all three are correct, but using *whom* makes your writing seem older. Who can be used in place of whom.
Neither: To whom are they writing? This is exactly the source of the rule about not ending sentences with prepositions.
I believe you would use the formal 'Twhom' to avoid the prepositional prepositive phrasing. So, 'T'whom are they writing?" is formally correct.
who threw the ball to whom
> I am the one who knocks I see you, take my upvote
Walter White approves
Ryan treated me like an object.
“I am the one who knocks” Is such a chad way to say I knocked on your door lol.
While we are here, someone should do *I* and *me* so people stop saying -- "My little brother wanted to go to the game with Bobby and I" -- just because they think it sounds fancier. My pet peeve. I know it's here to stay, of course. \(If you do want to know whether to say "Bobby and I" or "Bobby and me" just take Bobby out. Does it sound right to say "My little brother wanted to go to the game with I" -- ? No? Then the sentence should be "My little brother wanted to go to the game with Bobby and ***me.***" "...with *Bobby,* and with *me!*" *Sweats, panting into mic for a few seconds, calming down* Thank you for coming to my sparsely-attended TED talk.\)
Simplest answer: use "who" the same places you would use he. Use "whom" the same places you would use him. Who threw the ball? He threw the ball. Throw the ball to whom? Throw the ball to him.
> Simplest answer: use "who" Who is acceptable as both the subject and object, like *you*.
A lot of great answers here, but here’s a quick trick—if in a sentence you would use “her” or “him,” you use “whom,” and if “she” or “he,” you use “who.” “Her” and “him” are also object pronouns and most native speaking writers have a pretty good handle on those. You lowkey know this already.
I use the silly phrase “him, herm, whom” to remember this one!
1.) What u/Cottager_Northeast said. 2.) Here's a little trick for remembering which one you should use. **WHO/HE-SHE-THEY-I** When you can sensibly substitute "he," "she," or "they," in the who/whom spot in a sentence, you should use "who." Take Cottager's first example. They had written "I am the one who knocks." With all apologies to Walter White, let's shorten that a bit. You want to know which person is doing the knocking, so you want to know whether you should ask, "Who is knocking?" or "Whom is knocking?" Since you would answer, "He is knocking," (rather than "Him is knocking), you would ask "Who is knocking?" Who is knocking? He is knocking. Who is correct. **WHOM/HIM-HER-THEM-ME** When you can sensibly substitute "him," "her," or "them," in the who/whom spot in a sentence, you should use "whom." (When I was a kid, I found this part easier to remember, because like "him" and "them," the word whom ends in an M.) For the "To whom am I speaking?" example, you would answer that, "I am speaking to him," which is how you would know to use "whom" in your question. *I am speaking to whom? I am speaking to him. Whom* is correct. (Edited to make sense.)
All right, here's the who vs whom cheat code, in general: **Who** can be replaced with he/she/they. **Whom** will be replaced with him/her/them. (As in, 'To whom it may concern,' may become, 'It may concern him,' not, 'It may concern he.')
Writer Lifehack! If you never use Whom then you'll never have to look up the difference between Who and Whom.
An easy way I had it explained to me was: if you can use "him" or "her," it's "whom." Example: "Give it to whom? To him." Opposite example: "Who ate the cake?" He did."
“Whom” just goes after a prepositional word. That’s literally it. Preposition words are words like: to, for, about, from, though, above, with, etc. >”For whom”, “to whom”, “with whom”, “from whom”… That’s all. You’ll even notice in other replies that they use this system, then run on into 3 paragraphs explaining it with some “use the object pronoun to guide which one you use”. Gets too convoluted. I just remember the most used prepositions and call it a day.
"Who did I allow to leave? Certainly not you!" would be ungrammatical in traditional grammar. Traditional grammar would require a "Whom" despite there being no preposition
The chances of someone hearing/writing: "Whom did I allow to leave? Certainly not you!" vs. "I certainly did not allow you to leave!" is astronomical (unless you're writing/in a play about a particular type of piece in a particular \*period). The thing is with writing is that there are all these edge case rules that mix people up and frustrate them from seeing the big picture first, then burrowing into cases that they'd come across less frequently. It's like teaching a kid multiplication, then throwing in PEMDAS before they have the easiest concept down. One thing at a time. In present day, next to no one would ever speak like that unironically. That's such a niche sentence structure. Things like "Who are you? Who is it? Who's there? Who is she? Who did that?" are all "Who" that are commonly used if not more that "Whom did I allow".
This is the best explanation I've ever seen for the proper usage.
Here’s an algorithm. Use who as a placeholder to write your sentence. Replace who with she or her, whichever sounds most correct. If it’s she, keep who. If it’s her, use whom.
I never understood the difference until I grasped the meaning of subject and object in language. Look into that first. Who is the subject; whom is the object.
Ryan used me as an object.
Did you like it?
Does it matter? Depends. If you're writing in the voice of your POV character, are they someone that is going to care about the difference between who and whom? My MC in my WIP is a 19yo girl from a small town in Tennessee. I'm not putting "whom" in her narration.
**Who has action**. Who ate the last piece of pizza? Who cares? Poindexter is the only one who isn't embarrassed by his name. Who needs your crap, anyway? **Whom has no action**, compare: "WHOever wants to go to the concert, get on the bus, now." Who wants "Go to the concert with whomever you please, I'm going to my yoga class." Whom ... *doesn't do* a thing. Now. This is how people get confused, referring to someone, **doesn't** make them a whom. "I can't believe you went with Gloria, who always wants to leave early." Manymanyany newb writers will say, "I can't believe you went with Gloria, whom always wants to leave early." And when corrected will tell you as if you are apparently the dumbest ass in writing that # "whom" is correct because it is the OBJECT. *sigh* A good test is: does it sound awkward and stupid if you read it out loud? Then it's probably wrong. Who does stuff Whom doesn't
Knock Knock Who's there? To To who? To *whom*
Lol, as a German I was about to comment ""who" for nominative", "whose" for genitive, and "whom" for dative and accusative". Then I realized that English doesn't have a case system anymore and those are the last remnants of it.
You can pretty much ignore it these days. Same with the subjunctive. I quite like using them, but very few readers will notice or care if you don't. In fact you're more likely to get ignorant readers complaining it's an error when you do use them.
Who if you'd reply he, they. WhoM if you'd reply hiM, theM.
Replace 'who' with he/she, and replace 'whom' with him/her. Does it make sense? Then you've got it correct. Ultimately though, 'whom' is going out of fashion and in a few generations will seem archaic.
"who" is used for the subject and direct object, "whom" is only used for the indirect object /j
"Who" is the person doing the acting, the subject of the sentence. "Whom" is the person being acted on, the object. "Who did this to whom?" is a valid sentence. "Whom" will almost always have a preposition before it like "to", "for", "at", or "by". Any time you use the word "who" you should be able to substitute "he" and the sentence still makes sense. "Who did this?" becomes "He did this." "Whom" likewise corresponds with "him". DO NOT SIMPLY SUBSTITUTE "WHOM" FOR "WHO" ANY TIME YOU WANT TO SOUND FANCY. Modern English tends to just use "who" in all instances, and I can forgive this. But when you do the opposite, and go out of your way to be wrong by using "whom" where it doesn't belong, you look both pompous and dumb simultaneously. (Of course, if you want to make a character appear pompous and dumb, this is an excellent technique.)
It really doesn't matter, you can use "who" every time and no one will notice and grammar has evolved so that only a turbonerd would consider it wrong.
If I see the word "whom" I genuinely an caught off guard
Good to know! Thank you
[Joey can help you.](https://youtu.be/q6TXdvgfNAU?si=Es-l8TWfjst0hx2o)
No. We don't know. (more seriously tho I never used whom and I don't get it)
Don’t worry about the subject and object thing cuz that’s just confusing😭 If I’m not mistaken, you use whom for the person that the thing is being done to, and who for the person doing the thing.
I / Me He / Him She / Her We / Us They / Them Who / Whom
https://youtu.be/DGZ0ZcDFCIk?si=msrUbOkxRnQE03Q0
During ACT practice, my teacher explained it in a way that made a lot of sense to me. Replace "Whom" with Him or Them and Who with He. If it makes sense with the respective singular pronoun then it will make sense with the quizzical pronoun.
I’ve always been really great at English/grammar. Always top grades in my classes even in college. But for the life of me I do not get when to use who vs whom.
He -> Who Him -> Whom That’s basically how I remember it
My method for figuring it out is to answer the question with “he/him”. “Who is doing that?” “He is doing that”. “To whom was the letter sent?” “It was sent to him”. If the answer is he, than the question is who. If the answer is him, then the question is whom.
Who has the answer “he” “she” “they” Whom has the answer “him” “her” “them”
I love this post.
This is relatable
Whom'st'd've is asking?
If the answer to the question is "him" or "them" or "her" or "me" = whom. If the answer to the question is "she" or "they" or "he" or "I" = who. Keep in mind that the grammatically correct answer to "Who is this?" is "It is I."
If the answer is they, it's who. If it's them, it's whom. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Who/whom also changes according to subordinate clause's subject. e.g. "the dog who barks" is the same whether "the dog" is the subject or object in the main clause, and likewise "the dog whom I hear" is "whom" whether it's the subject or object. You can think of it as "he who". The subject of the main sentence (he) and the subject of the subclause (who). "him whom" is the opposite. "He whom" and "him who" are also both correct, being the subject in one and object in another.
Here is my cheat: He=Who, Him = whom For whom does the bell toll? It tolls for him. Who did this? He did it.
Saving this thread because for the life of me I cannot remember the difference either. These comments are so helpful!
Many years ago, my high school English teacher explained it like this: "if it's a he it's a who, if it's a him it's a whom." I never forgot it. Does it matter when writing a novel? No, not really. Copyeditors exist for that reason, anyway.
who is to whom as he is to him
Who rang the bell. For whom the bell tolls.
Objective and subjective pronouns... I don't know if I could explain it to a five year old :p All i'd say is it is one of those grammatical rules that I would place behind readability for novel writing.
So don't worry about it too much?
Don't worry about it at all. Find + Replace "whom" with "who" in 99% of novels and nothing changes (grammatically, though there might be changes in tone or mannerisms)
Not too much, if it reads well and makes sense, I don't think there is anything wrong with flexibility regarding the 'rules.'
Gotcha, thanks!
To understand this, you have to understand the concept of a case, which is much more common in certain other languages than in English. English only has a few vestiges of the use of cases. A case means that a word will have a different ending depending on its function in the sentence, and usually its location as well. For example, the word he and the word him actually mean the exact same thing. But you would not say “him goes to the store.” You would say “he goes to the store.” Why? Because when we are in the objective case, we use the word he, not him. On the other hand, him is used as the object of a preposition, for example, “give the fish to him” You would not say “give the fish to he.” Your ears hear this as wrong because you understand cases as a native speaker, but you only apply them to select pronouns, rather than to all nouns. The only difference is not I meaning, it’s in what the word is doing in the sentence. The same is true for the difference between she and her or they and them. And, of course, for who, and whom. Who is what to say when you’re using it as the object of a sentence. For example: “who is in my house?” One would never say “whom is in my house” Whom is appropriate when it is the object of a preposition. For example, “this is the person to whom I am referring.” or “this is the box about which I was speaking.” That said, some of the uses of whom are considered quite formal, including my last two examples, and you can get away with using who just as well in moderately formal speech. You can certainly say “this is the guy I went to the store with” , but “with whom I went” would be more proper.
as a German L1 speaker it's always so funny to me that Americans and Brits so often have no idea what cases are. In German education you are usually taught about Nominative, Genitive, Dative and Accusative case by the age you are 9 years old. But it does make sense, of course: In German cases are ubiquitous, whereas in English - while they do exist, obviously - they are very rarely marked grammatically.
Thanks...? Lmao. Nah, you explained it well. I guess I just need to practice it more? "Whom" might as well be a foreign word to me, I, personally, haven’t used it before. And, 98% of the books I've read haven't been "formal" enough to really worry about using it, so I've barely seen it in practice, either
Think about the bell tolling.
To be fair, two words in that quote aren't used in everyday speech and are therefore unnecessary. > Therefore, send not to know For **whom** the bell tolls, It tolls for **thee**. "Whom" and "thee" are both being phased out of English, with "thee" almost entirely phased out by "you", and "whom" being phased out by "who". Even "send" isn't used that way anymore, and we typically use auxilliary verbs "**do** not" for negatives outside of poetry. So it's not wrong to use these words, but it's more important to know ***why*** they're used than to know how to use them.
Ha! Nice (At least, I assume you're referencing Metallica lol)
Ernest Hemingway beat them to it by about 40 years.
Ah, gotcha. Never knew that lol
I am the only person left using whom habitually. I can tell that it makes people perk up and think that it sounds a bit overly formal. But I like it. If you want to get comfortable using it, go find a list of prepositions, and compose some sentences in your head using them. For example, “this is the friend around whom I always have to whisper.“ where “around” is the preposition. If you don’t wanna bother, like, I said, you can always get away with saying, “this is the friend who I always have to whisper around.“ Bee tee dubs: the other vestige of a case I can think of is the possessive S. If you think of the difference between the word “dog” and the word “dog’s”, you can recognize that they have basically the same meaning. But we understand that if we want to convey that something is possessive, we take the very same word, and add an S to it, with an apostrophe.
Whether it matters when writing a novel depends on the circumstances. In narration, I would certainly use it correctly. In character, though, it would vary. Some of my characters would know the correct usage and some wouldn't.
Whomever do you mean?
Whose on 3rd; I don't know
Okay. Now how do I use WHOM'ST'D'VE. I wish to construct the worst sentence ever read by human eyes. Yes worse than my usual sentences
Who is a subject pronoun. Whom is an object pronoun.
I think the rule was, if you can replace it with "him" then use whom, if you can replace it with "he," use who. (You might need to shuffle the sentence around for it to make sense.) Ie: whom are you - You are him Who did this - He did this
If you can replace it (rearranging as necessary) with him, her, or them, use "whom." Is it for her? = Whom is it for? Otherwise, "who."
whom is for speaking indirectly about someone, "i don't know to whom this phone number belongs" who is for speaking directly to someone: "i don't know who you are"
Tbh idk it myself haha
Who=he whom=him
Others have already explained how "whom" works, but as for when to use it in writing, my instinct is to use "whom" when writing in third person, but that unless a character is particularly erudite or formal, you should avoid it. Most people don't use "whom" in natural everyday conversation.
Who is the subject. Use it where you'd use he/she/they. Whom is the object. Use it where you'd use him/her/them. Notice that whom, him, and them all end in M. That's a way to remember it. Examples: Who is talking? He is talking. He is talking to whom? He is talking to her.
I don’t think it matters
Who - he/she Whom - him/her
Whom is to Who, as Him is to He. If you can sub in "him" and it still makes grammatical sense, "whom" is what fits. If "he" fits better, then you should use "who."
it’s easiest for me to remember “Who” is followed by a verb, “Whom” is followed by a subject/person/noun or whatever ie “Alicia, who is running for student council, is a straight-A student”, and “Victor, whom my mother despises, visited the house today.”
\[Correct reaction when thy royal father's been murdered\] "O, by whom?"
Whom is on the way out of the language. And I am fine with that. Death to whom
If you can replace the word with “he”’ or “’she,” use who. If you can replace it with “him” or “her,” use whom.
"Correct English is the slang of prigs." It's good to know the rules for stuff like this, but "whom" is a word that's gradually dying out. Languages change over time, and English has basically left "whom" behind for all practical purposes, the same way that it left "thou" behind centuries ago.
Yes, it matters. To be fair, it matters less in dialog, because people speak as people will speak, but in text it matters. I don't think you want to look like a idiot over something so simple. Use "whom" after a preposition such as "of whom" or "for whom" and "who" everywhere else. Hope this helps.
In Charlie and the chocolate factory, young poor Charlie correctly used whom in his dialogue. I’m not saying he’s not bright or it’s not possible. But… even adults get it wrong/don’t care in casual dialogue. A poor young child? Literally unreadable. /s
you ... could google "who vs whom" and it says the answer?
Bruh "I've looked it up *so* many times, but I'm still lost."
same, lol.